Happy New Year to you, Rick! Glad to have your excoriating responses to kick off this year with me.
As is often the case regarding your responses to something I've written, my first response is - yes, yes, yes, I agree with much of what you say. But here's the thing - while, of course, it true that there are great people in every field, including parenting, who've had no formal training, and there are lousy people in every field who've had a lot of training, my point is that in terms of our priorities as a society, we are much more concerned about how good our lawyers and plumbers are than how good our parents are. Nothing is a panacea, and neither therapy nor education nor even experience guarantees enlightenment by itself, but couldn't we at least make an effort?
So many political and religious bloviators talk about the "sanctity" of marriage and the family, but what is that sanctity based on beyond the most base of animalistic instincts to copulate and procreate? I've been working in the human services field for a long time - 30 years as you often remind me - and I've seen kids kept in horrendous situations by our courts and institutions simply because the biological parents have the most highly valued and protected rights by virtue of nothing more than... their biology!
If you read carefully what I wrote, Rick, what I am making my cause here is to stop the idealization of parenthood and treat it as we do any other significant "occupation" that impacts on the welfare of our society, and subject the rearing of children to at least the minimum amount of scrutiny we give to the water pressure in our showers!
Finally, since you regularly bring it up, I don't know where you get your ideas about what constitutes being a good therapist, though it sounds kind of like the archaic "blank screen" approach to psychoanalysis that never did Woody Allen any good, but I definitely see healthy anger and ass-kicking as part of my tool box when it comes to guiding people on their paths. My aggression isn't "displaced" - it's meant for the people I'm directing it at, and calling someone who's acting like a fool a "fool" isn't "attacking," it's making an accurate assessment. I'm not serving any Kool-Aide here, and I challenge you to identify what you think my "dogma" is.
From my vantage point, there is such a thing as Reality with a capital "R." It's not all subjective or relative. No matter what anyone's opinion is, on this planet, there's gravity. If you jump out a window, regardless of your beliefs, you're going down. And so on.
Today's Quote
The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.
Frank A. Clark
Frank A. Clark
"lNEELY" on "I Love My Work But Hate My Profession!"
"The problem I have with so many self-proclaimed 'experts' is that they fail to take into account the real world, and the real and potential consequences of the actions they propose you take. In simplest terms, tantrums have more negative than positive effect, at least as I've experienced, so her claim seemed like rubbish from the moment I read the headline. Thanks for your input on this. Glad I'm not the only one who smells something fishy about it."
"INEELY's" COMMENT ON "HOW MANY MORE GEORGE BUSHES ARE ON THE WAY?"
"Everybody's a winner!" What brilliant marketing!
I'm glad to see that past generations are realizing this plight as well. That's not meant as an insult, but I see from your photo that you're an older gentleman.
Millenials are an enigmatic group. Quick learners, technologically savvy, multi-talented, and many are accustomed to being rewarded for nothing in the holy name of the "self esteem" cult. In competitive sports for children, trophies are handed out to everybody. In public schools, even in universities to a certain degree, it's all but impossible to fail a course. The indoctrination that self-esteem is more important than excellence has become a monster, and it's not only parents who are to blame.
What makes me most curious is, will it be the workplace that must adapt to take advantage of the skills of Millenials, or will it be the Millenials who must adjust to the workplace? IMHO, a little compromise on both sides never hurt anybody -- a more laid back professional setting (within reason) tends to improve morale and productivity for everyone, and ensuring that most of the company's workers are content is generally good -- but I think we'll eventually realize as a generation that the self-esteem cult is garbage, and opt for a more moderate and rational world view.
I'm glad to see that past generations are realizing this plight as well. That's not meant as an insult, but I see from your photo that you're an older gentleman.
Millenials are an enigmatic group. Quick learners, technologically savvy, multi-talented, and many are accustomed to being rewarded for nothing in the holy name of the "self esteem" cult. In competitive sports for children, trophies are handed out to everybody. In public schools, even in universities to a certain degree, it's all but impossible to fail a course. The indoctrination that self-esteem is more important than excellence has become a monster, and it's not only parents who are to blame.
What makes me most curious is, will it be the workplace that must adapt to take advantage of the skills of Millenials, or will it be the Millenials who must adjust to the workplace? IMHO, a little compromise on both sides never hurt anybody -- a more laid back professional setting (within reason) tends to improve morale and productivity for everyone, and ensuring that most of the company's workers are content is generally good -- but I think we'll eventually realize as a generation that the self-esteem cult is garbage, and opt for a more moderate and rational world view.
I Love My Work But Hate My Profession!
Here's one reason why: the existence of Judi James, a psychologist and self-proclaimed body language expert on a ridiculous reality show called "Big Brother." Judi has a blurb on the Huffington Post entitled: "FEELING STRESSED? THROW A TEMPER TANTRUM!"
The piece is as inane as it is misleading.
What, you say? Yes, many of you know, in therapy sessions with me, you may be asked at times to hit pillows or "have a tantrum" on a mattress, so what gives, Peter?
Well, first of all, releasing surface anger left over from your day by screaming or having tantrums or hitting or breaking things or kick-boxing or whatever has almost no therapeutic value whatsoever. Literally almost none. I say "almost," because that superficial discharge can provide a moment of relief afterwards, but it has no effect on the stockpile of rage and pain long-held inside oneself that is the real cause of so many of our problems - emotionally, mentally and physically.
To truly have a healing release of pent-up emotion, a safe, supportive and reflective relationship with another person is required while screaming and hitting the pillows, so that the deeper, festering feelings can be accessed with support and guidance that allows for integration and understanding. "Letting off steam" is exactly that... and nothing more.
