A Black Friday shopper who collapsed while shopping at a Target store in West Virginia went almost unnoticed as customers continued to hunt for bargain deals. Witnesses say some shoppers ignored and even walked over the man's body as they continued to shop, reports the New York Daily News.
Well, I hope everyone got the bargains they were looking for!
TODAY'S QUOTE!
Here's J. D. Salinger from his short story "Teddy". In the story Teddy describes his ideal approach to education:
"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't start with the things schools usually start with... I'd try to show [the children] how to find out who they are, not just what their names are and things like that... I guess, even before that, I'd get them to empty out everything their parents and everybody ever told them. I mean even if their parents just told them an elephant's big, I'd make them empty that out. An elephant's only big when it's next to something else--a dog or a lady, for example. I wouldn't even tell them an elephant has a trunk. I might show them an elephant, if I had one handy, but I'd let them just walk up to the elephant not knowing anything more about it than the elephant knew about them."
"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't start with the things schools usually start with... I'd try to show [the children] how to find out who they are, not just what their names are and things like that... I guess, even before that, I'd get them to empty out everything their parents and everybody ever told them. I mean even if their parents just told them an elephant's big, I'd make them empty that out. An elephant's only big when it's next to something else--a dog or a lady, for example. I wouldn't even tell them an elephant has a trunk. I might show them an elephant, if I had one handy, but I'd let them just walk up to the elephant not knowing anything more about it than the elephant knew about them."
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"Seeking self-actualization as a human being is a challenge, yes, but in the way that climbing Mount Everest or running a marathon is, in the way that composing a musical piece or a screenplay is, in the way that falling in love is. It requires that you strive for your highest excitement with a "whatever-it-takes" attitude, that you accept full self-responsibility as a privilege, not a burden, that you move through life's events alive with passion, that you stay awake."
(PL on FPL)
(PL on FPL)
TODAY'S QUOTE!
“Wonder Woman wishes she could be Professor Warren!”
(An admirer of one of my modern day heros, Elizabeth Warren, in an article in the NY Times entitled: "Heaven Is a Place Called Elizabeth Warren")
(An admirer of one of my modern day heros, Elizabeth Warren, in an article in the NY Times entitled: "Heaven Is a Place Called Elizabeth Warren")
REPOST: "EAT YOUR CHOCOLATE!" AND DO YOUR CLEANSE!
In general, the way the "Pleasure Principle" works is simple: if it feels good, it is good.
This is of course, in keeping with the understandings of Full Permission Living, which rests upon the foundation of truth that all people are entitled to live pleasure-filled, spontaneous, lives without guilt, shame or oppressive inner rules and prohibitions. Indeed, we are meant to live with full inner permission to follow our natural inner guidance and our inborn pleasure instinct to seek out gratification in all of our actions and endeavors, and that such a way of living always benefits us, those around us and those that we love most optimally.
There was a nice, pre-Valentine's Day piece in 2010 on the Huffington Post by one Glenn D. Braunstein, M.D., about the health benefits of chocolate. It makes the point, from a medical perspective, of how pleasure is good for you.
Dr. Braunstein writes:
"Can a chocolate a day help keep the doctor away? A gift of chocolate is not only heart-warming, but in small amounts may be heart healthy, too. For maximum benefit, toss aside the heart-shaped assortment of nougats and caramels, and instead splurge on the highest quality dark chocolate you can find. Be sure it has at least 70 percent cocoa content. Dark chocolate contains flavonoids, pigments found in many vegetables and fruits, especially ones dark in color like blueberries. They are also found in red wine, grapes, red apples and some teas. These act as antioxidants helping to neutralize artery-clogging free radicals. They fight heart disease by lowering blood pressure and lowering the levels of oxidized LDL - or "bad cholesterol," while minimally raising the levels of the "good cholesterol" HDL. There also is some evidence that dark chocolate can reduce blood clots much like the effect of aspirin."
Yes, Dr. B, eating good chocolate tastes good and is good for you - eaten, of course, in appropriate amounts (i.e. - not compulsively).
I wrote a piece a couple of years ago called "FULL PERMISSION EATING," in which I discussed the merits of following the Pleasure Principle when eating, and especially important in our compulsive culture, the importance of eating without guilt. It is a lengthy and worthy article, I think.
