("Sonny Kapoor" in "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel")
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"Everything will be all right in the end. So if it is not all right, it is not yet the end."
("Sonny Kapoor" in "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel")
("Sonny Kapoor" in "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel")
TODAY'S QUOTE!
He may have survived the Borg, but it appears that Time Warner Cable has assimilated Sir Patrick Stewart's life-force. Or at least that's what the actor, who just moved to Park Slope, and is best known for his portrayal of Captain Picard on "Star Trek: The Next Generation," tweeted at the cable and Internet service provider Thursday:
"All I wanted to do was set up a new account with Time Warner Cable, but thirty-six hours later, I've lost the will to live!"
"All I wanted to do was set up a new account with Time Warner Cable, but thirty-six hours later, I've lost the will to live!"
STILL CELEBRATING CHILD ABUSE, THIS TIME ON THE COVER OF "PATHWAYS TO FAMILY WELLNESS?!!?"
"Attachment Parenting" is an oxymoron. The disturbed and distorted "theory," at least as manipulated by the likes of Grumet, does not foster healthy attachment (which would be naturally followed by healthy autonomy and individuation at around age 1 1/2), nor does it constitute parenting by any measure. What it is is child abuse, most insidiously in the form of the narcissistic exploitation of a young child for the ego-gratification of a disturbed adult.
Here are the actual founders of "Attachment Parenting," psychologists Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, on the subject: "Questions like whether to breast-feed or bottle-feed, or at what age to introduce solid foods, though still important, no longer carry the same urgency. Attachment theory suggests that babies thrive emotionally because of the overall quality of the care they've experienced, not because of specific techniques. A bottle-fed baby whose mother is sensitively attuned will do better than a breastfed baby whose mother is mechanical and distant."
You can read more by PL HERE on the subject. Below is my original post on Grumet and her exploitation of children for her own ego gratification.
This is not a joke.
Time magazine’s controversial cover features actual mother, Jamie Lynne Grumet, standing, and her 3-year-old son, unnamed, perched on a chair, nursing from his mother the way she and he actually do it.
As FPL readers know, I'm no prude when it comes to the human body, sex or breast feeding, for that matter. In fact, I strongly advocate for all of the above in healthy doses in genuinely self-actualized situations.
But as readers also know, I deplore what passes for parenting in our culture. Ms. Grumet, unfortunately for her son, is one of the reasons why I say that parents are the least qualified of all adults to raise children.
Let me be sure that my position is not ambivalent:
"Attachment Parenting" is an oxymoron.
The disturbed and distorted "theory" (as least as it's been interpreted and put into practice) does not foster healthy attachment (which would be naturally followed by healthy autonomy and individuation at around age 1 1/2), nor does it constitute parenting by any measure or stretch of the imagination. What it is is child abuse, most insidiously in the form of the narcissistic exploitation of a young child for the ego-gratification of a disturbed adult. And all of that has come into vogue, perhaps thanks to Dr. William Sears, who wrote the book on this corrupted pseudo-parenting concept, disguised as enlightened parenting.
You can read some of my thoughts on this subject HERE.
ANOTHER ROUND WITH "ISABEL" ON ATTACHMENT PARENTING! PL RESPONDS!
Here's Isabel:
"Ok, I see. I don't know this Ms Grumet and I understood that you were criticizing breastfeeding after 1.5 years and Attachment Theory in general. Then, I agree with you - self-actualization is key. Most people should go to therapy before becoming parents or, at least, once they become parents. I do. I know everything I don't have worked out is a heavy weight on my children. It is very sad how adults put our needs before our offspring and the dramatic results for them. And usually parents say it is for their children. There is an alarming lack of awareness. I'll continue reading the blog, I would have continued anyway, I like your boldness."
Here's PL:
I really like your boldness, as well, Isabel! If more parents were like you, willing to spend some quality time in therapy before or during parenthood, our children would have a much better chance of becoming self-actualized.
On the 1 1/2 year mark for beginning the individualization process, you know, nature doesn't screw up. A child becomes able to walk, and starts growing teeth, at exactly the age they would naturally, without parental ego involved, stop breastfeeding. It's brilliantly orchestrated by nature that way. But you see, parents who desperately want to be "liked" by their children think that if the little toddler protests the weaning process, it's a bad thing. It's not. Every child protests at the beginning of the next developmental stage. These short-lived upsets are just normal growing pains. Parents who don't help their child wean themselves at the age nature intended are acting out of their own insecurities, not for the best interest of their child.
Again, thank you, Isabel. I applaud you!