Judi James is part of an epidemic in the psychotherapy profession. Whether from laziness - rooted in the fear of their own inner lives, or from psychopathic greed - trying to make a fast buck by offering quick fixes to desperate people in pain, or from gigantic egos - wanting to appear magical to the needy child in their patients, far too many therapists offer gimmick-based therapies, or even worse... drug-based therapies.
DRUGS!
Oh, how I hate the use of drugs by psychotherapists!
Of all the abuses a helping professional can inflict on a patient, it's the prescribing of a drug to solve an emotional problem that I find the most despicable. It's really simple, folks. It's not complicated at all. Almost all emotional problems are caused by the suppression of feelings, and almost all mental problems are caused by the repression of thoughts. Not hard to figure out that freeing up those feelings and thoughts should provide a healing if done with care and professional know-how, right? Right.
Drugs, on the other hand, offer false relief by actually aiding in the process of suppression and repression, ultimately deepening the problem. How insidious - and financially lucrative - is that?! These days, everyone knows a story about someone who is taking a psychotropic medication and is now on an endless train ride of more and more medications, and yet, is still getting worse over time. Sometimes, that "worse" even means suicidal.
People, be in charge of your healing process. Don't ever let a supposed "professional" kid you into believing in magic potions or "chemical imbalances" or RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME!! Drug companies and their M.D. shills make up those terms to rid you of your cash, not of your symptoms.
Ugh! I need to go have a tantrum!
The piece is as inane as it is misleading.
What, you say? Yes, many of you know, in therapy sessions with me, you may be asked at times to hit pillows or "have a tantrum" on a mattress, so what gives, Peter?
Well, first of all, releasing surface anger left over from your day by screaming or having tantrums or hitting or breaking things or kick-boxing or whatever has almost no therapeutic value whatsoever. Literally almost none. I say "almost," because that superficial discharge can provide a moment of relief afterwards, but it has no effect on the stockpile of rage and pain long-held inside oneself that is the real cause of so many of our problems - emotionally, mentally and physically.
To truly have a healing release of pent-up emotion, a safe, supportive and reflective relationship with another person is required while screaming and hitting the pillows, so that the deeper, festering feelings can be accessed with support and guidance that allows for integration and understanding. "Letting off steam" is exactly that... and nothing more.
Judi James is part of an epidemic in the psychotherapy profession. Whether from laziness - rooted in the fear of their own inner lives, or from psychopathic greed - trying to make a fast buck by offering quick fixes to desperate people in pain, or from gigantic egos - wanting to appear magical to the needy child in their patients, far too many therapists offer gimmick-based therapies, or even worse... drug-based therapies.
DRUGS!
Oh, how I hate the use of drugs by psychotherapists!
Of all the abuses a helping professional can inflict on a patient, it's the prescribing of a drug to solve an emotional problem that I find the most despicable. It's really simple, folks. It's not complicated at all. Almost all emotional problems are caused by the suppression of feelings, and almost all mental problems are caused by the repression of thoughts. Not hard to figure out that freeing up those feelings and thoughts should provide a healing if done with care and professional know-how, right? Right.
Drugs, on the other hand, offer false relief by actually aiding in the process of suppression and repression, ultimately deepening the problem. How insidious - and financially lucrative - is that?! These days, everyone knows a story about someone who is taking a psychotropic medication and is now on an endless train ride of more and more medications, and yet, is still getting worse over time. Sometimes, that "worse" even means suicidal.
People, be in charge of your healing process. Don't ever let a supposed "professional" kid you into believing in magic potions or "chemical imbalances" or RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME!! Drug companies and their M.D. shills make up those terms to rid you of your cash, not of your symptoms.
Ugh! I need to go have a tantrum!
HOW MANY MORE GEORGE BUSHES ARE ON THE WAY? ASK AN OVERINDULGENT PARENT!
People have given me a lot of lip over the last couple of years because I have given them a lot of lip. In one area in particular, I have taken a strong and harsh position that many people haven't liked - towards over-indulgent parents. I have frequently decried the "generation of narcissists" that said parents are creating, and warned that these seemingly innocuous kids who are used to being the center of the universe are going to do some harm someday. I'm not the only one aware of the real and potential damage. Frank Rich, in this morning's Times, wrote about the enormous damage George W. Bush has wreaked on our country by virtue of his narcissism.
Frank Rich:
"The man who emerges is a narcissist with no self-awareness whatsoever. It’s that arrogance that allowed him to tune out even the most calamitous of realities, freeing him to compound them without missing a step."
Here's a posting from my blog that I put up last May. It that followed a "SIXTY MINUTES" show on the effects of "over-parenting."
Was anybody home last night to watch the "60 Minutes" story" on the new generation of "kids" that have recently arrived to "adulthood?" Man, I've been writing and ranting about this age group and the one coming after them for years now, and getting no small amount of flack for it. I've been begging parents to consider the consequences for the narcissists they're creating, and for the world at large, and admonishing those same parents for their own ego-driven, vicarious motivations that are gutting our kids.
Well, it's hitting the mainstream media now. Here's Morley Safer from last night's show:
"There are about 80 million of them, born between 1980 and 1995, and they're rapidly taking over from the Baby Boomers who are now pushing 60. They were raised by doting parents who told them they are special, played in little leagues with no winners or losers, or all winners. They are laden with trophies just for participating and they think your business-as-usual ethic is for the birds, and you can take your job and shove it. They are a generation that only takes 'yes' for an answer. And their priorities are simple: they come first."