People sometimes misunderstand the principles of following pleasure and living with full inner permission. It is NOT a license to act out suppressed or repressed negative, destructive impulses. In order to pursue pleasure freely, one has to have done the self-work necessary to rid oneself of those distorted manifestations of the self to a great extent, and be living from one's adult and higher self mainly - our first nature.
That being said, I am coming down the home stretch, now on Day 7, of a 10-day "Schulze."
The Schulze is a full-body cleanse based on the programs of one Dr. Richard Schulze, whose cleanses I've been doing for 16 years, now. But why the need to cleanse if I've been living according to a freed-up pleasure principle?
Well, even though I am dedicated to only eating what I love to eat, without guilt, and I am also dedicated to eating food that is fresh, organic and/or at least hormone and antibiotic-free, I do not do so one hundred percent of the time. I go to restaurants, for example, where the well-prepared, delicious food isn't always organic, and as far as I know, they don't yet make an organic, alcohol-free Johnny Walker Black, which I enjoy on the rocks, by the way. And while I could dedicate myself to meditating more scrupulously on changing the molecules of whatever I ingest so I wouldn't need to cleanse my body occasionally, I do meditate on a lot of other things and have to pick and choose my priorities in linear time. Plus, unless I create my own biosphere to live in, I am subject to the pollutants in the air and water, and generally in the crazy environment we've collectively created like everyone is, so cleansing is necessary and practical in order to maintain myself in a state of being able to follow my pleasure principle fully.
So, eat drink and be merry, folks, and do the necessary self-work to create a reality where whatever you do enhances your pleasure and fulfillment and thereby enhances the state of the world!
This is of course, in keeping with the understandings of Full Permission Living, which rests upon the foundation of truth that all people are entitled to live pleasure-filled, spontaneous, lives without guilt, shame or oppressive inner rules and prohibitions. Indeed, we are meant to live with full inner permission to follow our natural inner guidance and our inborn pleasure instinct to seek out gratification in all of our actions and endeavors, and that such a way of living always benefits us, those around us and those that we love most optimally.
There was a nice, pre-Valentine's Day piece in 2010 on the Huffington Post by one Glenn D. Braunstein, M.D., about the health benefits of chocolate. It makes the point, from a medical perspective, of how pleasure is good for you.
Dr. Braunstein writes:
"Can a chocolate a day help keep the doctor away? A gift of chocolate is not only heart-warming, but in small amounts may be heart healthy, too. For maximum benefit, toss aside the heart-shaped assortment of nougats and caramels, and instead splurge on the highest quality dark chocolate you can find. Be sure it has at least 70 percent cocoa content. Dark chocolate contains flavonoids, pigments found in many vegetables and fruits, especially ones dark in color like blueberries. They are also found in red wine, grapes, red apples and some teas. These act as antioxidants helping to neutralize artery-clogging free radicals. They fight heart disease by lowering blood pressure and lowering the levels of oxidized LDL - or "bad cholesterol," while minimally raising the levels of the "good cholesterol" HDL. There also is some evidence that dark chocolate can reduce blood clots much like the effect of aspirin."
Yes, Dr. B, eating good chocolate tastes good and is good for you - eaten, of course, in appropriate amounts (i.e. - not compulsively).
I wrote a piece a couple of years ago called "FULL PERMISSION EATING," in which I discussed the merits of following the Pleasure Principle when eating, and especially important in our compulsive culture, the importance of eating without guilt. It is a lengthy and worthy article, I think.
People sometimes misunderstand the principles of following pleasure and living with full inner permission. It is NOT a license to act out suppressed or repressed negative, destructive impulses. In order to pursue pleasure freely, one has to have done the self-work necessary to rid oneself of those distorted manifestations of the self to a great extent, and be living from one's adult and higher self mainly - our first nature.
That being said, I am coming down the home stretch, now on Day 7, of a 10-day "Schulze."
The Schulze is a full-body cleanse based on the programs of one Dr. Richard Schulze, whose cleanses I've been doing for 16 years, now. But why the need to cleanse if I've been living according to a freed-up pleasure principle?