PL
"Ok, I see. I don't know this Ms Grumet and I understood that you were criticizing breastfeeding after 1.5 years and Attachment Theory in general. Then, I agree with you - self-actualization is key. Most people should go to therapy before becoming parents or, at least, once they become parents. I do. I know everything I don't have worked out is a heavy weight on my children. It is very sad how adults put our needs before our offspring and the dramatic results for them. And usually parents say it is for their children. There is an alarming lack of awareness. I'll continue reading the blog, I would have continued anyway, I like your boldness."
Here's PL:
I really like your boldness, as well, Isabel! If more parents were like you, willing to spend some quality time in therapy before or during parenthood, our children would have a much better chance of becoming self-actualized.
On the 1 1/2 year mark for beginning the individualization process, you know, nature doesn't screw up. A child becomes able to walk, and starts growing teeth, at exactly the age they would naturally, without parental ego involved, stop breastfeeding. It's brilliantly orchestrated by nature that way. But you see, parents who desperately want to be "liked" by their children think that if the little toddler protests the weaning process, it's a bad thing. It's not. Every child protests at the beginning of the next developmental stage. These short-lived upsets are just normal growing pains. Parents who don't help their child wean themselves at the age nature intended are acting out of their own insecurities, not for the best interest of their child.
Again, thank you, Isabel. I applaud you!
PL
"ISABEL" COMMENTS ON PL'S TAKE DOWN OF JAMIE GRUMET AND HER EXPLOITATION OF ATTACHMENT PARENTING!
"Isabel" wrote into FPL to comment on PL's response to the latest cover story featuring so-called "Attachment Parenting" advocate Jamie Grumet.
Here's Isabel:
"I like almost everything you write and I think it makes a lot of sense, except on this subject. I think you haven't researched enough, just look at some anthropological facts on breastfeeding around the world. By the way, mothers and fathers can be narcissistic both breastfeeding and bottlefeeding, I don't see your point here. And parents can put their needs before either with attachment parenting or using Ferber. Breasts are meant to breastfeed and children are not automous at 1,5 years, they start their autonomy and, of course, parents need to encourage that, but they need to return to a secure base for a very long time after that."
Here's PL:
Thank you very much for commenting, Isabel. I am glad that you like "almost everything" I write. Given the feathers that I often try and ruffle on the FPL blog, that is quite a compliment!
In this particular case, that of Ms. Grumet and her exploitation of the "Attachment Parenting" paradigm, you may be misreading what I wrote. I am not at all criticizing breastfeeding. Quite the contrary. Check my post again. Here's an excerpt:
"As FPL readers know, I'm no prude when it comes to the human body, sex or breast feeding, for that matter. In fact, I strongly advocate for all of the above in healthy doses in genuinely self-actualized situations."
What I am very much concerned about, Isabel, is that narcissistic, exhibitionistic, enmeshed and over-involved parents like Ms. Grumet are using the Attachment Parenting theory to justify their vicarious acting out and abuse of their children, a very insidious and serious epidemic in our time, no less harmful that overt physical abuse.
I do hope you continue to follow the FPL blog and again, I thank you for your thoughtful comments.
PL
Here's Isabel:
"I like almost everything you write and I think it makes a lot of sense, except on this subject. I think you haven't researched enough, just look at some anthropological facts on breastfeeding around the world. By the way, mothers and fathers can be narcissistic both breastfeeding and bottlefeeding, I don't see your point here. And parents can put their needs before either with attachment parenting or using Ferber. Breasts are meant to breastfeed and children are not automous at 1,5 years, they start their autonomy and, of course, parents need to encourage that, but they need to return to a secure base for a very long time after that."
Here's PL:
Thank you very much for commenting, Isabel. I am glad that you like "almost everything" I write. Given the feathers that I often try and ruffle on the FPL blog, that is quite a compliment!
In this particular case, that of Ms. Grumet and her exploitation of the "Attachment Parenting" paradigm, you may be misreading what I wrote. I am not at all criticizing breastfeeding. Quite the contrary. Check my post again. Here's an excerpt:
"As FPL readers know, I'm no prude when it comes to the human body, sex or breast feeding, for that matter. In fact, I strongly advocate for all of the above in healthy doses in genuinely self-actualized situations."
What I am very much concerned about, Isabel, is that narcissistic, exhibitionistic, enmeshed and over-involved parents like Ms. Grumet are using the Attachment Parenting theory to justify their vicarious acting out and abuse of their children, a very insidious and serious epidemic in our time, no less harmful that overt physical abuse.
I do hope you continue to follow the FPL blog and again, I thank you for your thoughtful comments.
PL
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"All the world's major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether."
Dalai Lama
NARCISSISM IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!
