FULL PERMISSION LIVING

NARCISSISM IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!

2012-01-26T08:36:00.000-05:00

Yep. That most intransigent of states so rampant in our culture for the last 30-40 years, narcissism, may not just be bad for your social life; it may also hamper your health. That's what a piece in the Huffington Post says this morning.

A new study, entitled "Expensive Egos: Narcissistic Males Have Higher Cortisol," published in a scientific journal, PLoS One, suggests that individuals with certain narcissistic personality traits may have elevated levels of cortisol - the primary stress hormone - putting them at greater risk for longterm health problems, particularly cardiovascular events.

Dr. Patrick Kelly, director of consultation liaison service and pediatric psychosomatic medicine at Johns Hopkins says, "It gives a biological correlation to a psychiatric phenomenon. There is a mind body connection. There are real physical ramifications to your mental state, particularly if you have something like a personality disorder, which can be treated."

Hello!

You can read more on the subject on FPL HERE and HERE and HERE.

NOW HEAR THIS! MIDDLE AGE IS A MYTH!!

2012-01-26T01:07:00.000-05:00

"Middle age is a cultural fiction -- a construct that emerged in the last 150 years through a confluence of factors, including industrialization, modern medicine, government bureaucracy and, of course, media and advertising."

That's the takeaway from the new book "In Our Prime: The Invention of Middle Age," a cultural history of aging by New York Times culture reporter Patricia Cohen.

The article about the book, listing the "Seven Myths About Middle Age" is definitely worth reading.

Over the years, I have listened to the most absurd things from men and women in middle age about these myths, especially the ones about sexual desire diminishing, about the trials and tribulations of menopause, and about physical deterioration.

My one word answer to those ideas: Nonsense!

You can find many articles HERE and HERE on the FPL blog describing the many illusions human beings subscribe to about the so-called "aging process."

It's kind of a no-brainer, folks. If you would just think about it - no small feat, I realize, in a frenzied, fear-driven routine that doesn't allow time for reflection - if life doesn't get better and better with the passage of time, there are only two possibilities: either life inherently sucks, and is some kind of insane purgatory, in which case, we should all just get drunk and forget about it, or... you are creating your reality from a set of distorted, erroneous beliefs which if you set about changing, you could realign yourself with the beauty that is the movement through physical life.

In other words, you could be expressing yourself creatively and sexually in peak fashion, you could be offering wisdom and guidance to the generations behind you, and you could be loving your body as a manifestation of the magnificent soul that you truly are. Or... you could take blood pressure medication, indulge yourself with hormone replacement therapy and cosmetic surgery, pop Viagra and invest in a Geezer Scooter.

It really is your choice.

Here's mine!

MORE ON "MIDDLE AGE IS A MYTH!"

2012-01-26T00:51:00.000-05:00

THIS excerpt is from a piece entitled "Sex After 50: Surprising Findings About Sex in Midlife," in the Huffington Post:

"Post 50 singles want sex, and they want it often. Given that people over 50 are the biggest growing group in online dating and the most likely to use match-making sites, it's no surprise that sex is on their minds. In fact, a new survey by dating site OurTime.com found that 97 percent of midlifers consider regular sex important for their romantic relationships. And single post 50s aren't seeking sheet action every now and then -- 65 percent of those surveyed want it two to three times a week.

Of course, single boomers aren't the only ones getting down. In fact, this week on "The Today Show," Dr. Pepper Schwartz - AARP's sex and relationship ambassador - revealed that married people have the most sex. And guess who's loving sex more later in life? Women.

You go girls!

TODAY'S QUOTE! ("GOOD-BYE, G-SPOT!)

2012-01-25T18:59:00.000-05:00

"Without a doubt, a discreet anatomic entity called the G-spot does not exist."
So says Dr. Amichai Kilchevsky, a urology resident at Yale-New Haven Hospital in Connecticut, and lead author of the review, published Jan. 12 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Well, there you have it, folks.

You know that special internal spot in women that loves to be massaged in a deliciously rhythmic way, either by fingers, lingam or battery-operated toys?

Doesn't exist! That's what the scientists say.

And those amazing orgasms women sometimes have if and when those spots are massaged just right?

Just your imagination!

Oh, yeah and did you know that the sun revolves around the Earth?

TODAY'S QUOTE! (DO THE FRENCH DO PARENTING BETTER?!)

2012-01-25T15:55:00.000-05:00

"Being a brilliant parent and a whole person, for ourselves and our children, is what we all aspire to."

Check out the article, "French Parents: Vive La Difference?" HERE

THE WAVE TAKES ANOTHER ONE!

2012-01-22T17:53:00.002-05:00

Joe Paterno has died, merely a matter of months since the child sexual abuse scandal at Penn State broke, a travesty that ultimately got Paterno fired. Not coincidentally, the walls were closing in around Joe just before he was diagnosed with the fatal cancer that took his life.

Almost exactly a year ago, someone I knew personally died suddenly in a similar way. The person in question had been engaged in a series of pyramid schemes and embezzling, and just as the walls were closing in, he had a fatal heart attack.

This is how it's working more and more these days, folks. One way or another, we're all shifting to a new, higher place, and every year for the last three years The Wave of energy has gotten stronger. Witness the hurricanes, tornados, tsunamis, etc., and the various economic disasters, as well.

Your surfboard is your self work, by the way, if you want to ride The Wave instead of getting knocked off the planet, it's up to you.

"THE POPE AND JOE PATERNO!"

2012-01-22T01:15:00.001-05:00

This is something I wrote 2 months ago, shortly after the horrific revelations about the sexual abuse of a child at Penn State surfaced. I thought that republishing it today, right after the death of Paterno, might be a timely reminder of the way things work.

"Not even a lifetime of heroism can make up for leaving a single child alone, abandoned to evil, weeping in the dark."

That was the final line in a column, entitled "The Devil and Joe Paterno," by ROSS DOUTHAT in the NY Times. The conservative columnist tries, rather superficially, to understand how men who do good deeds and good work could also commit heinous acts.

Here's Douthat:

"Bad and mediocre people are tempted to sin by their own habitual weaknesses. The earlier lies or thefts or adulteries make the next one that much easier to contemplate. But good people, heroic people, are led into temptation by their very goodness — by the illusion, common to those who have done important deeds, that they have higher responsibilities than the ordinary run of humankind. It’s precisely in the service to these supposed higher responsibilities that they often let more basic ones slip away."

Sorry, Ross, but that doesn't really explain it, does it?

What does explain it, though, is a deeper knowledge of how the disorder known as "psychopathy" works.

Most people, when they hear the word "psychopath," think of mobsters, hedge fund operators and serial killers. But those criminals, crooks and maniacs are actually "sociopaths." As such, they are only part of a small and extreme subdivision of the "psychopathic character structure."

People with this type of personality are as frequently hailed as heroes as they are villains. How can this be so? Well, it is so because the person stuck in a psychopathic character structure serves his ego above all else and to a degree unlike any other personality type. Consequently, genuine empathy is not present to a normal degree in this person.

Power and control over others is what is sought by the psychopath, and if that comes through doing great good or doing great harm, it is irrelevant to this person in the deeper regions of their psyche. Cop or criminal, priest or politician, Guru or corporate scam artist, they are all roles that attract persons with psychopathy because they are positions that bring high levels of power and control.

While Ross Douthat may think it is easier for those he labels as "bad and mediocre people" to commit common "thefts and adulteries," it is very often the heros and kings that commit the types of crimes that cause devastation and disaster to many.

HOPE FOR SEX IN 2011!

2012-01-18T11:34:00.000-05:00

HERE is a link to a blog piece that gives me hope for the coming year: "The Year in Good Sex: 20 Defining Moments"

STILL MEETING THE BEATLES!

2012-01-17T12:42:00.000-05:00

I'm reading my 14-year old's Rolling Stone Magazine special issue on the albums of the Beatles. As a writer and musician/songwriter, one of the things I always found and continue to find so impressive about The Beatles' 213 recorded songs over the unbelievably short 8 years of their career together was that they aspired to create different sounds with every record. They evolved continually, but not just within a genre, but across genres.

Most bands that become successful become known for their one specific signature sound. Not The Beatles. From the garage band sound of their first two albums, on which half of the songs were covers, to the joyful and sweetly harmonized second two of mostly originals, to the mournful, reflective, pot-influenced folk-rock of the next two to the psychedelic boundary-stretching, world-changing monuments during the Summer of Love era to the individual branching out, seperate-but-still-together revolutionary and exquisite final two albums, you couldn't truly keep up with The Beatles. You could only try and follow them, as many fans and bands did.

Embracing change. That is what made The Beatles great, and it is what makes life itself great. And while you're changing, remember:

"Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be."

PSYCHOPATHS IN THE OFFICE!

2012-01-16T10:37:00.000-05:00

In short blog piece entitled, "THE PSYCHOPATHS IN THE OFFICE," former Nottingham Trent University business professor, Clive R. Boddy, is hot on the trail of one of the crucial social questions in 3D reality:

"Are the people at the helm of our financial institutions corporate psychopaths who lack a conscience, have few emotions and display an inability to have any feelings, sympathy or empathy for other people?"

My answer is two-fold:

1. Are you kidding?!

2. Read my educational piece: "THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE."

Boddy's brief piece links to a fuller article entitled, "Did Psychopaths Take Over Wall Street Asylum?" by William D. Cohan

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2012-01-16T09:26:00.003-05:00

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Stay dedicated to your creative process, and make the world a better place!

PL

REPOST: More on "Why Love When Losing Hurts So Much?"

2012-01-15T14:33:00.000-05:00

Just perused a great and important Guide Lecture called: "THE SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE OF RELATIONSHIP."

Certain things can only be accomplished in terms of deep growth, both emotionally and spiritually, in the context of relationship with other human beings, and the more powerful and intimate the relationship, the more the potential for growth.

Here are some excerpts:

"Relationship represents the greatest challenge for the individual. It is only in relationship with others that unresolved problems - the difficulties and conflicts that still exist within the individual human psyche - are affected and activated. Because of this, many individuals withdraw from contact and interaction with others. Sometimes the illusion can be maintained that the problems arise from the other person because one feels disturbance only in the presence of others, and not when by oneself.

"Being alone elicits the inner call for contact. The less that contact is cultivated, the more acute the longing becomes. Contact makes it difficult to maintain for very long the illusion that the inner self is faultless and harmonious. It requires mental aberration to claim repeatedly that others and not the self are the cause when problems arise in relationships. This is why relationship is simultaneously a fulfillment, a challenge, and a gauge to one's inner state. The friction that arises from relating with others can be a sharp instrument for self-recognition. Many aspects of inner problems are never activated when one withdraws from this challenge and sacrifices the fulfillment of intimate contact.

"The resulting illusion of inner peace and unity has even led to the idea that spiritual growth is furthered by isolation. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Intervals of seclusion are necessary for inner concentration and self-confrontation. But these periods should always alternate with contact. The more intimate such contact is, the more it bespeaks of spiritual maturity."

DON'T GET CAUGHT TEBOWING! HAVE SEX NOW!!

2012-01-15T11:54:00.002-05:00

THIS is from today's Sunday New York Times:

"According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders now affect 18 percent of the adult population of the United States, or about 40 million people. The anti-anxiety drug alprazolam — better known by its brand name, Xanax — was the top psychiatric drug on the list, clocking in at 46.3 million prescriptions in 2010."

THIS is from the Pathwork Guide Lecture, "THE LONGING FOR AND THE FEAR OF HAPPINESS":

"All truly great human experience comes from the inner, non-volitional self. It can never come from the outer ego, unless the ego is already integrated with the inner self. All acts of creation in art and science, all great inventions, all truly enriching and lasting values emanate from the inner being, as do all spiritual experiences, the experience of the ecstasy of love between the sexes, and finally the great experience of physical death itself which human beings erroneously assume to be sad or horrible. This is no more true of death than of the other two experiences, which are almost equally feared although the fear is not as conscious. Human beings fear a great spiritual experience. They fear the great act of total love and the letting go of the little self during the ecstasy of union. People are afraid to muster the courage required for letting the inner self manifest with its wisdom and truth. You are less aware of these last two fears, while the fear of death has been exaggerated and made into a big and seemingly rational fear."

This is from a book by Barbara Marciniak, entitled "PATH OF EMPOWERMENT:"

"If sex were considered a sacred act, the world would not be in the turmoil it is today. This was known long ago. A neighborhood with strong bonds based on love and good sex is going to make a better community. When sexual expression is honored as a doorway to the creative energy of existence, the whole world will vibrate with a much greater awareness of the spiritual purpose of life. Sex is vibrant creative energy, and used wisely, it can change the world."

Here's PL:

So, what do we have here in these three excerpts? Well, first, a statistical depiction of the incredible amount of anxiety and rampant drug-taking in our human population (the drugging considered as another symptom, not a remedy), and then two passages describing the potent antidotes to what ails us: letting go of the "outer ego" and "little self," and engaging in vibrant, loving sexual and creative expression.

On the FPL blog, I have written extensively about these subjects, about the damage done by sexual repression and the refusal to let go of the childish ego, and of course, on the nefarious numbing of ourselves through so-called medications, meant merely to keep our higher consciousness hidden from us so that we are more easily manipulated by those profiting from our unconsciousness.

It's Sunday, folks. Before you pop your Xanax, load up on chicken wings and settle into the football playoff games (or the Golden Globe Awards), have some passionate sex with somebody you love, do something creative that inspires you, or go out and walk, breath and get some sun into you. Ideally, you should do all three. Then, you won't need the drugs or the wings, and you won't give a shit who wins the football games.

"THE DESCENDANTS" AND THE END OF MARRIAGE!

2012-01-15T11:48:00.000-05:00

Saw "The Descendants" recently, Very well done movie with a perfectly constrained performance by George Clooney as a neglectful husband/father who finds out that his dying wife was having an affair.

It got me reflecting (again) on the fact that the institution of marriage as we've known it for so many generations is coming to an end. This is a subject that I've written about a lot on this blog (do a search for "marriage" in the upper left box), and recently, I came across a few more articles about this evolving reality.

One piece, entitled "GET READY FOR GROUP MARRIAGE", pointed out that "legal recognition of polyamorous relationships is already well underway." Another was a study that charted the fact that the percentages of marriages that end in divorce are up past 50% now, and the numbers for extramarital affairs are in the same percentage range - for both sexes - as well.

This is good news from one perspective as an "enlightened sociologist," if I may identify myself as such. Institutionalized marriage, that is marriage based on a paradigm of rules and regulations attempting to govern love, Eros and sex, family constellations and cohabitation, has been dysfunctional for a long time now, at least in terms of the well-being of its participants. Perhaps one could argue that it has served the masters of religion, government and capitalistic economies well, but that is about it, and clearly those institutions are falling apart at an accelerated rate in our times.

The not-so-good news is that the shifts away from traditional marriage are not taking place fully in an atmosphere of openness and honesty. Obviously, the notion of an "affair," which is used interchangeably with the label "cheating," implies a degree of lying or hiding the truth from one's partner , which kind of belies the whole concept of partnership, doesn't it? Furthermore, many so-called "open marriages," or polyamorous relationships, are based on a "don't-ask-don't-tell" arrangement. Well, we've seen how great that worked around the issue of gays in the military, right? Right.

So, we're getting there, but we're not there yet.

But where is there?

Well, there is where polyamory is lived out with openness and honestly between all the participants, even when there are feelings of jealousy and insecurities to be dealt with. And there is also a place where what I've called "spontaneous monogamy" can coexist with polyamory in a society.

Spontaneous monogamy appears in a relationship where the love, Eros and sex is vibrating at such a high level that the connection between the two partners is like a laser beam. As such, bringing in other sex partners might feel like a dilution or an interference with the laser. Spontaneous monogamy has no contract or preset lifespan. In fact, the very awareness of its temporary nature is part of its vibrancy. Spontaneously monogamous relationships can last a matter of months or many years, but it's the not knowing that is part of its essential nature.

Nothing is to be judged here, folks, not even dishonesty. It's all about vibration. The more open, the more honest, the more spontaneous any aspect of human life is, the more pleasure, health and harmony. It seems as though we're heading in the right direction, but be mindful that there are no end runs around the truth ultimately.

And remember this: cheating is always cheating yourself.

REPOST: RIDIN' THAT TRAIN! ORGASM: THE HIGHEST HIGH!

2012-01-14T08:25:00.000-05:00

Although many of my counterparts in the 1960's experimented with drugs in their high school or college years, I didn't get around to trying out substance-induced altered states until the late Nineteen-Seventies, when I was already out of college. Late bloomer, I guess.

There were two types of drug-users I'd observed: those who were seeking new or different levels of consciousness and those were seeking to numb or annihilate themselves altogether. Most in the first group went on to various forms of self-work, like meditation or various alternative types of therapy. Many from the second group ended up dead or in and out of rehab.

When I entered therapy in 1980, I knew with an intuitive inner certainty that the highest high I'd experienced with a drug had to somehow be attainable without a drug (and therefore without all the negative side effects). I was determined to find the route to that place.

What followed were intensive courses of psychoanalytic psychotherapy (on the couch twice a week), past-life regression sessions, meditation, channeling work, a variety of body work regimes and mind-body-spirit therapies, and some of the most gut-wrenching (retching!) herbal-nutritional cleanses I could find.

That quest took the better part of the next 20 years, but my search was not in vain.

I can still remember the feeling when love, Eros and sex combined in orgasm and moved through the channels I had opened inside of myself for the first time at such a new level: the bliss, the exquisite pleasure, the soul-quenching rush of energy, and most significantly, that sense that everything was perfectly in harmony in the Universe. It vaguely reminded me of the highest drug high from decades ago, but was way beyond it. This was no artificial free sample; this was the real deal. And no negative side-effects!

Why am I writing about this today? Well, as always, science and medicine are that last to discover the truths about the way life really works, and so it seems that those disciplines have finally caught on to the power of orgasm. In an article in NEW SCIENTIST, entitled, "Sex on the brain: Orgasms Unlock Altered Consciousness," it was recently reported that researchers using MRI technology have discovered that orgasms create an "altered state of consciousness... one not seen, as yet, during any other type of activity."

The highest high! Hello!

"Orgasm is a special case of consciousness," said Barry Komisaruk at Rutgers University in Newark, New Jersey.

Yep. These researchers even found that cumming is better for pain than aspirin.

"With brain-activation studies of orgasm showing unique patterns of activation in regions implicated in attention, self-awareness and consciousness, researchers believe its study may also help with the control of pain. The orgasm is a strong analgesic."

Ha! Got a headache? Period cramps? Back ache? Don't use those symptoms as an excuse to avoid sex. Go for it. You'll feel better.

Hey, listen folks. Genuine spiritual and healing teachings all make very special mention of the power of sexual energy. I have said on this blog often, citing channeled material from Seth and the Pathwork Lectures and other sources, that the experience of orgasm in sexual union with someone that you are in love with is the closest we human beings can come to experiencing what spiritual existence is actually like while still in physical form.

So, stop reminiscing about that amazing acid trip you took at Burning Man or the last Grateful Dead concert you went to, and do the self-work necessary to blow open your inner channels. Then you'll really be "Ridin' That Train!"

YOUR ORGASM IS IN YOUR STRIDE! (PREVIOUSLY POSTED AS: "HOW YOU CUM IS HOW YOU ROLL!")

2012-01-12T10:14:00.000-05:00

Alexander Lowen, originator of Bioenergetic Therapy and coiner of the term "body language," famously said: "The body never lies."

I knew from a young age that Lowen was right. Perhaps because it was a calling in me to ultimately become a therapist who worked bioenergetically, I would notice, even as a kid, that people's body types, posture, facial expressions, etc., always revealed something about their personalities. As an adult, when sexuality and such things mattered significantly, I also realized with a fair amount of certainty that I could assess a person's sexual vitality simply by scanning their body and energy field.

Well, yesterday, a recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine was written about in an article entitled: "What A Woman's Face And Walk Reveal About Her Sex Life And Family Plans."

Here's an excerpt:

"When it comes to sex, a lady never tells. But according to a recent study, simply walking across the road could be enough to give away her sexual prowess. Belgian scientists believe they've found the key to guessing how many orgasms a woman has had - and apparently it's all in her gait. The research suggests the more 'energetic and free' a woman's walk, the more orgasms she's experienced in the bedroom. 'A woman's experience of vaginal orgasm may be discerned from a gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, freedom, and absence of both flaccid and locked muscles,' conclude the two professors of sexology. The researchers questioned a small group of women about their sexual behaviour. They were then observed from a distance as they walked in a public space. Their movements were then analysed by two sexology professors, who were unaware of the women's sexual background. The study was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Unfortunately, if a woman has a 'stiff' walk, it could mean that she's more refrained when it comes to sex."

Of course, this all applies to men as well, but the bottom line here, folks, is that you can judge a book by its cover when it comes to sexual energy and personality because it is perfectly on display in the body language of the person. That is why you still need to meet a potential date in person before you can decide if they live up to their profile on-line.

And it's not about what size the hips, butts or noses are, or the amount of cellulite for that matter. It's about the energy flow.

As I've written about many times on this blog, sexual energy is the most potent force in the human physical form, and it is extraordinary in its ability to revitalize, energize and even heal whatever ails you.

Have a great weekend!

SHOUT OUT TO WOMEN: COME AND LEAD ME!

2012-01-12T09:57:00.000-05:00

In a recent survey, the results of which are published in an article entitled "Motherhood Not to Blame for Women's Waning Ambition, Survey Shows," found that "73 percent of the women surveyed said they would not apply for their boss's job." The article goes on to say that it is valuing time and flexibility, and eschewing the politics of corporate life at the top, deterring more women from climbing up the corporate ladder.

Interesting... I just disbanded a small company, CITY ROCK NETWORK, after a 10-month start-up attempt, and one of the difficulties I had in setting up the company was trying to find a woman willing to be the president of the network. I wanted a woman as president because I value flexibility and intuition in one's approach to organizing, marketing and directing others, and I was not interested in the time-worn - and worn out - power-oriented/ego-driven approaches to leadership typical of most men in business. I believed that the "feminine" aspects of human nature, which of course, we all embody but don't all feel okay about demonstrating, would be a true asset to making our company innovative and cutting edge, as well as instrumental in creating a life-enhancing environment for all to work in.