Well, even though I am dedicated to only eating what I love to eat, without guilt, and I am also dedicated to eating food that is fresh, organic and/or at least hormone and antibiotic-free, I do not do so one hundred percent of the time. I go to restaurants, for example, where the well-prepared, delicious food isn't always organic, and as far as I know, they don't yet make an organic, alcohol-free Johnny Walker Black, which I enjoy on the rocks, by the way. And while I could dedicate myself to meditating more scrupulously on changing the molecules of whatever I ingest so I wouldn't need to cleanse my body occasionally, I do meditate on a lot of other things and have to pick and choose my priorities in linear time. Plus, unless I create my own biosphere to live in, I am subject to the pollutants in the air and water, and generally in the crazy environment we've collectively created like everyone is, so cleansing is necessary and practical in order to maintain myself in a state of being able to follow my pleasure principle fully.
So, eat drink and be merry, folks, and do the necessary self-work to create a reality where whatever you do enhances your pleasure and fulfillment and thereby enhances the state of the world!
TODAY'S QUOTE!
Got this from "Auntlori" this morning:
"Having the rare, loving, snuggle moment with Sal this morning. Snuggled tightly into my lap, he was so sweet. I looked at him and said: 'I love you Sal.' He smiled so lovingly and said: 'Don't touch my cars."
NOTE: Sal is 2 years old. That is a typical self-referential response to love at that age. If you know any adults who respond like that to love, know what you're dealing with.
"Having the rare, loving, snuggle moment with Sal this morning. Snuggled tightly into my lap, he was so sweet. I looked at him and said: 'I love you Sal.' He smiled so lovingly and said: 'Don't touch my cars."
NOTE: Sal is 2 years old. That is a typical self-referential response to love at that age. If you know any adults who respond like that to love, know what you're dealing with.
RAMPANT CHILD ABUSE IS REAL!
Not long ago, I posted two pieces (HERE and HERE) on how prevalent child abuse was, and I quoted Alexander Lowen, creator of Bioenergetics Therapy, as having once said that "ninety-nine percent of all children are abused" in some way by their parents and/or teachers.
Interestingly, and sadly, enough, many of the responses I received were from those claiming to be in the lucky one-percent, wishing to debunk the notion of such rampant abuse. In light of the recent Penn State revelations, and the blithe way in which so many covered the horror up, as if a grown man raping a 10-year old boy in the shower was all just some kind of unfortunate side-effect of college athletics, I thought the deniers might want to read this latest bit of research from the American Heart Association, Center for Disease Control, Child Protective Services, and the Nurse's Health Study.
Sorry, but if you need a license to drive a car, and a degree or training to get a job, shouldn't you have to do more than just fuck somebody to become a parent? And shouldn't teachers and coaches - who are also supposed to be teachers - be required to be mentally and emotionally fit, at least to a point of not being overtly sociopathic?
Sorry.
Interestingly, and sadly, enough, many of the responses I received were from those claiming to be in the lucky one-percent, wishing to debunk the notion of such rampant abuse. In light of the recent Penn State revelations, and the blithe way in which so many covered the horror up, as if a grown man raping a 10-year old boy in the shower was all just some kind of unfortunate side-effect of college athletics, I thought the deniers might want to read this latest bit of research from the American Heart Association, Center for Disease Control, Child Protective Services, and the Nurse's Health Study.
Sorry, but if you need a license to drive a car, and a degree or training to get a job, shouldn't you have to do more than just fuck somebody to become a parent? And shouldn't teachers and coaches - who are also supposed to be teachers - be required to be mentally and emotionally fit, at least to a point of not being overtly sociopathic?
Sorry.
THE NON-VIOLENT SIDE OF THE WAVE AND THE IRREVOCABLE SHIFT TO 4D!!
I have written many blog posts over the last couple of years about what I've been calling "The Wave". I have on several occasions focused on the deadly side of The Wave, taking people into disastrous situations or even knocking them right off the planet.
Well, today, there was a front page banner headline on The Huffington Post proclaiming "THE MOST SIGNIFICANT DEVELOPMENT IN HISTORY!"
Wow! Really? The "most significant development in history?!" What is it?
Well, remarkably, it is that in spite of what the media and entertainment industry portray, hard statistics reveal dramatic, worldwide reductions in violence and violent deaths.
Hard to believe? Read on...
In one book, "The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined," prominent Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker writes: "Statistics reveal dramatic reductions in war deaths, family violence, racism, rape, murder and all sorts of mayhem. The decline of violence may be the most significant and least appreciated development in the history of our species."
