Well over a decade ago, I read a book called "THE SADOMASOCHISM OF EVERYDAY LIFE: Why We Hurt Ourselves and Others and How to Stop" by John Munder Ross, Ph. D. The book illustrated quite lucidly how we act out impulses to hurt ourselves and others regardless of what our main character structure is. As I mentioned in my introduction to the Masochistic Character Structure, everyone has some of this baby, and it is the lynchpin of so many of our dysfunctional dynamics.
But here's an interesting thing I never really noticed before: in the Declaration of Independence, the founding fathers understood that masochism was a species problem for the whole human race.
For real! I'm telling you - these guys were channeling!
Check out the highlighted passage below.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed."
Wow! "...more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed."
Translated: "We are more inclined to continue our painful impulses and actions than to dismantle the structures we're familiar with."
This is one of the biggest barriers in any healing process, and I point it out constantly to people when they complain, not consciously understanding why they keep finding themselves in the same painful circumstances over and over.
"Because it's familiar," I'll say.
And human beings cling to the familiar to their last breath, practically, or for as long as "evils are sufferable." In other words, until things have gotten so bad that facing oneself is unavoidable, we will choose our old, dysfunction habits, what Freud called our "repetition compulsions."
So, I offer this suggestion - that you all discover your rights to "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" by abolishing the sadomasochism of your everyday life through a commitment to some serious self-work. Because it's not about wearing a mask of "being nice," people, it's about being free, being real and vibrating with vitality and pleasure.
Do it!
Declare your independence!
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