Unfortunately, I found no takers, not from within the ranks of CRN's women, nor from the many responses to advertisements I placed for the position.

So what gives?

Well, I do believe that we are well into a pendulum swing in our society, one in which the worship of the "masculine" is giving way to a worship of the feminine (and I use the word "worship" cautiously here to mean value, appreciate, honor, not idealize.) The over-emphasis on masculine energy and consciousness has given way to extreme greed, perversion and hyper-aggressiveness in politics, business, religion and personal relationships.

But folks, let us not throw the baby out with the bath water (even if said women are having fewer babies). Let's not feminize life to such an extent that women refuse to step up, take the reins, express their gifts assertively, and lead. Such extreme pendulum swings in the either direction always leads to distortion. Balance is what we're heading towards.

There are many men out here like me, men who would vote for Elizabeth Warren in a heartbeat, even over Barack Obama, men who are sick of thick-necked, bloated Blutos or clueless, castrated Barney Rubbles... or whatever Herman Cain is... being the stereotype of modern men. Yes, we are men who are smart, strong, honest, sexual, humorous and enlightened who would love to be led by a woman who embodied those same qualities.

Hey... come on!

REPOST: "MANIFESTO OF THE IDLE PARENT!"

2012-01-11T09:57:00.003-05:00

THIS is one of the most enjoyable articles on parenting I have ever read! It's called: "IDLE PARENTING MEANS HAPPY CHILDREN," by Tom Hodgkinson.

I'm just going to print excerpts and not even comment. Click on the LINK HERE or above to read the whole piece.

All of what follows here is Tom Hodgkinson:

I recall when our eldest child, a victim of chronic over-stimulation by his anxious parents, screamed "I need some entertainment!" during a bored moment. A chilling comment, particularly from a five-year-old. What now? What next? These are the questions our hyper-stimulated kids will ask. What has happened to their own imagination? There is a way out of this over-zealous parenting trap, a simple solution that will make your life easier and cheaper. It will make your kids' lives more enjoyable and also will help to produce happy, self-sufficient children, who can create their own lives without depending on a Mummy substitute. I call it idle parenting and our mantra is: "Leave them alone."

The welcome discovery that a lazy parent is a good parent took root when I read the following passage from a DH Lawrence essay, Education of the People, published in 1918:

"How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning."

To the busy modern parent, this idea seems counter-intuitive. Aren't we always told to do more, not less? All parents have a nagging sense that somehow we are doing it all wrong and that more work needs to be done. But the problem is that we put too much work into parenting, not too little. By interfering a lot, we are not letting children grow up and learn themselves. The child who has been overprotected will not know how to look after himself. We are too much in children's faces. We need to retreat. Let them live.

I love DH Lawrence's idea of childcare. He says babies should "be given to stupid fat old women who can't be bothered with them… leave the children alone. Pitch them out into the streets or the playgrounds, and take no notice of them." Do not view them as raw material to be moulded into an obedient slave for the workplace of the future. Let them play. And yes, get your friends around. Life is so much easier when the work is shared. Friends bring laughter and joy. There's no sadder sight than the lone parent, pushing her child around the gloomy municipal park, trying to tell herself that she is having a good time.

My idea of childcare is a large field. At one side is a marquee serving local ales. This is where the parents gather. On the other side, somewhere in the distance, the children play. I don't bother them and they don't bother me. I give them as much freedom as possible.

MANIFESTO OF THE IDLE PARENT
We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work;
We pledge to leave our children alone;
That should mean that they leave us alone, too;
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born;
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals;
We drink alcohol without guilt;
We reject the inner Puritan;
We fill the house with music and laughter;
We don't waste money on family days out and holidays;
We lie in bed for as long as possible;
We try not to interfere;
We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house;
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small;
Time is more important than money;
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness;
Down with school;
We fill the house with music and merriment!

REPOST: THE ABUSED CHILD IN YOU AND ME!

2012-01-10T14:31:00.000-05:00

There was a good piece on Slate.com at the beginning of October in the "Dear Prudence" column entitled: "Surviving Mommie Dearest: My abusive mother haunts my dreams. How can I move on?"

"Prudie" answers a letter from an adult survivor of childhood abuse. It is worth reading, and although I agree with the columnist's statements in response to the letter, I would add the major caveat that one cannot follow such advice unless some serious self-work has been done first to pave the way, not just a "a short-term tune up," as Prudie suggests. Oh, and I would also disagree with you, Prudie, in that I do think that the mother of "Stuck In My Head," for all intents and purposes, was the anti-Christ! (Prudie's response to SIMH is after my post here.)

Here's PL:

I believe it was Alexander Lowen who once proclaimed that "ninety-nine percent of all children are abused" in some way or another by their parents or primary caretakers. (Lowen, of course, was the famed psychiatrist who created Bioenergetics, the life-changing therapy approach that treats the whole person - mind, body and emotions - and coined the term "body language." Others subsequently added the spiritual aspect to Lowen's work and created Core Energetics.)

My three-plus decades of work as a clinical social worker and psychotherapist, along with my expertise at reading what Lowen called the "language of the body," leads me unequivocally to the realization that Lowen was right. So right that I have yet to meet a single individual in my professional or personal life that emerged from childhood unscathed by the emotional-psychological dysfunctions and distortions in their parents' personalities.

That being said, that there is an "abused child" in all of us, I would like to delineate how I see the parental abuse spectrum.

At the lower, less extreme end on this scale are those adults with kids who I would describe as the "Clueless Parents." They had children at a young age very often, before even remotely having the time to become even remotely self-actualized. They may have a lot of energy for their kids, but they lack the needed wisdom and life experience to be true guides for younger beings. While the basic physical needs of their children may be met adequately, their higher, quality of life needs are not. Also in this range are parents who are from, or are recent descendants of parents from, "old world" or Third World countries, where poverty, ignorance about childhood developmental, and the socially acceptable harsh treatment of children is the norm. Children from these kinds of moderately abusive situations tend to have difficulty growing emotionally and psychologically past the levels attained by their parents, even though they may do better professionally and financially than said parents.

Close by, but still more abusive than the Clueless Parents, are the "Park Slope Parents." Educated, professional, maybe even artistically inclined, these people had children, and often too many of them, to fulfill an image of themselves as successful according to their gender-specific identities. Excessively ego-driven, these parents had kids to act out a story line that in their imaginations would enhance their self-worth and value in society, would recreate or redeem their own childhoods, and worst of all, fill the void that only grows over time from not being truly self-actualized in love, Eros and sex, and in their creative lives. These are the narcissistic parents Alice Miller writes about in her landmark book, DRAMA OF THE GIFTED CHILD, and ironically, but predictably, the children raised by these parents end up gutted of a genuine sense of self and riddled by a desperate neediness and an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

Next up on the abuse ladder are the "Borderline Parents." Straddling the line, as the name implies, between everyday neurotic and narcissistic complexes and the netherland of transient psychosis, these apparently stable individuals usually function fairly well in society, though they will sporadically descend into substance abuse, sexual acting out, rageful outbursts and paranoid and labile emotional swings. The children of these parents often become "survivors," individuals with strong compensated personalities whose behavior is overly focused on taking care of the needs of others at their own expense, proving that they can do without over and over again. As adults, the children of borderlines are surprisingly good candidates for a healing psychotherapy experience, even though their parents are absolutely not. Perhaps it is because these children have developed an early capacity for self-reliance, which is exactly what a truly holistic psychotherapy promotes.

Finally, there are the parents we typically label as "abusive," what I will call the "Sociopathic Parents." Without the capacity for empathy, these parents are essentially psychotic. They see their children merely as objects, as players in their own delusional fantasies. To the sociopath, children can and should be systematically and relentlessly manipulated, exploited, imprisoned, brutalized, punished and in some cases, ultimately destroyed. If the children of these parents don't end up psychotic or dead, they will most likely have borderline features at best, or suffer from major depression at worst. It should be noted that those who do survive such abuse and become relatively healed at some point, speak to the existence of a powerful Higher Self at work.

Folks, unless you claim to be among the one-percent of us who indeed had genuinely self-actualized parents, and therefore, you are someone I've never met or even heard about, then there is an abused child lurking inside of you. And that child is interfering with your capacity to enjoy great love, Eros and sex, is blocking you from full creative expression of your personal gifts and talents, is derailing your efforts to maintain a vibrant, healthy body and is preventing you from truly knowing and being yourself. The good news is that regardless of which type of abuse you endured, with enough determination, you can heal, you can have the ultimate "revenge," which is a happy, healthy, wealthy and wise life!

More to come on this subject...

Here's Prudie's response to SIMH

"Dear Stuck,
Your mother is no anti-Christ; she’s just a sad, sick woman who’s hurt her children and made a hash of her life. Sure, she was a scarily overwhelming figure in your childhood, but a good step toward releasing her hold is to recognize how much you inflate this pathetic flyspeck of a person. Accept that she has no power over you anymore and that you can consciously work on diminishing her place in your psyche. When you were a girl, she and her boyfriends made your nights a real misery. But even if she’s still in your dreams, remember she’s no longer lurking down the hall. You emerged from this maelstrom of abuse and became a loving, productive person. Many are shattered by such a start in life, but through hard work, self-insight, and resilience, you made it. Start working at being nicer to yourself. It might help to recognize that some credit, too, must go to your lucky draw in the genetics department. Perhaps you have siblings who were more fragile than you and broke under your mother’s “care.” You were fortunate to be made of tougher stuff, so celebrate those good genes. Then acknowledge that no matter how much you may physically resemble your mother, she doesn’t inhabit you. Those are your hands, that’s your smile. Take steps to reclaim them. Sign up for a pottery or painting class and watch something beautiful emerge from your hands. Buy yourself a ring that gives you pleasure. Go to a department store cosmetics counter and get a makeover. Not to hide your face, but to bring out what’s unique about your own looks. Reconsider therapy, even if only for a short-term tune up. Tell potential therapists you aren’t seeking an open-ended discussion about your childhood, but want to work on practical ways to diminish the thoughts about your mother. After a bad dream comes, when you open your eyes, savor the realization that you’re a grown woman, in your own bed, next to your darling husband, and you’re free.
Prudie"

2012 IS HERE! TIME TO SHIFT FROM THOSE FAMILIAR LINES OF REALITY!!

2012-01-01T10:39:00.003-05:00

This is from the Huffington Post last night:

"With glittering fireworks and star-studded celebrations from New Zealand to Times Square, the world eagerly welcomed a new year and hoped for a better future Saturday, saying goodbye to a year of hurricanes, tsunamis and economic turmoil that many would rather forget. Many approached the new year with more relief than joy, as people battered by weather disasters, joblessness and economic uncertainty hoped the stroke of midnight would change their fortunes."

Indeed, I finished my own personal "Year in Review" journal entry yesterday, a private tradition of mine, and it turned out to be a full seven pages for 2011. And my final assessment of the year was definitely more of a "Whew" than an "Ahhh.."

Times of major shift can be like that - tumultuous, disorienting, literally and figuratively earth-shaking at times - but that's just The Wave that I started talking about two January's ago at work. Remember? If you stay balanced and open to the shifts, you will be taken at an accelerated rate much closer to your highest excitement and the life you truly prefer to be living than if you hold onto to what's familiar with a tight grip, in which case The Wave is likely to slam you.

You are changing everyday, whether you think you are or not. And every moment of every day, you are creating an untold number of lines of reality, and continually deciding which of those lines to focus on in the moment. It is only the fact that we make very, very similar choices over and over again that gives our experience a sense of linear continuity. That sameness is a hallmark of what we refer to as 3rd Dimensional (or "3rd Density") existence, where one thing seems to always follow another in a certain order and a certain time frame. And change is slow and not particularly disruptive.

The Wave that has been leading us with less subtle/more dramatic shifts as we've headed towards 2012 is happening because the majority of human beings on Earth have decided collectively to pick up the pace and get off the 3D linear ride. The 4th Dimensional ("4th Density") journey is one in which you are able to shift your lines of reality consciously, with greater fluidity, and in quantum leaps, creating a feeling of "skipping steps." In other words, we will be able to go from A to Z without having to go through the entire alphabet, or from struggling financially to great abundance without having to work our way up some corporate ladder, or from being lonely to being with the love of your life without having to go on hundreds of dates with the wrong people first.

In 4D, if you want to have dessert before the main course, you can; if you want to get younger and feel greater in your body, having the best sex ever as the years go by, you can; if you want to rewrite the history of your life story so that it has all the seeds of your current greatness planted in your early life, you can.

This is the year for "anything's possible," folks. Do the self-work necessary to release yourself from the confines of your beliefs and suppressed emotions, give up the illusions of control and needing to be "right," and go forth into 2012 with open arms to change, trusting in your desires and the manifestation of your own first best destiny, but don't be afraid to be surprised to discover that the best life you can actually have may be even better than the best life you ever dreamed of.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Re-read last year's New Year's message HERE.

"ANONYMOUS" ON PL'S "SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS" ASKS A 4D QUESTION/PL RESPONDS!

2011-12-25T22:55:00.000-05:00

Anonymous asks:

"And what of the child's choice? A child is vulnerable, dependent, yes. But what of the child choosing it's parents before it is born? What about a child/person choosing a difficult life in order to help others grow?"

PL:

Great question, Anon, and one that takes into account the big picture view from where we do indeed choose the circumstances of our birth for a variety of reasons. To that Higher Self aspect of ourselves, we are never victims, even as children.

My blog piece in question addressed the personality/physical/emotional body level of self, which in 3D reality is where we all start our incarnations. In that sense, a human child doesn't choose its traumatic childhood situations; its Higher Self does, knowing full well that there is a higher purpose and infinite well-being to existence. Through the course of a lifetime, the evolving human being can come to understand its greater purpose and embrace its early suffering, though.

Thanks so much for your comment!

Best,
PL

BEWARE THIS BOY!

2011-12-25T17:59:00.000-05:00

"This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy."

This is what the Ghost of Christmas Present says to Scrooge in a climactic moment in the hard-hearted protagonist's journey in Dickens' classic story of redemption, "A Christmas Carol."

But why does the spirit make a point of warning Scrooge, and us, against Ignorance more than against Want? Why is this such a crucial understanding for all of us in our journey towards self-actualization?

Well, it is this: the problems of our world do not start with need or greed. In fact, need and greed are but two sides of the same coin - of ignorance. Need and greed are both based on the same erroneous belief, the same misunderstanding - that there isn't enough.

There are no end runs around this, folks. There is no avoiding the repercussions of proud ignorance. When you say that you don't want to look at something, don't want to talk about something, when you stick your chest out and say - "That's what I believe and that's all there is to it!" - know that you are inviting what the Ghost of Christmas Present warns Scrooge about. You are inviting the side of The Wave that is not enjoyable, to say the least.

As Jacob Marley, on his death bed, advised Scrooge with his last breath: "Save yourself!"

A FAMILY AFFAIR!

2011-12-25T17:32:00.000-05:00

This is a submission by an FPL reader, "F," some honest reflections around the holidays on the human condition.

Thank you, F

Here's are his reflections:

All of this warring that takes place in Washington D.C. with our elected officials reminds me of a dysfunctional family. Maybe "dysfunctional family" is redundant but that is perhaps a subject for future writing and or exploration.

It's hard not to to feel the yin and yang of it all. I would, for the purposes of this piece, akin the democrats to the yin, the female, the wife trying to hold it together. Or, the quarterback that sees the whole field and makes the best decision he can, at the time, for the team. Not the wide receiver fighting with him in the huddle for the ball. Yes, that makes us, the american people, the family. I shy from using "children " here. Young adults just sounds a little better (and is a great movie).

I was fascinated as a child to watch my parents "war" from the top of the stairs. Much like the Viet Cong at the time, they only fought at night. I had a birds eye view into the kitchen from my perch between the hamper and bedroom door. They only did battle in the kitchen. Later in life I assumed this was because my mother was a lousy cook. I now know that if it happened anywhere else in the house I would not have been able to witness it.

My father, also a former Marine, went at her like a crazed drill instructor. Using his raised hands only to point in her face to drive and trap her into corners where he could concentrate his field of fire most effectively. The corner trap by the oven was also an effective tactic to keep her on her feet and thus engaged. A couple years later, after he left and I got his job, I learned a lot while serving my apprenticeship. I learned that as a child my mother was also physically and verbally abused by both of her parents. That's a lot of hurt. A lot of warring.

I am glad our country's quarterback won one yesterday. I also hope he marches us down the field in 2012. I really do, I think he is presently the best person for the job. He really does see the whole field, I believe that.

Please stop the fighting. Both sides. You will get more done. It's counter-productive and hurtful to the kids, young adults, family, nation, world. If we. a democracy with over 235 years experience can't get it together, how can we expect it from others?

Fellow humans, lets try harder. With all of our collective years of experience and education to draw on we are running out of excuses. Happy Holidays to all.

"SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS..."

2011-12-24T10:32:00.001-05:00

"...and what have you done?"

John Lennon asked that question in a song a few decades ago. Care to take a look?

A cop once told me that the highest incidence of sudden deaths from heart attacks occurs on Christmas eve. I've often reflected on that anecdotal stat. Why would that be?

Beginning with the lead up to Thanksgiving, and crashing to a throbbing halt and hangover on New Years Day, we are bombarded with messages about abundance, joy, giving and receiving, peace and good will, family unity, etc., etc. A good 6 weeks of intense feelings battering us - seeking expression through wishes, intentions, hopes, desires and disappointments - pushing energy up through our emotional bodies until it arrives... to a closed, guarded heart, and crack! Literally, our hearts break. Thus the heart attacks.

"And what have you done?"

And what can you do?

Well, have you worked at opening and unguarding your heart? Or are you still concerned about being vulnerable, afraid of being rejected, worried about being humiliated? These are the ingredients for the heart-attack recipe, folks. And I'm here to tell you on this holiday season that these fears are irrational. Completely. And here's why...

Being open is not the same thing as being vulnerable.

When we were little children, we were naturally open, born that way, but also, we were completely dependent on our caretakers for our well-being in every way - physically, psychologically and emotionally. The latter is what true vulnerability is. It just so happens that in childhood we are simultaneously open and vulnerable - because we are little - but unfortunately, we erroneously equate open with vulnerable.

In fact, the beauty of the way life works is that Nature takes care of the vulnerability problem - i.e. - We grow up!

In adulthood, we are not dependent on a caregiver to provide for our well-being. We are independent, self-sufficient, in charge of our own destinies in a way that a child is not. We delude ourselves into thinking otherwise, but this is just a remnant from those early "being little years" that we keep identifying with. But it doesn't make it true.

And rejection, humiliation? Same thing applies...

An adult can't be rejected, because an adult is always choosing when and where to be and who to be with. A child cannot make such choices. If a parent chooses to neglect or abandon their child, said dependent child is indeed rejected because it has no choice. It could even die in such a state.

Likewise, humiliation - the idea that somehow you have been made to appear unworthy, useless, foolish - is a state of being that can only occur in childhood, when you have no choice as to how to see your circumstances. A child is dependent for its self-image on what it sees reflected back from its parents. Not so for an adult. An adult can interpret any situation in a positive or negative light. In fact, one of the greatest pleasures of adulthood is enjoying being foolish! It is one of the greatest gifts of a solid, grounded, non-codependent self-image to laugh at oneself, is it not? I have often thought of entitling my first book: "The Joy of Being Wrong!"

Hey, everyone - this holiday season, give yourself the gift of receiving what has already been freely given to you by Nature - your adulthood. Congratulate yourself - you made it!

REPOST: ARE YOU THE CRAZY VERSION OF YOURSELF SOMEONE ASKED YOU TO BE?!

2011-12-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

"Everyone in your life is a version of themselves that you've created."

Thus says "Bashar," channeled by Darryl Anka. (Thank you to Mary C for that quote from THIS CLIP.)

This is similar in its import to a quote from Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, the practitioner of the Hawaiian healing art, Ho'oponopono, on how he healed people without interacting with them at all physically:

"I was simply healing the part of me that created them."

These two quote express the understanding put forth often on this blog - that we create our reality from our beliefs - in a very expansive way. Bashar and Dr. Len are basically saying that not just the events and material things in your life are your creation, but so, too, are the very people you encounter and interact with in your life your creation. That's some serious creating!

Now, understand, the individuals you create in your life are also independent beings in and of themselves, continually creating versions of themselves - and of you - to have their experiences through and with. "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together." (Thank you, John!)

In other words, since we are truly all one, meaning not just connected, but ultimately and literally one unified being manifesting Itself in an infinite variety of seemingly separate selves, then if I want to create a version of you to have a particular experience with, you will co-create that version with me, even as I will do the same for you, as me. See?

So, the key practical question here is if there are people in your life you experience to be threatening, annoying, unpleasant to interact with and/or downright crazy, why are you creating that version of them to interact with? Why are you asking the person in question to create of version of him-or-herself that will be a problem for you?

This question is quite worth the time and effort to explore, because as long as you continue to feel victimized by the random, hostile, thwarting behavior of others, you will be unable to change your reality with said persons. Once you realize that you are creating the negative version of the person in question harassing you, you can uncreate that version. That might mean that the person changes their persona in your life, or more commonly, the person will exit your life stage left.

Remember Shakespeare?

"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players."

Well, thank you for being the antagonist in my play, but I'm writing out that role forthwith.

Likewise, if you find that a dysfunctional role you are playing in someone else's life no longer suits you, you can decide to leave that play for a better role, and indeed the other person will gladly replace you with someone else willing to be cast as the martyr, enabler, or narcissistic source of supply for their narcissistic lead character.

So, cast and crew members, take a look at the roles you are writing for yourself and the actors in your drama, and if you're not enjoying yourself fully, do a rewrite!

REPOST: "ADDICTED TO INTENSITY INSTEAD OF SATISFACTION?!" READ ON...

2011-12-20T13:29:00.000-05:00

HERE'S A LINK to an article by Therese Borchard called: "Intensity is not the same thing as intimacy."