Now, many who know me or read this blog have heard me talk about the "Joy of Quitting," or the "End of the Job," and "Full Permission Working." I am a staunch advocate of not wasting your life doing things that you don't find fulfilling. And I certainly see the 9-to-5 (now 8-to-8) corporate cog work-life as demeaning and spirit-crushing. But by no means do I advocate remaining a child. I absolutely know that fulfillment in life includes the capacity to be creative and productive in the world, and attaining what Erik Erikson called "generativity," the desire to give back.
Marian Salzman was on the show. She's an ad agency executive who has been managing and tracking "Millennials" since they entered the workforce. "You do have to speak to them a little bit like a therapist on television might speak to a patient," Salzman says, laughing. "You can't be harsh. You cannot tell them you're disappointed in them. These young people will tell you what time their yoga class is and that the day's work will be organized around the fact that they have that commitment. How wonderful it is to be young and have your priorities so clear. Flipside of it is how awful it is to be managing the extension, sort of, of the teenage babysitting pool," Salzman tells Safer.
Her words, folks, not mine -an "extension" of "the teenage babysitting pool." Exactly. One of the questions I've often put to parents is "Who's going to continue coddling your kids when they reach adulthood? Who's going to hire them? And who in their right mind would ever want to marry someone who needs an eternal source of narcissistic supply from their partner?"
Mary Crane offers crash courses for Millennials, trying to prepare them for actual work. She said this on 60 Minutes: "You now have a generation coming into the workplace that has grown up with the expectation that they will automatically win, and they'll always be rewarded, even for just showing up," Crane says.
In psychological terms, by the way, that's called "Primary Narcissism."
Morley was onto it.
"So who's to blame for the narcissistic praise hounds now taking over the office?" Safer asks.
Wall Street Journal columnist Jeffrey Zaslow blames...Mr. Rogers! "You have got a guy like Fred Rogers on TV. He was telling his preschoolers, 'You're special. You're special.' And he meant well. But we, as parents, ran with it. And we said, 'You, Junior, are special, and you're special and you're special and you're special.' And for doing what? We didn't really explain that," Zaslow says.
Furthermore, he says that the coddling virus continues to eat away even when junior goes off to college.
"I heard from several professors who said, a student will come up after class and say, 'I don't like my grade, and my mom wants to talk to you, here's the phone," Zaslow says. "And the students think it's like a service. 'I deserve an A because I'm paying for it. What are you giving me a C for?"
Now, here's where the pathology really starts to manifest from this upbringing without autonomy:
"Today," Morley Safer says, "more than half of college seniors move home after graduation. It's a safety net, or safety diaper, that allows many kids to quickly opt out of a job they don't like."
Does that give anyone a chill: "SAFETY DIAPER?!"
"There once was, if not shame, a little certain uneasiness about being seen to be living at home in your mid 20s, yes?" Safer asks Mary Crane.
"Not only is there no shame with it, but this is thought to be a very smart, wise, economic decision," Crane says.
Finally, here's where it gets really sad. This is a young man in his twenties, talking about his upbringing, interviewed on the show:
"Our parents really took from us that opportunity to fall down on our face and learn how to stand up," says Jason Dorsey.
You can find the whole transcript of the SIXTY MINUTES show here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/11/08/60minutes/main3475200.shtml
To find more of my writings on the subject of narcissism, go here: http://fullpermissionliving.blogspot.com/search?q=narcissism
Frank Rich:
"The man who emerges is a narcissist with no self-awareness whatsoever. It’s that arrogance that allowed him to tune out even the most calamitous of realities, freeing him to compound them without missing a step."
Here's a posting from my blog that I put up last May. It that followed a "SIXTY MINUTES" show on the effects of "over-parenting."
Was anybody home last night to watch the "60 Minutes" story" on the new generation of "kids" that have recently arrived to "adulthood?" Man, I've been writing and ranting about this age group and the one coming after them for years now, and getting no small amount of flack for it. I've been begging parents to consider the consequences for the narcissists they're creating, and for the world at large, and admonishing those same parents for their own ego-driven, vicarious motivations that are gutting our kids.
Well, it's hitting the mainstream media now. Here's Morley Safer from last night's show:
"There are about 80 million of them, born between 1980 and 1995, and they're rapidly taking over from the Baby Boomers who are now pushing 60. They were raised by doting parents who told them they are special, played in little leagues with no winners or losers, or all winners. They are laden with trophies just for participating and they think your business-as-usual ethic is for the birds, and you can take your job and shove it. They are a generation that only takes 'yes' for an answer. And their priorities are simple: they come first."
Now, many who know me or read this blog have heard me talk about the "Joy of Quitting," or the "End of the Job," and "Full Permission Working." I am a staunch advocate of not wasting your life doing things that you don't find fulfilling. And I certainly see the 9-to-5 (now 8-to-8) corporate cog work-life as demeaning and spirit-crushing. But by no means do I advocate remaining a child. I absolutely know that fulfillment in life includes the capacity to be creative and productive in the world, and attaining what Erik Erikson called "generativity," the desire to give back.
Marian Salzman was on the show. She's an ad agency executive who has been managing and tracking "Millennials" since they entered the workforce. "You do have to speak to them a little bit like a therapist on television might speak to a patient," Salzman says, laughing. "You can't be harsh. You cannot tell them you're disappointed in them. These young people will tell you what time their yoga class is and that the day's work will be organized around the fact that they have that commitment. How wonderful it is to be young and have your priorities so clear. Flipside of it is how awful it is to be managing the extension, sort of, of the teenage babysitting pool," Salzman tells Safer.
Her words, folks, not mine -an "extension" of "the teenage babysitting pool." Exactly. One of the questions I've often put to parents is "Who's going to continue coddling your kids when they reach adulthood? Who's going to hire them? And who in their right mind would ever want to marry someone who needs an eternal source of narcissistic supply from their partner?"