Of course, as a mind-oriented academic, Pinker attributes the positive shift to an increase in human intelligence, pointing out that as measured on the IQ scale, an average child today would be "a near-genius a century ago. And that increase in intelligence translates into a kinder, gentler world," according to Pinker.
The logic Pinker employs here, though, is not only extraordinarily linear, it is also child-like. Simply because two things exist side-by-side in time doesn't mean there is a causal relationship between the two. That is behavioral psychology at its worst, but I'm not getting into that here.
What I would simply like to propose is that we consider that at whatever level of relative development one is, there is an acceleration going on, an irrevocable shift towards expanded consciousness, which is different that mere intelligence (after all, some very brilliant men, intellectually speaking, have devised some horrific weapons of mass destruction), and towards higher vibratory rates in humans as energy beings.
In other words, in spite of the political obstructionists and doomsayers, and the religious zealots ("baby souls" all), who long for war or "rapture" to fulfill their thirst for childish drama, we are in fact evolving as a species.
This shift has wreaked havoc in individual lives at times, yes, and invited natural and man-made disasters, yes-yes, but here, in these facts about the decline of violence, we see the positive side of The Wave. Whether it's taking us to a 4th Dimensional level of consciousness, or higher, or merely to a higher frequency of 3rd dimensional consciousness, we're all going.
Okay.
Happy Sunday!
Well, today, there was a front page banner headline on The Huffington Post proclaiming "THE MOST SIGNIFICANT DEVELOPMENT IN HISTORY!"
Wow! Really? The "most significant development in history?!" What is it?
Well, remarkably, it is that in spite of what the media and entertainment industry portray, hard statistics reveal dramatic, worldwide reductions in violence and violent deaths.
Hard to believe? Read on...
In one book, "The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined," prominent Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker writes: "Statistics reveal dramatic reductions in war deaths, family violence, racism, rape, murder and all sorts of mayhem. The decline of violence may be the most significant and least appreciated development in the history of our species."
Of course, as a mind-oriented academic, Pinker attributes the positive shift to an increase in human intelligence, pointing out that as measured on the IQ scale, an average child today would be "a near-genius a century ago. And that increase in intelligence translates into a kinder, gentler world," according to Pinker.
The logic Pinker employs here, though, is not only extraordinarily linear, it is also child-like. Simply because two things exist side-by-side in time doesn't mean there is a causal relationship between the two. That is behavioral psychology at its worst, but I'm not getting into that here.
What I would simply like to propose is that we consider that at whatever level of relative development one is, there is an acceleration going on, an irrevocable shift towards expanded consciousness, which is different that mere intelligence (after all, some very brilliant men, intellectually speaking, have devised some horrific weapons of mass destruction), and towards higher vibratory rates in humans as energy beings.
In other words, in spite of the political obstructionists and doomsayers, and the religious zealots ("baby souls" all), who long for war or "rapture" to fulfill their thirst for childish drama, we are in fact evolving as a species.
This shift has wreaked havoc in individual lives at times, yes, and invited natural and man-made disasters, yes-yes, but here, in these facts about the decline of violence, we see the positive side of The Wave. Whether it's taking us to a 4th Dimensional level of consciousness, or higher, or merely to a higher frequency of 3rd dimensional consciousness, we're all going.
Okay.
Happy Sunday!
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"As long as someone loves you or you even love yourself then that shield of love is there."
(The latest from the ThroughHarley blog)
(The latest from the ThroughHarley blog)
3D ALERT! BE CAREFUL ABOUT YOUR INCARNATION!!
THIS is what happens when you planned on reincarnating as a tree, but you rushed into it without doing the necessary preparation in the spirit world.
CLICK HERE
CLICK HERE
REPOST: "FALSE CLARITY TO GENUINE CONFUSION TO GENUINE CLARITY"
In response to a request, I am reposting this piece I wrote during the second year of my 3-year training program for Full Permission Living. It is something that I think is very important because many people can seem very sure of themselves while they are predominantly living in a state of unreality, and some people may doubt themselves for feeling confused about things, when in fact they are much closer to the Truth (capital "T") than the falsely confident are. One cannot skip steps to arrive at genuine clarity, and one cannot get there simply by acting sure of themselves.
One way that I’ve conceptualized the process of personal evolution has been as a kind of three-part movement, that being from false clarity to genuine confusion to genuine clarity.