In the article, Therese quotes one Craig Nakken, author of "The Addictive Personality." Nakken repeats several times in his book that "The addict has an intense experience and believes it is a moment of intimacy."

Then, Therese goes on to say:

"It's only been in the last two years of my recovery from, well, just about everything, that I've come to appreciate that mistake. I suppose part of my brain is programmed to pursue the thrill, no matter how many people I hurt (myself included) to get it. I chase the adrenaline rush, the dopamine high, that is akin to the buzz I get from smoking an entire cigarette in three puffs after staying away from lung rockets for a year or more. It treats my bruised insides the same way Kids' Tylenol does my son's leg cramps. The addictive object dulls the blunt emotions with which I experience most of life. I crave drama, even as I know it's not good for me. And I create turmoil although I recognize that it obstructs the serenity I'm after."

PL:

I talk about this dynamic often with patients and readers.

Intensity is what we crave when our normal routes to pleasure have been blocked or numbed through our various character defenses.

Over-eating, substance abuse, sexually compulsive behavior, crashing from one personal crisis to another, even too much focusing on one's career or kids, all can be attempts to regain the feelings that have been dulled by our internal defensive operations.

The reason excess is so intrinsic a part of this is because there really are no substitutes for the real thing, for real pleasure. Having a big dose of sugar, or cocaine, when what you really crave is genuine ecstasy (pun intended!), will always leave you unsatisfied and jonesing for the next fix. Having sex ten times with ten different partners you don't really know or love will never gratify the true desire to make love with someone you're in love with. Etc.

A Pathwork Guide lecture on this subject is quite excellent, must reading if you're an intensity addict. Great title, too: "INTENSITY AS AN OBSTACLE TO SELF-REALIZATION!"

Hey, I don't mean to interfere with your holiday partying. Just tapping into any feelings of confusion or remorse you might be having now that you're hung-over and wondering why you did whatever it was that you did.

ENJOY!!

MORE GOOD NEWS ON THE END OF MARRIAGE!

2011-12-18T08:18:00.000-05:00

I've been writing on the FPL blog about the end of traditional marriage and contractual relationships for a couple of years now. (Click HERE for a few posts.)

I recently wrote this after seeing the movie, "The Descendants":

"Institutionalized marriage, that is marriage based on a paradigm of rules and regulations attempting to govern love, Eros and sex, family constellations and cohabitation, has been dysfunctional for a long time now, at least in terms of the well-being of its participants. Perhaps one could argue that it has served the masters of religion, government and capitalistic economies well, but that is about it, and clearly those institutions are falling apart at an accelerated rate in our times."

Well, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of U.S. Census data, barely half of Americans over the age 18 are married. In fact, the number of couples married in 2010 dropped a startling 5 percent from the previous year, and the overall number of married couples has declined by more than 20 percentage points since 1960.

The report, released Wednesday, showed that Americans are not only getting married less frequently, they're doing so later in life. This is good news, people. The forces of love, Eros and sex are great and they cannot be contained by the constructs of human ego without causing harm ultimately. So, thank you to all of you who are making more enlightened, open-minded choices. We all benefit.

IT'S A SMALL WORLD, AFTER ALL? NOT!

2011-12-17T22:07:00.000-05:00

Okay, let's start right out with the admission:

I went to Disneyworld last week!

There. I said it. It's a long story how and why I ended up there, but that's why I wasn't on the FPL blog last week... because when you're at WALT DISNEY WORLD (WDW), there's no time for communication with the outside world, and believe it, the world at large is outside of Disney, certainly if you live on one of the coasts of the United States!

So, here's the good, the bad and the ugly of it...

The last time I was at Disneyworld was 35 years ago, right before Epcot opened up at the 23 square mile property in Orlando, Florida. Jimmy Carter was about to be elected president that fall and our "long, national nightmares," as interim President Gerald Ford put it, of Watergate and Viet Nam were over. (Who knew that the even longer national nightmare of Reaganomics lie ahead.)

It seemed like the future heralded by the advances in technology and civil rights in the 1960's was about to finally begin. Walt Disney himself, who envisioned WDW and especially Epcot as positive, forward-looking examples of his vision of a world united in common cause and connection, soaring into the future, led of course by America, never lived to see the project completed. Nonetheless, in 1976 when I was last there, it still bore the imprint of a visionary.

Today, not so much.

In the decades that followed the Seventies, "conservatism" took hold of our 3rd-dimensional society in a big way. The conservative philosophy essentially espouses that more good comes from remaining the same, or even reverting backwards, politically and culturally, than from progressivism, changing and growing, and moving forward. Conservatism quickly became the perfect environment for rampant corporatism, greed and corruption at the institutional levels of our country, and in keeping with that shift, the once "Wonderful World of Disney" became the Disney Corporation. And consequently, Disneyworld became a surreal Stepford village meets Truman Show of American capitalism on steroids set in the now retro cultural universe of America as it was three generations ago... or middle America as it is today.

And speaking of middle America, I have never in my life seen such a concentration of 300+ pound white people anywhere, not even on "The Biggest Loser!" It is not a small world in Disney, after all. It is apparently a haven for obesity, the park now more famous more for it's enhanced jumbo turkey legs at $10 and 2 pounds apiece, than for the cool, sustainable hydroponic garden that Walt envisioned feeding the world one day, now hidden in Epcot, hardly advertised or visited.

So, that's the bad and the ugly.

What's the good?

Well, the good was that even in this museum piece of 3D reality, we had a 4th-dimensional experience, creating a reality where cab-rides and plane rides were impossibly smooth and on time, where we avoided the infamous long lines for attractions and rides, where the food was decent (no turkey legs for us), where we bonded as a family, laughed and reveled in a world so outwardly foreign from our own vortex here at home. (Oh yeah, the one really creepy thing about Disney is the way they say,"Welcome Home!' when you arrive. Yuk!)

And finally, there was Cirque de Soleil. Never having seen it in New York, and knowing my homebody tendencies, not likely to see it in the near future here, we attended the show in Disneyworld one evening. Folks, it was truly jaw-dropping! Tears in my eyes amazing, my hands hurt from applauding so much during the standing ovation at the end. All I could think of when watching those performers in graceful, breathtaking feats of physical prowess was that when the soul is allowed to come through a human being, anything is possible.

Anything is possible.

I do believe that was the original belief held by Walt Disney when he envisioned Disneyworld all those decades ago. And apparently, in spite of all the retrogressive forces we've been buffeted by since his demise, the intention of his dream still lives.

LOFF56 ON THE DARK SIDE OF CIRQUE DE SOLEIL/PL RESPONDS!

2011-12-17T16:27:00.000-05:00

Here's L56:

Hey PL - Long time no see. Sorry for the absence, but I've been reading the blog, just haven't had much to say until now.

I just have to pipe in briefly regarding the Cirque show you saw in Disney World. Not to ruin the experience for you - after all in theater the ends do in fact always justify the means. If your experience was of amazement that is still worth exactly what it was worth. However I do feel obliged to tell you that the outpouring of soul that you described is probably as far from reality as possible. Aside the fact that those shows are designed with with manipulative music, and lighting and special effects, most of those "spectaculars" and Cirque specifically have a really bad track record of really bad employment practices. Those shows are obviously very dangerous, and I don't know exactly, but I'm guessing the show you saw may do anywhere from 10, 12, maybe as many as 18 shows a week! Generally, none of those performers are protected by a union, benefits (like health insurance) are really hard to come by, salaries are really meager - all for a show where you literately put your life on the line twice or more times a day! I've also heard that Cirque is particularly heavy handed about not allowing people to take a lot of time off and also about their performers maintaining their physique (beyond the reasonable extent that maintaining your weight for example is a safety concern for that show.)

Anyway, from my understanding the only thing going on with the souls of those performers is probably a lot of "crushing"! But, I'm sure there are some of them that still enjoy doing it despite the obstacles - and all of those performers are the cream of the crop in their field. It's just too bad that the Cirque company doesn't particularly take good care of their folks.

I should add a disclaimer that all that I say is second hand info from informal conversations with people that have worked or have known people who have worked at Cirque. It's entirely possible that that info is outdated too - maybe Cirque has cleaned up their act. (No pun intended).

Here's PL:

Great to "hear" from you again, L56. The FPL blog is always enhanced by your thoughtful comments.

I just recently heard similar concerns from someone else about Cirque not treating their performers well, though like you, it was second hand and in the past. I certainly hope they have "cleaned up their act." The Disney version that we saw included a lot of safety precautions - wires and a net for tightrope walkers and trapeze artists - and they also only do 2 performances per week in their own specially designed theater. That being said, there certainly is a history of abuse and exploitation in circuses, just like there is in Olympic sports like gymnastics and, of course, college football!

As far as the soul aspect, it is not unusual for those moribund corporate "owner"-types and such, whose opening to their own higher selves in so constricted, to exploit those who have a wide-open channel. Maybe the soul is okay with allowing that dichotomy for highlighting purposes.

Interesting to ponder, and as always, L56, you give us food for thought.

Thanks!

PL

TODAY'S QUOTES!

2011-12-16T17:16:00.000-05:00

Christopher Hitchens died last night. Here are but a few of some select quotes I found delicious:

“Nothing optional—from homosexuality to adultery—is ever made punishable unless those who do the prohibiting (and exact the fierce punishment) have a repressed desire to participate.”

“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are god.”

“George W. Bush is unusually incurious, abnormally unintelligent, amazingly inarticulate, fantastically uncultured, extraordinarily uneducated, and apparently quite proud of all these things.”

REPOST: "THE LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS!"

2011-12-08T01:31:00.000-05:00

In a class I taught once, I described five levels of consciousness: reflex - awareness - understanding - knowing - being.

Here's a summary:

Reflex is the level of consciousness attained by most animals, and all human beings. It is akin to instinct, though in human beings operating at this level it can be distorted by a primitive ego with its irrational fears and stock-piles of rage. We all know individuals who are easily proned to explosive outbursts or who become paralysed with fear in the blink of an eye.

They are reacting reflexively to imagined threats usually (like bigots and perpetrators of most violent crimes), and this tends to become a chronic state for such people, unlike animals in the wild who react to actual threats in the immediate present, then return to a relaxed state when the danger is passed.
Awareness and understanding are the next two higher levels of consciousness. They are arrived at by freeing up the mind. This is accomplished first by clearly seeing what is going on in one's inner and outer life (awareness), and then making the cause and effect connections about the events (understanding).

Awareness can begin increasing right right from the get-go in a self-work process. Often, even in a first session, a patient may say in response to a therapist's observations about something, “Oh! I never realized that before.” His awareness has been activated and increased.

Understanding comes somewhat afterwards as connections are made mentally and repetitive patterns that were previously thought of as mysterious or cruelly random are seen in their predictable light. Hidden agendas, intentions and beliefs are accepted as personal realities.

Knowing comes with freeing up the emotions in the body. It is only from our gut, from within our bodies, that we can ever say “I know” something with certainty. That is why we say, “I just feel it”, when we are definite about something. The person who truly feels, knows their own truth confidently. Getting to a place of knowing takes hard work and determined effort. In addition to developing awareness and understanding, one must now undertake the “breaking” of the body's defenses and armoring, and really feel, especially, at first, the difficult feelings of sorrow, rage and fear. This is the “point of no return.” If a person breaks through here - and it could take several years - they will never go back to their previous levels of functioning. They are on their way to being.

Being is simply living, spontaneously and naturally, and comes from letting go. Of everything! It is living without attachment. Although awareness, understanding and knowing are part of being, they are incorporated now without effort, without thinking in the usual sense. Basic trust has been firmly re-established, but now combined with the knowledge, courage and wisdom of an adult.

The re-establishment of basic trust leads to the rediscovery that at its root, life “works”, and that at our own cores, we are loving, creative, compassionate beings. At this phase of development, a person knows that he or she creates their own reality and accepts responsibility for one's creations without judgement or blame. This person lives without attachment to outcomes, without regrets about past events, without worry about future happenings. Dualistic thinking falls by the wayside, and there is a true sense of oneness felt in connection with all others and with life. Body, mind and spirit are felt to be one. The person here doesn't think of themselves as “sick” when having a symptom, but rather experiences pain as information and guidance. There is no irrational fear of death…or life. Perfection is not demanded from oneself or others. Life is lived spontaneously.

DAYDREAMING AND SLEEPING ON IT!

2011-12-07T17:48:00.000-05:00

Interesting study written about HERE in a blog piece on the Huffington Post called: "Why Daydreamers Are More Creative."

It speaks to, from a cognitive point of view, why those who are considered easily "distracted" or "spacey" actually have access to the more creative realms of the mind. I myself have found that since I've crossed the boundaries of character structure to a fair degree that my way of "concentrating" has changed. When I really need to solve a puzzle or understand an apparent mystery, instead of putting my brain in high gear, I "go fuzzy." That is, I let go of my thinking brain, breathe and relax into a kind of altered state of consciousness that allows information to "come through." When I receive or "hear" the answer, it is with much more certainty than when I resort to deductive reasoning or calculating, the methods of the brain.

What is tragic is that many, many children who are referred to derogatorily as "daydreamers" are often labeled as having an "attention deficit," and put on drugs, which cut off their creativity in the service of getting more rote activities done.

Here's something I posted a couple of years ago that is related:

Did you ever end your day with an unresolved problem? A knot of some sort you couldn't untangle at work, or a relationship conflict that seemed to have no clear resolution? Who hasn't? But have you had the experience of waking up the next day with the solution suddenly as clear as could be, as if it had been there all along? Most of you have had such experiences, which is why the notion of "sleeping on it" is part of the common wisdom in all cultures.

I just had one of those waking-up light bulbs this morning. Last night, our kids somehow managed, as kids do, to break a contraption in our house (I'll spare you the details) that was essential to our domestic tranquility. It had to be fixed before I started sessions this afternoon. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to fix the darn thing last night. The better part of my wisdom told me to let it go because I was tired and ready to relax for the evening.

"Forget it. I'll sleep on it." I declared.

Low and behold, I woke up wide-eyed at 5 AM with the answer in its entirety right before me in a picture in my mind. I saw it. I knew what to do. I went back to sleep. A few hours later, and yes, now it's fixed!

Just as I talked about in my essay on "Gut Feelings", I was reminded that the bigger decisions and harder problems in life are better left to our unconscious mind, where our higher self wisdom, the knowledge of our entire species in the collective consciousness, and our imagination reside, along with all the knowledge of the Universe.

An article in New Scientist a couple of years ago referenced a study at the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands that concurs: "Sleeping on it best for complex decisions."

Here's an excerpt:

"Complex decisions are best left to your unconscious mind to work out, according to a new study, and over-thinking a problem could lead to expensive mistakes. The research suggests the conscious mind should be trusted only with simple decisions, such as selecting a brand of oven glove. Sleeping on a big decision, such as buying a car or house, is more likely to produce a result people remain happy with than consciously weighing up the pros and cons of the problem, the researchers say."

Go fuzzy, folks, and have a good sleep!

IS THE TRUTH BIASED?!

2011-12-06T09:35:00.000-05:00

A new study just released listed the states with the highest rates per capita of cigarette smoking. They are in order: Kentucky, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Arkansas, Ohio, Missouri, West Virginia, Indiana, Tennessee, Alabama, South Carolina and Michigan.

Is it biased to point out that these are also the states with the highest rates of teenage pregnancy, illiteracy, spanking of children and a consistent tradition of voting for conservative candidates in presidential elections?

I mean, really?!

JOHN LENNON TRIBUTE BY sycicWALRUS!

2011-12-06T01:43:00.000-05:00

John Lennon Tribute by sycicWALRUS from People Of Taste on Vimeo.

IMAGINE!

2011-12-05T11:39:00.000-05:00

Thursday is the 31st anniversary of John's Lennon's murder, which is commemorated in the pilot episode of my TV series, City Rock. I found myself having a sort of perverted political twist on John's song, "Imagine," in my head this morning, kind of a flip-side of his lyrics in which he imagines doing away with the worst of 3D - religion, nationalism, greed, etc.

My negative revery was imagining a world in which the right wing, Tea Party, or any one of the group of Republican miscreants vying for the nomination of their party, actually had their way in this coming era.

It went something like this:

Imagine there's no universal health care, not even for kids, soldiers or the elderly, no regulation on corporate thievery, no equality for women, people of color, gays or those born in other countries; Imagine no democratically-elected body making sure our roads, hospitals and schools are maintained in optimum condition, no limits on killing people in other countries because they might have a desire to cause us harm one day; Imagine no restrictions on what kind of lethal weapons everyone can own and carry, no laws against executions, no laws protecting the rights of a mother who has been raped to safely end the pregnancy, no laws monitoring what may go into our food or water or air.

Imagine that.

TODAY'S OUTLANDISH QUOTE!

2011-12-02T10:42:00.003-05:00

"Today, the condition remains a mystery... it is still poorly understood, and often misdiagnosed."
Casey Schwartz, a graduate of Brown University with a master's degree in psychodynamic neuroscience from University College London, on the subject of "hysteria."

Dear Casey -

What?!

As a psychoanalytically trained psychotherapist for over 30 years, I can tell you that the causes of this disorder are quite discernible and commonplace, and so I must object to the above statement in your piece on The Daily Beast, entitled "Hysteria: Is the Condition Mental, Physical, or Made Up?"

In fact, the repression of sexual and/or aggressive impulses and ideations still remains the cause of most conversion symptoms. It is only since the medical/pharmaceutical/insurance cartel took over the diagnosis and treatment of hysteria that the original understandings of Freud have been ignored. Problem is, the Old Master was right. It's just that psychoanalytic treatment, effective when done properly, is tedious and offers no renumeration to physicians or drug companies, and costs too much for insurance companies.

MORE ON WHY I'M LEAVING 3D: Black Friday Target Shoppers Step Over Man As He Collapses, Dies!!

2011-11-28T12:29:00.001-05:00

A Black Friday shopper who collapsed while shopping at a Target store in West Virginia went almost unnoticed as customers continued to hunt for bargain deals. Witnesses say some shoppers ignored and even walked over the man's body as they continued to shop, reports the New York Daily News.

Well, I hope everyone got the bargains they were looking for!

REPOST: DON'T GIVE THANKS - EXPERIENCE GRATITUDE!

2011-11-24T06:13:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving. Giving thanks. Having gratitude. It is a wonderful state of being, gratitude, but in our masked world of elaborately designed character structures, how many of us actually know that gratitude isn't an action you can take, isn't something you can do. No, gratitude, like forgiveness, is an organic, spontaneous place you can only arrive to - when you've cleared out the ego-driven negativity and neediness inside of yourself, which is something you can do.

As I've said many times, and written often on this blog, when you love yourself, you can't help but love others. You don't even have to try. And when you have become your true adult self, you can't help but be grateful and forgiving.

Thanksgiving is actually the only holiday I really like. Why? Well, because it's not religious, it's not patriotic, it's not a memorial or an anniversary, it's not about obligatory gift-giving, it's not about declaring romantic love for someone you take for granted the rest of the year, and for me, one of the greatest of all blessings - it's not about kids!

Yes, there I said it. I am giving thanks today for a holiday that is about grown-up pleasures, and folks, indulging yourself in a self-loving way - as an adult - is the best gift you could ever give to your children.

Two years ago, I posted this from the Wall Street Journal about Thanksgiving:

"Thanksgiving: Great American Holiday, or The Greatest American Holiday?"
by Joseph Epstein

"Thanksgiving does have the absence of the heavy hand of dreary gift giving that has put the groans in Christmas, the moans in Hanukkah. And no one has written treacly Thanksgiving songs, comparable to White Christmas and Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire, which, I suspect, have helped make Christmas one of the prime seasons for suicide. Let us not speak of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, of whose travail we shall all have heard more than our fill as we ride up elevators and pass along the aisles of department stores. For some time in America we have, of course, been living under Kindergarchy, or rule by children. If children do not precisely rule us, then certainly all efforts, in families where the smallish creatures still roam, are directed to relieving their boredom if not (hope against hope) actually pleasing them. Let us be thankful that Thanksgiving has not yet fallen to the Kindergarchy, as has just about every other holiday on the calendar, with the possible exceptions of Yom Kippur and Ramadan. Thanksgiving is not about children. It remains resolutely an adult holiday about grown-up food and drink and football."

So, rather than giving thanks today, folks, I recommend experiencing gratitude - for whatever it is that you are genuinely grateful for already, even if it is your kids!

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-11-21T13:02:00.000-05:00

Here's J. D. Salinger from his short story "Teddy". In the story Teddy describes his ideal approach to education:

"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't start with the things schools usually start with... I'd try to show [the children] how to find out who they are, not just what their names are and things like that... I guess, even before that, I'd get them to empty out everything their parents and everybody ever told them. I mean even if their parents just told them an elephant's big, I'd make them empty that out. An elephant's only big when it's next to something else--a dog or a lady, for example. I wouldn't even tell them an elephant has a trunk. I might show them an elephant, if I had one handy, but I'd let them just walk up to the elephant not knowing anything more about it than the elephant knew about them."

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-11-20T09:46:00.002-05:00

"Seeking self-actualization as a human being is a challenge, yes, but in the way that climbing Mount Everest or running a marathon is, in the way that composing a musical piece or a screenplay is, in the way that falling in love is. It requires that you strive for your highest excitement with a "whatever-it-takes" attitude, that you accept full self-responsibility as a privilege, not a burden, that you move through life's events alive with passion, that you stay awake."
(PL on FPL)

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-11-19T17:41:00.003-05:00

“Wonder Woman wishes she could be Professor Warren!”
(An admirer of one of my modern day heros, Elizabeth Warren, in an article in the NY Times entitled: "Heaven Is a Place Called Elizabeth Warren")

"AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT, THE LAUNDRY!"

2011-11-16T16:57:00.000-05:00

I have always felt that a calling of mine as a guide/therapist/teacher/student was to discover enlightenment in every day living, in everyday ways, with everyday people. I realized early on in my spiritual journey that being incarnated as a human being wasn't a mistake or a hardship or some kind of karmic punishment, but rather a soul choice that was meant to lead ultimately to experiencing the fullness of physical life in a joyful, pleasure-filled, loving, creative expression of my true self.

