THE STAGES OF HEALING: THE SELF REVISITED, THE SELF REBORN (PART FIVE!)
STAGE FIVE: AWARENESS TO UNDERSTANDING TO KNOWING TO BEING
What comes after re-alignment?
I’ve come to call that place “full permission living.” The phrase came to me spontaneously after I broke through my own character structure. I felt that I could now be more and more able, as time progressed post-character structure, to follow my desires, trust my impulses, act spontaneously – basically, do whatever I wanted – and that, in so doing, I could trust that I would be living in my own best interest, and in harmony with others and with life.
Full permission living is a place of being. Having moved from awareness to understanding to knowing, a person at this level of their development is simply a human… being.
Eva Broch, in Pathwork Guide Lecture #127, delineates four stages of the evolution of consciousness: “automatic reflex, awareness, understanding and knowing.” Spinning off from that lecture, one can think of the movement through states of consciousness in the healing process as having four stages: awareness, understanding, knowing and being.
Awareness and understanding come by freeing up the mind. This is accomplished first by clearly seeing what is going on in one’s inner and outer life (awareness), and then making the cause and effect connections about the events (understanding). Awareness can begin increasing right in the first therapy session with the therapist’s initial reflections and assessment. Often in a first session, a patient may say in response to the therapist’s observation about something, “Oh! I never realized that before.” His awareness has been activated.
Understanding comes somewhat afterwards as connections are made mentally and repetitive patterns that were previously thought of as mysterious or cruelly random are seen in their predictable light. Hidden agendas, intentions and beliefs are accepted as personal realities.
Knowing comes with freeing up the emotions in the body. It is only from our gut, from within our bodies, that we can ever say “I know” something with certainty. That is why we say, “I just feel it”, when we are definite about something. The person who truly feels, knows their own truth confidently. Getting to a place of knowing takes hard work and determined effort. In addition to developing awareness and understanding, one must now undertake the “breaking” of the body’s defenses and armoring, and really feel, especially, at first, the difficult feelings of sorrow, rage and fear. This is the “point of no return.” If a person breaks through here - and it could take 6 or more years - they will never “go back” to their previous levels of functioning. They are on their way to being.
Being is just living, spontaneously and naturally, and comes from letting go. Of everything! It is living without attachment. Although awareness, understanding and knowing are part of being, they are incorporated now without effort, without thinking in the usual sense. Basic trust has been firmly re-established, but now combined with the knowledge, courage and wisdom of an adult.
The re-establishment of basic trust leads to the rediscovery that at its base, life “works”, and that at our own cores, we are loving, creative, compassionate beings. At this phase of development, a person knows that he or she creates their own reality and he accepts responsibility for his creations without judgement or blame. One lives without attachment to outcomes, without regrets about past events, without worry about future happenings. Dualistic thinking falls by the wayside, and there is a true sense of oneness felt in connection with all others and with life. Body, mind and spirit are felt to be one. The person here doesn’t think of oneself as “sick” when experiencing a symptom, but rather this person experiences pain as information and guidance. There is no irrational fear of death… or life. Perfection is not demanded from oneself or others. Life is lived spontaneously.
In one way, life at this point resembles life before therapy. Neurotic individuals operate pretty much automatically in their lives, operating automatically, from what Broch calls "automatic reflexes”, acting out the dictates of their unconscious mind unquestioningly. It is only the suffering that keeps intruding into their daily existence that makes them question what’s going on and seek out guidance. Their suffering is caused by the fact that the unconscious dictates they’re acting out are coming from the wounded child aspect of the personality. The healing of this wounded aspect in us requires a very intense and focused period of intrusive “excavation” into the unconscious mind and body. It is an immersion in self-examination, questioning, exposing, analyzing, surfacing, penetrating, releasing, cleansing, re-educating and re-aligning that takes years.
However, once the “hard work” is done, in a sense the person can go back to living automatically again. Only this time, it is the most developed aspect of the self, the “higher self”, that is motivating actions more directly. This higher self aspect is also unconscious to the person for the most part, but the free adult can understand and sense its workings more clearly because now the ego has gone back to its original, natural function: observing. Whatever happens in the person’s life at this point, including what used to be thought of fretfully as obstacles, problems or illness, he just observes events without judgement or irrational fear, and accepts everything as information and guidance. The person here is identified with “that which observes”, rather than ‘that which is observed”, as Eva Broch puts it in Guide Lecture #189.
Or as Saint Thomas Aquinas put it in describing the realization at this level of consciousness: “Who we are looking for is who is looking.”
What comes after re-alignment?
I’ve come to call that place “full permission living.” The phrase came to me spontaneously after I broke through my own character structure. I felt that I could now be more and more able, as time progressed post-character structure, to follow my desires, trust my impulses, act spontaneously – basically, do whatever I wanted – and that, in so doing, I could trust that I would be living in my own best interest, and in harmony with others and with life.
Full permission living is a place of being. Having moved from awareness to understanding to knowing, a person at this level of their development is simply a human… being.
Eva Broch, in Pathwork Guide Lecture #127, delineates four stages of the evolution of consciousness: “automatic reflex, awareness, understanding and knowing.” Spinning off from that lecture, one can think of the movement through states of consciousness in the healing process as having four stages: awareness, understanding, knowing and being.
Awareness and understanding come by freeing up the mind. This is accomplished first by clearly seeing what is going on in one’s inner and outer life (awareness), and then making the cause and effect connections about the events (understanding). Awareness can begin increasing right in the first therapy session with the therapist’s initial reflections and assessment. Often in a first session, a patient may say in response to the therapist’s observation about something, “Oh! I never realized that before.” His awareness has been activated.
Understanding comes somewhat afterwards as connections are made mentally and repetitive patterns that were previously thought of as mysterious or cruelly random are seen in their predictable light. Hidden agendas, intentions and beliefs are accepted as personal realities.
Knowing comes with freeing up the emotions in the body. It is only from our gut, from within our bodies, that we can ever say “I know” something with certainty. That is why we say, “I just feel it”, when we are definite about something. The person who truly feels, knows their own truth confidently. Getting to a place of knowing takes hard work and determined effort. In addition to developing awareness and understanding, one must now undertake the “breaking” of the body’s defenses and armoring, and really feel, especially, at first, the difficult feelings of sorrow, rage and fear. This is the “point of no return.” If a person breaks through here - and it could take 6 or more years - they will never “go back” to their previous levels of functioning. They are on their way to being.
Being is just living, spontaneously and naturally, and comes from letting go. Of everything! It is living without attachment. Although awareness, understanding and knowing are part of being, they are incorporated now without effort, without thinking in the usual sense. Basic trust has been firmly re-established, but now combined with the knowledge, courage and wisdom of an adult.
The re-establishment of basic trust leads to the rediscovery that at its base, life “works”, and that at our own cores, we are loving, creative, compassionate beings. At this phase of development, a person knows that he or she creates their own reality and he accepts responsibility for his creations without judgement or blame. One lives without attachment to outcomes, without regrets about past events, without worry about future happenings. Dualistic thinking falls by the wayside, and there is a true sense of oneness felt in connection with all others and with life. Body, mind and spirit are felt to be one. The person here doesn’t think of oneself as “sick” when experiencing a symptom, but rather this person experiences pain as information and guidance. There is no irrational fear of death… or life. Perfection is not demanded from oneself or others. Life is lived spontaneously.
In one way, life at this point resembles life before therapy. Neurotic individuals operate pretty much automatically in their lives, operating automatically, from what Broch calls "automatic reflexes”, acting out the dictates of their unconscious mind unquestioningly. It is only the suffering that keeps intruding into their daily existence that makes them question what’s going on and seek out guidance. Their suffering is caused by the fact that the unconscious dictates they’re acting out are coming from the wounded child aspect of the personality. The healing of this wounded aspect in us requires a very intense and focused period of intrusive “excavation” into the unconscious mind and body. It is an immersion in self-examination, questioning, exposing, analyzing, surfacing, penetrating, releasing, cleansing, re-educating and re-aligning that takes years.
However, once the “hard work” is done, in a sense the person can go back to living automatically again. Only this time, it is the most developed aspect of the self, the “higher self”, that is motivating actions more directly. This higher self aspect is also unconscious to the person for the most part, but the free adult can understand and sense its workings more clearly because now the ego has gone back to its original, natural function: observing. Whatever happens in the person’s life at this point, including what used to be thought of fretfully as obstacles, problems or illness, he just observes events without judgement or irrational fear, and accepts everything as information and guidance. The person here is identified with “that which observes”, rather than ‘that which is observed”, as Eva Broch puts it in Guide Lecture #189.
Or as Saint Thomas Aquinas put it in describing the realization at this level of consciousness: “Who we are looking for is who is looking.”