Mary Crane offers crash courses for Millennials, trying to prepare them for actual work. She said this on 60 Minutes: "You now have a generation coming into the workplace that has grown up with the expectation that they will automatically win, and they'll always be rewarded, even for just showing up," Crane says.
In psychological terms, by the way, that's called "Primary Narcissism."
Morley was onto it.
"So who's to blame for the narcissistic praise hounds now taking over the office?" Safer asks.
Wall Street Journal columnist Jeffrey Zaslow blames...Mr. Rogers! "You have got a guy like Fred Rogers on TV. He was telling his preschoolers, 'You're special. You're special.' And he meant well. But we, as parents, ran with it. And we said, 'You, Junior, are special, and you're special and you're special and you're special.' And for doing what? We didn't really explain that," Zaslow says.
Furthermore, he says that the coddling virus continues to eat away even when junior goes off to college.
"I heard from several professors who said, a student will come up after class and say, 'I don't like my grade, and my mom wants to talk to you, here's the phone," Zaslow says. "And the students think it's like a service. 'I deserve an A because I'm paying for it. What are you giving me a C for?"
Now, here's where the pathology really starts to manifest from this upbringing without autonomy:
"Today," Morley Safer says, "more than half of college seniors move home after graduation. It's a safety net, or safety diaper, that allows many kids to quickly opt out of a job they don't like."
Does that give anyone a chill: "SAFETY DIAPER?!"
"There once was, if not shame, a little certain uneasiness about being seen to be living at home in your mid 20s, yes?" Safer asks Mary Crane.
"Not only is there no shame with it, but this is thought to be a very smart, wise, economic decision," Crane says.
Finally, here's where it gets really sad. This is a young man in his twenties, talking about his upbringing, interviewed on the show:
"Our parents really took from us that opportunity to fall down on our face and learn how to stand up," says Jason Dorsey.
You can find the whole transcript of the SIXTY MINUTES show here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/11/08/60minutes/main3475200.shtml
To find more of my writings on the subject of narcissism, go here: http://fullpermissionliving.blogspot.com/search?q=narcissism
Today's Monster Quote
“Ignorance breeds monsters to fill up the vacancies of the soul that are unoccupied by the verities of knowledge”
Horace Mann
Horace Mann
Today's Quote
"Fear is the foundation of most governments; but it is so sordid and brutal a passion, and renders men in whose breasts it predominates so stupid and miserable, that Americans will not be likely to approve of any political institution which is founded on it."
John Adams
John Adams
BUSH & CO ARE NOW OUR RESPONSIBILITY
Well, this is a difficult one - I frequently tell my patients who have been wounded in their childhoods (which is all of them) that facing the wounds inflicted by one's parents, and the rage and pain that comes with them, does not necessarily mean confronting said parents in present time. Healing is a personal, inner process from which healthy behavior will follow, but confronting your old tormentors isn't always a practical or valuable thing. What's more important now is that you're not allowing yourself to be injured by them, or anyone else, any longer.
What's difficult for me about applying this approach to the national scene, however, or the collective as it were, is that very often by not confronting the damage done by perpetrators in positions of political, business, religious or other institutional leadership, we can inadvertently set the stage for further acting out and damage.
Bob Herbert makes this point today in the NY Times, in an op-ed piece entitled: "ADD UP THE DAMAGE."
Herbert starts out by saying: "When Mr. Bush officially takes his leave in three weeks (in reality, he checked out long ago), most Americans will be content to sigh good riddance. I disagree. I don’t think he should be allowed to slip quietly out of town. There should be a great hue and cry, a loud, collective angry howl, demonstrations with signs and bullhorns and fiery speeches, over the damage he’s done to this country."
Well, I agree with Bob, but I actually think more needs to be done than howling in order for the collective consciousness to heal from the crimes of our leaders. When Gerald Ford pardoned Richard Nixon for the high crimes that led to his resignation, the country was not able to heal its collective wounds from being so betrayed by a leader in high office. If George Bush, Dick Cheney and many others who committed very high crimes indeed, including war crimes and crimes against humanity, are allowed to go off unaccountable except to the annals of history, our collective psyches will not be able to heal. I do truly feel that for Barack Obama to bring the nation together in the way he is inclined to, he must see to it that his Justice Department holds the previous administration accountable for the damage it has inflicted.
Here's a bit more from Bob Herbert:
"The catalog of Mr. Bushes' transgressions against the nation’s interests — sins of commission and omission — would keep Mr. Bush in a confessional for the rest of his life. Don’t hold your breath. He’s hardly the contrite sort. He told ABC’s Charlie Gibson: 'I don’t spend a lot of time really worrying about short-term history. I guess I don’t worry about long-term history, either, since I’m not going to be around to read it."
Well, Mr. Bush, we actually cannot leave you to a history you won't be interested in or around to read. You are now our responsibility.
What's difficult for me about applying this approach to the national scene, however, or the collective as it were, is that very often by not confronting the damage done by perpetrators in positions of political, business, religious or other institutional leadership, we can inadvertently set the stage for further acting out and damage.
Bob Herbert makes this point today in the NY Times, in an op-ed piece entitled: "ADD UP THE DAMAGE."
Herbert starts out by saying: "When Mr. Bush officially takes his leave in three weeks (in reality, he checked out long ago), most Americans will be content to sigh good riddance. I disagree. I don’t think he should be allowed to slip quietly out of town. There should be a great hue and cry, a loud, collective angry howl, demonstrations with signs and bullhorns and fiery speeches, over the damage he’s done to this country."