Yep. That most intransigent of states so rampant in our culture for the last 30-40 years, narcissism, may not just be bad for your social life; it may also hamper your health. That's what a piece in the Huffington Post said few weeks ago.
A new study, entitled "Expensive Egos: Narcissistic Males Have Higher Cortisol," published in a scientific journal, PLoS One, suggests that individuals with certain narcissistic personality traits may have elevated levels of cortisol - the primary stress hormone - putting them at greater risk for longterm health problems, particularly cardiovascular events.
Dr. Patrick Kelly, director of consultation liaison service and pediatric psychosomatic medicine at Johns Hopkins says, "It gives a biological correlation to a psychiatric phenomenon. There is a mind body connection. There are real physical ramifications to your mental state, particularly if you have something like a personality disorder, which can be treated."
Hello!
You can read more on the subject on FPL HERE and HERE and HERE.
A new study, entitled "Expensive Egos: Narcissistic Males Have Higher Cortisol," published in a scientific journal, PLoS One, suggests that individuals with certain narcissistic personality traits may have elevated levels of cortisol - the primary stress hormone - putting them at greater risk for longterm health problems, particularly cardiovascular events.
Dr. Patrick Kelly, director of consultation liaison service and pediatric psychosomatic medicine at Johns Hopkins says, "It gives a biological correlation to a psychiatric phenomenon. There is a mind body connection. There are real physical ramifications to your mental state, particularly if you have something like a personality disorder, which can be treated."
Hello!
You can read more on the subject on FPL HERE and HERE and HERE.
MORE ON THE PLACEBO EFFECT: THE LIE OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS!
Well-known psychologist, Irving Kirsch, P.h.D, featured on "60 Minutes" earlier this year, wrote an important book entitled "Antidepressants: The Emperor's New Drugs?"
I've written about this subject (HERE and HERE), taught about it, and even featured it in the first of my podcasts, "CREATING REALITY," on the right side of the FPL blog.
Why so much attention? Because what the placebo effect demonstrates irrefutably, and even doctors acknowledge the existence of it, is that our beliefs create our reality.
Our beliefs create our reality!
This lays so much bare in our daily living and in our social structure, doesn't it? It mean that first and foremost, to lead happier healthier lives, we should be working to uncover and address our inner beliefs. In other words, a full spectrum self-work process that helps do that would work wonders for our well-being, yet, mainstream medicine, pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies not only ignore the evidence, they eschew it, hide it, because... in their current paradigm... it's not profitable!
But it could be. Psychiatrists and other medical professionals could retool and learn how to work with patients inner lives, and have greater success. Oh, but wait, that would require that said practitioners do some serious self-work on their own inner lives, and that's no where near as gratifying (for the ego of a psychopathic character structure) as writing a prescription for drugs.
Right.
Well, that leaves you, then, dear FPL readers - you have to take charge of your own healing and seek out the guidance you need to uncover your beliefs, connect to your feelings and go on to have a great life. It's actually not just easier than taking drugs, but it actually works.
I've written about this subject (HERE and HERE), taught about it, and even featured it in the first of my podcasts, "CREATING REALITY," on the right side of the FPL blog.
Why so much attention? Because what the placebo effect demonstrates irrefutably, and even doctors acknowledge the existence of it, is that our beliefs create our reality.
Our beliefs create our reality!
This lays so much bare in our daily living and in our social structure, doesn't it? It mean that first and foremost, to lead happier healthier lives, we should be working to uncover and address our inner beliefs. In other words, a full spectrum self-work process that helps do that would work wonders for our well-being, yet, mainstream medicine, pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies not only ignore the evidence, they eschew it, hide it, because... in their current paradigm... it's not profitable!
But it could be. Psychiatrists and other medical professionals could retool and learn how to work with patients inner lives, and have greater success. Oh, but wait, that would require that said practitioners do some serious self-work on their own inner lives, and that's no where near as gratifying (for the ego of a psychopathic character structure) as writing a prescription for drugs.
Right.
Well, that leaves you, then, dear FPL readers - you have to take charge of your own healing and seek out the guidance you need to uncover your beliefs, connect to your feelings and go on to have a great life. It's actually not just easier than taking drugs, but it actually works.
WHY I CONTINUE TO SLAM PARENTS AND DOCTORS!
THIS excerpt is from an article from last March, entitled "RITALIN GONE WRONG," by L. ALAN SROUFE, in the NY Times:
"As a psychologist who has been studying the development of troubled children for more than 40 years, I believe we should be asking why we rely so heavily on these drugs [like Ritalin]. Attention-deficit drugs increase concentration in the short term, which is why they work so well for college students cramming for exams. But when given to children over long periods of time, they neither improve school achievement nor reduce behavior problems. The drugs can also have serious side effects, including stunting growth. Sadly, few physicians and parents seem to be aware of what we have been learning about the lack of effectiveness of these drugs."