TONIGHT'S "TRICKLE DOWN THIS" QUOTE!
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans."
Ronald Reagan (March 29,1981 - barely 2 months into his 1st term)
Ronald Reagan (March 29,1981 - barely 2 months into his 1st term)
EXCELLENT COMMENTS BY "CASEYDANCER" ON PL'S POST: "STRIPPING DOWN STRIPPING!"/PL RESPONDS!
Here's Casey:
"I appreciate your comments ("STRIPPING DOWN STRIPPING") and overall perspective on stripping. Strip club customers are immature. Emotionally/spiritually healthy men should find strip clubs to be boring and sad. Unfortunately the uhealthy male masses have a craving to fill and the uneducated and oppressed female masses have financial needs to fill. As well as a certain amount of emotional problems to address because it's true that few strippers do it JUST for the money.
I know this because I've been one for 13 years. I'm a recovered addict, with less than one year of college (24 yrs ago), attempting to get a writing career off the ground and I need a job with very flexible hours and a decent income in order to do it. Stripping is the only job available to me that fulfills these needs at this point in my life. However that's not why I first started doing it.
I first started stripping (at 18, 24 yrs ago) mostly for the money but also propelled, in part, by my emotional/sexual baggage, issues I've yet to fully heal (though I've come a long way, baby).
Anyway, I blog about it at www.MyDancerDiary.com if you're interested. And I happen to stumble on your blog today and have thoroughly enjoyed it. Just wanted you to know that some of the approx 250,000 exotic entertainers in this country do agree with your points, while also continuing to work at one of the best (of the very few) viable jobs available to us."
Here's PL:
Thank you, CD, for a candid and very lucid response to my post. I appreciate what you wrote so much that I am hesitant to counter any of it, so I will mainly say just this: that combing what you call the "cravings of the unhealthy male masses" with the material needs of "the uneducated and oppressed female masses" is a recipe for mutual exploitation, and so cannot be "one of the best, viable jobs" for said female masses. There is a paradigm, a belief system at work underneath this apparent dilemma that if it could be uncovered and challenged would change the outer reality.
I look forward to reading your blog, Casey, and thanks again!
"I appreciate your comments ("STRIPPING DOWN STRIPPING") and overall perspective on stripping. Strip club customers are immature. Emotionally/spiritually healthy men should find strip clubs to be boring and sad. Unfortunately the uhealthy male masses have a craving to fill and the uneducated and oppressed female masses have financial needs to fill. As well as a certain amount of emotional problems to address because it's true that few strippers do it JUST for the money.
I know this because I've been one for 13 years. I'm a recovered addict, with less than one year of college (24 yrs ago), attempting to get a writing career off the ground and I need a job with very flexible hours and a decent income in order to do it. Stripping is the only job available to me that fulfills these needs at this point in my life. However that's not why I first started doing it.
I first started stripping (at 18, 24 yrs ago) mostly for the money but also propelled, in part, by my emotional/sexual baggage, issues I've yet to fully heal (though I've come a long way, baby).
Anyway, I blog about it at www.MyDancerDiary.com if you're interested. And I happen to stumble on your blog today and have thoroughly enjoyed it. Just wanted you to know that some of the approx 250,000 exotic entertainers in this country do agree with your points, while also continuing to work at one of the best (of the very few) viable jobs available to us."
Here's PL:
Thank you, CD, for a candid and very lucid response to my post. I appreciate what you wrote so much that I am hesitant to counter any of it, so I will mainly say just this: that combing what you call the "cravings of the unhealthy male masses" with the material needs of "the uneducated and oppressed female masses" is a recipe for mutual exploitation, and so cannot be "one of the best, viable jobs" for said female masses. There is a paradigm, a belief system at work underneath this apparent dilemma that if it could be uncovered and challenged would change the outer reality.
I look forward to reading your blog, Casey, and thanks again!
STRIPPING DOWN STRIPPING!
Here's an excerpt (below) from an interesting piece about the profession of stripping, called "My Life In a G-String: A Round Up of Stripper Memoirs," by Katie Roiphe.
Katie focuses on how so many of the so-called inside looks into the world of stripping via "memoirs" by strippers, all sound the same, but she doesn't offer any insight or analysis of what she is documenting, although some things are clearly implied. Denial, for one thing. And a masochistic/psychopathic character structure combination, often with an overlay of narcissism, and an underpinning of sexual abuse in childhood, be it overt or subtle. In other words, stripping is not about what it seems to be about, and it certainly isn't about sex or sensuality or economics.
Woah! What does that mean, PL?
Well, it means in simplest terms, that no one becomes a stripper "just for the money," and that stripping, contrary to what some of the memoirs suggest, is as far from being a "feminist act of empowerment" as being Vanna White turning letters on Wheel of Fortune once was. The world of stripping isn't even one of high level voyeurism or exhibitionism. Only the most immature and disconnected from their own sexuality would find pole dancing by women in thongs for money anything but tedious and boring, if not downright sad and pathetic.
I love sex. And the revealing of oneself is a very sensual part of the experience. Likewise, watching your partner in love,Eros and sex undress in front of you is hot. Sitting at a table at "Scores," with a bunch of indiscriminately horny men seeking to control and exploit the women who are seeking to control and exploit them, is not hot.
Anyway, here's Katie:
"Are all naked women pretty much the same? Reading stripper memoirs would lead one to think so. It is a surprisingly rigid genre, with a set of rules and conventions as strict as those of sonnets or villanelles. These memoirs vary in tone, from Ruth Fowler, in Girl, Undressed, who writes like Sylvia Plath without the talent (“The bruise of men’s kisses has stained our breasts like crushed berries, fading gently into the sickly olive of a memory”) or Diablo Cody, of Juno fame, in Candy Girl, who writes like a grown-up Eloise at the Plaza (“Bossy bottoms absolutely slay me”), but they do tend to follow a surprisingly predictable form. You would think the subject would have a certain voyeuristic frisson, but something about stripping lends itself to cliché and obviousness, to the literary equivalent of fake breasts and caked mascara and silver thongs.
"It is puzzling that such promising and prurient subject matter would lead to such flat books. This stylized form of sexuality seems to lend itself to cliché. In all of these memoirs, there is something false in the revelation and mechanical in the execution, that is—if we take the word of these bored and jaded ladies—something like stripping itself. Some of the writers, like Eaves, are smarter than others; some, like Cody, are more charismatic. But I think one could read memoirs about working in a diner that would be more various and diverse and interesting. (Think of Barbara Ehrenreich in Nickel and Dimed.) Perhaps, in our porn-saturated world, we are overly familiar with the interior of a strip club; there is not much in these books that we didn’t know or couldn’t imagine on our own. After indulging in these books, with all of their posing, their vacant mirror gazing, their empty dramatization, the reader may begin to feel like a business man on vacation who would prefer a little of the real thing."
Katie focuses on how so many of the so-called inside looks into the world of stripping via "memoirs" by strippers, all sound the same, but she doesn't offer any insight or analysis of what she is documenting, although some things are clearly implied. Denial, for one thing. And a masochistic/psychopathic character structure combination, often with an overlay of narcissism, and an underpinning of sexual abuse in childhood, be it overt or subtle. In other words, stripping is not about what it seems to be about, and it certainly isn't about sex or sensuality or economics.
Woah! What does that mean, PL?
Well, it means in simplest terms, that no one becomes a stripper "just for the money," and that stripping, contrary to what some of the memoirs suggest, is as far from being a "feminist act of empowerment" as being Vanna White turning letters on Wheel of Fortune once was. The world of stripping isn't even one of high level voyeurism or exhibitionism. Only the most immature and disconnected from their own sexuality would find pole dancing by women in thongs for money anything but tedious and boring, if not downright sad and pathetic.
I love sex. And the revealing of oneself is a very sensual part of the experience. Likewise, watching your partner in love,Eros and sex undress in front of you is hot. Sitting at a table at "Scores," with a bunch of indiscriminately horny men seeking to control and exploit the women who are seeking to control and exploit them, is not hot.
Anyway, here's Katie:
"Are all naked women pretty much the same? Reading stripper memoirs would lead one to think so. It is a surprisingly rigid genre, with a set of rules and conventions as strict as those of sonnets or villanelles. These memoirs vary in tone, from Ruth Fowler, in Girl, Undressed, who writes like Sylvia Plath without the talent (“The bruise of men’s kisses has stained our breasts like crushed berries, fading gently into the sickly olive of a memory”) or Diablo Cody, of Juno fame, in Candy Girl, who writes like a grown-up Eloise at the Plaza (“Bossy bottoms absolutely slay me”), but they do tend to follow a surprisingly predictable form. You would think the subject would have a certain voyeuristic frisson, but something about stripping lends itself to cliché and obviousness, to the literary equivalent of fake breasts and caked mascara and silver thongs.