Well, I agree with Bob, but I actually think more needs to be done than howling in order for the collective consciousness to heal from the crimes of our leaders. When Gerald Ford pardoned Richard Nixon for the high crimes that led to his resignation, the country was not able to heal its collective wounds from being so betrayed by a leader in high office. If George Bush, Dick Cheney and many others who committed very high crimes indeed, including war crimes and crimes against humanity, are allowed to go off unaccountable except to the annals of history, our collective psyches will not be able to heal. I do truly feel that for Barack Obama to bring the nation together in the way he is inclined to, he must see to it that his Justice Department holds the previous administration accountable for the damage it has inflicted.
Here's a bit more from Bob Herbert:
"The catalog of Mr. Bushes' transgressions against the nation’s interests — sins of commission and omission — would keep Mr. Bush in a confessional for the rest of his life. Don’t hold your breath. He’s hardly the contrite sort. He told ABC’s Charlie Gibson: 'I don’t spend a lot of time really worrying about short-term history. I guess I don’t worry about long-term history, either, since I’m not going to be around to read it."
Well, Mr. Bush, we actually cannot leave you to a history you won't be interested in or around to read. You are now our responsibility.
REPOST: LAST YEAR'S YEAR-END REFLECTION
Interesting to review last year's year-end reflection of 2007, written at this time last year. It still stands up, I think, so I'm reposting it, though I still plan to do this year's Year-End Reflection.
'Tis the season to... reflect. At least that's what I always feel most inclined to do at this time of year, much moreso than exchanging impractical presents and over-eating, all in the name of "traditions" which require that we behave in certain rote ways without reflecting on why we're doing it.
I'm not against acknowledging certain dates on a calendar, though. Since we do live under the construct of a linear time continuum, holidays and anniversaries can serve as moments "in time" to look over the period just ending to try and understand what motivated us to live how and where and with whom the way we did ("What did you do and how did it feel?" is the only question I think God actually ever asks anyone at the end of a lifetime.). I find a good year-in-review process at once gratifying and disheartening. Gratifying to see the ways in which I may have evolved in the past year, and to take note of the non-material gifts I have given to others, given of myself, in other words, to the degree to which I was able to be myself genuinely with those others. Disheartening to face the ways in which I was disingenuous at times.
One thing I've stopped saying is: "This year was a year of transition." Ha! Why? Because in looking back, I've been saying that exact same thing about almost every preceeding year for most of my adult life. Perhaps, I'm finally accepting that this is a transitional lifetime for me, though if the present moment is all there is, and all time is simultaneous, then what I am transitioning from and to is up for grabs.
Reflecting on the outer world situation, I had an insight recently, expressed somewhat in my recent essay, "Ain't That America." The insight was simply this - that as bad as things seem today, in terms of corruption and greed and dishonesty and brutality in so many areas of our various societies, it has been no better or worse for any long stretch of history that we are aware of going back at least a few thousand years. Which again speaks to the simultaneity of time. Clearly, we are exploring and experimenting with the dark side of the human experience, from Ancient Rome, the European Dark ages and the American continent's use of genocide and slavery to establish its sovereignty, to today's exploitation and despoiling of our world and children under the tyranny of corporate and religious fascism.
Sounds grim, but yet this thought did not leave me at all in despair. Quite the contrary, it focused me on the two things that really matter most: self-knowledge and love. When you examine any extensive text of spiritual teachings that stand up without dogma, the only two things that ever really seem to "interest" God are finding more and more creative expressions of love, and deeper and deeper explorations of God's "I Am-ness." So, too, for human beings, each of us as part of that greater I AM, when we are mostly about love's expression and knowing ourselves, we are in harmony.
So, in looking back at the calendar year of 2007, a year that held more than a few bits of turmoil for myself and many people in my sphere, I am ultimately gratified, as in full of gratitude, because I did indeed find more ways of expressiving myself creatively through love, and I do actually know myself that much more at year's end than at this time in 2006. And I had the great pleasure of sharing similar journeys with fellow seekers. I end this year, then, feeling blessed. And grateful.
So, from the great I AM from which we all originate, I wish you a wonderful rest of the holiday season (and hopefully a little actual rest during the holiday season!) and a spectacular New Year!
All my best -
Peter
'Tis the season to... reflect. At least that's what I always feel most inclined to do at this time of year, much moreso than exchanging impractical presents and over-eating, all in the name of "traditions" which require that we behave in certain rote ways without reflecting on why we're doing it.
I'm not against acknowledging certain dates on a calendar, though. Since we do live under the construct of a linear time continuum, holidays and anniversaries can serve as moments "in time" to look over the period just ending to try and understand what motivated us to live how and where and with whom the way we did ("What did you do and how did it feel?" is the only question I think God actually ever asks anyone at the end of a lifetime.). I find a good year-in-review process at once gratifying and disheartening. Gratifying to see the ways in which I may have evolved in the past year, and to take note of the non-material gifts I have given to others, given of myself, in other words, to the degree to which I was able to be myself genuinely with those others. Disheartening to face the ways in which I was disingenuous at times.
One thing I've stopped saying is: "This year was a year of transition." Ha! Why? Because in looking back, I've been saying that exact same thing about almost every preceeding year for most of my adult life. Perhaps, I'm finally accepting that this is a transitional lifetime for me, though if the present moment is all there is, and all time is simultaneous, then what I am transitioning from and to is up for grabs.
Reflecting on the outer world situation, I had an insight recently, expressed somewhat in my recent essay, "Ain't That America." The insight was simply this - that as bad as things seem today, in terms of corruption and greed and dishonesty and brutality in so many areas of our various societies, it has been no better or worse for any long stretch of history that we are aware of going back at least a few thousand years. Which again speaks to the simultaneity of time. Clearly, we are exploring and experimenting with the dark side of the human experience, from Ancient Rome, the European Dark ages and the American continent's use of genocide and slavery to establish its sovereignty, to today's exploitation and despoiling of our world and children under the tyranny of corporate and religious fascism.
