Anonymous Responds to "RUFFLED FEATHERS!!" And PL's Response.

Here's "Anonymous":

"Interesting. I'm wondering what she's REALLY angry about. Surely it's not that you're in a committed relationship without benefit of the state's approval, and that you haven't contributed sperm to the children you've raised..."

PL:

I am not at all surprised at the kind of response that my piece "ARE ALL MOMS MAD AT DAD?" received.

First, my tone in the piece was harsh and direct and meant to be. Apparently, some people think that because I am a therapist or a writer in a public forum, my tone should always be congenial. Sorry about that, but that's not a rule of etiquette I feel obliged to follow. I am not trying to convince or persuade anyone about anything on this blog. Nor am I trying to attract fans. I am speaking out on various subjects in my own way, and that can serve as a beacon for others if what I say and how I say it reaches them. Or not.

I see a lot of damaging things being done by parents to children, and I don't mean just the obvious kinds of abuse, but also in many ways that are considered socially acceptable and even sanctioned by our institutions. Again, sorry, but like I said in my other post that got some people pissed off, "ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET LAID," parents don't get elevated status in my book because of biology.

Second, the notion that as a non-biological parent who has shared child-rearing with biological parents, I am somehow less qualified to speak out about parenting is a red herring. As a father who has worked from home for most of my career, I have spent more time with my children than most biological parents of either sex, and having raised TWO generations of children I have spent more cumulative years raising children than most biological parents. And add to that the fact that for thirty years, I have worked with children and their parents in therapy and come to understand their inner lives in ways that most parents don't even attempt. If not having a DNA connection to my children has done anything to make me a different kind of parent, it's that it has made it easier for my ego to not be involved in my parenting because I'm not hung-up on passing on my "name" or "bloodline" to my progeny. Because my children weren't "born" to me, I see our connection to each other as a soul thing, and as such, it has kept me in touch with my role as a temporary guide to my children while they find out what it is that they came here to do.

Finally, the bottom line is this - what I said in the previous posts mentioned here is that you don't get a free pass because you gave physical birth to a child, and if you're unhappy in any part of your life, it's your responsibility, not your spouse's. That's what the two pieces were about. As the messenger, I do use not only my knowledge and wisdom as a tool, but I also use myself and my own experience. I understand that when I do that, some people who don't like the message will attempt to discredit the messenger. That's too bad, and really a waste of time.