"It is puzzling that such promising and prurient subject matter would lead to such flat books. This stylized form of sexuality seems to lend itself to cliché. In all of these memoirs, there is something false in the revelation and mechanical in the execution, that is—if we take the word of these bored and jaded ladies—something like stripping itself. Some of the writers, like Eaves, are smarter than others; some, like Cody, are more charismatic. But I think one could read memoirs about working in a diner that would be more various and diverse and interesting. (Think of Barbara Ehrenreich in Nickel and Dimed.) Perhaps, in our porn-saturated world, we are overly familiar with the interior of a strip club; there is not much in these books that we didn’t know or couldn’t imagine on our own. After indulging in these books, with all of their posing, their vacant mirror gazing, their empty dramatization, the reader may begin to feel like a business man on vacation who would prefer a little of the real thing."
THE STAGES OF HEALING: THE SELF REVISITED, THE SELF REBORN (PART FOUR!)
STAGE FOUR: RE-ALIGNMENT
Here's the fourth installment from my training class on the Stages of Healing that I taught to prospective therapists a while ago. Readers will note that the stages of healing in therapy move along with what should be the natural stages of our development.
If a person in therapy has developed basic trust and formed a genuine alliance with her therapist, has uncovered his inner beliefs and faced the childhood traumas they were based on without any glossing over, and finally, if she has freed herself up emotionally and physically, this person has broken through her character structure. This is an incredible and heroic accomplishment! If entering into therapy is reminiscent of the initial crisis of being born in a desperate state of need, then breaking free of one’s character structure is like the experience of being “born again”, only this time into a healthy, loving environment.
This time around, the newly “born” person’s basic trust stays intact, because the patient has now become her own loving parent. So, the person can go about the business of exploring life, just like a well-loved and secure baby does, outside of the inhibiting armor of a defensive structure. Stimulation and sensations in the internal and external worlds are experienced as new again, and, as such, are felt to be both exciting and frightening at first. Just as the newborn child needs to learn how to walk and talk and orient himself to life on planet Earth, a newly opened adult needs to re-learn how to do those things outside of the cramped confines of an inhibited life and contracted or de-energized body.
Also like an infant, who doesn’t have an “identity” based on roles or images yet, a newly released adult has a much more fluid and undefined sense of self. At first, many people at this stage of therapy “complain” that they feel “lost” or say, “I don’t know who I am anymore”, or “I don’t know where I’m going.” This feeling is not “replaced” with a new identity, however. Instead, the person, over time, gets used to living more like a “spirit”, free of the limited notions of a clearly defined “self”, and free from rigid ideas about space and time. More and more moments of exhilarating freedom and a humble but genuine self-confidence begin to infuse the person as a result.
Finally, like a baby who has no conception of the past or future but is totally in the moment, focused only on the immediate input to its five senses, the free adult is once again a sensate being, connected to the now. The richness of physical life and the importance of pleasure become clear. Judgements about one’s desires fall away. Ruminating about the past and worrying about the future no longer occupies the mind. The actualized adult’s ego is “repaired”, and assigned to its proper functions of observing, mediating and remembering, instead of controlling, punishing and suppressing.
This stage of therapy is a time of getting used to expansive influxes of energy, and once again, as in infancy, it is a time of feeling emotions and sensations in one’s body intensely. The therapist needs to explain that the feelings of fear the patient is having now are not regressive, “old” feelings, but rather, they are appropriate, natural feelings of fear that anyone on a new adventure has. The therapist can reassure the patient that he or she will no longer be paralyzed by strong emotions, and that there is no longer the possibility of regression. This could take time, but now, for the person at this stage, time is an ally. The patient who has broken through his character structure has re-ignited his natural healing process and will only “get better” with the passage of time. This person will truly “age gracefully.”
Inevitably, at this time in the person’s development, sexual gratification and creative expression become paramount issues for the patient. No longer suffering “neurotically” (unconsciously repeating childhood scenarios symbolically over and over again), the patient now becomes focused on the adult needs to share deep intimacy and pleasure with another and to fulfill what Erikson called “generativity”, the desire to give back to the world and the next generation through creative expression. This will often be a time, regardless of the patient’s age, of going back to school, changing careers, and exploring one’s sexual nature, including for many, “learning” how to enjoy sex joyfully, without guilt or shame.
The therapist is mostly engaged in supportive counseling and “teaching” at this time, no longer needing to focus on uncovering hidden images and beliefs or unblocking feelings in the body. This patient knows her own story now and he can cry or laugh fully when the moment calls for it. Meditation and journal writing are very valuable tools to facilitate the process at this stage of development, because just as the body has to re-adjust to free living, so does the mind. Habitual ways of thinking and behaving will assert themselves occasionally, particularly under stress or fatigue, but since the person is now operating consciously, and not locked in her body, subtler techniques will bring him back to a centered, balanced place in shorter and shorter amounts of time.
Here's the fourth installment from my training class on the Stages of Healing that I taught to prospective therapists a while ago. Readers will note that the stages of healing in therapy move along with what should be the natural stages of our development.
If a person in therapy has developed basic trust and formed a genuine alliance with her therapist, has uncovered his inner beliefs and faced the childhood traumas they were based on without any glossing over, and finally, if she has freed herself up emotionally and physically, this person has broken through her character structure. This is an incredible and heroic accomplishment! If entering into therapy is reminiscent of the initial crisis of being born in a desperate state of need, then breaking free of one’s character structure is like the experience of being “born again”, only this time into a healthy, loving environment.
This time around, the newly “born” person’s basic trust stays intact, because the patient has now become her own loving parent. So, the person can go about the business of exploring life, just like a well-loved and secure baby does, outside of the inhibiting armor of a defensive structure. Stimulation and sensations in the internal and external worlds are experienced as new again, and, as such, are felt to be both exciting and frightening at first. Just as the newborn child needs to learn how to walk and talk and orient himself to life on planet Earth, a newly opened adult needs to re-learn how to do those things outside of the cramped confines of an inhibited life and contracted or de-energized body.
Also like an infant, who doesn’t have an “identity” based on roles or images yet, a newly released adult has a much more fluid and undefined sense of self. At first, many people at this stage of therapy “complain” that they feel “lost” or say, “I don’t know who I am anymore”, or “I don’t know where I’m going.” This feeling is not “replaced” with a new identity, however. Instead, the person, over time, gets used to living more like a “spirit”, free of the limited notions of a clearly defined “self”, and free from rigid ideas about space and time. More and more moments of exhilarating freedom and a humble but genuine self-confidence begin to infuse the person as a result.
Finally, like a baby who has no conception of the past or future but is totally in the moment, focused only on the immediate input to its five senses, the free adult is once again a sensate being, connected to the now. The richness of physical life and the importance of pleasure become clear. Judgements about one’s desires fall away. Ruminating about the past and worrying about the future no longer occupies the mind. The actualized adult’s ego is “repaired”, and assigned to its proper functions of observing, mediating and remembering, instead of controlling, punishing and suppressing.
This stage of therapy is a time of getting used to expansive influxes of energy, and once again, as in infancy, it is a time of feeling emotions and sensations in one’s body intensely. The therapist needs to explain that the feelings of fear the patient is having now are not regressive, “old” feelings, but rather, they are appropriate, natural feelings of fear that anyone on a new adventure has. The therapist can reassure the patient that he or she will no longer be paralyzed by strong emotions, and that there is no longer the possibility of regression. This could take time, but now, for the person at this stage, time is an ally. The patient who has broken through his character structure has re-ignited his natural healing process and will only “get better” with the passage of time. This person will truly “age gracefully.”
Inevitably, at this time in the person’s development, sexual gratification and creative expression become paramount issues for the patient. No longer suffering “neurotically” (unconsciously repeating childhood scenarios symbolically over and over again), the patient now becomes focused on the adult needs to share deep intimacy and pleasure with another and to fulfill what Erikson called “generativity”, the desire to give back to the world and the next generation through creative expression. This will often be a time, regardless of the patient’s age, of going back to school, changing careers, and exploring one’s sexual nature, including for many, “learning” how to enjoy sex joyfully, without guilt or shame.
The therapist is mostly engaged in supportive counseling and “teaching” at this time, no longer needing to focus on uncovering hidden images and beliefs or unblocking feelings in the body. This patient knows her own story now and he can cry or laugh fully when the moment calls for it. Meditation and journal writing are very valuable tools to facilitate the process at this stage of development, because just as the body has to re-adjust to free living, so does the mind. Habitual ways of thinking and behaving will assert themselves occasionally, particularly under stress or fatigue, but since the person is now operating consciously, and not locked in her body, subtler techniques will bring him back to a centered, balanced place in shorter and shorter amounts of time.