Sounds grim, but yet this thought did not leave me at all in despair. Quite the contrary, it focused me on the two things that really matter most: self-knowledge and love. When you examine any extensive text of spiritual teachings that stand up without dogma, the only two things that ever really seem to "interest" God are finding more and more creative expressions of love, and deeper and deeper explorations of God's "I Am-ness." So, too, for human beings, each of us as part of that greater I AM, when we are mostly about love's expression and knowing ourselves, we are in harmony.
So, in looking back at the calendar year of 2007, a year that held more than a few bits of turmoil for myself and many people in my sphere, I am ultimately gratified, as in full of gratitude, because I did indeed find more ways of expressiving myself creatively through love, and I do actually know myself that much more at year's end than at this time in 2006. And I had the great pleasure of sharing similar journeys with fellow seekers. I end this year, then, feeling blessed. And grateful.
So, from the great I AM from which we all originate, I wish you a wonderful rest of the holiday season (and hopefully a little actual rest during the holiday season!) and a spectacular New Year!
All my best -
Peter
REPOST: "IS THERE LIFE AFTER THERAPY?"
One of my favorite books ever written by a psychotherapist was called: "Is There Life After Analysis?" by Alma Bond, Ph. D.
Here's what Dr. Bond had to say about what makes for a successful course of therapy:
“...the ability to understand oneself, to love, to hate, to work, to mourn, to allow oneself pleasure when appropriate, to maintain a relatively stable mood, to know who one is and be comfortable with it, to see oneself and the world realistically, to be independent of one's parents or one's therapist, to remain emotionally and physically healthy in the face of anxiety and the ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’, and to take over the role of the therapist when the treatment is over. In a manner of speaking, the primary motive of psychotherapy is to make the therapist obsolete.”
Yes! I have frequently said that if I am doing my job as a therapist correctly, I am continually putting myself out of business! Notice that Alma doesn't say that one has to be issue-free to be done with therapy, but rather that one has to be able to honestly see oneself and be able to treat/confront the issues when they show themselves.
Here's more from Dr. Bond on what takes the place of analysis after it is completed:
“The definitive answer to the question of what takes place after therapy can only be answered by the character of the individual patient. Every patient who ends therapy will do something different with his life. My first result was that I became my own therapist. I began to work on my dreams in earnest. I also had more time and energy to throw myself into my career. In two years, I doubled my therapy practice, then went onto writing. Now, in present time, in this new era of my life, the force of energy I once devoted to therapy, and before that to being neurotic, is now focused on my writing career. I feel it is fueled by exactly the same source of power. We only have so much of it; if it is going into conflict, it is unavailable for work. Some will spend this energy enriching their family life, others in deepening their knowledge of the interest of their choice. Some may change their careers altogether. Still others may buy themselves the time and leisure to travel...”
How great, huh? To have all that energy back? Energy that was first locked up in our neurotic defenses and character structures, and then the energy that had to be devoted to the hard excavation and demolition work of those structures in therapy. That's a lot of energy! Having all of that back can do wonders for fulfilling oneself sexually and in love, in health and in our chosen paths to creativity and generativity. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! So, come on people, put me out of business already!
I just want to add a note about meditation here. Many people I know who are following some kind of spiritual path end up feeling very frustrated. They've read The Course in Miracles or Conversations With God or watched The Secret a hundred times and they just seem unable to make use of the Laws of Attraction. Well, here's the thing - all of the promises contained in those and many other spiritual teachings are real. We are meant to attain the fulfillment of our deepest desires, and we do create and/or attract our own reality. And meditation does "work." In fact, there's a cute little piece of the Huffington Post today called "How Meditation Makes You Nicer." (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/07/how-meditation-makes-you_n_95363.html)
BUT... and it's a big but... you are always going to create and attract from your unconscious and subconscious first, so if there is a lot of conflict and negativity in there, you're going to find a lot of crap coming into your life before any good stuff does. You can't wallpaper over the unresolved issues, even with a valid meditation practice. You might achieve some level of "niceness" and glimpses of peacefulness, but it won't last. That's where the hard work of therapy comes in. I wish there was another way, but there aren't any end runs around this, and there arean't any magic pills! However, after therapy, watch what happens when you meditate for real. It's easy. All you need is love.
P.S. Last I heard, Alma Bond was alive and well and writing in the Florida Keys.
Here's what Dr. Bond had to say about what makes for a successful course of therapy:
“...the ability to understand oneself, to love, to hate, to work, to mourn, to allow oneself pleasure when appropriate, to maintain a relatively stable mood, to know who one is and be comfortable with it, to see oneself and the world realistically, to be independent of one's parents or one's therapist, to remain emotionally and physically healthy in the face of anxiety and the ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’, and to take over the role of the therapist when the treatment is over. In a manner of speaking, the primary motive of psychotherapy is to make the therapist obsolete.”
Yes! I have frequently said that if I am doing my job as a therapist correctly, I am continually putting myself out of business! Notice that Alma doesn't say that one has to be issue-free to be done with therapy, but rather that one has to be able to honestly see oneself and be able to treat/confront the issues when they show themselves.
Here's more from Dr. Bond on what takes the place of analysis after it is completed:
“The definitive answer to the question of what takes place after therapy can only be answered by the character of the individual patient. Every patient who ends therapy will do something different with his life. My first result was that I became my own therapist. I began to work on my dreams in earnest. I also had more time and energy to throw myself into my career. In two years, I doubled my therapy practice, then went onto writing. Now, in present time, in this new era of my life, the force of energy I once devoted to therapy, and before that to being neurotic, is now focused on my writing career. I feel it is fueled by exactly the same source of power. We only have so much of it; if it is going into conflict, it is unavailable for work. Some will spend this energy enriching their family life, others in deepening their knowledge of the interest of their choice. Some may change their careers altogether. Still others may buy themselves the time and leisure to travel...”
