Pulitzer Prize-Winning author, Jane Smiley, has a refreshing piece in the Huffington Post entitled: "DIVORCE! IT'S GOOD FOR THE CHILDREN!" It's definitely worth reading.
I have often pointed out the fact that after 30 years of working with parents, children and adult individuals, I can count on one hand the patients who have said they wished their divorced parents had stayed together. On the other hand(s), I cannot count how many have told me they wished their parents had split up.
Why?
Because nothing is worse for the kids (or grown-ups) than living in a home where there is no Eros between the parents. And I am specifically making the point about Eros. There may be love between the adults, maybe even some level of sex, but that is not enough. Parents who at best are "friends with benefits" are not providing an optimum environment for their children's growth and development.
Please take this in.
Kids don't thrive in a home where the adults are not truly, passionately in love.
Sorry.
Hunker down all you want. Go to as many soccer games and ballet performances as your suppressed, exhausted selves will allow, but you're not doing your kids any favors. Kids are sponges for energy. They absorb it like a plant does sunlight, and if the love light between the adults is dim, meaning not charged with Eros, the kids are struggling to become self-actualized.
Think about it. What messages are you giving them under such circumstances? Growing up is about sacrificing your highest joy and fulfillment as an adult? Maturity is all about obligation and sacrifice, not pleasure and passion? Gee, who wouldn't look forward to that and really want to grow up with a lot of hope for their happy future?
Okay, those are my start-your-weekend-right words of wisdom. I'll give Jane Smiley the last word:
"Falling in love is an expression of freedom and so is divorce."
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