Initially, when someone first arrives in therapy, they are in a state that I’ve found myself thinking of as "false clarity." This is a frame of mind in which one’s personal belief systems are so firmly in place and embedded so far down in the subconscious mind that the person feels certain of their validity, rarely questioning them. From this place, people will frequently start sentences out with "I believe…"
"I believe that I can't only get what I want through the manipulation of myself and others."
"I believe that if I am honest and assert myself directly, no one will like me."
"I believe that if I acted strictly according to my desires, I’d be out of control."
"I believe it’s impossible for Eros and passion to last in a relationship."
"I believe that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself, because no one will ever be there for me."
"I believe that to truly give to others means to sacrifice something of what I want."
And so on…ad infinitum. There are many, many such axioms or beliefs with variations and derivatives aplenty. (In my class on beliefs, and in each of the character structure classes, I presented a more extensive list of some of the more common beliefs that we run our lives by.)
Since these beliefs are not doubted for the most part, the person initially coming for therapy is seeking ways to better cope with what are accepted as the harsh “realities" of their life. Much energy has been invested in trying to find better and better ways of manipulating the self and other people to "get what I want". To that end, a person will develop what some theorists have referred to as "masks" ("personas", according to Carl Jung), or false selves, constructed to present to the world in order to attain sought after praise, recognition, love or substitutes for those things. Indeed, many come to therapy looking to polish up their masks so they might "work better", and are surprised to find out that a key part of the real self work is, in fact, to expose and "take off" the masks.
One of the first endeavors in a person’s unfolding process, then, is to begin uncovering the embedded beliefs behind the masks, and challenging their validity, thereby confronting the false clarity they offer as a substitute for real knowingness and security. It is not easy. Indeed, if you believe something so thoroughly, you will invite, create or only be able to see that very thing in your life most of the time, so its reality will seem absolute. And, if you have been so invested for so long in a particular method of trying to attain a modicum of happiness, you will not readily forgo it. To face that a strategy that you have been devoting much of your life force to is actually faulty is a heartbreaking proposition.
Let’s consider a common scenario. A person may come to therapy because they have had a series of love relationships in which they’ve found themselves feeling emotionally deprived. In spite of tireless efforts to be agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing, they were just "not getting enough" - attention, sex, support, appreciation or affection from their partner. This person feels so defeated and frustrated because while they believe that there really isn’t enough love in the world to go around, they are sure that the way to get what is available is by being…agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing! What they are in denial of is the fact that their accommodating, etc., behavior is part of a mask, attempting to hide a very demanding and childish attitude towards their loved one based on a buried belief in deprivation. The partner being bombarded with these masked demands will often withdraw and indeed be less inclined to "give" affection, etc. This then seems to validate the underlying belief that "there is not enough." So therefore, one must manipulate even more, all the while building up a stockpile of resentment. On and on, in a self-fulfilling, vicious cycle that Eva Broch referred to in one of her Pathwork Guide Lectures as a "circular trap." The failure of the manipulations to get more of what is wanted is often what brings the person to therapy, seeking to find out what they’re doing "wrong", why the mask they’re sure is based in reality is not having its designed effect.
This is life in a state of false clarity. Sure you’re right, sure you know how life works, but inexplicably unhappy, which, if the beliefs are seen as clearly right, can only lead the person to the conclusion that they are "failing" - meaning manipulating inadequately.
So, where can one go from there, from this place where the self is so rigidly defined according to firmly held beliefs that only lead to frustration and a sense of inadequacy?
When blocked feelings are released through an integrated mind-body-spirit psychotherapy, the embedded beliefs start appearing in higher relief. This is because the beliefs were previously being used to justify keeping emotions trapped in the body. As the emotional channels are opened, the old beliefs become subject to challenge and dismantling. People find themselves at that point without the familiar, stereotypical ways of viewing the world, themselves and others. They feel somewhat lost at first, anxiously free-floating for a while and they will experience a shift in their "I am" completion to the more immediate feeling expressions. "I am…feeling lost now. I don’t know how to act. What can I count on? Where can I find security?" Meaning, without the illusions created by projecting static images into the future, what can they count on for predictability? Again, the reason they are in therapy in the first place is because they realize that their lives have never successfully followed their projections anyway, and the fulfillment promised by the illusions always seemed to remain unattainable or just out of reach. Now, they are starting to realize that they didn’t know what they thought they knew. Now, they are in a state of "genuine confusion!" At this moment, I usually congratulate patients! It is here, at the "I don’t know who I am" place, that true wisdom begins.