THE STAGES OF HEALING: THE SELF REVISITED, THE SELF REBORN (PART THREE!)
STAGE THREE: ENERGIZING, MOVING AND RELEASING FEELINGS
Here's the third installment from my training class on the Stages of Healing that I taught to prospective therapists a while ago. Readers will note that the stages of healing in therapy move along with what should be the natural stages of our development.
Whatever the person’s stated reasons for coming to therapy are, and regardless of the symptoms, the main problem of every “patient” (person in pain) is that they are not as happy as they feel they could be. (This does not mean that every patient’s “goal” in therapy is going to be finding happiness, nor does it mean that every patient is going to stick around until they do.)
Emotions are the movements of energy in the body which are perceived and interpreted by the mind in order to decide upon an action relative to the emotion. Joy, pleasure, love and happiness are emotions which, under natural circumstances, move us toward the sources of the “positive” stimulation. Pain, fear and anger move us away from the catalysts of those feelings. However, if we are unable to move towards the sources of pleasure or away from the causes of pain, as is the case when we are helpless and dependent in childhood, we go into a crisis that feels life-threatening to the child. The only recourse to the child in such a situation is to try and move away from the feelings themselves. To do this, she will clench her muscles and distort her body structure to inhibit the flow of energy. While this approach seems to avoid the unpleasantness of the “negative” feelings, it also makes the experience of happiness and pleasure equally inhibited.
These characterological defensive structures are built into the body as well as the mind and therefore cannot be dismantled with insight and awareness (the mind) alone. The body must be engaged in a therapy process if the aim is to facilitate the person’s full capacity to experience real happiness and pleasure. Only minimal and partial relief can be attained through minimal and partial therapies, and very often, the positive results of limited therapies often don’t last because the person’s basic defensive structure has been left intact. (In many cases, however, patients - and therapists - are satisfied with Freud’s “goal” for therapy, once expressed in his famous quote that “the best psychoanalysis can offer is a return to a state of common unhappiness.”)
A fully therapeutic bodywork psychotherapy includes working with the physical/emotional aspects of the person in the following ways: 1. Unblocking, loosening and strengthening; 2. Expressing; and 3. Restructuring.
Knots, kinks, contracted or overextended muscles, etc., can be directly worked on by the therapist to aid the unblocking, loosening and strengthening. Hitting, kicking, stamping, jumping, screaming, shouting, biting, etc., can all be used to facilitate the expression and release of long-held emotions. Corrective breathing and vocal toning, various posture and movement techniques and skeletal adjustments, as well as detoxifying, internal cleansing programs can all be used to help the freeing-up person restructure their bodies to prepare for “full permission living.” (Rolling can be used for everything!)
Here's the third installment from my training class on the Stages of Healing that I taught to prospective therapists a while ago. Readers will note that the stages of healing in therapy move along with what should be the natural stages of our development.
Whatever the person’s stated reasons for coming to therapy are, and regardless of the symptoms, the main problem of every “patient” (person in pain) is that they are not as happy as they feel they could be. (This does not mean that every patient’s “goal” in therapy is going to be finding happiness, nor does it mean that every patient is going to stick around until they do.)
Emotions are the movements of energy in the body which are perceived and interpreted by the mind in order to decide upon an action relative to the emotion. Joy, pleasure, love and happiness are emotions which, under natural circumstances, move us toward the sources of the “positive” stimulation. Pain, fear and anger move us away from the catalysts of those feelings. However, if we are unable to move towards the sources of pleasure or away from the causes of pain, as is the case when we are helpless and dependent in childhood, we go into a crisis that feels life-threatening to the child. The only recourse to the child in such a situation is to try and move away from the feelings themselves. To do this, she will clench her muscles and distort her body structure to inhibit the flow of energy. While this approach seems to avoid the unpleasantness of the “negative” feelings, it also makes the experience of happiness and pleasure equally inhibited.
These characterological defensive structures are built into the body as well as the mind and therefore cannot be dismantled with insight and awareness (the mind) alone. The body must be engaged in a therapy process if the aim is to facilitate the person’s full capacity to experience real happiness and pleasure. Only minimal and partial relief can be attained through minimal and partial therapies, and very often, the positive results of limited therapies often don’t last because the person’s basic defensive structure has been left intact. (In many cases, however, patients - and therapists - are satisfied with Freud’s “goal” for therapy, once expressed in his famous quote that “the best psychoanalysis can offer is a return to a state of common unhappiness.”)
A fully therapeutic bodywork psychotherapy includes working with the physical/emotional aspects of the person in the following ways: 1. Unblocking, loosening and strengthening; 2. Expressing; and 3. Restructuring.
Knots, kinks, contracted or overextended muscles, etc., can be directly worked on by the therapist to aid the unblocking, loosening and strengthening. Hitting, kicking, stamping, jumping, screaming, shouting, biting, etc., can all be used to facilitate the expression and release of long-held emotions. Corrective breathing and vocal toning, various posture and movement techniques and skeletal adjustments, as well as detoxifying, internal cleansing programs can all be used to help the freeing-up person restructure their bodies to prepare for “full permission living.” (Rolling can be used for everything!)
AND ON THE REALLY LIGHTER SIDE - THE PARK SLOPE FOOD COOP STILL HASN'T GROWN-UP!!
Before I became infamous around Park Slope for lambasting narcissistic parents bringing their tots to bars and fine dining restaurants, I started out as a critic of the self-righteous, self-serving club out here known as the Park Slope Food Coop
Well, CLICK HERE to read an article that was in the NY Times this past weekend about the nefarious PSFC.
This is an excerpt:
"I BOUNDED off the Q train in Brooklyn one night last winter and headed to Union Street, past the yogurt shop and the firehouse, to do some grocery shopping. But my plans soon went awry.
'You’re suspended,' the entrance worker at the Park Slope Food Coop announced as I swiped my membership card. Some entrance workers speak softly, but not this one. Worse, there were a dozen other shoppers within earshot.
Flushed, defeated and taken aback — I knew I owed the co-op some work, but I didn’t know I had been blacklisted — I slunk around the corner for a takeout burrito. But no amount of mushrooms and spinach could diminish my shame and guilt.
Below is a piece I wrote for the ONLY THE BLOG KNOWS BROOKLYN blog a while ago about why I quit the coop:
Well, count me among those who just recently left the co-op. After 3 years, I finally had enough of the Soviet-style Communism masquerading as socialism (which OTBKB commenter Michael reminded us is rooted in the philosophy: to each according to their needs, from each according to their means).
The PSFC's "love us or get out" attitude is hardly exemplary of anything resembling cooperative. I have been a supporter of sustainable agriculture for two decades. One of my best friends was executive director of the largest activist organization in the country for sustainable agriculture and even she told me that the PSFC hard-core were notoriously known as the Co-op Nazi's - even in those liberal circles!
And oh yeah, on Fairway, first of all, you totally DON'T need a car - the F train to Smith and 9th and the 77 bus is a quick and easy route, and with no long lines AND FREE home delivery for orders over a hundred dollars, we have saved hours over the co-op life every week, AND don't let anyone lie to you, the prices are totally comparable to the co-op's, in some cases significantly cheaper, and they have ever-expanding organic sections, including beautiful organic meats and chicken. By adding the two local greenmarkets in Prospect Park on Wednesday and Saturday to our bi-monthly trips to Fairway, our food-shopping life has once again become pleasurable.
The bottom line is this: like most fascist regimes, the PSFC's dogma has ended up superceeding its original mission, which in this case was to help local, small, organic farmers stay in business and help consumers obtain healthy food. I believe in sustainable agriculture as a way of life. I'm also very busy as a psychotherapist, writer and parent of two kids. Most other serious food co-ops in the country today allow members the option to work at the co-op and pay lower prices, or not work and pay higher prices. Who does that hurt? Really?
Well, CLICK HERE to read an article that was in the NY Times this past weekend about the nefarious PSFC.
This is an excerpt:
"I BOUNDED off the Q train in Brooklyn one night last winter and headed to Union Street, past the yogurt shop and the firehouse, to do some grocery shopping. But my plans soon went awry.
'You’re suspended,' the entrance worker at the Park Slope Food Coop announced as I swiped my membership card. Some entrance workers speak softly, but not this one. Worse, there were a dozen other shoppers within earshot.
Flushed, defeated and taken aback — I knew I owed the co-op some work, but I didn’t know I had been blacklisted — I slunk around the corner for a takeout burrito. But no amount of mushrooms and spinach could diminish my shame and guilt.
Below is a piece I wrote for the ONLY THE BLOG KNOWS BROOKLYN blog a while ago about why I quit the coop:
Well, count me among those who just recently left the co-op. After 3 years, I finally had enough of the Soviet-style Communism masquerading as socialism (which OTBKB commenter Michael reminded us is rooted in the philosophy: to each according to their needs, from each according to their means).