Here's PL:
WHY NOT?!
Sorry.
"As a psychologist who has been studying the development of troubled children for more than 40 years, I believe we should be asking why we rely so heavily on these drugs [like Ritalin]. Attention-deficit drugs increase concentration in the short term, which is why they work so well for college students cramming for exams. But when given to children over long periods of time, they neither improve school achievement nor reduce behavior problems. The drugs can also have serious side effects, including stunting growth. Sadly, few physicians and parents seem to be aware of what we have been learning about the lack of effectiveness of these drugs."
Here's PL:
WHY NOT?!
Sorry.
REPOST: YOUR PERFECT SWING!
This is from a most beautiful book and movie, “The Legend of Baggar Vance,” by Steven Pressfield, who also wrote “The War of Art”:
“There's a perfect shot out there tryin' to find each and every one of us... Now it's somewhere... in the harmony... of All That Is... All That Was... All That Will Be... All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way, to let it choose us.”
Exactly. The Zone is that place we enter when we “get ourselves out of the way,” or more specifically, when we get our ego, self-will and Resistance out of the way.
Here’s a little more Baggar Vance:
“Inside each and every one of us is our one, true authentic swing. Something we was born with. Something that's ours and ours alone. Something that can't be learned... something that's got to be remembered. You got to seek that place with your soul... Seek it with your hands.. Don't think about it... Feel it... Your hands is wiser than your head ever gonna be...”
People ask me all the time, “What does it mean to let go of your ego?” My answer is a variation of what Baggar Vance is saying here, which is to get out of your head, out of your obsessive thinking mind, and follow your body, follow your five senses, your gut instincts, your first impulses. We all have them, but we have trained ourselves to ignore them, to hesitate, second guess, over-think, and so, we falter.
There is a great gift inside each of us waiting to come out. No one is without it. Some souls have chosen to give us a demonstration in one particular area or another, but examples are all around us... and within us. Seek them and you will find them.
Try this: walk around and pay attention to what you see, hear, smell, taste and feel, not to what you’re thinking, which is usually what you’re always doing. Go ahead. Go out. It’s a beautiful day. Walk. Give yourself, and the world, your gift. We’re waiting for you!
“There's a perfect shot out there tryin' to find each and every one of us... Now it's somewhere... in the harmony... of All That Is... All That Was... All That Will Be... All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way, to let it choose us.”
Exactly. The Zone is that place we enter when we “get ourselves out of the way,” or more specifically, when we get our ego, self-will and Resistance out of the way.
Here’s a little more Baggar Vance:
“Inside each and every one of us is our one, true authentic swing. Something we was born with. Something that's ours and ours alone. Something that can't be learned... something that's got to be remembered. You got to seek that place with your soul... Seek it with your hands.. Don't think about it... Feel it... Your hands is wiser than your head ever gonna be...”
People ask me all the time, “What does it mean to let go of your ego?” My answer is a variation of what Baggar Vance is saying here, which is to get out of your head, out of your obsessive thinking mind, and follow your body, follow your five senses, your gut instincts, your first impulses. We all have them, but we have trained ourselves to ignore them, to hesitate, second guess, over-think, and so, we falter.
There is a great gift inside each of us waiting to come out. No one is without it. Some souls have chosen to give us a demonstration in one particular area or another, but examples are all around us... and within us. Seek them and you will find them.
Try this: walk around and pay attention to what you see, hear, smell, taste and feel, not to what you’re thinking, which is usually what you’re always doing. Go ahead. Go out. It’s a beautiful day. Walk. Give yourself, and the world, your gift. We’re waiting for you!
THE FEAR OF HAPPINESS! DON'T GET CAUGHT TEBOWING! HAVE SEX NOW!!
In honor of those who care that football season is starting up again, I am reposting this post (which actually has nothing to do with football).
THIS is from an issue the Sunday New York Times:
"According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders now affect 18 percent of the adult population of the United States, or about 40 million people. The anti-anxiety drug alprazolam — better known by its brand name, Xanax — was the top psychiatric drug on the list, clocking in at 46.3 million prescriptions in 2010."