Seeking self-actualization as a human being is a challenge, yes, but in the way that climbing Mount Everest or running a marathon is, in the way that composing a musical piece or a screenplay is, in the way that falling in love is. It requires that you strive for your highest excitement with a "whatever-it-takes" attitude, that you accept full self-responsibility as a privilege, not a burden, that you move through life's events alive with passion, that you stay awake.

Here's an excerpt from Interesting piece on the Huffington Post entitled: "WHAT IS ENLIGHTMENT?" by Natasha Dern:

"This state of beingness is easy to attain or maintain in an ashram, monastery or somewhere up in the mountains far removed from the challenges of modern life. There's nothing wrong with pursuing a monastic life or dedicating your life to simplicity and seclusion; this has its time and value on the journey. But how much of that pursuit is authentic, versus escaping the demands of the world? When you live in seclusion, you bet it's easier to maintain a consciousness of love and compassion. So what is enlightenment? How about coming down from that mountain and putting your unity consciousness to the test amidst mortgage payments and credit card debt, divorce lawyers and aging parents, nasty bosses and health problems, wars and poverty?"

So, get into it, folks. Do some laundry and have some fun!

IS THIS YOU? A DEEPLY SPIRITUAL, NON-JUDGEMENTAL, WISE TEACHER WITH NO MONEY?! MAYBE YOU'RE AN OLD SOUL!

2011-11-15T23:26:00.000-05:00

This is from Joya Pope's book, "UPCOMING CHANGES," a book that I discovered, not coincidentally, exactly when I was trying to understand what makes people different from one another, even when many of their circumstances and backgrounds seem the same. Discovering the "soul age" concept was part of a significant shift in my life. If you are reading this, perhaps it will be for you, too.

Meanwhile, below is a lengthy excerpt from the description of the "Old Soul." Is this you?

Check it out:

"While Old Souls do not tend to grow into their full soul perceptivity until about age thirty-five or so, they will, even before then, be accused of stepping to the beat of a different drummer. They are unusual - two steps away from the norm - in this Young Soul culture. Because they are inclined to individualistically follow their inner perceptions and desires, they may be seen as eccentric, though usually harmlessly so.

"While there is great motivation for spiritual growth, motivation tends to be lacking when it comes to developing political or material punch. Seldom doing anything they don't want to and preferring their own unconventional pursuits, they often seek the path of least resistance as far as work, so that all energy can be poured into spiritual development. The Old Soul's essence may be willing to let him or her be dirt poor for the duration of many lifetimes as long as one is gaining the desired spiritual and philosophic lessons. Sometimes an essence actually interferes with a person gaining money when it's clear that riches would distract attention from the real inner work. Remember, you are your essence while you are astral; it is you who decides not to give yourself the wealthy Young Soul parents or the drive and ambition to go out and get powerfully rich.

"Because of the essence's richness gathered over many lifetimes, Old Souls tend to be extremely competent in a wide range of things - which often aren't pursued! They will try to find work that supports their personal growth: counseling, teaching, bodywork, gardening and carpentry being some favorites.

"Many are magnetized by philosophy and art. If higher education proves necessary in order to teach, less orthodox schools allowing more opportunities for inner exploration will be favored.

"A fancy house or car, or impressive clothes and jewelry aren't often too high on an Old Soul's real priority list. Neither is a nine-to-five job. Plain laziness on the physical plane sometimes creates difficulty paying the bills, but the material game just isn't what it used to be. However, Old Souls do have one advantage with the material world: as they begin to seek, understand and use the laws of the physical universe, goals can be attained with less effort. Thus, there is an outer, as well as an inner draw to understand the universal laws distilled in astrology, metaphysics, tarot and other ancient teachings.

"Old Souls may explore many religions and teachings, being most drawn to those emphasizing love and to those they've resonated with closely in past lives."

REPOST: "EAT YOUR CHOCOLATE!" AND DO YOUR CLEANSE!

2011-11-15T02:30:00.002-05:00

In general, the way the "Pleasure Principle" works is simple: if it feels good, it is good.

This is of course, in keeping with the understandings of Full Permission Living, which rests upon the foundation of truth that all people are entitled to live pleasure-filled, spontaneous, lives without guilt, shame or oppressive inner rules and prohibitions. Indeed, we are meant to live with full inner permission to follow our natural inner guidance and our inborn pleasure instinct to seek out gratification in all of our actions and endeavors, and that such a way of living always benefits us, those around us and those that we love most optimally.

There was a nice, pre-Valentine's Day piece in 2010 on the Huffington Post by one Glenn D. Braunstein, M.D., about the health benefits of chocolate. It makes the point, from a medical perspective, of how pleasure is good for you.

Dr. Braunstein writes:

"Can a chocolate a day help keep the doctor away? A gift of chocolate is not only heart-warming, but in small amounts may be heart healthy, too. For maximum benefit, toss aside the heart-shaped assortment of nougats and caramels, and instead splurge on the highest quality dark chocolate you can find. Be sure it has at least 70 percent cocoa content. Dark chocolate contains flavonoids, pigments found in many vegetables and fruits, especially ones dark in color like blueberries. They are also found in red wine, grapes, red apples and some teas. These act as antioxidants helping to neutralize artery-clogging free radicals. They fight heart disease by lowering blood pressure and lowering the levels of oxidized LDL - or "bad cholesterol," while minimally raising the levels of the "good cholesterol" HDL. There also is some evidence that dark chocolate can reduce blood clots much like the effect of aspirin."

Yes, Dr. B, eating good chocolate tastes good and is good for you - eaten, of course, in appropriate amounts (i.e. - not compulsively).

I wrote a piece a couple of years ago called "FULL PERMISSION EATING," in which I discussed the merits of following the Pleasure Principle when eating, and especially important in our compulsive culture, the importance of eating without guilt. It is a lengthy and worthy article, I think.

People sometimes misunderstand the principles of following pleasure and living with full inner permission. It is NOT a license to act out suppressed or repressed negative, destructive impulses. In order to pursue pleasure freely, one has to have done the self-work necessary to rid oneself of those distorted manifestations of the self to a great extent, and be living from one's adult and higher self mainly - our first nature.

That being said, I am coming down the home stretch, now on Day 7, of a 10-day "Schulze."

The Schulze is a full-body cleanse based on the programs of one Dr. Richard Schulze, whose cleanses I've been doing for 16 years, now. But why the need to cleanse if I've been living according to a freed-up pleasure principle?

Well, even though I am dedicated to only eating what I love to eat, without guilt, and I am also dedicated to eating food that is fresh, organic and/or at least hormone and antibiotic-free, I do not do so one hundred percent of the time. I go to restaurants, for example, where the well-prepared, delicious food isn't always organic, and as far as I know, they don't yet make an organic, alcohol-free Johnny Walker Black, which I enjoy on the rocks, by the way. And while I could dedicate myself to meditating more scrupulously on changing the molecules of whatever I ingest so I wouldn't need to cleanse my body occasionally, I do meditate on a lot of other things and have to pick and choose my priorities in linear time. Plus, unless I create my own biosphere to live in, I am subject to the pollutants in the air and water, and generally in the crazy environment we've collectively created like everyone is, so cleansing is necessary and practical in order to maintain myself in a state of being able to follow my pleasure principle fully.

So, eat drink and be merry, folks, and do the necessary self-work to create a reality where whatever you do enhances your pleasure and fulfillment and thereby enhances the state of the world!

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-11-14T11:08:00.006-05:00

Got this from "Auntlori" this morning:

"Having the rare, loving, snuggle moment with Sal this morning. Snuggled tightly into my lap, he was so sweet. I looked at him and said: 'I love you Sal.' He smiled so lovingly and said: 'Don't touch my cars."

NOTE: Sal is 2 years old. That is a typical self-referential response to love at that age. If you know any adults who respond like that to love, know what you're dealing with.

RAMPANT CHILD ABUSE IS REAL!

2011-11-13T21:52:00.001-05:00

Not long ago, I posted two pieces (HERE and HERE) on how prevalent child abuse was, and I quoted Alexander Lowen, creator of Bioenergetics Therapy, as having once said that "ninety-nine percent of all children are abused" in some way by their parents and/or teachers.

Interestingly, and sadly, enough, many of the responses I received were from those claiming to be in the lucky one-percent, wishing to debunk the notion of such rampant abuse. In light of the recent Penn State revelations, and the blithe way in which so many covered the horror up, as if a grown man raping a 10-year old boy in the shower was all just some kind of unfortunate side-effect of college athletics, I thought the deniers might want to read this latest bit of research from the American Heart Association, Center for Disease Control, Child Protective Services, and the Nurse's Health Study.

Sorry, but if you need a license to drive a car, and a degree or training to get a job, shouldn't you have to do more than just fuck somebody to become a parent? And shouldn't teachers and coaches - who are also supposed to be teachers - be required to be mentally and emotionally fit, at least to a point of not being overtly sociopathic?

Sorry.

THE NON-VIOLENT SIDE OF THE WAVE AND THE IRREVOCABLE SHIFT TO 4D!!

2011-11-13T10:17:00.000-05:00

I have written many blog posts over the last couple of years about what I've been calling "The Wave". I have on several occasions focused on the deadly side of The Wave, taking people into disastrous situations or even knocking them right off the planet.

Well, today, there was a front page banner headline on The Huffington Post proclaiming "THE MOST SIGNIFICANT DEVELOPMENT IN HISTORY!"

Wow! Really? The "most significant development in history?!" What is it?

Well, remarkably, it is that in spite of what the media and entertainment industry portray, hard statistics reveal dramatic, worldwide reductions in violence and violent deaths.

Hard to believe? Read on...

In one book, "The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined," prominent Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker writes: "Statistics reveal dramatic reductions in war deaths, family violence, racism, rape, murder and all sorts of mayhem. The decline of violence may be the most significant and least appreciated development in the history of our species."

Of course, as a mind-oriented academic, Pinker attributes the positive shift to an increase in human intelligence, pointing out that as measured on the IQ scale, an average child today would be "a near-genius a century ago. And that increase in intelligence translates into a kinder, gentler world," according to Pinker.

The logic Pinker employs here, though, is not only extraordinarily linear, it is also child-like. Simply because two things exist side-by-side in time doesn't mean there is a causal relationship between the two. That is behavioral psychology at its worst, but I'm not getting into that here.

What I would simply like to propose is that we consider that at whatever level of relative development one is, there is an acceleration going on, an irrevocable shift towards expanded consciousness, which is different that mere intelligence (after all, some very brilliant men, intellectually speaking, have devised some horrific weapons of mass destruction), and towards higher vibratory rates in humans as energy beings.

In other words, in spite of the political obstructionists and doomsayers, and the religious zealots ("baby souls" all), who long for war or "rapture" to fulfill their thirst for childish drama, we are in fact evolving as a species.

This shift has wreaked havoc in individual lives at times, yes, and invited natural and man-made disasters, yes-yes, but here, in these facts about the decline of violence, we see the positive side of The Wave. Whether it's taking us to a 4th Dimensional level of consciousness, or higher, or merely to a higher frequency of 3rd dimensional consciousness, we're all going.

Okay.

Happy Sunday!

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-11-11T08:54:00.001-05:00

"As long as someone loves you or you even love yourself then that shield of love is there."
(The latest from the ThroughHarley blog)

3D ALERT! BE CAREFUL ABOUT YOUR INCARNATION!!

2011-11-10T09:42:00.001-05:00

THIS is what happens when you planned on reincarnating as a tree, but you rushed into it without doing the necessary preparation in the spirit world.
CLICK HERE

REPOST: "FALSE CLARITY TO GENUINE CONFUSION TO GENUINE CLARITY"

2011-11-04T17:26:00.000-04:00

In response to a request, I am reposting this piece I wrote during the second year of my 3-year training program for Full Permission Living. It is something that I think is very important because many people can seem very sure of themselves while they are predominantly living in a state of unreality, and some people may doubt themselves for feeling confused about things, when in fact they are much closer to the Truth (capital "T") than the falsely confident are. One cannot skip steps to arrive at genuine clarity, and one cannot get there simply by acting sure of themselves.

One way that I’ve conceptualized the process of personal evolution has been as a kind of three-part movement, that being from false clarity to genuine confusion to genuine clarity.
Initially, when someone first arrives in therapy, they are in a state that I’ve found myself thinking of as "false clarity." This is a frame of mind in which one’s personal belief systems are so firmly in place and embedded so far down in the subconscious mind that the person feels certain of their validity, rarely questioning them. From this place, people will frequently start sentences out with "I believe…"
"I believe that I can't only get what I want through the manipulation of myself and others."
"I believe that if I am honest and assert myself directly, no one will like me."
"I believe that if I acted strictly according to my desires, I’d be out of control."
"I believe it’s impossible for Eros and passion to last in a relationship."
"I believe that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself, because no one will ever be there for me."
"I believe that to truly give to others means to sacrifice something of what I want."
And so on…ad infinitum. There are many, many such axioms or beliefs with variations and derivatives aplenty. (In my class on beliefs, and in each of the character structure classes, I presented a more extensive list of some of the more common beliefs that we run our lives by.)
Since these beliefs are not doubted for the most part, the person initially coming for therapy is seeking ways to better cope with what are accepted as the harsh “realities" of their life. Much energy has been invested in trying to find better and better ways of manipulating the self and other people to "get what I want". To that end, a person will develop what some theorists have referred to as "masks" ("personas", according to Carl Jung), or false selves, constructed to present to the world in order to attain sought after praise, recognition, love or substitutes for those things. Indeed, many come to therapy looking to polish up their masks so they might "work better", and are surprised to find out that a key part of the real self work is, in fact, to expose and "take off" the masks.
One of the first endeavors in a person’s unfolding process, then, is to begin uncovering the embedded beliefs behind the masks, and challenging their validity, thereby confronting the false clarity they offer as a substitute for real knowingness and security. It is not easy. Indeed, if you believe something so thoroughly, you will invite, create or only be able to see that very thing in your life most of the time, so its reality will seem absolute. And, if you have been so invested for so long in a particular method of trying to attain a modicum of happiness, you will not readily forgo it. To face that a strategy that you have been devoting much of your life force to is actually faulty is a heartbreaking proposition.
Let’s consider a common scenario. A person may come to therapy because they have had a series of love relationships in which they’ve found themselves feeling emotionally deprived. In spite of tireless efforts to be agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing, they were just "not getting enough" - attention, sex, support, appreciation or affection from their partner. This person feels so defeated and frustrated because while they believe that there really isn’t enough love in the world to go around, they are sure that the way to get what is available is by being…agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing! What they are in denial of is the fact that their accommodating, etc., behavior is part of a mask, attempting to hide a very demanding and childish attitude towards their loved one based on a buried belief in deprivation. The partner being bombarded with these masked demands will often withdraw and indeed be less inclined to "give" affection, etc. This then seems to validate the underlying belief that "there is not enough." So therefore, one must manipulate even more, all the while building up a stockpile of resentment. On and on, in a self-fulfilling, vicious cycle that Eva Broch referred to in one of her Pathwork Guide Lectures as a "circular trap." The failure of the manipulations to get more of what is wanted is often what brings the person to therapy, seeking to find out what they’re doing "wrong", why the mask they’re sure is based in reality is not having its designed effect.
This is life in a state of false clarity. Sure you’re right, sure you know how life works, but inexplicably unhappy, which, if the beliefs are seen as clearly right, can only lead the person to the conclusion that they are "failing" - meaning manipulating inadequately.

So, where can one go from there, from this place where the self is so rigidly defined according to firmly held beliefs that only lead to frustration and a sense of inadequacy?
When blocked feelings are released through an integrated mind-body-spirit psychotherapy, the embedded beliefs start appearing in higher relief. This is because the beliefs were previously being used to justify keeping emotions trapped in the body. As the emotional channels are opened, the old beliefs become subject to challenge and dismantling. People find themselves at that point without the familiar, stereotypical ways of viewing the world, themselves and others. They feel somewhat lost at first, anxiously free-floating for a while and they will experience a shift in their "I am" completion to the more immediate feeling expressions. "I am…feeling lost now. I don’t know how to act. What can I count on? Where can I find security?" Meaning, without the illusions created by projecting static images into the future, what can they count on for predictability? Again, the reason they are in therapy in the first place is because they realize that their lives have never successfully followed their projections anyway, and the fulfillment promised by the illusions always seemed to remain unattainable or just out of reach. Now, they are starting to realize that they didn’t know what they thought they knew. Now, they are in a state of "genuine confusion!" At this moment, I usually congratulate patients! It is here, at the "I don’t know who I am" place, that true wisdom begins.
What keeps people going at this stage, fortunately, is that despite the confusion, they feel better, and often, in spite of an apparent lack of direction, their outer lives frequently are improving. For one person, it may be physical health that improves, for another financial abundance arrives, or work-life becomes more creative. For still others, they break through a relationship barrier. Yet, for all, it is really the new inner feeling of self-possession and inner connectedness that provides motivation.
At this stage of the process, the person in the above example has uncovered a belief in deprivation and scarcity of love that’s been embedded in the subconscious mind since very early in childhood, based on a less-than-fully-gratifying relationship with a parent. The feelings stored in the body since that time, the hurt and rage, have also now been energized through the therapy and partially released at this stage as well. The origins of the person’s masks are getting uncovered and seen as primitive attempts by the child to "get more" from a parent - with poor results, of course. It is now becoming understood that the world of love has been viewed through this tainted lens for the last two, three, four or more decades, since infancy usually. It is experienced as a revelation to consider that one could be fully gratified in an adult relationship, could give and receive all of the love that one is capable of without having to do anything to "get it". It is also startling to realize that one has discounted or ignored the possibilities for greater love because to see that would have run counter to the "absolutely certain" beliefs that they were holding onto. This is a point at which the resistance to being "wrong" about one’s strategy for living gets confronted. It is painful. One is faced with the fact that all of the feelings of failure and frustration, and of course, self-hate, were not based on reality at all, but on an erroneous conclusion about life which originated in early childhood. Great courage is required by the person to forge on here.

If one does indeed forge ahead, what is the next step on the journey?
When the deep primal feelings have been to a great extent released, and the core negative beliefs very much unveiled, the person comes to a new place of overall inner security and openness that provides both confidence to trust what one knows in the moment, and simultaneously, flexibility to re-evaluate one’s "knowledge" and change when called to do so. This is "genuine clarity." The person knows how they feel in the moment, and is aware of their immediate inner thought processes as well. Judgmental attitudes about emotions and the contents of one’s mind are not held onto. A person at this stage follows their instincts in major decisions without a lot of second-guessing or rigidly gripping to projections and anticipated outcomes. When one is in a state of genuine clarity, the truth of matters is no longer mainly sought through deductive reasoning, but rather through inner resonance with the truth, and actions are decided upon by trusting "gut feelings." The person at this stage knows that whatever transpires, they will be open and flexible enough to creatively move with the events. Mistakes and temporary obstacles are accepted as information, not measured against images of perfection or rigid beliefs about success or failure. One can experience the "joy of being wrong" in this state, that is the freedom from needing to come up with the "right" strategies, free from worrying about "blowing it" when making decisions, etc.
In our example, the person who once believed in deprivation now knows through experience that life is abundant with opportunities to exchange love and pleasure with another and that the only "efforts" one must make to that end are to keep the emotional channels in oneself clear. Gratifying experiences have begun to come to this person, now in genuine clarity, without manipulation, indeed, without even "wanting" them in the old way at all. "Good things" seem to just arrive as a by-product of being more genuinely oneself. The person understands, too, that we all act like magnets for experiences in life, and that we will attract whatever we are "charged up" with. If it is joy and love that we are energized with, we will attract joy and love. If it is hostility, likewise that is what we will attract. So, unpleasurable events are dealt with by going within to examine one’s inner state. The person is also clear now that one’s attitude towards oneself is one’s attitude toward others. (I believe that a common misunderstanding of "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is corrected intuitively by the person in this place. Most people think this expression means you should love your neighbor as much as you love yourself, as if it were a rule for behavior. In fact, I believe it means that you will love your neighbor to the degree that you love yourself.)
The person who has achieved genuine clarity will also feel it in their body when they are in truth. No other "proof" will be needed to determine the "rightness" for them of courses of action. This person will explain, "I have to do this or that because it just feels right." They will also say about their actions, "To do otherwise would be not being my-self."

TODAY'S BONUS QUOTE!

2011-11-03T22:46:00.002-04:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-11-03T08:15:00.000-04:00

OH WOW! OH WOW!! OH WOW!!!"
Steve Jobs (His last words before he died!)

COMMENTS ARE BACK!

2011-11-01T17:18:00.000-04:00

I am sad to report that, somehow, the control that sends comments to a monitoring file awaiting my approval was accidentally flipped on for a while. I am glad to report that all of your comments were saved there, and I have now published them - unedited - and have turned the filter off.

Please keep those comments, kind or not, coming!

Thanks!

PL

TERROR VERSUS HORROR: THE ABUSED CHILD IN YOU AND ME, PART 2!

2011-10-31T09:11:00.000-04:00

I have always been fascinated by Alexander Lowen's incredibly insightful thoughts on the subject of "terror versus horror," which he writes about in his landmark book: NARCISSISM: DENIAL OF THE TRUE SELF.

This seemed an appropriate follow-up to the matter of the "abused child" that Lowen claimed lives in 99% of us, a claim that I anecdotally agreed with in my recent post. (Not surprising, after I wrote that post, I received a number of disgruntled comments from people who claimed to be in that one-percent who experienced no abuse of any kind at the hands of their - presumably - completely self-actualized parents!)

As Lowen describes it, "terror" is our body's reaction to some kind of assault or direct threat to our personal well-being, and it evokes powerful emotions. "Horror," on the other hand, is our mind's reaction to witnessing something that presents a direct challenge to our perception of reality, something that doesn't compute, an event or series of events that at best cause confusion and at worst cause a mental dissociation in the observer.

As an example, a parent verbally or physically attacking a child will cause terror in that child, who in that moment is fearing for his or her life and limb. Yet, for that same child, witnessing a parent assaulting his or her sibling, or the other parent, or even a pet, will cause horror in the observing child.