The PSFC's "love us or get out" attitude is hardly exemplary of anything resembling cooperative. I have been a supporter of sustainable agriculture for two decades. One of my best friends was executive director of the largest activist organization in the country for sustainable agriculture and even she told me that the PSFC hard-core were notoriously known as the Co-op Nazi's - even in those liberal circles!
And oh yeah, on Fairway, first of all, you totally DON'T need a car - the F train to Smith and 9th and the 77 bus is a quick and easy route, and with no long lines AND FREE home delivery for orders over a hundred dollars, we have saved hours over the co-op life every week, AND don't let anyone lie to you, the prices are totally comparable to the co-op's, in some cases significantly cheaper, and they have ever-expanding organic sections, including beautiful organic meats and chicken. By adding the two local greenmarkets in Prospect Park on Wednesday and Saturday to our bi-monthly trips to Fairway, our food-shopping life has once again become pleasurable.
The bottom line is this: like most fascist regimes, the PSFC's dogma has ended up superceeding its original mission, which in this case was to help local, small, organic farmers stay in business and help consumers obtain healthy food. I believe in sustainable agriculture as a way of life. I'm also very busy as a psychotherapist, writer and parent of two kids. Most other serious food co-ops in the country today allow members the option to work at the co-op and pay lower prices, or not work and pay higher prices. Who does that hurt? Really?
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"In order to win a World Series, you have to get there first."
Alex Rodriguez (on the occasion of the NY Yankees winning the American League Pennant last night)
Alex Rodriguez (on the occasion of the NY Yankees winning the American League Pennant last night)
THE STAGES OF HEALING: THE SELF REVISITED, THE SELF REBORN (PART TWO!)
STAGE TWO: UNCOVERING BELIEFS AND IMAGES
Here's the second installment from my training class on the Stages of Healing that I taught to prospective therapists a while ago. Readers will note that the stages of healing in therapy move along with what should be our natural stages of development. In this relationship, both the patient and the therapist have responsibilities that intertwine.
Part of the healing of basic trust is accomplished by unlearning, or deconstructing, the beliefs and images one has held from childhood that have led to not trusting oneself (or others). Whatever the level of dysfunction, whatever the degree of obsessive or chaotic thinking, and however blocked emotionally, most people have some access to logic and some connection to reality. Therefore, there is a part of almost every adult patient in therapy that is capable of examining objectively the beliefs that they hold about life, others and themselves.
Very often, people are acting according to beliefs that they don’t even know are there, so initially, simply becoming aware of one’s beliefs advances the healing process. Insight-oriented therapies, in which the main therapeutic tool is exploring the mind, provide some relief from neurosis and free up some psychic energy primarily by increasing the patient’s level of self-awareness, particularly of what has been suppressed or repressed out of consciousness. To “not remember” or to dissociate from significant beliefs, memories, feelings or interactions with others depletes or fragments a person’s access to energy. Remembering and facing honestly the traumas that led to these defensive maneuvers furthers the healing process by returning some amount of access to psychic energy. It is not always necessary or possible, however, for a patient to specifically recall traumatic events. In most cases, a person cannot remember experiences from the pre-verbal times of the first few years of life. Traumatic memories are instead “stored” in the body, expressed through character structure features.
Helping a patient uncover beliefs does require technical skill on the part of the therapist. Particularly important is his ability to listen to, track and translate the coded language of a patient’s belief system. Crucial to identifying beliefs are hearing the key words that are reminiscent of the childish mind, which always thinks in absolutes and extremes, and without any real sense of past or future. Words like “always”, “never”, “all” or “nothing” in a statement about oneself or others or life are usually coming from an old childhood belief system. (“I will always have to struggle with money.” “Love is never easy.” “All men/women are__.” “Nothing gets done right unless I do it!”) Beliefs are always generalized to give the child some sense of predictability in an environment that was painfully unpredictable. Also, practically any statement that includes the word “should” is based on a child-created rule that is meant to control some painful aspect of life that, in fact, could not be controlled.
Many types of cognitive-rational therapies today work with beliefs, and up to a point, focusing on beliefs is an effective approach for creating some amount of change in a person’s life. Again, most people have some access to rational thinking, and by simply reflecting back to them what they are “really saying” and “really doing”, many patients will “get it.” Having achieved a level of self-awareness and understanding, however, isn’t “enough” for every person who comes to therapy.
Here's the second installment from my training class on the Stages of Healing that I taught to prospective therapists a while ago. Readers will note that the stages of healing in therapy move along with what should be our natural stages of development. In this relationship, both the patient and the therapist have responsibilities that intertwine.
Part of the healing of basic trust is accomplished by unlearning, or deconstructing, the beliefs and images one has held from childhood that have led to not trusting oneself (or others). Whatever the level of dysfunction, whatever the degree of obsessive or chaotic thinking, and however blocked emotionally, most people have some access to logic and some connection to reality. Therefore, there is a part of almost every adult patient in therapy that is capable of examining objectively the beliefs that they hold about life, others and themselves.
Very often, people are acting according to beliefs that they don’t even know are there, so initially, simply becoming aware of one’s beliefs advances the healing process. Insight-oriented therapies, in which the main therapeutic tool is exploring the mind, provide some relief from neurosis and free up some psychic energy primarily by increasing the patient’s level of self-awareness, particularly of what has been suppressed or repressed out of consciousness. To “not remember” or to dissociate from significant beliefs, memories, feelings or interactions with others depletes or fragments a person’s access to energy. Remembering and facing honestly the traumas that led to these defensive maneuvers furthers the healing process by returning some amount of access to psychic energy. It is not always necessary or possible, however, for a patient to specifically recall traumatic events. In most cases, a person cannot remember experiences from the pre-verbal times of the first few years of life. Traumatic memories are instead “stored” in the body, expressed through character structure features.
Helping a patient uncover beliefs does require technical skill on the part of the therapist. Particularly important is his ability to listen to, track and translate the coded language of a patient’s belief system. Crucial to identifying beliefs are hearing the key words that are reminiscent of the childish mind, which always thinks in absolutes and extremes, and without any real sense of past or future. Words like “always”, “never”, “all” or “nothing” in a statement about oneself or others or life are usually coming from an old childhood belief system. (“I will always have to struggle with money.” “Love is never easy.” “All men/women are__.” “Nothing gets done right unless I do it!”) Beliefs are always generalized to give the child some sense of predictability in an environment that was painfully unpredictable. Also, practically any statement that includes the word “should” is based on a child-created rule that is meant to control some painful aspect of life that, in fact, could not be controlled.
Many types of cognitive-rational therapies today work with beliefs, and up to a point, focusing on beliefs is an effective approach for creating some amount of change in a person’s life. Again, most people have some access to rational thinking, and by simply reflecting back to them what they are “really saying” and “really doing”, many patients will “get it.” Having achieved a level of self-awareness and understanding, however, isn’t “enough” for every person who comes to therapy.
NICOLAS on "THE MASOCHISTIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE" - PL RESPONDS!
Here's Nicolas:
Wow, Peter, I have been reading your posts, but this one is really hitting me because it's exactly me.
Can you recommend any literature or a program or anything that will help me grow as a person and be able to keep the good qualities of my character, but overcome the qualities that are so restricting me in my daily and overall life?
I'm so tired of punishing myself, being retentive and not being able to express my feelings. Almost all that know me think I'm smart and wise, but it's so hard on me to try to please almost all, all the time, most of the time hurting my wants in the process. I don't want to become selfish and an ass, just to be able to live life freely and fully with respect towards everyone, but also towards myself. I understand my weaknesses/problems but I'm not able to overcome them on my own. I'm trying hard, but it's just a pretense and I can't fool even myself.
I need a fundamental change in approach towards life I think.
Great blog Peter, keep it up, I'm sure many people appreciated it, I certainly do.
Best regards
Nicolas
Here's PL:
Thank you, Nicolas! It is always encouraging to hear from someone with a strong desire to see himself or herself and willing to reach out for guidance. That courageous humility is what we all need personally and as a society to heal all of our wounds and dysfunctions. In order to break through one's character structure, masochistic or otherwise, and to arrive to a place of freedom and self-actualization, it does indeed require the help of another, and specifically that help should be in the form of a healing process that addresses both the subconscious inner world of our beliefs and the blocks in our emotional lives and physical bodies that keep us in that hamster wheel of repetition. I suggest looking for a mind-body therapist, perhaps trained in Bioenergetics or Core Energetics or something similar. If you truly intend this for yourself, you will indeed find the right person for this noble purpose.
Keep me posted!
PL
Wow, Peter, I have been reading your posts, but this one is really hitting me because it's exactly me.