What keeps people going at this stage, fortunately, is that despite the confusion, they feel better, and often, in spite of an apparent lack of direction, their outer lives frequently are improving. For one person, it may be physical health that improves, for another financial abundance arrives, or work-life becomes more creative. For still others, they break through a relationship barrier. Yet, for all, it is really the new inner feeling of self-possession and inner connectedness that provides motivation.
At this stage of the process, the person in the above example has uncovered a belief in deprivation and scarcity of love that’s been embedded in the subconscious mind since very early in childhood, based on a less-than-fully-gratifying relationship with a parent. The feelings stored in the body since that time, the hurt and rage, have also now been energized through the therapy and partially released at this stage as well. The origins of the person’s masks are getting uncovered and seen as primitive attempts by the child to "get more" from a parent - with poor results, of course. It is now becoming understood that the world of love has been viewed through this tainted lens for the last two, three, four or more decades, since infancy usually. It is experienced as a revelation to consider that one could be fully gratified in an adult relationship, could give and receive all of the love that one is capable of without having to do anything to "get it". It is also startling to realize that one has discounted or ignored the possibilities for greater love because to see that would have run counter to the "absolutely certain" beliefs that they were holding onto. This is a point at which the resistance to being "wrong" about one’s strategy for living gets confronted. It is painful. One is faced with the fact that all of the feelings of failure and frustration, and of course, self-hate, were not based on reality at all, but on an erroneous conclusion about life which originated in early childhood. Great courage is required by the person to forge on here.
If one does indeed forge ahead, what is the next step on the journey?
When the deep primal feelings have been to a great extent released, and the core negative beliefs very much unveiled, the person comes to a new place of overall inner security and openness that provides both confidence to trust what one knows in the moment, and simultaneously, flexibility to re-evaluate one’s "knowledge" and change when called to do so. This is "genuine clarity." The person knows how they feel in the moment, and is aware of their immediate inner thought processes as well. Judgmental attitudes about emotions and the contents of one’s mind are not held onto. A person at this stage follows their instincts in major decisions without a lot of second-guessing or rigidly gripping to projections and anticipated outcomes. When one is in a state of genuine clarity, the truth of matters is no longer mainly sought through deductive reasoning, but rather through inner resonance with the truth, and actions are decided upon by trusting "gut feelings." The person at this stage knows that whatever transpires, they will be open and flexible enough to creatively move with the events. Mistakes and temporary obstacles are accepted as information, not measured against images of perfection or rigid beliefs about success or failure. One can experience the "joy of being wrong" in this state, that is the freedom from needing to come up with the "right" strategies, free from worrying about "blowing it" when making decisions, etc.
In our example, the person who once believed in deprivation now knows through experience that life is abundant with opportunities to exchange love and pleasure with another and that the only "efforts" one must make to that end are to keep the emotional channels in oneself clear. Gratifying experiences have begun to come to this person, now in genuine clarity, without manipulation, indeed, without even "wanting" them in the old way at all. "Good things" seem to just arrive as a by-product of being more genuinely oneself. The person understands, too, that we all act like magnets for experiences in life, and that we will attract whatever we are "charged up" with. If it is joy and love that we are energized with, we will attract joy and love. If it is hostility, likewise that is what we will attract. So, unpleasurable events are dealt with by going within to examine one’s inner state. The person is also clear now that one’s attitude towards oneself is one’s attitude toward others. (I believe that a common misunderstanding of "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is corrected intuitively by the person in this place. Most people think this expression means you should love your neighbor as much as you love yourself, as if it were a rule for behavior. In fact, I believe it means that you will love your neighbor to the degree that you love yourself.)
The person who has achieved genuine clarity will also feel it in their body when they are in truth. No other "proof" will be needed to determine the "rightness" for them of courses of action. This person will explain, "I have to do this or that because it just feels right." They will also say about their actions, "To do otherwise would be not being my-self."
One way that I’ve conceptualized the process of personal evolution has been as a kind of three-part movement, that being from false clarity to genuine confusion to genuine clarity.