Why?

Children innately presume that parents are not only all-knowing and all-powerful, but that they are also all-loving, especially to their children and to each other. When a child is being assaulted by a parent, the intenseness and direct terror of the experience engages the body's fight or flight mechanisms, followed by a release of emotions, so the analytic thought process is not immediately engaged. Afterwards, once the terror has subsided, the child, so willing to believe in its own badness as the cause of the parents' fury, feels able to "make sense" of the assault. It was their fault. One of the things I hear several times a day at least from patients is how they don't believe in their own deservedness of good treatment from others.

Sadly, the same child so willing to believe in their own badness, can't conceive of another loved one deserving abusive treatment. I have seen the horror in patients when describing the abuse inflicted on a sibling by a parent, even if it is just verbal. Likewise, when a child witnesses its parents hurling rageful, vitriolic assaults at each other, the reaction is one of utter horror and confusion. That is why so many children will literally attempt to draw the rage of their fighting parents onto themselves, and why they will subsequently blame themselves. Anything is better than witnessing the horror of supposed loved ones hating each other, even momentarily. It destroys the safety of their environment in their dependent state.

I have often mentioned in my writing that I can count on one hand the number of adult patients who report wishing that their divorced parents had stayed together, while I can't even count how many have said they wished their unhappy parents who stayed together had gotten divorced. To a child, witnessing their parents forcing themselves to live in a situation that is not vibrant with love, Eros and sex does not compute. It turns reality upside down. It is saying to the child, who intuitively knows better, that love and happiness are not actually the most important things in life. This causes horror and despair in the child, who is looking to its parents for examples of how to live and how to sustain love and happiness.

So, to all of you supposed "one-percenters" with parents who were self-actualized, in-love and happy, I say congratulations! To the rest of us, who were abused to varying degrees by our less-than-self-actualized parents, I say, keep focused on your healing process. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

TODAY'S MAKE MY DAY QUOTE!

2011-10-29T11:42:00.002-04:00

“These people who are making a big deal out of gay marriage? I don’t give a fuck about who wants to get married to anybody else! Why not?! We’re making a big deal out of things we shouldn’t be making a deal out of. They go on and on with all this bullshit about ‘sanctity’ — don’t give me that sanctity crap! Just give everybody the chance to have the life they want.”
Clint Eastwood

REPOST: THE STAGES OF HEALING!

2011-10-27T01:00:00.000-04:00

Thought it might be useful to have all of THE SIX STAGES OF HEALING in one post. It's a lot of reading so you may want to go through it... in stages!

Here they are!

THE STAGES OF HEALING, PART ONE: BASIC TRUST - FORMING A THERAPEUTIC ALLIANCE

Basic trust is the first issue in therapy, just as it is the first issue in life. In a sense, a person coming to therapy initially is somewhat like a newly arriving human being in that the new patient is acting from her natural impulse to reach out in an act of trust when it is in crisis of need. That capacity is innate within all of us at birth. The first call to the therapist is an expression of basic trust. It is the first positive diagnostic sign. Even though the new patient doesn’t know the therapist, he still makes the call for help, somehow, just as a baby will reach out for the caregiving adults around it that it doesn’t really know in any way…except intuitively.
Indeed, intuition and gut feelings are strongly at play in the first contacts between a patient and therapist, beginning even before the first session, over the telephone. Little children and animals, naturally connected to their own “6th sense”, either trust you or “bark” at you almost immediately. This is often true of persons in an emotional crisis, when our guts are very active in providing guidance.
A patient in a first session will respond very strongly to energetic and aesthetic details in the same way, though perhaps less consciously, that you, the therapist, will assess a new patient’s presentation of self. Your office décor and ambiance, including colors, smells, knickknacks, pictures, etc., your clothes and general appearance, your body language and character structure, attitudes, etc., all will be reacted to by the person sitting across from you in those first moments. (Freud believed that there was a direct communication between the patient’s and the analyst’s unconscious.) However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that if a patient doesn’t take to you as a therapist or she decides not to see you that you are not trustworthy. It could just mean that the energetic chemistry wasn’t comfortable between you, as happens in any relationship. And the therapeutic relationship is a real relationship.
So…how does basic trust develop further, beyond the innate movement to reach out, and become the basis for a relationship that will prove beneficial for the individuals involved?
This is not a matter of technique, and technically, it can’t be taught. A therapist cannot learn how to act trustworthy toward a patient and expect to be experienced as genuine. A therapist can become able to trust herself in the same way that a patient does – through a process of discovering the inherently loving nature of who we truly are and the inner guidance that is always present within ourselves.
If a lack of basic trust develops in infancy, it is at first in relation to an environment that was hurtful, depriving, frightening, etc. – not trustworthy. Yet, it is mainly the infant’s not trusting its own impulses to reach out for help, nourishment, and love that become the lasting source of dysfunctional behavior and characterological problems. The main channel for healing, then, becomes the patient’s willingness and capacity to reach out, which will tend to be proportionally related to the therapist’s willingness and capacity to reach out…or reach back.
So, as the person doing the guiding, the therapist must have done and/or be doing that work on himself in order to help the patient to do it. Basic trust will develop in the therapeutic relationship, therefore, to the degree that therapist and patient become able to trust themselves as capable of giving and receiving.

THE STAGES OF HEALING, PART TWO: UNCOVERING BELIEFS AND IMAGES

Part of the healing of basic trust is accomplished by unlearning, or deconstructing, the beliefs and images one has held from childhood that have led to not trusting oneself (or others). Whatever the level of dysfunction, whatever the degree of obsessive or chaotic thinking, and however blocked emotionally, most people have some access to logic and some connection to reality. Therefore, there is a part of almost every adult patient in therapy that is capable of examining objectively the beliefs that they hold about life, others and themselves.
Very often, people are acting according to beliefs that they don’t even know are there, so initially, simply becoming aware of one’s beliefs advances the healing process. Insight-oriented therapies, in which the main therapeutic tool is exploring the mind, provide some relief from neurosis and free up some psychic energy primarily by increasing the patient’s level of self-awareness, particularly of what has been suppressed or repressed out of consciousness. To “not remember” or to dissociate from significant beliefs, memories, feelings or interactions with others depletes or fragments a person’s access to energy. Remembering and facing honestly the traumas that led to these defensive maneuvers furthers the healing process by returning some amount of access to psychic energy. It is not always necessary or possible, however, for a patient to specifically recall traumatic events. In most cases, a person cannot remember experiences from the pre-verbal times of the first few years of life. Traumatic memories are instead “stored” in the body, expressed through character structure features.
Helping a patient uncover beliefs does require technical skill on the part of the therapist. Particularly important is his ability to listen to, track and translate the coded language of a patient’s belief system. Crucial to identifying beliefs are hearing the key words that are reminiscent of the childish mind, which always thinks in absolutes and extremes, and without any real sense of past or future. Words like “always”, “never”, “all” or “nothing” in a statement about oneself or others or life are usually coming from an old childhood belief system. (“I will always have to struggle with money.” “Love is never easy.” “All men/women are__.” “Nothing gets done right unless I do it!”) Beliefs are always generalized to give the child some sense of predictability in an environment that was painfully unpredictable. Also, practically any statement that includes the word “should” is based on a child-created rule that is meant to control some painful aspect of life that, in fact, could not be controlled.
Many types of cognitive-rational therapies today work with beliefs, and up to a point, focusing on beliefs is an effective approach for creating some amount of change in a person’s life. Again, most people have some access to rational thinking, and by simply reflecting back to them what they are “really saying” and “really doing”, many patients will “get it.” Having achieved a level of self-awareness and understanding, however, isn’t “enough” for every person who comes to therapy.

THE STAGES OF HEALING, PART THREE: ENERGIZING, MOVING & RELEASING FEELINGS

Whatever the person’s stated reasons for coming to therapy are, and regardless of the symptoms, the main problem of every “patient” (person in pain) is that they are not as happy as they feel they could be. (This does not mean that every patient’s “goal” in therapy is going to be finding happiness, nor does it mean that every patient is going to stick around until they do.)
Emotions are the movements of energy in the body which are perceived and interpreted by the mind in order to decide upon an action relative to the emotion. Joy, pleasure, love and happiness are emotions which, under natural circumstances, move us toward the sources of the “positive” stimulation. Pain, fear and anger move us away from the catalysts of those feelings. However, if we are unable to move towards the sources of pleasure or away from the causes of pain, as is the case when we are helpless and dependent in childhood, we go into a crisis that feels life-threatening to the child. The only recourse to the child in such a situation is to try and move away from the feelings themselves. To do this, she will clench her muscles and distort her body structure to inhibit the flow of energy. While this approach seems to avoid the unpleasantness of the “negative” feelings, it also makes the experience of happiness and pleasure equally inhibited.
These characterological defensive structures are built into the body as well as the mind and therefore cannot be dismantled with insight and awareness (the mind) alone. The body must be engaged in a therapy process if the aim is to facilitate the person’s full capacity to experience real happiness and pleasure. Only minimal and partial relief can be attained through minimal and partial therapies, and very often, the positive results of limited therapies often don’t last because the person’s basic defensive structure has been left intact. (In many cases, however, patients - and therapists - are satisfied with Freud’s “goal” for therapy, once expressed in his famous quote that “the best psychoanalysis can offer is a return to a state of common unhappiness.”)
A fully therapeutic bodywork psychotherapy includes working with the physical/emotional aspects of the person in the following ways: 1. Unblocking, loosening and strengthening; 2. Expressing; and 3. Restructuring.
Knots, kinks, contracted or overextended muscles, etc., can be directly worked on by the therapist to aid the unblocking, loosening and strengthening. Hitting, kicking, stamping, jumping, screaming, shouting, biting, etc., can all be used to facilitate the expression and release of long-held emotions. Corrective breathing and vocal toning, various posture and movement techniques and skeletal adjustments, as well as detoxifying, internal cleansing programs can all be used to help the freeing-up person restructure their bodies to prepare for “full permission living.” (Rolling can be used for everything!)

THE STAGES OF HEALING, PART FOUR: REALIGNMENT

If a person in therapy has developed basic trust and formed a genuine alliance with her therapist, has uncovered his inner beliefs and faced the childhood traumas they were based on without any glossing over, and finally, if he or she has freed herself up emotionally and physically, this person has broken through her character structure. This is an incredible and heroic accomplishment! If entering into therapy is reminiscent of the initial crisis of being born in a desperate state of need, then breaking free of one’s character structure is the equivalent experience to being “born again”, only this time into a healthy, loving inner environment with all the powers, faculties and wisdom of an adult.
This time around, the newly “born” person’s basic trust stays intact, because the patient has now become her own loving parent. So, the person can go about the business of exploring life, just like a well-loved and secure baby does, outside of the inhibiting armor of a defensive structure. Stimulation and sensations in the internal and external worlds are experienced as new again, and, as such, are felt to be both exciting and frightening at first. Just as the newborn child needs to learn how to walk and talk and orient himself to life on planet Earth, a newly opened adult needs to re-learn how to do those things outside of the cramped confines of an inhibited life and contracted or de-energized body.
Also like an infant who doesn’t have an identity based on roles or images yet, a newly released adult has a much more fluid and undefined sense of self. At first, many people at this stage of therapy complain that they feel “lost” or say, “I don’t know who I am anymore”, or “I don’t know where I’m going.” This feeling is not “replaced” with a new identity, however. Instead, the person, over time, gets used to living more like a spirit, free of the limited notions of a clearly defined self, and free from rigid ideas about space and time. More and more moments of exhilarating freedom and a humble but genuine self-confidence begin to infuse the person as a result.
Finally, like a baby who has no conception of the past or future but is totally in the moment, focused only on the immediate input to its five senses, the free adult is once again a sensate being, connected to the now. The richness of physical life and the importance of pleasure become clear. Judgments about one’s desires fall away. Ruminating about the past and worrying about the future no longer occupies the mind. The actualized adult’s ego is “repaired”, and assigned to its proper functions of observing, mediating and remembering, instead of controlling, punishing and suppressing.
This stage of the healing process is a time of getting used to expansive influxes of energy, and once again, as in infancy, it is a time of feeling emotions and sensations in one’s body intensely. The therapist needs to explain that the feelings of fear the patient is having now are not regressive, “old” feelings, but rather, they are appropriate, natural feelings of fear that anyone on a new adventure has. The therapist can reassure the patient that he or she will no longer be paralyzed by strong emotions, and that there is no longer the possibility of regression. This could take time, but now, for the person at this stage, time is an ally. The patient who has broken through his character structure has re-ignited his natural healing process and will only “get better” with the passage of time. This person will truly “age gracefully.”
Inevitably, at this time in the person’s development, sexual gratification and creative expression become paramount issues for the patient. No longer suffering “neurotically” (unconsciously repeating childhood scenarios symbolically over and over again), the patient now becomes focused on the adult needs to share deep intimacy and pleasure with another and to fulfill what Erikson called “generativity”, the desire to give back to the world and the next generation through creative expression. This will often be a time, regardless of the patient’s age, of going back to school, changing careers, and exploring one’s sexual nature, including for many, “learning” how to enjoy sex joyfully, without guilt or shame.
The therapist is mostly engaged in supportive counseling and “teaching” at this time, no longer needing to focus on uncovering hidden images and beliefs or unblocking feelings in the body. This patient knows her own story now and he can cry or laugh fully when the moment calls for it. Meditation and journal writing are very valuable tools to facilitate the process at this stage of development, because just as the body has to re-adjust to free living, so does the mind. Habitual ways of thinking and behaving will assert themselves occasionally, particularly under stress or fatigue, but since the person is now operating consciously, and not locked in her body, subtler techniques will bring him back to a centered, balanced place in shorter and shorter amounts of time.

THE STAGES OF HEALING, PART FIVE: AWARENESS TO UNDERSTANDING TO BEING

What comes after re-alignment, a great accomplishment in itself? Well, once you've gone that far, it's likely, I'd say almost inevitable, that you're going all the way.

I’ve came to call this place of beingness: “Full Permission Living.” The phrase came to me spontaneously after I broke through my own character structure. I felt that I could now be more and more able, as time progressed post-character structure, to follow my desires, trust my impulses, act spontaneously – basically, do whatever I wanted – and that, in so doing, I could trust that I would be living in my own best interest, and in harmony with others and with life.
Full permission living is a place of being. Having moved from awareness to understanding to knowing, a person at this level of their development is simply a human…being. Eva Broch, in Pathwork Guide Lecture #127, delineates four stages of the evolution of consciousness: “automatic reflex, awareness, understanding and knowing.” (See Lecture #127 in this month’s reading assignment). Spinning off from that lecture, one can think of the movement through states of consciousness in the healing process as having four stages: awareness, understanding, knowing and being.
Awareness and understanding come by freeing up the mind. This is accomplished first by clearly seeing what is going on in one’s inner and outer life (awareness), and then making the cause and effect connections about the events (understanding). Awareness can begin increasing right in the first therapy session with the therapist’s initial reflections and assessment. Often in a first session, a patient may say in response to the therapist’s observation about something, “Oh! I never realized that before.” His awareness has been activated.
Understanding comes somewhat afterwards as connections are made mentally and repetitive patterns that were previously thought of as mysterious or cruelly random are seen in their predictable light. Hidden agendas, intentions and beliefs are accepted as personal realities.
Knowing comes with freeing up the emotions in the body. It is only from our gut, from within our bodies, that we can ever say “I know” something with certainty. That is why we say, “I just feel it”, when we are definite about something. The person who truly feels, knows their own truth confidently. Getting to a place of knowing takes hard work and determined effort. In addition to developing awareness and understanding, one must now undertake the “breaking” of the body’s defenses and armoring, and really feel, especially, at first, the difficult feelings of sorrow, rage and fear. This is the “point of no return.” If a person breaks through here - and it could take 6 or more years - they will never “go back” to their previous levels of functioning. They are on their way to being.
Being is just living, spontaneously and naturally, and comes from letting go. Of everything! It is living without attachment. Although awareness, understanding and knowing are part of being, they are incorporated now without effort, without thinking in the usual sense. Basic trust has been firmly re-established, but now combined with the knowledge, courage and wisdom of an adult
The re-establishment of basic trust leads to the rediscovery that at its base, life “works”, and that at our own cores, we are loving, creative, compassionate beings. At this phase of development, a person knows that he or she creates their own reality and he accepts responsibility for his creations without judgement or blame. She lives without attachment to outcomes, without regrets about past events, without worry about future happenings. Dualistic thinking falls by the wayside, and there is a true sense of oneness felt in connection with all others and with life. Body, mind and spirit are felt to be one. The person here doesn’t think of herself as “sick” when she has a symptom, but rather experiences pain as information and guidance. There is no irrational fear of death…or life. Perfection is not demanded from oneself or others. Life is lived spontaneously.
In one way, life at this point resembles life before therapy. Neurotic individuals operate pretty much automatically in their lives (coming from what the “Guide” calls automatic reflexes”), acting out the dictates of their unconscious mind unquestioningly. It is only the suffering that keeps intruding into their daily existence that makes them question what’s going on and seek out guidance. Their suffering is caused by the fact that the unconscious dictates they’re acting out are coming from the wounded child aspect of the personality. The healing of this wounded aspect in us requires a very intense and focused period of intrusive “excavation” into the unconscious mind and body. It is an immersion in self-examination, questioning, exposing, analyzing, surfacing, penetrating, releasing, cleansing, re-educating and re-aligning that takes years. (Sorry!)
However, once the “hard work” is done, in a sense the person can go back to living automatically again. Only this time, it is the most developed aspect of the self, the “higher self”, that is motivating actions more directly. This higher self aspect is also unconscious to the person for the most part, but the free adult can understand and sense its workings more clearly because now the ego has gone back to its original, natural function: observing. Whatever happens in the person’s life at this point, including what used to be thought of fretfully as obstacles, problems or illness, he just observes events without judgement or irrational fear, and accepts everything as information and guidance. The person here is identified with “that which observes”, rather than ‘that which is observed”, as Eva Broch puts it in Guide Lecture #189 (See this month’s reading assignment.) (Saint Thomas Aquinas described the realization at this level of consciousness this way: “Who we are looking for is who is looking.”)

THE STAGES OF HEALING, PART SIX: AUTONOMY VERSUS TERMINATION

How does the therapeutic relationship end? “Termination” is the ominous term used to describe the end-phase of conventional therapies. In this phase of therapy, the patient is thought to go through the final throws of separation and individuation issues, played out in transference with the therapist. This is also supposed to be a time when the patient will temporarily regress into a final crisis, until finally arriving to a state of autonomy. A requirement here, in traditional thinking, is that the patient and therapist must sever all contact after a formerly agreed-upon last session. Thus, the absoluteness of the word, “termination.”
Yet, it seems obvious that if a patient needs to have such an absolute cut-off dictated to them by a dictating “authority figure”, the implication is that the patient is still quite prone to dependency... so, how “successful” could the therapy have been? (Ironically, termination is thought of as one of the most important phases of the treatment process and yet, it is the least talked or written about in the psychotherapy profession.)
There often is a crisis period that occurs in the later stages of a full-spectrum healing process as well, but it is not precipitated by the pending “termination” of the relationship with the therapist. This crisis occurs within the context of the therapy at its own natural time, without needing to have set an ending date to initiate it. It occurs naturally when the person is strong enough and no longer needs to be defended and armored against deep feelings. It is a deeply healing crisis. It can be a final grieving for the losses of one’s early life, or a final release of the terror caused by childhood traumas, or perhaps a final expression of anxiety as a patient’s sexual feelings emerge in full force.
The actual ending, in whatever form it takes, of the therapeutic relationship becomes kind of anti-climactic, then, more like a transition experienced with a celebratory sigh and embrace, not with a somber tone of severance. Because neither the patient nor the therapist are neurotically dependent on one another, the ending need not be compulsorily absolute. What actually ends at the “end” of a successful therapy is the continued making of transferences to the therapist – and for that matter, to any other people in the patient’s life. The patient acknowledges comfortably at this point that the therapist and he or she are “equals”, adults who are not in need of parental figures anymore. So, the therapeutic relationship, like every relationship, can end or transform gracefully, according to the nature and purpose of the connection between the two individuals.

THE FIRST SINGLE FROM THE CITY ROCK ALBUM IS NOW ON ITUNES!!

2011-10-26T13:56:00.001-04:00

The release of the first single by sycicWALRUS, our new musical group formed around the CITY ROCK TV series, is now up on ITunes!

Do a search on ITunes for "Sycic Walrus, Working Class Hero" and you will find us.

Spread the word. Our next two singles from the CITY ROCK album will be out in the next week.

Stay tuned!!

MORE ON: "SALT, SUN, COFFEE AND SEX... IF IT FEELS GOOD, IT IS GOOD!"

2011-10-26T09:38:00.001-04:00

READ THIS: "Yet Another Sweet Health Benefit Of Chocolate!"

AND don't forget the life-enhancing health benefits of coffee! Read: "HOW COFFEE MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE!" and GO HERE for more.

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-10-24T10:38:00.002-04:00

"Sex is a means of escaping our little self or ego. It is many peoples' only experience of meditation."
Deepak Chopra

OLDER WOMEN LOVE SEX!

2011-10-15T08:07:00.002-04:00

As you can see by the number of links below, I love to write about how great life is meant to be as you mature and become fully adult, and especially how great and important sex is to a maturing, evolving human being.

A new study from the Women’s Health Initiative, referenced in a blog piece entitled, Women Over 50 Enjoying Healthy, Active Sex Lives, has found that, contrary to popular belief, older women are generally satisfied with their sex lives - and if they do have a problem, it’s because they’d like to be having more sex!

Remember the main tenant of the Pleasure Principle, folks:

"If it feels good, it is good!"

Check out these links and have fun!

HALF TIME!

DECLINING WITH AGE? NO, WITH TIME!

SEX IN THE SECOND HALF!

DON'T FEAR THE REAPER, BE THE REAPER!

FREAKING OUT ABOUT TURNING FIFTY? HA!

REPOST: DEEPAK CHOPRA: IT ALL COMES FROM SEX!