Can you recommend any literature or a program or anything that will help me grow as a person and be able to keep the good qualities of my character, but overcome the qualities that are so restricting me in my daily and overall life?
I'm so tired of punishing myself, being retentive and not being able to express my feelings. Almost all that know me think I'm smart and wise, but it's so hard on me to try to please almost all, all the time, most of the time hurting my wants in the process. I don't want to become selfish and an ass, just to be able to live life freely and fully with respect towards everyone, but also towards myself. I understand my weaknesses/problems but I'm not able to overcome them on my own. I'm trying hard, but it's just a pretense and I can't fool even myself.
I need a fundamental change in approach towards life I think.
Great blog Peter, keep it up, I'm sure many people appreciated it, I certainly do.
Best regards
Nicolas
Here's PL:
Thank you, Nicolas! It is always encouraging to hear from someone with a strong desire to see himself or herself and willing to reach out for guidance. That courageous humility is what we all need personally and as a society to heal all of our wounds and dysfunctions. In order to break through one's character structure, masochistic or otherwise, and to arrive to a place of freedom and self-actualization, it does indeed require the help of another, and specifically that help should be in the form of a healing process that addresses both the subconscious inner world of our beliefs and the blocks in our emotional lives and physical bodies that keep us in that hamster wheel of repetition. I suggest looking for a mind-body therapist, perhaps trained in Bioenergetics or Core Energetics or something similar. If you truly intend this for yourself, you will indeed find the right person for this noble purpose.
Keep me posted!
PL
PL ON NEFARIOUS HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES - ELEVEN YEARS AGO!
Here's a letter I recently discovered that I wrote to the NY Times, in response to an editorial by Russell Baker, over eleven years ago about the corrupt tactics of insurance companies:
"To the Editor:
Russell Baker’s April 17, 1998 column on the ways insurance companies now determine our choices in medical treament, while written with a humor I can appreciate, underscores what is in fact a very serious health problem. As a psychotherapist treating people with a variety of at times debilitating disorders, I have encountered time and again non-medical personnel at these insurance companies who tell me that if a disorder is not treatable in six sessions, then it must be approved in a telephone case conference - with someone who is not an expert in mental disorders. Furthermore, if the disorder is not treatable in 20 sessions or less, then it is not covered anyway. I recently asked one such representative what psychiatric disorders, other than perhaps nail-biting, were treatable in 20 sessions or less, and he was unable to answer. I prodded him further asking why they weren’t just honest and say that they will only pay for six sessions of therapy per year regardless of the condition, rather than pretending that there are disorders that could be cured in 6 to 20 sessions. Again, no answer. Meanwhile, many of my patients have found out to their unfortunate surprise that the therapy coverage they thought they had was non-existent, but like one of the insurance company reviewers candidly said to me in a recent phone conference, “It just means that people will have to pay for therapy out of pocket like they always did up until 10 years ago.” Now that’s progress.
Sincerely, Peter V. Loffredo, LCSW"
Man, that guy was ahead of his time!
"To the Editor:
Russell Baker’s April 17, 1998 column on the ways insurance companies now determine our choices in medical treament, while written with a humor I can appreciate, underscores what is in fact a very serious health problem. As a psychotherapist treating people with a variety of at times debilitating disorders, I have encountered time and again non-medical personnel at these insurance companies who tell me that if a disorder is not treatable in six sessions, then it must be approved in a telephone case conference - with someone who is not an expert in mental disorders. Furthermore, if the disorder is not treatable in 20 sessions or less, then it is not covered anyway. I recently asked one such representative what psychiatric disorders, other than perhaps nail-biting, were treatable in 20 sessions or less, and he was unable to answer. I prodded him further asking why they weren’t just honest and say that they will only pay for six sessions of therapy per year regardless of the condition, rather than pretending that there are disorders that could be cured in 6 to 20 sessions. Again, no answer. Meanwhile, many of my patients have found out to their unfortunate surprise that the therapy coverage they thought they had was non-existent, but like one of the insurance company reviewers candidly said to me in a recent phone conference, “It just means that people will have to pay for therapy out of pocket like they always did up until 10 years ago.” Now that’s progress.
Sincerely, Peter V. Loffredo, LCSW"
Man, that guy was ahead of his time!
THE STAGES OF HEALING: THE SELF REVISITED, THE SELF REBORN
Here's the first installment from my training class on the Stages of Healing that I taught to prospective therapists a while ago. Readers will note that the stages of healing in therapy move along with what should be our natural stages of development. In this relationship, both the patient and the therapist have responsibilities that intertwine.
Stage One: Forming a Therapeutic Alliance
Basic trust is the first issue in therapy, just as it is the first issue in life. In a sense, a person coming to therapy initially is somewhat like a newly arriving human being in that the new patient is acting from her natural impulse to reach out in an act of trust when it is in crisis of need. That capacity is innate within all of us at birth. The first call to the therapist is an expression of basic trust. It is the first positive diagnostic sign. Even though the new patient doesn’t know the therapist, he still makes the call for help, somehow, just as a baby will reach out for the caregiving adults around it that it doesn’t really know in any way…except intuitively.
Indeed, intuition and gut feelings are strongly at play in the first contacts between a patient and therapist, beginning even before the first session, over the telephone. Little children and animals, naturally connected to their own “6th sense”, either trust you or “bark” at you almost immediately. This is often true of persons in an emotional crisis, when our guts are very active in providing guidance.
A patient in a first session will respond very strongly to energetic and aesthetic details in the same way, though perhaps less consciously, that you, the therapist, will assess a new patient’s presentation of self. Your office décor and ambiance, including colors, smells, knickknacks, pictures, etc., your clothes and general appearance, your body language and character structure, attitudes, etc., all will be reacted to by the person sitting across from you in those first moments. (Freud believed that there was a direct communication between the patient’s and the analyst’s unconscious.) However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that if a patient doesn’t take to you as a therapist or she decides not to see you that you are not trustworthy. It could just mean that the energetic chemistry wasn’t comfortable between you, as happens in any relationship. AND THE THERAPUETIC RELATIONSHIP IS A REAL RELATIONSHIP!
So…how does basic trust develop further, beyond the innate movement to reach out, and become the basis for a relationship that will prove beneficial for the individuals involved?
This is not a matter of technique, and technically, it can’t be taught. A therapist cannot learn how to act trustworthy toward a patient and expect to be experienced as genuine. A therapist can become able to trust herself in the same way that a patient does – through a process of discovering the inherently loving nature of who we truly are and the inner guidance that is always present within ourselves.
If a lack of basic trust develops in infancy, it is at first in relation to an environment that was hurtful, depriving, frightening, etc. – not trustworthy. Yet, it is mainly the infant’s not trusting its own impulses to reach out for help, nourishment, and love that become the lasting source of dysfunctional behavior and characterological problems. The main channel for healing, then, becomes the patient’s willingness and capacity to reach out, which will tend to be proportionally related to the therapist’s willingness and capacity to reach out…or reach back.
So, as the person doing the guiding, the therapist must have done and/or be doing that work on himself in order to help the patient to do it. Basic trust will develop in the therapeutic relationship, therefore, to the degree that therapist and patient become able to trust themselves as capable of giving and receiving.
Stage One: Forming a Therapeutic Alliance
Basic trust is the first issue in therapy, just as it is the first issue in life. In a sense, a person coming to therapy initially is somewhat like a newly arriving human being in that the new patient is acting from her natural impulse to reach out in an act of trust when it is in crisis of need. That capacity is innate within all of us at birth. The first call to the therapist is an expression of basic trust. It is the first positive diagnostic sign. Even though the new patient doesn’t know the therapist, he still makes the call for help, somehow, just as a baby will reach out for the caregiving adults around it that it doesn’t really know in any way…except intuitively.
Indeed, intuition and gut feelings are strongly at play in the first contacts between a patient and therapist, beginning even before the first session, over the telephone. Little children and animals, naturally connected to their own “6th sense”, either trust you or “bark” at you almost immediately. This is often true of persons in an emotional crisis, when our guts are very active in providing guidance.
A patient in a first session will respond very strongly to energetic and aesthetic details in the same way, though perhaps less consciously, that you, the therapist, will assess a new patient’s presentation of self. Your office décor and ambiance, including colors, smells, knickknacks, pictures, etc., your clothes and general appearance, your body language and character structure, attitudes, etc., all will be reacted to by the person sitting across from you in those first moments. (Freud believed that there was a direct communication between the patient’s and the analyst’s unconscious.) However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that if a patient doesn’t take to you as a therapist or she decides not to see you that you are not trustworthy. It could just mean that the energetic chemistry wasn’t comfortable between you, as happens in any relationship. AND THE THERAPUETIC RELATIONSHIP IS A REAL RELATIONSHIP!