Initially, when someone first arrives in therapy, they are in a state that I’ve found myself thinking of as "false clarity." This is a frame of mind in which one’s personal belief systems are so firmly in place and embedded so far down in the subconscious mind that the person feels certain of their validity, rarely questioning them. From this place, people will frequently start sentences out with "I believe…"
"I believe that I can't only get what I want through the manipulation of myself and others."
"I believe that if I am honest and assert myself directly, no one will like me."
"I believe that if I acted strictly according to my desires, I’d be out of control."
"I believe it’s impossible for Eros and passion to last in a relationship."
"I believe that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself, because no one will ever be there for me."
"I believe that to truly give to others means to sacrifice something of what I want."
And so on…ad infinitum. There are many, many such axioms or beliefs with variations and derivatives aplenty. (In my class on beliefs, and in each of the character structure classes, I presented a more extensive list of some of the more common beliefs that we run our lives by.)
Since these beliefs are not doubted for the most part, the person initially coming for therapy is seeking ways to better cope with what are accepted as the harsh “realities" of their life. Much energy has been invested in trying to find better and better ways of manipulating the self and other people to "get what I want". To that end, a person will develop what some theorists have referred to as "masks" ("personas", according to Carl Jung), or false selves, constructed to present to the world in order to attain sought after praise, recognition, love or substitutes for those things. Indeed, many come to therapy looking to polish up their masks so they might "work better", and are surprised to find out that a key part of the real self work is, in fact, to expose and "take off" the masks.
One of the first endeavors in a person’s unfolding process, then, is to begin uncovering the embedded beliefs behind the masks, and challenging their validity, thereby confronting the false clarity they offer as a substitute for real knowingness and security. It is not easy. Indeed, if you believe something so thoroughly, you will invite, create or only be able to see that very thing in your life most of the time, so its reality will seem absolute. And, if you have been so invested for so long in a particular method of trying to attain a modicum of happiness, you will not readily forgo it. To face that a strategy that you have been devoting much of your life force to is actually faulty is a heartbreaking proposition.
Let’s consider a common scenario. A person may come to therapy because they have had a series of love relationships in which they’ve found themselves feeling emotionally deprived. In spite of tireless efforts to be agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing, they were just "not getting enough" - attention, sex, support, appreciation or affection from their partner. This person feels so defeated and frustrated because while they believe that there really isn’t enough love in the world to go around, they are sure that the way to get what is available is by being…agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing! What they are in denial of is the fact that their accommodating, etc., behavior is part of a mask, attempting to hide a very demanding and childish attitude towards their loved one based on a buried belief in deprivation. The partner being bombarded with these masked demands will often withdraw and indeed be less inclined to "give" affection, etc. This then seems to validate the underlying belief that "there is not enough." So therefore, one must manipulate even more, all the while building up a stockpile of resentment. On and on, in a self-fulfilling, vicious cycle that Eva Broch referred to in one of her Pathwork Guide Lectures as a "circular trap." The failure of the manipulations to get more of what is wanted is often what brings the person to therapy, seeking to find out what they’re doing "wrong", why the mask they’re sure is based in reality is not having its designed effect.
This is life in a state of false clarity. Sure you’re right, sure you know how life works, but inexplicably unhappy, which, if the beliefs are seen as clearly right, can only lead the person to the conclusion that they are "failing" - meaning manipulating inadequately.
So, where can one go from there, from this place where the self is so rigidly defined according to firmly held beliefs that only lead to frustration and a sense of inadequacy?
When blocked feelings are released through an integrated mind-body-spirit psychotherapy, the embedded beliefs start appearing in higher relief. This is because the beliefs were previously being used to justify keeping emotions trapped in the body. As the emotional channels are opened, the old beliefs become subject to challenge and dismantling. People find themselves at that point without the familiar, stereotypical ways of viewing the world, themselves and others. They feel somewhat lost at first, anxiously free-floating for a while and they will experience a shift in their "I am" completion to the more immediate feeling expressions. "I am…feeling lost now. I don’t know how to act. What can I count on? Where can I find security?" Meaning, without the illusions created by projecting static images into the future, what can they count on for predictability? Again, the reason they are in therapy in the first place is because they realize that their lives have never successfully followed their projections anyway, and the fulfillment promised by the illusions always seemed to remain unattainable or just out of reach. Now, they are starting to realize that they didn’t know what they thought they knew. Now, they are in a state of "genuine confusion!" At this moment, I usually congratulate patients! It is here, at the "I don’t know who I am" place, that true wisdom begins.