2011-10-13T05:08:00.000-04:00

Here's Deepak, without any commentary from me except where I've put words in bold:

Dear Friends,

On the occasion of the Sony e-book release of my book, Kama Sutra, I would like to share the following insights on sex and spirituality:

Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe. All things that are alive come from sexual energy. In animals and other life forms, sexual energy expresses itself as biological creativity. In humans, sexual energy can be creative at all levels -- physical, emotional and spiritual. In any situation -- where we feel attraction, arousal, awakening, alertness, passion, interest, inspiration, excitement, creativity, enthusiasm -- in each of these situations, sexual energy is at work. Whenever we feel these states of awareness, we must put our attention on the energy that we are experiencing, nourishing it with our attention, experiencing it with joy and keeping it alive in our awareness.

Sexual desire is sacred and chaste. The suppression of sexual energy is false, ugly and unchaste.

During sexual union, there is union between flesh and spirit.

Bliss, carefreeness and playfulness are the essence of sex.

To improve your sexual experiences, get rid of your expectations.
Expectations are primarily in three areas: 1) Performance, exemplified in the question, "How am I doing?" 2) Feeling, exemplified in the question, "How am I feeling?" 3) Security, exemplified in the question, "Do you love me?"
In sex, as in all areas of life, resistance is born of fear. All resistance is mental. It implies judgment against what is being felt. Sex becomes a problem when it gets mixed with hidden emotions such as shame, guilt and anger.

Sexual intimacy is the road to the taste or experience of true freedom, because it is the one area of life in which we can become completely uninhibited and free.

Sexual fulfillment occurs when the experience comes from playfulness instead of need. Frequently people bring their conflicts and needs into the sexual experience. When sex is used to fulfill needs, it leads to addiction. When sex comes from playfulness, the result is ecstasy.

All problems related to sex, neurosis, deviancy, sexual misbehavior, violence, abuse, can be traced to resistance, suppression and repression -- not to the sexual urges themselves. If we are allowed to discover our urges, desires and emotions, without outside inhibition, they won't go to extremes. Extremism, in any form, is a reaction to repression, inhibition and suppression. Aggression and violence are the shadow energies of fear and impotence.

Sex is a means of escaping our little self or ego. It is many peoples' only experience of meditation.

Meaningful sex has to be value based. Values are personal. Each situation that has sexual energy in it, involves the whole human being and their entire value system. My values may be different from yours, and I have no right to be the moral judge of anyone's values. It is important, however, to have core values, and respect them. Without values, we become spiritually bankrupt. Sexual experience will never cause problems and will always be joyful, if lovers share the same values.

True intimacy is union between flesh and flesh, between subtle body and subtle body, between soul and soul. Sexual energy is sacred energy. When we have restored the sexual experience to the realm of the sacred, our world will be chaste and divine, holy and healed.

TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-10-12T10:06:00.000-04:00

"My model for business is The Beatles. They were four guys that kept each other's negative tendencies in check; they balanced each other. And the total was greater than the sum of the parts. Great things in business are never done by one person, they are done by a team of people."
Steve Jobs

HOW "OLD" ARE YOU? PAUL McCARTNEY BEGS THE QUESTION!

2011-10-12T08:45:00.000-04:00

"Who’s this Derek Jeter guy? People tell me he has more hits than me.”

Sir Paul, who just got married again and is planning a European concert tour, cracked that joke as he performed for 2 straight hours, without even stopping for a sip of water, during a concert earlier this year at Yankee Stadium. A reporter covering the concert for the Wall Street Journal (?!!?), Jon Friedman, wrote:

"All night long, McCartney played, by my rough count, 27 Beatles songs and nine others. He remained faithful to the vintage musical arrangements from the Beatles, Wings and McCartney solo records. He never even stopped to take a sip of water. McCartney, who just turned 69 years of age, rocked even harder last night than he did when I last saw him perform, two years ago at the then-new Citi Field across town."

Friedman went on to say that McCartney was "at the top of his game."

Okay, you see where I'm heading, right?

69?

Top of his game?

How old are you? Or should I ask: How old do you think you are? And how's your game going?

I've written several blog posts here on the illusions and beliefs about the so-called "aging process." You can check them out HERE. The point is that growing older, like everything else, is what we say it is, individually and collectively.

Personally, throughout my life, even as an adult, I have looked forward to being older. I always presumed/understood that life only gets better with the passage of time, especially if you get that time doesn't really "pass." In a linear line of reality it does appear to, but in the higher, truer reality of our existence, each and every moment is created anew. Therefore, if one can get to a point of living fully in the now, even while choosing to play the linear time game, which includes the illusion of "accumulating" experience, one can really choose to enjoy life more fully, perhaps by playing shortstop at Yankee Stadium as you enter your 40's, or performing rock concerts there into your 70's!

REPOST: SALT, SUN, COFFEE AND SEX... IF IT FEELS GOOD, IT IS GOOD!

2011-10-08T07:09:00.002-04:00

I'm reposting this as I gear up for 2 days at the beach to soak up what might be the final weekend of an "Indian Summer," holding no fear at all of getting "too much" of that beautiful sunshine.

I have written many pieces on this blog over the last couple of years about the lack of wisdom in the conventional "wisdom" that is too often taken as gospel when it is spouted from the mouths of the crooks and liars known as the medical establishment. Whether it's the misdiagnoses and resultant drugging of our children or the drug, slash and burn approach to treatment that ends up causing much more harm than good, mainstream medicine has come to represent all that is dysfunctional with 3rd-dimensional life.

In my writing, I have frequently pitted the established - and erroneous - dictates of corporate medicine (and the two other branches of the cartel - the pharmaceutical and insurance industries) against what nature, in all of its true wisdom, has endowed us with: a pleasure principle.

Simply stated, the pleasure principle comes down to this: if it feels good, it is good, with the one not-so-small caveat that in order to know what truly feels good, you have to actually be in touch with your body and your feelings which, because of the wounds we all endure in childhood, requires a fair amount of self-work first in order to dismantle the defenses created to survive those slings and arrows. Once in touch with yourself in that way, you can then live well by following the dictates of your pleasure principle and Full Permission Living.

In that regard, I have referenced recent articles, studies and channeled information that refute the conventional non-wise wisdom about things that we embrace with pleasure. I have said, for example, that in my body, plentiful amounts of sunshine feels good (Read here and here). I have extolled the virtues of coffee (Read here) I have extensively written about the virtues of sex, particularly sex mixed with love and Eros (do a search for sex, sexual love, Eros and sex on the blog). And now comes a study validating another of my culinary inclinations - and again, discrediting previous dire "health warnings" - a taste for all things salty.

Yep. A recent article, entitled, "SALT, NOT SO BAD FOR YOU AFTER ALL?", by Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D., in the May 4, 2011 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association, of all places, reports on extensive studies that show that the latest evidence runs counter to the medical myth that salt is bad for you. In fact, the studies indicate that low-salt diets can be bad for you.

Ha! Of course, pronouncements are exactly that. The reality is we create our own reality. Therefore, everything is ultimately what we say it is. And while many of us have collectively agreed to go along with dense, conventional belief systems, and so from that level of belief many experience sun and coffee and salt and sex as "bad," at a higher level, we collectively know that we are wonderful creations meant to enjoy this life to its fullest, so, again... if it feels good it is good!

HERE'S yet another piece extolling the virtues of coffee, entitled "Five Reasons to Drink Coffee!".

Mmmm...

ATTENTION NEWCOMERS! THIS IS NOT AN ANTI-PARENT BLOG!

2011-10-03T07:58:00.001-04:00

But as the next six posts indicate, I am currently following the energy of my calling and exposing the shoddy, debased state of what passes for parenting in three-dimension reality these days.

If you are a "Clueless Park Slope Parent," turn back now!

TODAY'S "BAD PARENTING" QUOTE! (NOT BY PL!!)

2011-10-02T14:54:00.000-04:00

This is from Toni Nagy's entry on Alternet.org, entitled: "How Better Parenting Could Produce Fewer Greedy Bankers and More People Who Care About the Future of the Earth."

"So the question is why is money more important then our survival? My answer is bad parenting. The human race is sprinting towards its own destruction because we think that money will make us feel better about our mommy and daddy never loving us enough or teaching us how to love ourselves. It is not your mom and dad's fault, or even their parents'. We are talking about generations of people who have not figured out that nothing will make you feel emotionally fulfilled if you are not genuinely emotionally fulfilled on your own. Maybe the 99% of us so blindly support the [super-wealthy] 1% because we spend our adult lives resenting our parents and trying to find happiness through material possessions, power over others, success in our jobs, and looking at pictures of each other's vacations on Facebook."

ADDENDUM TO THE "TERROR VERSUS HORROR" POST!

2011-10-01T11:26:00.000-04:00

A very interesting note regarding Lowen's ideas about the differences between and the effects of terror versus horror is that he implies that chronic situations of terror in early childhood lead to the formation of a schizoid character structure, while repeated instances of horror lead to the formation of narcissism and a psychopathic character structure.

In the schizoid character, withdrawal and disconnection from feelings and the body is the typical defensive reaction to the terror, while in the narcissist and psychopath, it is a disconnection and withdrawal from reality, and from an acknowledgment of others as real, that prevails as the reaction to the horror.

WHO'S BIPOLAR? PARENTS, DOCTORS AND TEACHERS RUINING CHILDREN'S LIVES!

2011-09-25T18:01:00.000-04:00

Here's the title of a June cover story of NEWSWEEK Magazine: "Mommy, Am I Really Bipolar?"

The caption underneath reads: "Hundreds of thousands of children in the U.S. have been wrongly diagnosed with the trendy disorder, argues a noted psychiatrist. And the results can be tragic."

Let me cut right to the chase, because you can otherwise find many posts on my blog railing about the disgrace that is the rampant drugging of our children. The real problem is that so many people don't want to know the truth. The three main groups of adults whose charge it is to see to the well-being of our children - parents, teachers and doctors - are in fact, the three most destructive elements in our children's lives.

Parents have children that they aren't equipped to raise, because they haven't done the self-work to even remotely attain a level of self-actualization before they procreate. Consequently, they seek drugs for their children so as not to have to deal with their offsprings' complicated, evolving emotional lives and the direct challenge that presents to their egos.

Doctors drug children - and if we don't face this, we're really screwed - because it's easy and profitable. Real healing is a calling, not an intellectual exercise or the application of mechanical techniques for profit. And people, especially children, don't need to be "fixed," as much as they need guidance on how to use their own inner healing resources.

Teachers, overwhelmed and underpaid, have sadly devolved into not much more than prison wardens merely trying to control their charges and get through their day without the disruptions that the bundles of energy known as kids create as part of their natural beingness.

We so desperately want to believe in our images and idealizations of authority figures, but let this NEWSWEEK piece be a warning, folks: the price of denial is high.

I'M STILL SORRY, PARENTS, BUT BETTELHEIM WAS RIGHT: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!

2011-09-24T15:35:00.000-04:00

Below is a post I put up a couple of weeks ago referencing an article and a study demonstrating how the emotional state of mothers affects the brain development of their children. How parents' emotional lives affect the development of their offspring is obviously not a subject I've shied away from, and I've aroused the ire of many parents as a result.

Well, today comes another article and another study reporting that when parents are depressed or under stress, their suffering can leave a lasting mark on their children’s DNA — and not for the better. You can read the entire piece by Sharon Begley, entitled "How Stressed Parents Scar Their Kids," by clicking on the title.

Here's an excerpt and below is my previous post with links to other previous posts on this matter:

"When it comes to finding culprits for everything that’s wrong with us as children and even as adults, parents are everyone’s favorite default option. And why not? Decades of research in child development and psychology have linked maternal depression to children’s mental and physical illness as well as language and cognitive deficits, shown that when the parents’ marriage is riven by conflict children grow up to be emotionally insecure and have difficulty forming loving adult relationships, and found that when parents are under significant stress their kids are more likely to have behavior problems, to have difficulty handling stress, and to be at greater risk for mental illness. If there was any doubt about the power of this parental legacy, an upcoming study should dispel it: when parents are under emotional, financial, or other forms of stress, it can alter their children’s patterns of genetic activity at least through adolescence and perhaps longer. And since some of the altered genes shape brain development, the effects of parental stress might permanently wire themselves into children’s brains."

From two weeks ago, here's PL:

A couple of years ago, I had a debate with one Barbara Fischkin, author and activist mother of an autistic son. Barbara wasn't pleased with some pieces that I wrote on the subject of autism, particularly because I stressed disturbances in the mother-child connection as a causal factor.

Well, as is so often the case, out comes a study this week entitled: "How Sad Moms Change a Child’s Brain: New research shows that children with depressed mothers can have enlarged amygdalas, the part of the brain responsible for emotional responses—and detecting threats."

I'm not looking to be right here, folks, I'm just fed up with the insidious partnership between the mainstream medical establishment, claiming that brain chemistry is unrelated causally from a child's environment, and parents who don't want to do the self-work necessary in order to qualify themselves for parenthood.

There's nothing disgraceful about acknowledging one's limitations and dysfunctions as parents. What is disgraceful is the denial and refusal to seek appropriate healing at the expense of our kids and society at large.

Sorry, but Bruno Bettelheim, who wrote the landmark book, "Love Is Not Enough," was right!

REPOST: THE SADOMASOCHISM OF EVERYDAY LIFE!

2011-09-24T11:40:00.001-04:00

Well over a decade ago, I read a book called "THE SADOMASOCHISM OF EVERYDAY LIFE: Why We Hurt Ourselves and Others and How to Stop" by John Munder Ross, Ph. D. The book illustrated quite lucidly how we act out impulses to hurt ourselves and others regardless of what our main character structure is. As I mentioned in my introduction to the Masochistic Character Structure, everyone has some of this baby, and it is the lynchpin of so many of our dysfunctional dynamics.

But here's an interesting thing I never really noticed before: in the Declaration of Independence, the founding fathers understood that masochism was a species problem for the whole human race.

For real! I'm telling you - these guys were channeling!

Check out the highlighted passage below.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed."

Wow! "...more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed."

Translated: "We are more inclined to continue our painful impulses and actions than to dismantle the structures we're familiar with."

This is one of the biggest barriers in any healing process, and I point it out constantly to people when they complain, not consciously understanding why they keep finding themselves in the same painful circumstances over and over.

"Because it's familiar," I'll say.

And human beings cling to the familiar to their last breath, practically, or for as long as "evils are sufferable." In other words, until things have gotten so bad that facing oneself is unavoidable, we will choose our old, dysfunction habits, what Freud called our "repetition compulsions."

So, I offer this suggestion - that you all discover your rights to "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" by abolishing the sadomasochism of your everyday life through a commitment to some serious self-work. Because it's not about wearing a mask of "being nice," people, it's about being free, being real and vibrating with vitality and pleasure.

Do it!

Declare your independence!

STOP TRYING SO HARD!

2011-09-24T10:08:00.000-04:00

Okay, check this out. THIS is a link to a piece and a video of a 5 YEAR OLD BOY, Ariel Antigua, who can hit a major league fastball and field like a professional. He was featured on the cover of SPORTS ILLUSTRATED recently.

Think about it. Five! As in... years old!

In linear terms, no child of that age, so close to having been in diapers and fairly recently learned how to walk, can learn or develop through practice the ability to consistently hit a baseball coming at him at 85 miles an hour. The few grown ups who are able to do that are paid millions of dollars because the talent is so unique.

So, what does this tell us?

Whenever a child demonstrates these kinds of gifts - from Mozart (made his debut at 6 years old) to Bobby Fischer (U.S. chess champ at 14) to Wayne Gretzky (who was skating with 10-year-olds at the age of six) - we are amazed, and consider it an anomaly. But what if the presence of these kids among us is a message to all of us, one that is in fact relevant to all of us?

What if we all have a great gift inside of us waiting not to be developed by intense practice or hard work, but rather waiting simply to be channeled through us?

Children are naturally open channels to the spirit, and so through a child can come the magnificent expressions of our true nature. Unfortunately, parents and teachers and society at large do their unconscious best to try and close those channels in early childhood by forcing children to "work" instead of play, to sit still instead of move, to memorize facts instead of explore the world around them. And even worse than being forced to follow such spirit-crushing dictates, kids are forced to feed the hungry egos of said parents, teachers and society.

Okay, well, that damage done, you are an adult, now. You are your own parent, in a very real sense. That's great news! You can consciously reconnect to your soul, and the best way to do it is through the spirit of play, which is the way the soul does its "work."

Yes. Stop trying so hard to be someone or to be "good" at something, folks. You're already great! You already have amazing gifts to bring to this life, to this planet, to us all. If you stopped "working" at it, and started playing at it, you'd be laughing your way to the bank... or the major leagues!

Come on... let's play!

"AUNTLORI" RESPONDS TO PL'S "STOP TRYING SO HARD!"/PL RESPONDS!

2011-09-23T22:53:00.000-04:00

Here's Auntlori:

I would have to agree with this, particularly at this time while I have two preschoolers. I watch in awe at some of these parents signing their children up for activities every single day of the week - in addition to preschool. The parents I am talking about have children the exact same ages as mine- 2 and 3! Many parents believe that if they get "them" started early, they will be ahead of the game, they will somehow advance past their peers because they have been doing "it" longer. There is nothing said about whether the kids actually enjoy "it" or show any kind of special talent. I never tried to "teach" my kids to walk - they did it when their bodies and minds were ready to (one at 12 months and one at 16 months). One was not a better walker as a result and no one felt left behind because his friends were walking and he wasn't! People should stop trying to mold their kids into what they think they should be - leave the kids alone - they do things in their own individual time and their beautiful special talents will emerge naturally if they are given the room to express them. The foundation for the preschool I picked for my boys is Learning Through Play. If it's not fun, no one learns anything and really, if it's not fun why bother? because you'll be ahead of the next guy? Who cares if you're not having a good time?!

Here's PL:

Amen, Auntlori! Thank you!!

IS HAVING AN AFFAIR GOOD FOR A MARRIAGE?

2011-09-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

Below is my response to an article from a couple of years ago on the question. It is one that is getting asked more and more frequently these days as marriage itself as an institution is being challenged. As a sociologist and a psychotherapist, I see this challenge as a very positive turn of events. Intention is everything, I often say, and far too many people have jumped into marriage and parenting with a negative intention - i.e. - to satisfy the demands of their egos, images and societal conventions.

Here's my edited comments:

If we’re talking about having “an affair,” as in having sex and romantic interludes with someone outside of your marriage and keeping it a secret, then we’re talking about unactualized behavior and a limited level of consciousness.

Why?

Well, implied by the secrecy aspect of the scenario is that there is some dissatisfaction in the marriage that hasn’t been addressed over time, which means there is a limited level of honesty and open communication between the spouses, which is unactualized behavior.

On the other hand, if the purported reason for the secrecy is “structural” – i.e. - to keep the “intact family” intact, then what you’re describing is a household without Eros. There might be love all around, but a marriage without Eros does not provide a healthy environment for either spouses or children to live in.

Moving towards the so-called “open marriage” scenarios, well... polyamory is certainly a valid life-choice, and an interesting way to engage in relationships, but once you’ve played that hand out (usually before middle age, if you're developing normally), a self-actualized individual will inevitably gravitate towards the rich mine of “spontaneous monogamy,” (as opposed to the contractual kind) in order to have that ultimate experience of love, Eros and sex focused like a laser through one person meeting you at the same of intensity.

Deep levels of self-revelation, which deepen, sustain and expand the experience of love, Eros and sex, takes time and focus. The “free sample” of falling in love, be it in an affair or otherwise, is exactly that – a free sample. To really cash in, you have to do the self-work necessary to keep the channels open to your inner self and to your partner's inner life.

Regarding affairs or polyamory, some participants in extramarital explorations worry about the consequences - i.e. - “What happens if my partner falls in love? This would be a betrayal of the deal, no?”

No.

Betrayal only starts with betrayal of yourself, from denying yourself fulfillment, from not having the will to tell your partner that you might be dissatisfied with some aspects of your marriage, or even that you’re having feelings for someone else. Some well-timed “havoc” is very often what saves a marriage and a family from a life of hunkering down into masochism, martyrdom and unhappiness.

And there’s no valid reason that raising kids, pursuing careers, or getting older has to kill the Eros, either, folks. It's all about the honesty and exposure, and it's all worth it!

REPOST: ME AND MATT WANT ELIZABETH FOR PRESIDENT!!

2011-09-20T01:18:00.000-04:00

I'm reposting this from 2 years ago because Elizabeth Warren is finally running for higher office. She's got my vote for everything!

As regular readers of my blog know, I have my heroes... I mean, besides Mickey Mantle, who was my childhood role model for my masochistic character structure. Peter Breggin, Alexander Lowen, William Kuntsler have been a few among several public figures who've I admired in recent years.

One of the criteria to become a present-day hero of mine is that you must be willing to speak Truth to power or convention.

Currently, two of my top tier heroes in that department are Matt Taibbi, the stunningly brilliant and ruthlessly thorough journalist, and Elizabeth Warren, Harvard Law Professor and Chairperson of the Congressional Oversight Panel, and the rare academic and person in government willing and able to explain in plain language the facts of matters that the crooks and liars who are pillaging our country would rather have not understood.

This week, it's all been brought together by Taibbi in a piece on his blog called: "ELIZABETH WARREN FOR PRESIDENT!"

I have had that exact same feeling as Matt every time I've heard Elizabeth speak or read her words. (See my piece: "CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE ECONOMIC SOUL!" LISTEN TO ACTUAL HISTORY FOR A CHANGE!!!")

Also, read two pieces by me on Taibbi: "TOUGH READING" and "YOU ARE THE ONLY GAME THAT ISN'T RIGGED."

[NOTE: Now, don't write in telling me that I'm turning on President Obama prematurely. I am still fully confident in Obama's adult levels of maturity and presence of mind, as well as his intellect and relative egolessness. I believe that the country is moving forward progressively because of the consciousness that he represents, and as a result, I am more confident in the direction we are heading than I have been in over thirty years. I just love great Truth-tellers, that's all.]

REPOST: FEAR OF CELLULITE AS FEAR OF POWER AND SEX!