So…how does basic trust develop further, beyond the innate movement to reach out, and become the basis for a relationship that will prove beneficial for the individuals involved?
This is not a matter of technique, and technically, it can’t be taught. A therapist cannot learn how to act trustworthy toward a patient and expect to be experienced as genuine. A therapist can become able to trust herself in the same way that a patient does – through a process of discovering the inherently loving nature of who we truly are and the inner guidance that is always present within ourselves.
If a lack of basic trust develops in infancy, it is at first in relation to an environment that was hurtful, depriving, frightening, etc. – not trustworthy. Yet, it is mainly the infant’s not trusting its own impulses to reach out for help, nourishment, and love that become the lasting source of dysfunctional behavior and characterological problems. The main channel for healing, then, becomes the patient’s willingness and capacity to reach out, which will tend to be proportionally related to the therapist’s willingness and capacity to reach out…or reach back.
So, as the person doing the guiding, the therapist must have done and/or be doing that work on himself in order to help the patient to do it. Basic trust will develop in the therapeutic relationship, therefore, to the degree that therapist and patient become able to trust themselves as capable of giving and receiving.
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"I was 22 or 23 when I made a decision not to be actively Hamlet-like and miserable. Living vitally is not easier than living morbidly- it's just better."
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert
"Jujutomb's" comment on PL's post: "JUJUTOMB' IS TALKING BASEBALL! PL TALKS BACK?!"
Hi Peter!
Thank you for your comments! I appreciated your post on baseball...I just thought I would make my opinion "heard" and it was great doing so thru your funny and entertaining blog!
All in good spirit!
Thank you for your comments! I appreciated your post on baseball...I just thought I would make my opinion "heard" and it was great doing so thru your funny and entertaining blog!
All in good spirit!
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"Dear G.P. - There are some things which should be writ before we are married, things we have talked over before most of them. In our life together, I shall not hold you to any medieval code of faithfulness to me, nor shall I consider myself bound to you similarly. Please let us not interfere with the other's work or play, nor let the world see our private joys or disagreements. In this connection, I may have to keep some place where I can go to be myself now and then, for I cannot guarantee to endure all the confinements of even an attractive cage. I must extract a cruel promise, and that is you will let me go in a year if we find no happiness together."
Amelia Earheart (in a note to her prospective husband on the morning of their wedding day)
Amelia Earheart (in a note to her prospective husband on the morning of their wedding day)
SEX! SEX!! SEX!!!
Whenever I reference the word "sex" or "sexuality" or anything remotely related to the sensual on this blog, the number of people who come here triples! As in TRIPLES!
So, why is that?
Well, just do a search on my blog for any words related to sex and you'll get an understanding.
We are a very sexually repressed country compared to most other western cultures. Only the very repressive regimes that we seem to be constantly at war with are more sexually repressed than the U.S. - Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, etc. We basically are at war with the other countries in the world who are extremely sexually dysfunctional and who repress the women in their culture along with the feminine aspects of life. Sad to say, but that's the club we belong to. They are our siblings that we are in rivalrous relationships with. The French, the British, the Scandinavian countries, even Japan, wouldn't engage in battle with us because they have no interest in our infantile, pseudo-religious and puritanical retrogressive attitudes. They have no need to prove that their God is right, no need to debate whether or not women should have the right to decide what to do with their bodies, etc.
We have fallen behind, folks.
The Islamic world was once the flower of Planet Earth, the most enlightened, the most scientifically innovative and technologically advanced culture of its time, and a true world power. But when they refused to move with the western cultures towards the liberation of women, around 500 years ago, Islam began to fall behind.
The United States runs the same risk.
During the last forty years of right wing rule, while we have focused on suppressing the rights of women and homosexuals and anyone who would dare to celebrate sex other than for procreation, we have fallen behind in technology, science and education, and now finally, our economy is in shambles, as well. This is not a coincidence, but cause and effect.
Think about it.
Study history.
Think about it.
Then, come on people, come visit me tonight because of the title of this blog entry, and demonstrate how much we need to free ourselves up sexually in order to enter the modern, enlightened world.
So, why is that?
Well, just do a search on my blog for any words related to sex and you'll get an understanding.
We are a very sexually repressed country compared to most other western cultures. Only the very repressive regimes that we seem to be constantly at war with are more sexually repressed than the U.S. - Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, etc. We basically are at war with the other countries in the world who are extremely sexually dysfunctional and who repress the women in their culture along with the feminine aspects of life. Sad to say, but that's the club we belong to. They are our siblings that we are in rivalrous relationships with. The French, the British, the Scandinavian countries, even Japan, wouldn't engage in battle with us because they have no interest in our infantile, pseudo-religious and puritanical retrogressive attitudes. They have no need to prove that their God is right, no need to debate whether or not women should have the right to decide what to do with their bodies, etc.
We have fallen behind, folks.
The Islamic world was once the flower of Planet Earth, the most enlightened, the most scientifically innovative and technologically advanced culture of its time, and a true world power. But when they refused to move with the western cultures towards the liberation of women, around 500 years ago, Islam began to fall behind.
The United States runs the same risk.
During the last forty years of right wing rule, while we have focused on suppressing the rights of women and homosexuals and anyone who would dare to celebrate sex other than for procreation, we have fallen behind in technology, science and education, and now finally, our economy is in shambles, as well. This is not a coincidence, but cause and effect.
Think about it.
Study history.
Think about it.
Then, come on people, come visit me tonight because of the title of this blog entry, and demonstrate how much we need to free ourselves up sexually in order to enter the modern, enlightened world.
REPOST: YOU ARE THE ONLY GAME THAT ISN'T RIGGED! READ: "THE GREAT AMERICAN BUBBLE MACHINE!!"
THIS is beyond great journalism; this is brilliance! Matt Taibbi has written an article for Rolling Stone Magazine, called "THE GREAT AMERICAN BUBBLE MACHINE," that demonstrates in crystal clear fashion two things: how utterly corrupt and manipulated and nefarious our financial and government institutions are and what a really smart, persistent, fearless reporter, who isn't a dumbed-down shill or low-brow entertainer like most these days, can do.
This is scholarship at its best!
There is nothing economically natural about the cycles of busts and booms that have afflicted the American and world economies throughout our history. From day one, our markets in stocks, housing and commodities have been manipulated by the likes of Goldman Sachs with the assistance of sleazy politicians - of whom there seem to no longer be any other kind - greasing the way with legal chicanery and tricks, while greasing their own grubby palms with graft and pay-offs.
If you really want to understand what has happened to our economy, and also understand why the only truly safe investment is in yourself, in your own soulful, Higher Self-given gifts, read this. And weep!
And thank you, Matt!
You are the only game that isn't rigged, folks... ...if you do the work to free up and become yourself.
This is scholarship at its best!
There is nothing economically natural about the cycles of busts and booms that have afflicted the American and world economies throughout our history. From day one, our markets in stocks, housing and commodities have been manipulated by the likes of Goldman Sachs with the assistance of sleazy politicians - of whom there seem to no longer be any other kind - greasing the way with legal chicanery and tricks, while greasing their own grubby palms with graft and pay-offs.
If you really want to understand what has happened to our economy, and also understand why the only truly safe investment is in yourself, in your own soulful, Higher Self-given gifts, read this. And weep!
And thank you, Matt!
You are the only game that isn't rigged, folks... ...if you do the work to free up and become yourself.
HAS WILMA HIT BOTTOM? OR IS THAT BEDROCK?!
A new poll from Gallup reveals that Sarah Palin's approval rating has plummeted to an all-time low.
According to the survey, the former vice presidential candidate maintains a 40% favorability rating, the lowest it has been since she emerged as a national political figure at last year's Republican convention. Over the course of Sen. John McCain's (R-Ariz.) presidential campaign Palin's "image suffered," declining from a 53% rating when she debuted as the senator's running mate to a 42% rating by the end of the campaign.
Gallup's findings emerge in light of the highly-anticipated release of Palin's memoir, "Going Rogue: An American Life." Buzz in the political realm suggests that Palin could run for president in 2012, but it seems that the conservative sensation faces a steep upward battle to broaden her viability and appeal.
According to the survey, the former vice presidential candidate maintains a 40% favorability rating, the lowest it has been since she emerged as a national political figure at last year's Republican convention. Over the course of Sen. John McCain's (R-Ariz.) presidential campaign Palin's "image suffered," declining from a 53% rating when she debuted as the senator's running mate to a 42% rating by the end of the campaign.
Gallup's findings emerge in light of the highly-anticipated release of Palin's memoir, "Going Rogue: An American Life." Buzz in the political realm suggests that Palin could run for president in 2012, but it seems that the conservative sensation faces a steep upward battle to broaden her viability and appeal.
HARTKITT responds to "HARTKITT WITH SOME INTERESTING RESPONSES..."