How great, huh? To have all that energy back? Energy that was first locked up in our neurotic defenses and character structures, and then the energy that had to be devoted to the hard excavation and demolition work of those structures in therapy. That's a lot of energy! Having all of that back can do wonders for fulfilling oneself sexually and in love, in health and in our chosen paths to creativity and generativity. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! So, come on people, put me out of business already!
I just want to add a note about meditation here. Many people I know who are following some kind of spiritual path end up feeling very frustrated. They've read The Course in Miracles or Conversations With God or watched The Secret a hundred times and they just seem unable to make use of the Laws of Attraction. Well, here's the thing - all of the promises contained in those and many other spiritual teachings are real. We are meant to attain the fulfillment of our deepest desires, and we do create and/or attract our own reality. And meditation does "work." In fact, there's a cute little piece of the Huffington Post today called "How Meditation Makes You Nicer." (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/07/how-meditation-makes-you_n_95363.html)
BUT... and it's a big but... you are always going to create and attract from your unconscious and subconscious first, so if there is a lot of conflict and negativity in there, you're going to find a lot of crap coming into your life before any good stuff does. You can't wallpaper over the unresolved issues, even with a valid meditation practice. You might achieve some level of "niceness" and glimpses of peacefulness, but it won't last. That's where the hard work of therapy comes in. I wish there was another way, but there aren't any end runs around this, and there arean't any magic pills! However, after therapy, watch what happens when you meditate for real. It's easy. All you need is love.
P.S. Last I heard, Alma Bond was alive and well and writing in the Florida Keys.
Peter Yarrow's Response to the Mean-Spirited "Barack the Magic Negro"
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE!
You really gotta love the way psychopaths always end up shooting themselves in the foot they're always trying to stick up someone else's ass.
Here's Peter Yarrow, of Peter, Paul & Mary, known for many songs, including "Puff the Magic Dragon," of which the RNC saw fit to pass around a racist parody of this holiday season:
"The sending of a Christmas greeting by Chip Saltsman to the members of the Republican National Committee that includes a recording of the so-called parody, "Barack the Magic Negro" is not only offensive, it is shocking and saddening in the extreme. It flies in the face of America's deeply held hope for a new era in which common ground and mutual respect characterize the exchanges between our national leaders.
"I and my co-writer of 'Puff,' Lenny Lipton, have been eagerly awaiting an end to the mean-spiritedness, outright disrespect and bigotry that was commonplace prior to this last presidential election. What might have been wearily accepted as 'the way it was' in the campaign, is now unacceptable. Obama is not a candidate. He is the President-Elect, and this song insults the office of the Presidency, the people who voted for him, as well as those who did not -- and taking a children's song and twisting it in such vulgar, mean-spirited way, is a slur to our entire country and our common agreement to move beyond racism."
You really gotta love the way psychopaths always end up shooting themselves in the foot they're always trying to stick up someone else's ass.
Here's Peter Yarrow, of Peter, Paul & Mary, known for many songs, including "Puff the Magic Dragon," of which the RNC saw fit to pass around a racist parody of this holiday season:
"The sending of a Christmas greeting by Chip Saltsman to the members of the Republican National Committee that includes a recording of the so-called parody, "Barack the Magic Negro" is not only offensive, it is shocking and saddening in the extreme. It flies in the face of America's deeply held hope for a new era in which common ground and mutual respect characterize the exchanges between our national leaders.
"I and my co-writer of 'Puff,' Lenny Lipton, have been eagerly awaiting an end to the mean-spiritedness, outright disrespect and bigotry that was commonplace prior to this last presidential election. What might have been wearily accepted as 'the way it was' in the campaign, is now unacceptable. Obama is not a candidate. He is the President-Elect, and this song insults the office of the Presidency, the people who voted for him, as well as those who did not -- and taking a children's song and twisting it in such vulgar, mean-spirited way, is a slur to our entire country and our common agreement to move beyond racism."
REPOST: "WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME!"
Here's another news story to add to the four different but horrific stories from four different news sources I posted last week. My point in printing them is this: until we realize that while we may all be physical human beings living out lifetimes in the same linear chronology, we are not all the same soul age, and so to treat people who would enslave, rape or otherwise brutalize children, or murder others because of their skin color as if they were merely "bad" is itself insane. The people of the various groups and cultures in these stories are infant and/or baby souls at best. Just like a two year old child is by adult standards "insane," so, too are the people in question here insane by the standards of a mature soul. To go to war with or simply incarcerate a two-year old would be nuts, right? But to set strict, clear limits on the behavior of that child, while offering guidance, training and support makes sense, yes? That's exactly what we need to do with the insane, misogynist, racist, paranoid infants in human adult bodies of the world.
Think about it.
Check out THIS STORY: "Child maid trafficking spreads from Africa to US"
And...
THIS STORY: "Saudi court rejects divorce plea from EIGHT-year-old girl married to 58-year-http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifold man"
And...
THIS STORY: "There are now more slaves on the planet than at any time in human history"
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
And...
: "White vigilante groups blockaded small town in post-Katrina New Orleans and murdered blacks"
And...
: "Egyptian teacher murders a pupil whose homework was late"
Think about it.
Check out THIS STORY: "Child maid trafficking spreads from Africa to US"
And...
THIS STORY: "Saudi court rejects divorce plea from EIGHT-year-old girl married to 58-year-http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifold man"
And...