2011-09-18T09:18:00.000-04:00

Here's a subject that just kind of jumped out at me via two short and superficial blog pieces by Keli Goff that nonetheless launched me onto a less-superficial connection. One post was entitled, "If Men Don't Care About Cellulite, Why Do We?", and the other, "The Five Things Men are Actually Thinking When You Are Worried They Are Thinking About Your Cellulite."

You can read the pieces by following the links below:

If Men Don't Care About Cellulite, Why Do We?

The Five Things Men are Actually Thinking When You Are Worried They Are Thinking About Your Cellulite

Here's a quote from one of Keli's posts:

"Women, not men, are increasingly responsible for making women feel bad about themselves, and for perpetuating ideals that may be physically and mentally unhealthy and unrealistic."

I can tell you both as a man and as a psychotherapist that Keli's observations are quite accurate, though she doesn't even attempt to offer any understanding of why this is so.

I will make the attempt here.

It is about power and sex.

And really, you can use the two words interchangeably, and by that I mean this: true power is sexual and true sexuality is powerful. And yes, so many women still avoid the full expression of themselves through their second and third chakras.

Now, a couple of qualifications - first, I'm not saying that men don't have their own variation of the same problem. They do. It just shows itself differently, often by an excessive use and abuse of power and in their distorted expressions of sexual impulses through a mask of hypersexuality.

Secondly, I'm not ignoring that there is social conditioning at work that adds to a woman's tendency to create a mask of deference and hyposexuality.

That being said, why do so many women, and men, fear and resist their power/sexual energy?

One reason certainly is an attachment to childhood illusions.

Children not receiving what they need early on - the support, validation and free flow of unconditional love that comes naturally from self-actualized parents - ultimately and always will blame themselves for their own deprivation. It's just way too threatening to see the parents upon whom they are utterly dependent as flawed and limited, so instead, they see themselves in a negative light, which offers them the hope of somehow "fixing" themselves in order to get the above-mentioned needs met.

One idea that kids come up with is: "I'm too much for Mommy and Daddy." "Too much" meaning too sensitive, too sensual, too exuberant, too assertive. The child will develop a belief then that if it holds back on its second and third chakra expressions, and often the 5th chakra as well (self-expression), perhaps Mommy and Daddy will then be pleased and give more.

Of course, that approach never works, but children are persistent, and such self-taught behavior to squelch one's power/sexuality can become deeply habitual in the adult self.

Another reason for this inhibition is an irrational fear of the energy itself. Everyone who's ever been in their "Zone of Genius," as Gay Hendricks calls it in his great book, The Big Leap, knows that it is a kind of "unknown," that inspired place where the full thrust of your soul energy carries you to the highest expression of yourself. When you are fully in your power sexually or creatively, you know, you feel that it is not the "you" that you are familiar with, not your ego moving you, but rather something greater coming through you. So may people fear that surge of power, whether it be the power from a deep orgasm with someone you share love and Eros with, or the power of creating your masterpiece.

Finally, let me just end with this note about the whole "body image" illusion: we are energy beings.

Our physical form is merely a reflection of who we are at a higher vibrational level. What makes someone truly "attractive" or "hot" is not the arrangement of their body parts, nor the percentage of fat cells or muscle mass or skin tightness.

That perspective isn't even 3rd dimensional; it's two-dimensional, folks!

What makes someone attractive is how truly they are being who they truly are, how fully charged they are with their own power and sexual energy.

Look around. We know this.

Even the most narcissistically disturbed in our culture have glimpses of this. That is why they behave so desperately. They know that their futile attempts to undo their childhood injuries by attaching to some imaginary state of arbitrary "perfection" are doomed.

Come on, ladies! Love your bodies! Charge them up and get out there and do what you came here to do in the world creatively... and indulge yourselves sexually while you're at it!

WARREN BUFFETT ON WHY 3D CAN'T WORK FOR EVOLVING HUMAN BEINGS!

2011-09-18T08:35:00.000-04:00

Warren Buffett spells it out beautifully here in the NY Times in a piece entitled:

"STOP CODDLING THE SUPER-RICH!"

FEAR OF CHANGE, ATTACHMENT TO PARENTAL AUTHORITY & THE ILLUSIONS OF BASEBALL PURISTS!

2011-09-17T07:44:00.000-04:00

You know, one of my 3D fascinations has always been baseball, a timeless (literally) endeavor that bridges the definitions of "game" and "sport," is originally and uniquely American, is the subject of one of my favorite movies, "Field of Dreams," and, of course, my favorite up and coming TV show, "CITY ROCK." (Softball-baseball, same thing.)

But my love of baseball isn't "traditional," nor of its traditions. In fact, in most cases, relating to most things, I abhor tradition, because adherence to tradition tends to be what fear of growth and resistance to change like to hide behind. Furthermore, so-called "traditionalists" most often, and barely disguised, are operating from their childish egos which idealize parental authority.

Case in point - there is a debate currently raging in baseball (finally!) about the absolute authority of umpires. In a technological age such as ours, when we are able to follow the trajectory of a small sphere, less than 3 inches in diameter, moving at 90+ miles an hour, in such super slow motion that we can see a speck of clay on its surface and count the number of rotations as it travels the 60 feet to home plate, more and more people feel that relying on the utterly flawed judgements of men (euphemistically called the "human element" by purists) is just a bit too traditional!

Too many baseball games (and yes, they are just games) are being blown by umpire mistakes, which, because we have the technology to see them more clearly, are seeming more and more absurd. It's not about winning or losing for me. A good game is a good game, whoever wins. For me, the umpire debate is about the refusal to grow up and let go of the illusion that parental authority is somehow inherently "good." It's not. It's just parental.

Here's a piece from yesterday's Sporting News entitled: "It's time for baseball to scrap the 'human element' and bring in more instant replay!"

PLAY BALL!

TODAY'S FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF QUOTE!

2011-09-14T12:36:00.001-04:00

"You're not selfish enough to be a good boyfriend!"
("Mindy" to "Frank" in Season 2 of CITY ROCK)

9/11/11 - "THE SPIRITUAL MEANING OF CRISIS!"

2011-09-12T23:42:00.000-04:00

This is from a very important Pathwork Guide Lecture, "THE SPIRITUAL MEANING OF CRISIS!"

"Crisis is an attempt of nature to effect change through the cosmic lawfulness of the universe. If change is obstructed by the ego, the part of the consciousness that directs the will, crisis will occur to make structural change possible. Without such structural change in the entity, no balance can be attained. Every crisis ultimately means such a readjustment, whether it appears in the form of pain, difficulties, upheaval, uncertainty, or merely the insecurity that comes from starting out on unaccustomed ways of living after giving up a familiar one. Crisis in any form attempts to break down old structures based on false conclusions and therefore on negativity. Crisis shakes loose ingrained, frozen habits so that new growth becomes possible. It tears down and breaks up, which is momentarily painful, but transformation is unthinkable without it."

Ten years ago this past Sunday, humanity experienced a collective crisis when the Twin Towers were slammed into by a crazed group of suicidal fanatics. As the Guide says above, we invite crises when we resist ("obstruct") change. The stronger the resistance to change, the greater the crisis we will call in.

Obviously, on September 11, 2001, each of individually experienced a crisis at different levels, depending on how much personally we were resisting change in our own individual lives.

Here's the Guide:

"Change is an integral characteristic of life; where there is life there is unending change. Only those who still live in fear and negativity, who resist change, perceive change as something that ought to be resisted. They resist life itself, and suffering closes in on them more tightly. This happens in people's overall development as well as in specific instances."

To change, of course, is inevitable. Only in our childish imagination do we actually think it's possible to stay the same, even for a moment. So, since change is a given, how do we overcome the futile attempts to resist change and avoid living from crisis to crisis, as so many of us do, whether it's in the form of a terrorist attack, a hurricane or a conflictual relationship break-up or other kinds of traumatic losses?

Well it isn't easy.

Here's the Guide again:

"Crisis can be avoided by looking at the inner truth when the first inklings of disturbance and negativity manifest on the surface. But a tremendous amount of honesty is required to challenge one's tightly cherished convictions. Such challenge cuts out the negative self-perpetuation, the motor force that compounds the destructive, erroneous psychic matter until it finds a breaking point. It avoids the many vicious circles within the human psyche and in relationships that are painful and problematic."

Self-honesty, which includes self-revelation - to ourselves and significant others - is the way to embrace change and live without debilitating crises.

Yes. The Truth will set you free.

So, on this 10th anniversary of that infamous crisis that shook the world, don't waste time indulging in platitudes and pseudo-patriotic vitriol against imagined enemies. Pundits and blow-hards in the media love to talk about how we "changed" after 9/11, but in fact, such people actually only became more entrenched versions of who they already were. Racists and xenophobes only became more racist and xenophobic. Those who indulged in militaristic fantasies of power and domination before 9/11 became more boldly belligerent afterwards. I suppose you could call that "change," but to me, it was more accurately just more of the same.

The reality is, folks, everyone is an actor in the play each of us is writing. Even our villains are teachers, trying to get us to look at ourselves. So, do yourself a favor and take a look before you invite the next crisis into your life.

CITY ROCK VIDEO TRAILERS 1 THRU 3 WITH BONUS MUSIC AND SLIDE SHOW!!

2011-09-12T16:35:00.003-04:00

CITY ROCK's First Video Trailer: "The Decision!"

City Rock - The Decision (Final) from Platinum Platypus on Vimeo.

CITY ROCK's Second Video Trailer: "The Face Off!"

CITY ROCK's Third Video Trailer: "The Project!"

"WORKING CLASS HERO" (Full version from CITY ROCK: "The Project!")

Performed by Jesús Cristal, with Christina Giordano on background vocals and Peter Loffredo producing.

Slide Show from the set of City Rock's Soon-to-be Released Fourth Video Trailer: "The Heat Wave!"

Repost: "Eric Erikson on Adulthood!"

2011-09-12T04:57:00.001-04:00

This is from Erikson's famous work: The "EIGHT STAGES OF THE LIFE CYCLE." It was rare that psychologists wrote about adulthood in the same way that the stages of childhood were explored in such depth by so many. Yet, we do not stop developing once we reach adulthood, which Carl Jung says doesn't really occur until we are around 40 years old.
Following are excerpts from Erikson's book about the three stages of adulthood, as he saw it, that I used for a class I taught on adulthood:

"6. Intimacy and Distantiation Versus Self-Absorption – It is only after a reasonable sense of identity has been established that real intimacy with others can be possible. The youth who is not sure of his or her identity shies away from interpersonal intimacy, and can become, as an adult, isolated or lacking in spontaneity, warmth or the real exchange of fellowship in relationship to others; but the surer the person becomes of their self, the more intimacy is sought in the form of friendship, leadership, love and inspiration. The counterpart to intimacy is distantiation, which is the readiness to repudiate those forces and people whose essence seems dangerous to one’s own.

7. Generativity Versus Stagnation – Generativity is primarily the interest in establishing and guiding the next generation, although there are people who do not apply this drive to offspring but to other forms of altruistic concern and creativity which may absorb their kind of parental responsibility. This is a stage of growth of the healthy personality, and where such enrichment fails, regression from generativity to an obsessive need for pseudo intimacy takes place, often with a pervading sense of stagnation and interpersonal impoverishment. The mere fact of having, or even wanting children does not itself attest to generativity.

8. Integrity Versus Despair and Disgust – Only a person who has in some way taken care of things and people and has adapted to the triumphs and disappointments of being the originator of others and the generator of things and ideas – only that person may gradually grow the fruit of the [prior] seven stages. [The state of] integrity is the acceptance of one’s own life cycle and of the people who have become significant to it as something that had to be and that, by necessity, permitted of no substitutions. It thus means a new, different love of one’s parents, free of the wish that they had been different, and an acceptance of the fact that one’s life is one’s own responsibility. It is a sense of comradeship with men and women of distant times and of different pursuits who have created orders and objects and sayings conveying human dignity and love. The possessor of integrity is ready to defend the dignity of his or her own lifestyle, knowing that an individual life is the…coincidence of but one life cycle with but one segment of history, and that all integrity stands and falls with the one style of integrity of which he or she partakes. Lack or loss of this accrued integration is signified by despair and often an unconscious fear of death. Despair expresses the feeling that time is short, too short for the attempt to start a new life and to try out alternate roads to integrity. Such a despair is often hidden behind a show of disgust, or a chronic contemptuousness. Integrity, therefore, implies an emotional integration which permits participation by followership as well as acceptance of the responsibility of leadership."

SCENE FROM CITY ROCK SEASON ONE, EPISODE 11: "ORIA"

2011-09-11T17:03:00.003-04:00

I wrote the pilot episode of City Rock a few months after 9/11/01. Over the next 2 years, I wrote another 9 one-hour episodes, including a season finale that I was very happy with. The scripts just flowed out of me, effortlessly, coming from a place other than my intellect or memory. Two years ago, in 2009, it occurred to me that I should finish the first season according to the contemporary standard of 13 episodes, so I wrote and inserted three more scripts where I felt inspired to do so.

"ORIA," the story of a young Dominican girl caught up in the crack cocaine trade in Washington Heights in the early 1980's, was one of those new scripts, and a favorite of some fans of City Rock.

Here is the finale of the episode:

CAMERA follows Frank as he moves through the sea of intense teens. Many of them acknowledge Frank with various nicknames and street slang, almost all are affectionate in their energy towards him.

He sees her, sitting in a corner, hunkered down with her book.

FRANK
Oria.

She doesn’t look up. He squats down next to her.

FRANK (cont’d)
What are you reading?

She closes the book.

ORIA
Nothing.

FRANK
I’m sorry about Manny, Oria.

ORIA
We were going to go back to Santo Domingo and live on the beach.

FRANK
He told you that?

She shakes her head.

FRANK (cont’d)
You know, Oria, I don’t think that would have ever happened.

ORIA
Manny always meant what he said.

FRANK
He may have meant it, but... Manny was hurting people and heading for a bad ending.

ORIA
You mean because he was selling drugs?

Frank nods.

ORIA (cont’d)
So many people seem to really want drugs, though.

FRANK
That’s true. It’s confusing.

CUT TO:

INT. BARRY CRAMER’S OFFICE - EVENING

FRANK (O.S.)
It’s confusing.

Frank is sitting on the couch, across from the therapist.

FRANK (cont’d)
Why do we desire things so desperately that are bad for us?

BARRY
Control.

Frank looks curious.

BARRY (cont’d)
When someone abuses us, it often seems to come out of left field. When we do it to ourselves, we’re in control of the abuse. We know it’s coming. There’s no shock factor. We’re making the choice.

FRANK
So, what am I doing? Why am I so drawn to all of this... drama? I don’t think I was abused in my childhood.

BARRY
Think again.

FRANK
What do you mean?

BARRY
In a way, you’re at a disadvantage compared to someone like Jennie. It’s easy for someone to know they’ve been abused when a parent was a drunk or was violent or flamboyantly crazy. But when the parents seemed normal, seemed to be in control of themselves because their dysfunctions were outwardly masked or socially acceptable, that child’s got a tougher time in their healing process.
(beat)
Who are you trying to save, Frank? Really?

Frank reflects silently.

CUT TO:

EXT. PHOENIX RESIDENTIAL DETOX AND RECOVERY CENTER - DAY

Jennie is smoking a cigarette on a cement bench in front of the center. The building behind her is a 2-story adobe structure painted in pastel colors that blend in with the desert surroundings.

CLOSE-UP of Jennie shows her lost in thought.

CONAN (O.S.)
Guess you didn’t know you had so much to think about.

Jen doesn’t turn around. She knows the raspy voice. We see who it is. It is the tall, thin, weather-and-life-beaten black man who looked in on Jennie while she was detoxing.

He is CONAN MATHIAS, counsellor at the Phoenix Center. He walks over and stands next to her.

JENNIE
Who says I’m thinking?

CUT TO:

INT. FRANK’S COLD WATER FLAT - EVENING

Frank enters his apartment and turns on the light. The place looks somehow particularly empty tonight.

He walks in and takes a beer out of the fridge, pops the top and takes a deep draught.

He sees that a note is on the floor, near the door. He goes over and picks it up.

He reads:

"A leader is at his best when after his work is done, his aim fulfilled, his followers will say: we did it ourselves."

FADE TO BLACK.

THE LIGHT ON A SUNDAY MORNING!

2011-09-11T08:15:00.001-04:00

I am floored, bowed, crushed, humbled, bathed in the glow of the gifts bestowed so freely and powerfully and generously by all of you yesterday at the 4th City Rock shoot. Not only does this just never seem to end, but the depths of your talent and the light of your souls bursting through your hearts keeps getting brighter and brighter! My unconditional love to you all!
Pictures to come!
PL

REPOST: "ALL OUR HIGHER SELVES"

2011-09-10T06:44:00.000-04:00

I frequently make reference to "character structures" on this blog, the conglomerate of defenses and deformations that we create in childhood in order to survive the slings and arrows of growing up with less than self-actualized parents in an imperfect world. But underneath each character structure lies an evolving, magnificent soul, our true essence, the "template" of who we are in a particular lifetime - our "Higher Self."

It is from that Higher Self that we draw the material that shapes the "style" of our character structure, and back to that unencumbered Higher Self that our journey ultimately takes us, sooner rather than later if we do the self-work necessary to actively dismantle our defenses.

So, here is a breakdown of what each Higher Self looks like underneath each particular character structure. It is always valuable to be reminded that whatever our dysfunctions, our true nature is a thing of great beauty.

SCHIZOID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Strong connection to and awareness of the profoundly spiritual nature of life;
- Access to vast universal wisdom and the capacity to teach others how to make the connection to that wisdom;
- Great courage and fearlessness to connect with feelings;
- Great capacity to create and appreciate beauty, including through artistic abilities.

ORAL CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Great capacity to give to others in a deeply nurturing, truly healing way;
- An appreciation for the vastly abundant nature of existence and the joy of sharing;
- Genuine independence, autonomy and self-confidence with full capacity to surrender to the oneness with another;
- Powerful intuitive abilities and the capacity to follow insights through to fruition by sustained, patient effort.

MASOCHISTIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Great capacities for pleasure, humor, optimism, playfulness and joy;
- Genuine supportiveness, strength and desire to be of service to others;
- An expansive, open heart with deep compassion, true kindness and understanding;
- Positive assertiveness and healthy aggression with substantial amounts of energy;
- Ability to be spontaneously creative in the moment, surrender ego control and trust the natural order in all things;

PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.

RIGID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Tremendous passion and connection to the sensuality of human relationships, with a true appreciation for and capacity to express the wonder of coming together physically in love with another;
- Great capacity to let go and surrender to the flow of love, to fall in love with life and with others;
- Genuine capacities to make and sustain commitments;
- Strong organizational skills combined with flexibility, patience and acceptance of new approaches to situations;
- A deep appreciation for the beauty of physical life, and sensibilities to integrate the elements of form to create beauty.

REPOST: "ARE YOU READY TO HATCH? FEAR NOT!"

2011-09-10T03:54:00.000-04:00

Inevitably, when someone working with me has a breakthrough and breaks out of their character structure (that conglomerate of defense mechanisms created to survive childhood) the response is typically like they've just hatched from an egg or awoken from a dream. The sense of freedom, exhilaration and clarity is striking initially, like they're seeing the world around them for the first time, and it is often startling, as well.

It is almost assured at some point early on that said "hatchling" will express dismay in this way to me: "Oh my God! Everywhere I look, everyone seems crazy!" I reassure them, sort of, by confirming that perception with a calm, "Yes. Most people are."

The next very important phase of acclimation to sanity and freedom, then, is to adjust to that reality. Being a sane person in an insane world can stir up fears of being isolated and lonely forever, and even inspire wishes to be insane again, so as not to be alone.

Undaunted, I continue on: "Yes, most people regularly lie, even to themselves." "Yes, most people cannot truly love, but substitute co-dependence for the real thing and call it love, utterly confusing the children they bear in far too many numbers." "Yes, most people resist growth and change vehemently, at times even violently, and call it being 'traditional' or having 'values." "Yes, sadism, the flip side of the rampant masochism infecting most people, is experienced as pleasure, while affection and sensuality are decried as weakness." "Yes, running up deficits to start wars and give tax cuts to subsidize the extravagant lifestyles of the rich is not thought of as spending, but using public funds to build better roads or schools or environmentally safe industries is thought of as wasteful." "Yes, it seems like we live in the Bizarro World of the Superman comics where up is down, square is round and bad is good." "And yes, Glenn Beck is really getting paid big money to break down and have psychotic episodes on television."

But not to worry, I insist. True loneliness comes from being alienated from yourself, from living inside the cocoon of a character structure, separated artificially from life. As you get used to being free internally, the fear of loneliness will be replaced with a confident, grounded, empowered sense of self and a oneness with all of those around you, even with those whose toxicity may be such that you cannot directly engage with them. You will realize that while we are all human, we are not all the same, and especially not all the same in terms of "soul age." Many people on Planet Earth, in fact, are still relatively young in that regard, and so still given to the delusions and dictates of the ego. Your presence as a mature, older soul, whatever chronological age you are, will ultimately be a guiding light for those who only appear to be in power.

And to boot, your health will improve - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and sexually - and again, regardless of what age you are when you break through.

So, come on out. It's not only safe out here in the light, it's fun!

MORE REJECTIONS YOU GOTTA LOVE!

2011-09-08T12:52:00.001-04:00

Read the cover story article in Rolling Stone on George Harrison. Here's a good one from the piece: in addition to the infamous rejection by Decca Records ("They'll never go anywhere."), the Beatles lost a local talent show "to a novelty band fronted by a midget!" After that, they went from performing at a Hamburg, Germany dive bar to recording "Sergeant Peppers..." a mere 6 years later!!
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

REPOST: TODAY'S QUOTE!

2011-09-07T06:10:00.000-04:00

"As breath has a power to join body, mind, and spirit, so too and more passionately does music."
(Krista Tippett in a beautiful blog piece on Bobby McFerrin)

BACK TO SCHOOL - TOO BAD FOR THE KIDS!

2011-09-05T21:20:00.000-04:00

Ugh! Here we go again. First week of school. HERE is a link to some pieces I've written over the course of this blog's existence on why kids would be better off is teachers and parents left them alone.

