A murder was committed recently in my neighborhood of Brooklyn. A son killed his mother, tried to kill his father and then tried to kill himself by jumping in front of a subway train. All on a pretty upscale block in Windsor Terrace. The event's tragedy speaks for itself, but even more tragic is this column, written by Louise Crawford for PARK SLOPE PATCH, entitled: "Matricide in a Neighborhood of Mothers."
Here are a couple of excerpts:
"How could this happen in an area known for its happy children and dedicated parents?"
"What if a child is a "bad egg" with serious mental and emotional issues?"
"Is a parent always responsible for the sins of the child?"
And here's the worst one:
"There are plenty of great parents whose children do bad things. Sadly, even good parenting can't prevent what may be hidden in a child's DNA."
WHAT?!!?
In 2010, an intelligent person could actually ask this:
"How could this happen in an area known for its happy children and dedicated parents?"
And THIS: "What if a child is a 'bad egg?"
Woah, Louise! You are really taking the abdication of parental responsibility to new heights.
BAD EGGS?!!?
Sociopaths aren't born (or hatched!), they are made, and very often by over-involved "dedicated" parents whose ego needs are so huge that the child never develops empathy or a stable sense of self. Is your dedication to protecting parents so great that you'll toss damaged kids off like... bad eggs?!
Jeeze...
ReplyDeleteWell, Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
It's not surprising her take on the situation though. She says and I quote:
"My daughter once scrawled on her wall: "I hate mom. I want to kill here." A child's anger towards her parents is a fact of childhood and often an important way that they separate from the parent during adolescence when she is forging her own identity."
Uhhh... Ok, "separation from the parent during adolescence" - sure, I guess... but "I want to kill [her]" scrawled out on her daughter's wall - uh, call me crazy, (and I'm no parent), but my guess is: that isn't normal.
Then she writes: "I'd like to think that I'd get him the psychiatric help that he needed."
No, she wouldn't - obviously. Clearly she had no mind to consider what her daughter wrote on her wall warranting "help". So for her to say that she would get help if the situation got worse is just disingenuous.
Pete, I agree with you on this ridiculousness. But consider the source. As they say it takes one to know one. (In this case "one" being a bad parent).
The bottom line is, and I can only imagine not being a parent myself, that any kind failure from your kids whether fatal, criminal or even mundane must be the hardest kind of self-failure pill to swallow. I certainly know failure, and I know that the more effort I put into something the harder the failure is to take. I can't imagine putting in over a decade of work raising your kids (whether it be mis-guided work or otherwise) only to realize that your kids are Fucked up and it's probably all your fault. It's got to be the highest order of self-preservation in order to place the blame on anyone or anything else besides yourself in that situation.
Obviously, I'm not making excuses for these people. You gotta' stand up and be responsible. Period, end of sentence. And that goes whether your kids are murderers, criminals, bullies, or if they're disinterested in school, unsocial, or just plain boring. Man up!
Your kids are probably the sharpest mirror into your own psyche. If your kids didn't come out well... guess what?