THIS STORY: "There are now more slaves on the planet than at any time in human history"
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
And...
: "White vigilante groups blockaded small town in post-Katrina New Orleans and murdered blacks"
And...
: "Egyptian teacher murders a pupil whose homework was late"
Today's Quote
"The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us."
Black Elk (1863-1950)
Black Elk (1863-1950)
FAREWELL TO ANOTHER PSYCHOPATH
FROM THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE SECTION ON BODY ASPECTS:
"The eyes are often lidded, with a drowsy, sleepy look meant to disarm and seduce."
"Brit, here we are memorializing you and you're not even dead yet! But time marches on."
George W. Bush
"The eyes are often lidded, with a drowsy, sleepy look meant to disarm and seduce."
"Brit, here we are memorializing you and you're not even dead yet! But time marches on." 
George W. Bush
OH, AND ONE MORE MIRACLE -
After twice electing (well, sort of) George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, and their philosophies of "greed is good," "might makes right" and "I'm always right, anyway," the very same country elected Barack Obama!
MIRACLES HAPPEN!
Over the past three decades, I have witnessed what many, including mainstream medical practitioners, would consider to be miracles. Tumors shrinking and disappearing shortly before a scheduled surgery without explanation, terminal cancer going into sudden remission, a child with a supposedly organic brain dysfunction becoming normal, gastrointestinal problems clearing up in one week after a year of failed medical approaches, sexual functioning and potency increasing in middle age, chronic vision problems clearing up instantly without any medical treatment... I've got a long list of many more that are both physically and not physically oriented, but it's those physical ones that seem to impress people more. For me, people finding love-Eros-and-sex in a whole new way, seeing themselves and others clearly for the first time, finding more strength and vitality in their bodies as they get older, receiving a surprise solution to a financial problem, these are more of my favorites.
Anyway, the point is, miracles happen. They do. Really. I've seen it. But what is a miracle?
My favorite definition of a miracle - and I don't really know who said this first - is this one: "Miracles are the result of nature unimpeded." Think about that.
Miracles are the result of nature unimpeded.
In other words, what we call miracles are really just the normal operations of life when we get the barriers that our egos have created out of the way. In every one of the above examples, and many, many more, a person has freed up their emotions and/or let go of a long-held, internal belief system, and as a result, created what others would call a miracle: a spontaneous healing of an illness without slashing, burning or drugging, a dissolving of a long-standing mental block, the sudden, unpredictable solution to an intractable problem.
Einstein also knew about miracles. He once said this: "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Exactly.
As you go into this final week of the year, which is the "high season" for those of us in the psychotherapy business, a time when people feel their conflicts, losses, disappointments and blockages most acutely, try opening yourself up to the unimpeded nature of yourself. Consider the possibility that when all the efforts of your logical mind fail, when your outer will is being thwarted, when you can't easily see a way out or a path to the light at the end of the tunnel, there is a miracle waiting to happen. Not a reward for being "good," or a compensation for your suffering, not because it's "your turn," or the luck of the draw is finally going your way, not because God or Santa Claus is cutting you a break. No. Simply because the goodness of nature, of life the way it is meant to be for all can be accessed and channeled through you, if you just let it. So, let it. If you need help getting out of your own way, getting out of nature's way, which we all do, seek it. Help is always available. Really.
That's a miracle, too.
Anyway, the point is, miracles happen. They do. Really. I've seen it. But what is a miracle?
My favorite definition of a miracle - and I don't really know who said this first - is this one: "Miracles are the result of nature unimpeded." Think about that.
Miracles are the result of nature unimpeded.
In other words, what we call miracles are really just the normal operations of life when we get the barriers that our egos have created out of the way. In every one of the above examples, and many, many more, a person has freed up their emotions and/or let go of a long-held, internal belief system, and as a result, created what others would call a miracle: a spontaneous healing of an illness without slashing, burning or drugging, a dissolving of a long-standing mental block, the sudden, unpredictable solution to an intractable problem.
Einstein also knew about miracles. He once said this: "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Exactly.
As you go into this final week of the year, which is the "high season" for those of us in the psychotherapy business, a time when people feel their conflicts, losses, disappointments and blockages most acutely, try opening yourself up to the unimpeded nature of yourself. Consider the possibility that when all the efforts of your logical mind fail, when your outer will is being thwarted, when you can't easily see a way out or a path to the light at the end of the tunnel, there is a miracle waiting to happen. Not a reward for being "good," or a compensation for your suffering, not because it's "your turn," or the luck of the draw is finally going your way, not because God or Santa Claus is cutting you a break. No. Simply because the goodness of nature, of life the way it is meant to be for all can be accessed and channeled through you, if you just let it. So, let it. If you need help getting out of your own way, getting out of nature's way, which we all do, seek it. Help is always available. Really.
That's a miracle, too.
Comment on PL's post "WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME!"
"scolthorp" left this comment:
"Peter -- Well said! I've recently been studying Don Beck (student of Clare Graves) and his model of human development. I think us nutty human-folk need more advice from people like you on matters of psychological maturation, or we're never going to grow up and learn to enjoy the variety of cultural differences. To Quote Gene Roddenberry: 'Humanity will reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins not just to tolerate, but to take a special delight in differences in ideas and differences in life forms."
"Peter -- Well said! I've recently been studying Don Beck (student of Clare Graves) and his model of human development. I think us nutty human-folk need more advice from people like you on matters of psychological maturation, or we're never going to grow up and learn to enjoy the variety of cultural differences. To Quote Gene Roddenberry: 'Humanity will reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins not just to tolerate, but to take a special delight in differences in ideas and differences in life forms."
Today's Quote
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
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