THIS is from the Pathwork Guide Lecture, "THE LONGING FOR AND THE FEAR OF HAPPINESS":
"All truly great human experience comes from the inner, non-volitional self. It can never come from the outer ego, unless the ego is already integrated with the inner self. All acts of creation in art and science, all great inventions, all truly enriching and lasting values emanate from the inner being, as do all spiritual experiences, the experience of the ecstasy of love between the sexes, and finally the great experience of physical death itself which human beings erroneously assume to be sad or horrible. This is no more true of death than of the other two experiences, which are almost equally feared although the fear is not as conscious. Human beings fear a great spiritual experience. They fear the great act of total love and the letting go of the little self during the ecstasy of union. People are afraid to muster the courage required for letting the inner self manifest with its wisdom and truth. You are less aware of these last two fears, while the fear of death has been exaggerated and made into a big and seemingly rational fear."
This is from a book by Barbara Marciniak, entitled "PATH OF EMPOWERMENT:"
"If sex were considered a sacred act, the world would not be in the turmoil it is today. This was known long ago. A neighborhood with strong bonds based on love and good sex is going to make a better community. When sexual expression is honored as a doorway to the creative energy of existence, the whole world will vibrate with a much greater awareness of the spiritual purpose of life. Sex is vibrant creative energy, and used wisely, it can change the world."
Here's PL:
So, what do we have here in these three excerpts? Well, first, a statistical depiction of the incredible amount of anxiety and rampant drug-taking in our human population (the drugging considered as another symptom, not a remedy), and then two passages describing the potent antidotes to what ails us: letting go of the "outer ego" and "little self," and engaging in vibrant, loving sexual and creative expression.
On the FPL blog, I have written extensively about these subjects, about the damage done by sexual repression and the refusal to let go of the childish ego, and of course, on the nefarious numbing of ourselves through so-called medications, meant merely to keep our higher consciousness hidden from us so that we are more easily manipulated by those profiting from our unconsciousness.
It's Sunday, folks. Before you pop your Xanax and load up on chicken wings for your relaxing day, have some passionate sex with somebody you love, do something creative that inspires you, or go out and walk, breath and get some sun into you. Ideally, you should do all three. Then, you won't need the drugs or the wings, and you won't care about the fact that a religious throw-back joined the NY Jets.
THIS is from an issue the Sunday New York Times:
"According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders now affect 18 percent of the adult population of the United States, or about 40 million people. The anti-anxiety drug alprazolam — better known by its brand name, Xanax — was the top psychiatric drug on the list, clocking in at 46.3 million prescriptions in 2010."
THIS is from the Pathwork Guide Lecture, "THE LONGING FOR AND THE FEAR OF HAPPINESS":
"All truly great human experience comes from the inner, non-volitional self. It can never come from the outer ego, unless the ego is already integrated with the inner self. All acts of creation in art and science, all great inventions, all truly enriching and lasting values emanate from the inner being, as do all spiritual experiences, the experience of the ecstasy of love between the sexes, and finally the great experience of physical death itself which human beings erroneously assume to be sad or horrible. This is no more true of death than of the other two experiences, which are almost equally feared although the fear is not as conscious. Human beings fear a great spiritual experience. They fear the great act of total love and the letting go of the little self during the ecstasy of union. People are afraid to muster the courage required for letting the inner self manifest with its wisdom and truth. You are less aware of these last two fears, while the fear of death has been exaggerated and made into a big and seemingly rational fear."
This is from a book by Barbara Marciniak, entitled "PATH OF EMPOWERMENT:"
"If sex were considered a sacred act, the world would not be in the turmoil it is today. This was known long ago. A neighborhood with strong bonds based on love and good sex is going to make a better community. When sexual expression is honored as a doorway to the creative energy of existence, the whole world will vibrate with a much greater awareness of the spiritual purpose of life. Sex is vibrant creative energy, and used wisely, it can change the world."
Here's PL:
So, what do we have here in these three excerpts? Well, first, a statistical depiction of the incredible amount of anxiety and rampant drug-taking in our human population (the drugging considered as another symptom, not a remedy), and then two passages describing the potent antidotes to what ails us: letting go of the "outer ego" and "little self," and engaging in vibrant, loving sexual and creative expression.
On the FPL blog, I have written extensively about these subjects, about the damage done by sexual repression and the refusal to let go of the childish ego, and of course, on the nefarious numbing of ourselves through so-called medications, meant merely to keep our higher consciousness hidden from us so that we are more easily manipulated by those profiting from our unconsciousness.
It's Sunday, folks. Before you pop your Xanax and load up on chicken wings for your relaxing day, have some passionate sex with somebody you love, do something creative that inspires you, or go out and walk, breath and get some sun into you. Ideally, you should do all three. Then, you won't need the drugs or the wings, and you won't care about the fact that a religious throw-back joined the NY Jets.
