I read an blog post a while ago entitled, "The One Quality We Often Mistake For Weakness Can Actually Make You Stronger," which extolls the virtues of being "vulnerable." Citing examples from President Obama to the Dalai Lama, the piece gives examples of the strength that comes from being vulnerable. The post refers to a book, "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead," by Brene Brown.
While I essentially support what the post and book are trying to say, the language of the authors demonstrates a very common error which I would like to address here.
"I feel too vulnerable when..."
How often I hear individuals begin a sentence like that. Usually, the person in question who is perceiving themselves as "vulnerable" is talking about being "open" in some situation that is revealing of their inner life to another. But this common connection in one's mind between openness and vulnerability is erroneous.
You are not vulnerable when you're open.
The definition of "vulnerable" in most dictionaries is: "susceptible to physical or emotional harm." Okay. That's pretty straightforward. So, when are we the most susceptible to harm in those ways? Well, in two situations, mainly: 1. when we are without an option for avoiding danger; and 2. when we are truly dependent on another person or persons who may choose to do us harm. And when are we most likely to be in such situations? Well, unless you are literally a hostage in a terrorist takeover, or a prisoner of war or in jail, the most prevalent time human beings are actually vulnerable to harm is - you guessed it - in childhood!
That's right. In childhood, especially early childhood, we are essentially hostages to our parents and caretakers, without options to avoid the slings and arrows of our environment. And we are utterly and completely dependent on those others for our well-being, even for our very existence. Whatever the vicissitudes of our parents' mental and emotional health, or lack thereof, we, as children, cannot protect ourselves or remove ourselves from harm's way. We can't stop adults from hurting us, nor can we trade in one set of adults for another. In other words... we are vulnerable. Truly.
Now, here's where the confusion comes in and how the erroneous connection gets made.
As children, as newly minted human beings, we are naturally open, physically, mentally and emotionally. We feel everything fully when we're first born, and to some degree, we stay that way throughout the very early years of life. However, because of the undeveloped, un-self-actualized aspects of humanity, we are injured by our environment. Our parents and caretakers hurt us. Yet, we cannot stop them, nor can we leave them.
So what do we do? We begin to shut down, distort, and/or disconnect parts of ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally in order not to feel the pain so acutely. We form a character structure, and initially, it actually does seem to mitigate the pain, which seems to validate the conclusion that open is vulnerable, and closed is safe.
See, we can't understand truly when we're little that we're little. We can't really picture that one day, we'll be adults ourselves, and have the choices adults have. In other words, we can't understand that it's being little that makes us vulnerable, not being open that makes us vulnerable. And so, stuck in the confines of our character structures as time passes, we miss the fact that nature provides the solution to the problem of vulnerability in childhood - we grow up!
In adulthood, we can realize that protecting ourselves emotionally with the armor of character defenses is very inefficient and inhibiting, and most importantly, no longer necessary. Wearing that suit of armor doesn't make for the easy enjoyment of a sunny day, let alone for making love. On the other hand, being fully open to our inner lives, which frees up the mind and body, gives us the energy and flexibility to creatively express ourselves, enjoy life and, if need be, avoid situations that would do us harm, which mainly means not engaging with negativity. Thus, in this realization, we can engage in a healing process, in an holistic self-work process, that can dismantle the armor and allow us to be ourselves fully.
So, let go of the false belief that when you love and reveal yourself to another, you are vulnerable. And Brene, forgive me for suggesting a slight change to the title of your book, but "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be OPEN Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" would work better for me.
IS YOUR LIFE BECOMING "TOO EASY?!"
More and more people, that I've had the joy and privilege of serving as guide and facilitator for over recent years, have reached the 4th and 5th "Stages of Healing" (Follow this link, or read Chapter 3, Part 2 in the FPL book for more info).
Because of the realignment taking place in their inner lives, their outer lives are becoming more overtly synchronistic and balanced, and their manifestation capacities are becoming more conscious and immediate. They are organically using the Law of Attraction to enhance their human experience. They are lifting the veil to 4th, and eventually, 5th dimensions consciousness.
It is a wonder to behold!
This is from "The Book of Freedom," channeled by Paul Selig:
"You have designed a life in accordance with a blueprint of the True Self, which simply means that the True Self is creating for you. You are no longer the magician trying to bring something into being. You are no longer the one who must make decisions from a list of possibilities that you have created or inherited.
"Each one of you comes to this expression with a design. The bodies you are in, the energetic fields you hold, are in fact the design that is now being re-created in accordance with the Divine Self.
The vibration of the Divine Self, who has come to be known by the name I Am, assumes your body and the vehicle of expression, which is, in fact, the will. The will, you must understand, must be assumed in totality and in agreement with the Divine for alchemy to truly occur. This does not mean you don’t make choices, but how the choices are made are so much simpler because the knowing that you now possess aligns you to what you require.
"So the battles over ideas, the shoulds and the woulds, will be gone as this is done because you have no need for them."
Because of the realignment taking place in their inner lives, their outer lives are becoming more overtly synchronistic and balanced, and their manifestation capacities are becoming more conscious and immediate. They are organically using the Law of Attraction to enhance their human experience. They are lifting the veil to 4th, and eventually, 5th dimensions consciousness.
It is a wonder to behold!
This is from "The Book of Freedom," channeled by Paul Selig:
"You have designed a life in accordance with a blueprint of the True Self, which simply means that the True Self is creating for you. You are no longer the magician trying to bring something into being. You are no longer the one who must make decisions from a list of possibilities that you have created or inherited.
"Each one of you comes to this expression with a design. The bodies you are in, the energetic fields you hold, are in fact the design that is now being re-created in accordance with the Divine Self.
The vibration of the Divine Self, who has come to be known by the name I Am, assumes your body and the vehicle of expression, which is, in fact, the will. The will, you must understand, must be assumed in totality and in agreement with the Divine for alchemy to truly occur. This does not mean you don’t make choices, but how the choices are made are so much simpler because the knowing that you now possess aligns you to what you require.
"So the battles over ideas, the shoulds and the woulds, will be gone as this is done because you have no need for them."
MORE ON: EVERYTHING GETS BETTER AS WE GET OLDER!
Everything gets better as we get older. That’s right. The natural trajectory of a human lifetime for a self-actualizing individual is like an upward spiral, from density to light. And while the depths of density, which is the unique experience of being physical on Planet Earth in 3rd dimensional consciousness, while that journey into limitation can be an exciting game, the crowning glory of the trip is the arrival back home to the lightness of our true being.
Like all of it, the experience of sex moves through the same passages from the highly focused intensity and dense physicality of adolescence and young adulthood to the glorious and soul-quenching adventures of mature sexual expression. Infused with uninhibited Eros and deep love and heart connection, sex in the later years of a human lifetime can literally bring you to tears from the sheer joy and pleasure as your crown chakra blows open with orgasms that are akin to giving birth. That sex later in life requires more time and care and attention to nuance and ambiance isn’t a sign of deterioration any more than the time and care that goes into producing a fine wine or writing a sonata is. As we grow, quality naturally replaces quantity as the prime directive.
It is only due to a lifetime of conditioning by social idealization of youth and fear of the illusion of death that we are led to believe that the golden years represent loss rather than the natural reaping of rewards for becoming conscious once again of who we truly are. These are the years to decant that wine, and play that completed masterpiece called a life.
For even more, check out these posts HERE!