What keeps people going at this stage, fortunately, is that despite the confusion, they feel better, and often, in spite of an apparent lack of direction, their outer lives frequently are improving. For one person, it may be physical health that improves, for another financial abundance arrives, or work-life becomes more creative. For still others, they break through a relationship barrier. Yet, for all, it is really the new inner feeling of self-possession and inner connectedness that provides motivation.
At this stage of the process, the person in the above example has uncovered a belief in deprivation and scarcity of love that’s been embedded in the subconscious mind since very early in childhood, based on a less-than-fully-gratifying relationship with a parent. The feelings stored in the body since that time, the hurt and rage, have also now been energized through the therapy and partially released at this stage as well. The origins of the person’s masks are getting uncovered and seen as primitive attempts by the child to "get more" from a parent - with poor results, of course. It is now becoming understood that the world of love has been viewed through this tainted lens for the last two, three, four or more decades, since infancy usually. It is experienced as a revelation to consider that one could be fully gratified in an adult relationship, could give and receive all of the love that one is capable of without having to do anything to "get it". It is also startling to realize that one has discounted or ignored the possibilities for greater love because to see that would have run counter to the "absolutely certain" beliefs that they were holding onto. This is a point at which the resistance to being "wrong" about one’s strategy for living gets confronted. It is painful. One is faced with the fact that all of the feelings of failure and frustration, and of course, self-hate, were not based on reality at all, but on an erroneous conclusion about life which originated in early childhood. Great courage is required by the person to forge on here.
If one does indeed forge ahead, what is the next step on the journey?
When the deep primal feelings have been to a great extent released, and the core negative beliefs very much unveiled, the person comes to a new place of overall inner security and openness that provides both confidence to trust what one knows in the moment, and simultaneously, flexibility to re-evaluate one’s "knowledge" and change when called to do so. This is "genuine clarity." The person knows how they feel in the moment, and is aware of their immediate inner thought processes as well. Judgmental attitudes about emotions and the contents of one’s mind are not held onto. A person at this stage follows their instincts in major decisions without a lot of second-guessing or rigidly gripping to projections and anticipated outcomes. When one is in a state of genuine clarity, the truth of matters is no longer mainly sought through deductive reasoning, but rather through inner resonance with the truth, and actions are decided upon by trusting "gut feelings." The person at this stage knows that whatever transpires, they will be open and flexible enough to creatively move with the events. Mistakes and temporary obstacles are accepted as information, not measured against images of perfection or rigid beliefs about success or failure. One can experience the "joy of being wrong" in this state, that is the freedom from needing to come up with the "right" strategies, free from worrying about "blowing it" when making decisions, etc.
In our example, the person who once believed in deprivation now knows through experience that life is abundant with opportunities to exchange love and pleasure with another and that the only "efforts" one must make to that end are to keep the emotional channels in oneself clear. Gratifying experiences have begun to come to this person, now in genuine clarity, without manipulation, indeed, without even "wanting" them in the old way at all. "Good things" seem to just arrive as a by-product of being more genuinely oneself. The person understands, too, that we all act like magnets for experiences in life, and that we will attract whatever we are "charged up" with. If it is joy and love that we are energized with, we will attract joy and love. If it is hostility, likewise that is what we will attract. So, unpleasurable events are dealt with by going within to examine one’s inner state. The person is also clear now that one’s attitude towards oneself is one’s attitude toward others. (I believe that a common misunderstanding of "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is corrected intuitively by the person in this place. Most people think this expression means you should love your neighbor as much as you love yourself, as if it were a rule for behavior. In fact, I believe it means that you will love your neighbor to the degree that you love yourself.)
The person who has achieved genuine clarity will also feel it in their body when they are in truth. No other "proof" will be needed to determine the "rightness" for them of courses of action. This person will explain, "I have to do this or that because it just feels right." They will also say about their actions, "To do otherwise would be not being my-self."
COMMENTS ARE BACK!
I am sad to report that, somehow, the control that sends comments to a monitoring file awaiting my approval was accidentally flipped on for a while. I am glad to report that all of your comments were saved there, and I have now published them - unedited - and have turned the filter off.
Please keep those comments, kind or not, coming!
Thanks!
PL
Please keep those comments, kind or not, coming!
Thanks!
PL