THROUGH HARLEY!

2011-09-04T19:25:00.000-04:00

Check out the hot new blog on the block - "ThroughHarley" - and enjoy the wisdom, humor and honesty of the old soul inhabiting this unique young person!

WAIT! STILL NOT CONVINCED ABOUT "THE WAVE?!"

2011-09-03T11:45:00.000-04:00

Read THIS: "Unprecedented Run Of U.S. Natural Disasters Costs Billions, Strains Infrastructure

You could be like "the experts," who say "What's happening is mostly random chance or bad luck, though sometimes the luck seems downright freakish."

Or you could read about The Wave on this blog!

REPOST: WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL - IN PURSUIT OF EROS!

2011-09-02T07:48:00.000-04:00

I can't count the number of people I've seen for couples counseling over the years. Struggles in relationships are among of the most frequent of reasons people seek out therapy. How one measures "success" in a course of therapy with a couple is a matter for debate in my profession, I suppose, but if the yardstick is whether or not the couple holds their relationship together instead of splitting up, then I am an abject failure. I would have to guess that somewhere around 75 to 80 percent of the couples I see for therapy end up separating. One of my colleagues calls me "The Separator."

Indeed, when I first see a new couple in treatment, one of my first ground rules is that it must be understood that we are not engaging in a process to "save the relationship." I explain that we are going to use the arena of the relationship to increase the self awareness and understanding of each individual, and then, see where that leads. Interestingly enough, very few people are really thrown by that at first, because by the time a couple arrives to therapy, the relationship has gotten so congested with anger, pain and resentment that "saving it" is not really what they're desiring (even though they will need help admitting that).

But, what causes relationships to end? Well, first let's eliminate the word "fail" here as meaning ending, and redefine it this way: a relationship is "failing" when either the Eros has died and the couple is refusing to admit it, or the flame of Eros is still alive and the partners in question are not doing what it takes to fan the flame so it can grow higher. These are two very different situations and a necessary part of self-work within a relationship is to clarify the problem.

In my favorite Pathwork Guide lecture - "The Forces of Love, Eros and Sex" - the Guide, channeled through Eva Broch, says this:

"Eros lifts the soul out of sluggishness, out of mere contentment and vegetation. It causes the soul to surge, to go out of itself. When this force comes upon even the most undeveloped people they become able to surpass themselves. Eros gives the soul a foretaste of unity and teaches the fearful psyche the longing for it. The more strongly one has experienced Eros, the less contentment will the soul find in the pseudo-security of separateness. How then is Eros different from love? Love is a permanent state in the soul. Love does not come and go at random; Eros does. Eros hits with sudden force, often taking a person unaware and even making them unwilling to go through the experience."

Yes. Many of us have had a taste of that, some of us more than a few times. The Guide calls it "Eros," most of us refer to it as being "in love." I often refer to it as the "Free Pass" from the Universe that gives us a taste of how great existence can be in physical form. But if as the Guide says, Eros can "come and go," then how can we get to "keep it" in the context of one relationship?

Well, the first part of the answer to that is kind of Zen, like Sting's lyric: "If you love somebody, set them free."

Mark Epstein, my favorite Buddhist psychotherapist, in his fantastic book, "GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART," says it this way:

"Clinging is as much of a problem in lovemaking as in the rest of life. In order for sexual relations to be deeply satisfying, there must be a yielding of this clinging in a manner that actually affirms the unknowability and separateness of the loved partner. It is the peculiar convergence of awe and appreciation with pleasure and release that characterizes the best sexual experiences. Separate and together cease to be mutually exclusive and instead become reciprocally enhancing and mutually informative. There is wisdom in this state, not just raw instinct."

So, Part One of how to keep Eros, like anything else you want to "keep," is to let it go. (I know. I know. Keep trying to wrap your head around it. It will come to you.)

Part Two is to try and penetrate that "unknowability" that Epstein refers to, and simultaneously allow your own hidden self to be penetrated, even though you will never be completely successful.

Here's the Guide again:

"Eros strengthens the curiosity to know the other being. As long as there is something new to find in the other soul and as long as you reveal yourself, Eros will live. The moment you believe you have found all there is to find, and have revealed all there is to reveal, Eros will leave. It is as simple as that with Eros. But where your great error comes in is that you believe there is a limit to the revealing of any soul, yours or another's. When a certain point of usually quite superficial revelation is reached, you are under the impression that this is all there is, and you settle down to a placid life without further searching."

Okay, to summarize - the way to keep Eros alive is to first, not cling or grip onto it, or onto the person who is the object of your desire, and second, to simultaneously seek to know that person at greater and greater depths while revealing yourself in the same way. Now, let's be honest - this is rarely done but most relationsihps, mainly because it requires very intensive and persistent self-examination and staying connected to the full range of feelings, including pain and sadness. Many more couples would rather either settle into a "comfortable" relationship without any passion, or have serial experiences with a lot of partners to get that initial rush when Eros provides its universal "Free Pass."

However, on those rare occasions when the "whatever-it-takes" effort is made, the result is a soaring, sublime experience of the depths of love and pleasure and soulfulness that is nothing less than the first and main reason we all became human. And know this, if you achieve such a state at any point in your lifetime, you won't care when it is or how old you are. You won't look back and regret that you didn't find such joy when you were younger. You'll be way too busy being happy and satisfied for regrets.

Now, can it all still end, even if you make all of the above efforts? Well, again the answer is a Zen "yes" and "no." Sometimes people come together for a particular soul purpose, to accomplish something together - like bringing a child into the world, or to work on a developmental task - like overcoming one's repetition compulsions from childhood up to a point. In such a case, the Eros that may have brought said couple together will come to the natural end of its lifespan between those two people. They will fall out of love. Not coincidentally, in such a situation, the couple will lose their motivation to continue the intensive, in-depth revelation process with their mate. So, couples counseling also comes to an end.

Which brings us to another subject for another day - how to end things. So much is damaged and lost during endings because we're so "bad" at them, and fear them so much, when in fact, a healthy ending can be the very crowning glory of a relationship when all of the love that was there and all that was accomplished can be integrated and made permanent in the psyche.

But again, that's a talk for another day.

THE CODEPENDENT-FREE DIET!

2011-08-31T20:59:00.000-04:00

During the past month or so, I've lost about 8 pounds. I haven't been eating or not eating any different foods particularly. I haven't engaged in any specific new exercise routines. I haven't been taking any supplements or herbs for the purpose of weight loss. In fact, I haven't been trying to lose weight, although I could definitely have afforded to shed the pounds I've lost since the 4th of July.

What I have been doing differently this summer, though, is focusing on the areas of my life in which I am manifesting "codependence."

Codependence is an odd word, coined originally to describe the enabling partner of an alcoholic or addict. These days it refers to a vaguely defined set of feelings and behaviors that apply to virtually everyone in relationships, so let me try and construct a more useful working definition for the purposes of this discussion.

Codependence is a compelling feeling in an adult human being that one is in need of another in order to feel complete, whole and validated, and it includes a belief that in order to receive a desired level of love, one must sacrifice one's own well-being to some degree. This belief, erroneous at its core, stems from childhood, of course.

When a child isn't receiving the level of acceptance and unconditional love that can only come from self-actualized parents, he or she will always see the problem as within themselves, not in the parents. It is just too threatening to face that those upon whom we are completely dependent in our most dependent state cannot give us what we need because of some deficit in them. Hope for the helpless child lies in the fantasy that if somehow it acts in a certain way that is more pleasing or submissive, or more needy and demanding towards the parents, the needed love will be forthcoming.

And it never happens. Never. Because it was never in the child's hands, never the child's fault in the first place.

Nonetheless, the pattern of denying who one is in order to get more love becomes an entrenched and unconscious pattern, embedded in the psyche and in habitual behaviors until some serious self-work is engaged in that can excavate the erroneous beliefs and free up the traped feelings of hurt and rage.

So, what's this got to do with me losing weight?

Well... everything! Because everything is energy, and energy is directed by consciousness, and the state of being in our consciousness, which generates emotions, in turn creates our physical experiences, and yes, our physical form, too. So, weighing ourselves down by a psychological attachment to another, believing in our own neediness or incompleteness without that other, will create a physical body that also feels weighed down as well.

Now, that is not to say that any particular body weight or size is inherently a manifestation of codependence, but rather when one's weight feels like a weight or an obstacle to the full freedom of expression of the self, then there is most likely a codependent issue.

So, let go of your significant others, folks, let go of your families, let go of any relationships that you feel attached to by the illusion of need. You will not end up alone, just free, full of love and light with those who you choose to engage in for the purposes of sharing life and love with.

And you might even lose a few pounds!

THE OLD TREE AND THE WAVE!

2011-08-28T17:47:00.003-04:00

There was an old tree... in front of our home in Brooklyn which we've come to refer to as "The Vortex." It was a very big tree, and very old, and no matter what we tried, every so often its roots would get into our plumbing system and cause havoc. We didn't want to kill the tree, but we meditated and asked it if it might stop infiltrating our pipes.

Well, during the hurricane this weekend, the tree complied, choosing the occasion of the storm to leave its long lifetime on Earth as a tree. It fell over, broke in half and was completed uprooted, miraculously landing in such a way as to not damage anyone or anyone's property.

This event occurred while we were at a spiritual retreat in Norwalk, Conn., sequestered from the storm with the channeler, Darryl Ankar, who channels the very powerful "Bashar." Bashar spoke to me about the synchronicity of the event, implying that it was possible to collaborate on other events in the same way that we collaborated with the tree towards whatever ends we desired in our lives, if we were ready to "clear the pipes [channels]."

The Vortex is open for business, folks! Focus your positive intentions, let go of resistance, let go of fear and petty concerns and ride The Wave!

Thank you, Good Old Tree!

HOW ABOUT THAT WAVE! STILL RESISTING?!

2011-08-24T15:12:00.001-04:00

I was getting a massage when the earthquake hit last Tuesday. I thought: "Wow! This is really one earth-shaking body work session!"

Check it out, folks. Now, there's a major hurricane slamming the east coast of the U.S. this weekend, too.

Are you still resisting? Read up on my blog about The Wave HERE.

Repost: Open Marriage or... Open Marriage?

2011-08-15T08:36:00.000-04:00

Here's an old one I haven't reposted for quite some time, but it is growing in its relevance as more and more adults are coming to eschew the shackles of tradition and obligatory behavior in relationships. "Polyamory" and "open marriage" are becoming more prevalent in our culture today, and fewer people are getting married these days, and when they do, it is at a later age. Fewer are having children, as well, and again, when they do, it is at a later age.

This is definite progress in the self-actualization movement of our species. In my decades of psychotherapy practice, I have witnessed firsthand the overwhelming statistical reality that young adults with kids don't go to therapy... at least not until they're in their forties and they're looking around and saying: "How the f**k did I end up here?!" Children are an astoundingly all-encompassing, two-decade distraction from one's inner life and self-work.

A while back, I offered my comments on whether or not having an affair was potentially "good" for a marriage. I was responding to an article that was in the NY Times on the subject called, "An Odd Turn of Affairs."

On the Huffington Post there was also an article on the same subject, taken from Tango Magazine, entitled: "Portrait of an Open Marriage," by Jenny Block. The piece has this caption under the title: "Jenny Block reveals an unconventional marriage arrangement that worked."

So, I took a look, because I believe that openness is the key to a good relationship, along with the two partners being genuinely in love with each other, of course.

Here are some samples of what I found in Jenny's piece, interspersed with my interjections and conclusions. Check it out and offer your own comments.

"When my husband and I first started dating, it was obvious even then that our drives were quite different. As much as he enjoyed sex, he didn’t need or want it as often as I did. But I fell so madly in love with him, I figured it didn’t matter. We had an adequate sex life, probably pretty darn good by some standards. Still, there were always things I wanted that I simply couldn’t get from him."

After having an affair that ended with a lot of bad feelings all around, Jennie and a girlfriend of hers talked and decided to try another approach.

"My husband and I had a six-month affair with my close friend. The three of us had sex. He and she had sex. She and I had sex. And, of course, he and I continued to have sex, just the two of us. The arrangement eventually faded out, and we all slipped back into our previous relationships. But my marriage was forever changed. Our experience with her was the catalyst that led us to explore open marriage."

Okay. And how exactly is "open marriage" actually defined and lived out for Jennie and her husband?

"Being secretive, lying, or sneaking around—those would be surefire ways to destroy our marriage. But the extramarital sex itself is not a threat."

I'm with you there, Jenny. Dishonesty is the real killer of all relationships, especially in the form of self-deception. Jenny goes on to reveal that her husband had decided to be "open" to Jenny having extramarital sex, even though he wasn't interested in partaking himself anymore after the threesome experience. That's pretty open, right?

"My husband hasn’t pursued anyone since my friend. He says he’s too shy to pick up girls, and, really, he doesn’t feel the need. I can sometimes tell that the fact that I do hurts him."

What is Jenny's basic motivation in this situation? Well, her husband's not as into sex as she is and...

"I think of it as the 'playpen effect': You keep a kid locked up in one of those things and all she thinks about is how to get out, how much she’ll love what’s in the other room. But let her roam free and check it all out, and odds are she’ll end up at your feet."

So, now, let's see, Jenny's the kid in the playpen and her husband is who? The parent who can either keep her penned in or set her free? Uh-oh. Time for some rationalizations.

"Lots of people are basically in open marriages: They have illicit affairs. My husband and I simply decided we were ready to be honest, with ourselves and with each other, about what we want and need."

Well, here's the thing, Jenny - honesty, and open marriage, like open anything, should really mean, first, open to the kind of truth that can only come with real self awareness. Unfortunately, the concept of "open marriage" has been co-opted to merely mean having sex with more than one partner when you're married. Two people can be having sex outside of their marriage, even with the other's knowledge, and not be in a relationship that could realistically be called open, certainly not if they're unable to be fully honest with themselves or each other.

As in, "don't ask, don't tell?"

"If I’m with another woman, he wants every gory detail. But when I’m with another man, sometimes he’d prefer not to know it happened at all."

Next, Jenny asks herself the excellent and obvious question, and then, gives the telling answer.

"Why am I married, then? Many people have asked me that question. So I’ll tell you exactly what I tell them. As hot as it makes me when a new conquest whispers something scandalous in my ear, nothing thrills me like the sound of my husband’s voice when I hear him say, “Hey, baby, I’m home.”

Hmm... There is a word for that - codependence. One partner plays the role of the permission-giving parent to the other partner, who acts out the suppressed, vicarious fantasies for said parental partner, and even though the mutual levels of Eros and sex aren't experienced at a self-actualized adult level "At least we love each other, right honey?"

Well, look, by now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm neither a prude, nor a conventionalist, and I have no moral judgement whatsoever about extramarital sex. Most things by themselves are neither good nor bad, marriage and/or extramarital sex included. It's the intentions behind most actions that determine their positive or negative effects.

So, is there a situation in which partners in a marriage could have sex with someone outside of their marriage that would be a functional action of that marriage?

Yes. Of course.

But it would be quite rare in our culture and here's why: You'd have to be talking about two people who are so in love, so hot for each other sexually, so honest with themselves and each other and clear about their intentions that introducing another person into the mix could actually be a spontaneous, creative expression of that high level of Eros in any given moment. It would not be coming out of sexual incompatibility or dissatisfaction with one's partner, nor would it be coming out of boredom in the relationship. It would instead be almost like an overflow of the passion and playfulness in the sex-life of two lovers. And finally, it would mean that both partners experience themselves as adults, not as kids wanting to escape the playpen!

Open marriage? Sure. But how about open everything else, too?

Today's Movie Recommendation!

2011-08-14T07:45:00.000-04:00

I don't do this often, but when I am truly moved by a movie, I'll mention it on FPL to share the gift. I actually think that movies are important. Human beings need to tell stories to each other, need to share their experience of being human, and movies are one of the ways we do it in our times.

Anyway, last night, I was truly moved after having watched (finally!) "THE FIGHTER."

Wow!

But it wasn't the movie that got me. It was a pretty predictable film in many respects, nicely done, but nothing in and of itself that will stick with me story-wise. No. It was the extraordinary performance of Christian Bale in the supporting role of a crack-addicted has-been boxer that blew me away.

This was SO not Batman, folks! Really! Bale pulled this one in from somewhere deep. Of course, he won many awards for the performance, including the Oscar, so I'm not spreading a word that isn't already out there. I just rarely see an actor so nail a role, create a character so compelling that it elevates even a mediocre film to amazing heights.

Check out The Fighter!

Today's Quote

2011-08-14T06:59:00.000-04:00

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me."
Erma Bombeck

Repost: "The Superstition of Pessimism!"

2011-08-09T19:18:00.000-04:00

"If I believe in the positive, I will be disappointed, and I may chase it away by my very belief in it. I dare not believe in the good. It may not happen. It may be smarter to believe that nothing good can happen to me, that I cannot ever change, that I cannot ever grow out of my obstructions."

Do any of you have that little nugget lurking in your subconscious? Well, here's a real gold nugget for you - the Pathwork Guide lecture called: "The Superstition of Pessimism."

You may actually believe that there's some emotional safety in this kind of inner game - "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed." However, as the Guide warns us:

"Denying the positive and believing in the worst to appease the gods, as it were, is destructive. You do not know the power of such thoughts. There is no playing with such power without grave consequences. There is no such game that does not have a grave effect. The power of this game needs to be made conscious."

That last part is of the utmost importance. I tell many people, regularly, that making something conscious does a lot. As long as something is unconscious, it will exert power over you. Once something is brought into the light of awareness, it already begins to lose its grip and strength. And mind you, I'm not talking about superimposing a false or exaggerated optimistic attitude over an underlying negative attitude. That will do no good at all. And it's not necessary.

Here's the Guide:

"The courage to believe in positive life unfoldment can very easily be confused with wishful thinking. There is a subtle and yet very distinct difference between wishful thinking and a virile faith in the positive. You all indulge very easily in wishful thinking. Then, to be "realistic" -- because you already know the disappointing results of wishful thinking -- you revert into the superstition of pessimism."

Optimism is the natural state of all living things. Without it, newborns wouldn't reach out for nurturance right from birth. Flowers wouldn't open to the sun. Life expects to be fulfilled. So, by bringing our negative expectations into consciousness, thereby dissipating them, the natural optimism will take over.

Once more, the Guide:

"All human beings are wonderful manifestations of divinity. One flower is not better than another flower. One bird is not better than another bird. The mountain is not better than the sea. The pine tree is not better than the oak. Think of yourself and other people in those terms and assert your goodwill to let others be their best. Then you can let yourself be your best so you can truly enjoy the fruits of your efforts and feel deserving of them."

Have a great day!

REPOST: ALL OUR HIGHER SELVES

2011-08-09T06:20:00.000-04:00

I frequently make reference to "character structures" on this blog, the conglomerate of defenses and deformations that we create in childhood in order to survive the slings and arrows of growing up with less than self-actualized parents in an imperfect world. But underneath each character structure lies an evolving, magnificent soul, the true essence of who we are, our "Higher Self." It is from that Higher Self that we draw the material that shapes the "style" of our character structure, and back to that unencumbered Higher Self that our journey ultimately takes us, sooner rather than later if we do the self-work necessary to actively dismantle our defenses.

So, here is a breakdown of what each Higher Self looks like underneath each particular character structure. It is always valuable to be reminded that whatever our dysfunctions, our true nature is a thing of great beauty.

SCHIZOID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Strong connection to and awareness of the profoundly spiritual nature of life;
- Access to vast universal wisdom and the capacity to teach others how to make the connection to that wisdom;
- Great courage and fearlessness to connect with feelings;
- Great capacity to create and appreciate beauty, including through artistic abilities.

ORAL CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Great capacity to give to others in a deeply nurturing, truly healing way;
- An appreciation for the vastly abundant nature of existence and the joy of sharing;
- Genuine independence, autonomy and self-confidence with full capacity to surrender to the oneness with another;
- Powerful intuitive abilities and the capacity to follow insights through to fruition by sustained, patient effort.

MASOCHISTIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Great capacities for pleasure, humor, optimism, playfulness and joy;
- Genuine supportiveness, strength and desire to be of service to others;
- An expansive, open heart with deep compassion, true kindness and understanding;
- Positive assertiveness and healthy aggression with substantial amounts of energy;
- Ability to be spontaneously creative in the moment, surrender ego control and trust the natural order in all things;

PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.

RIGID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS

- Tremendous passion and connection to the sensuality of human relationships, with a true appreciation for and capacity to express the wonder of coming together physically in love with another;
- Great capacity to let go and surrender to the flow of love, to fall in love with life and with others;
- Genuine capacities to make and sustain commitments;
- Strong organizational skills combined with flexibility, patience and acceptance of new approaches to situations;
- A deep appreciation for the beauty of physical life, and sensibilities to integrate the elements of form to create beauty.

DISCOVER THE JOY OF BEING WRONG!

2011-08-05T11:47:00.000-04:00

You create your reality from your beliefs.

You either get this or you don't; it's that kind of thing.

If you don't get it, you feel victimized, at least some of the time, by what seems to be life's random cruelty or unfairness. Likewise, if you don't know that you create your own reality, you may feel "lucky" or randomly "blessed" at times for the good things you've received.

If you do get it, however, the question you ask about every event or circumstance in your life is the same: "Why did I create this?"

Sounds simple, but it makes a huge difference as to how you experience your life.

Here's a useful exercise:

Pretend that your life is a screenplay that you are writing, and that you are also the director and star of the script. What every writer knows to do when creating a story is ask at every turn of events in the script:

"Why this? Why Now? How does this advance the story?"

Practice that for an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens and how you feel. You will be surprised. Realizing that you are totally and utterly responsible for the life you are creating will not feel like a burden as you might imagine it will. It is actually quite liberating.

Challenge every assumption, every belief you have, folks, that you think is "just the way it is." That is a good way to start. You will feel a bit disoriented (see my "Genuine Confusion" piece )because you will realize how wrong you've been about so many things, but it will also be a great relief.

I always thought that a title for a book I might write someday would be: "The Joy of Being Wrong!"

Try it out and let me know.