Here's HK:
Sorry. I need to have a little sign that says "sarcasm" when I'm being sarcastic. My pan apparently is TOO dead. Perhaps a warning: "Caution: the following sentence may contain comments that do not represent actual opinions held by the speaker/writer. May also contain dead-pan humor, facetiousness, tongue-in-cheek remarks and sarcasm."
PL:
Not at all, HK. I like your style!
Sorry. I need to have a little sign that says "sarcasm" when I'm being sarcastic. My pan apparently is TOO dead. Perhaps a warning: "Caution: the following sentence may contain comments that do not represent actual opinions held by the speaker/writer. May also contain dead-pan humor, facetiousness, tongue-in-cheek remarks and sarcasm."
PL:
Not at all, HK. I like your style!
REPOST: FROM YOUR DRUG COMPANY TO YOU!
This is from the drug companies themselves. In other words, this isn't even from the people who are anti-drug treatment for the common symptoms of a life ignored, but from the companies who actually offer the magic pills as a remedy.
You ready?
"Common side effects of FLOMAX are runny nose, dizziness and decrease in semen. A sudden decrease in blood pressure may occur upon standing, rarely resulting in fainting. So when starting FLOMAX, avoid situations where injury could result. If considering cataract surgery, tell your eye surgeon you have taken FLOMAX capsules."
Hmm. Not too bad.
What about the possible side effects of XANAX?
"Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
• unusual risk-taking behavior, decreased inhibitions, no fear of danger;
• depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
• hyperactivity, agitation, hostility, hallucinations;
• feeling light-headed, fainting;
• seizure (convulsions);
• urinating less than usual or not at all;
• muscle twitching, tremor; or
• jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes).
Less serious side effects are more likely to occur, such as:
• drowsiness, dizziness, feeling irritable;
• amnesia or forgetfulness, trouble concentrating;
• sleep problems (insomnia);
• muscle weakness, lack of balance or coordination, slurred speech;
• blurred vision;
• nausea, vomiting, constipation, appetite or weight changes;
• dry or watery mouth, increased sweating; or
• loss of interest in sex."
Whew! Okay, what about a little help with sleeping? This is from the AMBIEN site:
"Serious side effects may include temporary amnesia, drug dependence, withdrawal symptoms when the drug is stopped after being used on a regular basis, excessively outgoing or aggressive behavior, confusion, agitation, strange behavior, hallucinations, depression, and suicidal thoughts."
Okay, fine, then, how about our favorite...
"Possible side effects of VIAGRA:
Headache
Flushing
Dyspepsia
Nasal Congestion
Urinary Tract Infection
Abnormal Vision
Diarrhea
Dizziness
Rash
• Only Viagra® causes color-vision problems.
• Cialis® causes muscle aches in about 5 percent of patients.
• Viagra® and Levitra® last about four hours in the bloodstream. Cialis® stays in the bloodstream much longer (it has a 17.5-hour half life) and can therefore be effective for more than a day."
Man, that's a lot of suffering to get it up, especially at an age when we should still be able to get it up naturally... if we weren't so fat, drunk and depressed.
What about RITALIN for hyperactive kids? Again, this is from the drug company website:
"Stop taking methylphenidate and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
• fast, pounding, or uneven heartbeats;
• feeling light-headed, fainting;
• increased blood pressure (severe headache, blurred vision, trouble concentrating, chest pain, numbness, seizure);
• fever, sore throat, and headache with a severe blistering, peeling, and red skin rash;
• aggression, restlessness, hallucinations, unusual behavior, or motor tics (muscle twitches); or
• easy bruising, purple spots on your skin.
Continue taking methylphenidate and talk with your doctor if you have any of these less serious side effects:
• vision problems;
• mild skin rash;
• dizziness;
• nervous feeling, sleep problems (insomnia);
• nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite; or
• weight loss."
Oh yeah, definitely a drug we should consider for kids, right?!
How about these three drug options for high blood pressure:
"BETA-BLOCKERS — Acebutolol (Sectral), atenolol (Tenormin), metoprolol (Lopressor, Mepressor, Merol), nadolol (Corgard), pindolol (Visken), propranolol (Inderal) or timolol (Blocadren) may cause insomnia, cold hands and feet, tiredness or depression, a slow heartbeat or symptoms of asthma. Impotence may occur. If you have diabetes and you’re taking insulin, have your responses to therapy monitored closely.
ACE INHIBITORS — These drugs, such as captopril (Capoten), enalapril (Vasotec), lisinopril (Zestril or Prinivil), may cause a skin rash; loss of taste; a chronic dry, hacking cough most common side effect; and in rare instances, kidney damage.
Angiotensin II receptor blockers — These drugs may cause occasional dizziness.
Calcium channel blockers — Diltiazem (Cardizem), nicardipine (Cardene), Nifedipine (Procardia) and verapamil (Calan or Isoptin) may cause palpitations, swollen ankles edema, constipation, headache or dizziness. Side effects with each of these drugs differ a great deal."
I don't know, what do you think? Is our medical-pharmaceutical-corporate-political complex really operating in our best interest? Are we really so dumb and numb and easily hypnotized that we just walk into zombiehood without protest? I'd love to hear from you.
PL
Full permission Living
You ready?
"Common side effects of FLOMAX are runny nose, dizziness and decrease in semen. A sudden decrease in blood pressure may occur upon standing, rarely resulting in fainting. So when starting FLOMAX, avoid situations where injury could result. If considering cataract surgery, tell your eye surgeon you have taken FLOMAX capsules."
Hmm. Not too bad.
What about the possible side effects of XANAX?
"Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat. Call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
• unusual risk-taking behavior, decreased inhibitions, no fear of danger;
• depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
• hyperactivity, agitation, hostility, hallucinations;
• feeling light-headed, fainting;
• seizure (convulsions);
• urinating less than usual or not at all;
• muscle twitching, tremor; or
• jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes).
Less serious side effects are more likely to occur, such as:
• drowsiness, dizziness, feeling irritable;
• amnesia or forgetfulness, trouble concentrating;
• sleep problems (insomnia);
• muscle weakness, lack of balance or coordination, slurred speech;
• blurred vision;
• nausea, vomiting, constipation, appetite or weight changes;
• dry or watery mouth, increased sweating; or
• loss of interest in sex."
Whew! Okay, what about a little help with sleeping? This is from the AMBIEN site:
"Serious side effects may include temporary amnesia, drug dependence, withdrawal symptoms when the drug is stopped after being used on a regular basis, excessively outgoing or aggressive behavior, confusion, agitation, strange behavior, hallucinations, depression, and suicidal thoughts."
Okay, fine, then, how about our favorite...
"Possible side effects of VIAGRA:
Headache
Flushing
Dyspepsia
Nasal Congestion
Urinary Tract Infection
Abnormal Vision
Diarrhea
Dizziness
Rash
• Only Viagra® causes color-vision problems.
• Cialis® causes muscle aches in about 5 percent of patients.
• Viagra® and Levitra® last about four hours in the bloodstream. Cialis® stays in the bloodstream much longer (it has a 17.5-hour half life) and can therefore be effective for more than a day."
Man, that's a lot of suffering to get it up, especially at an age when we should still be able to get it up naturally... if we weren't so fat, drunk and depressed.
What about RITALIN for hyperactive kids? Again, this is from the drug company website:
"Stop taking methylphenidate and call your doctor at once if you have any of these serious side effects:
• fast, pounding, or uneven heartbeats;
• feeling light-headed, fainting;
• increased blood pressure (severe headache, blurred vision, trouble concentrating, chest pain, numbness, seizure);
• fever, sore throat, and headache with a severe blistering, peeling, and red skin rash;
• aggression, restlessness, hallucinations, unusual behavior, or motor tics (muscle twitches); or
• easy bruising, purple spots on your skin.
Continue taking methylphenidate and talk with your doctor if you have any of these less serious side effects:
• vision problems;
• mild skin rash;
• dizziness;
• nervous feeling, sleep problems (insomnia);
• nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite; or
• weight loss."
Oh yeah, definitely a drug we should consider for kids, right?!
How about these three drug options for high blood pressure:
"BETA-BLOCKERS — Acebutolol (Sectral), atenolol (Tenormin), metoprolol (Lopressor, Mepressor, Merol), nadolol (Corgard), pindolol (Visken), propranolol (Inderal) or timolol (Blocadren) may cause insomnia, cold hands and feet, tiredness or depression, a slow heartbeat or symptoms of asthma. Impotence may occur. If you have diabetes and you’re taking insulin, have your responses to therapy monitored closely.
ACE INHIBITORS — These drugs, such as captopril (Capoten), enalapril (Vasotec), lisinopril (Zestril or Prinivil), may cause a skin rash; loss of taste; a chronic dry, hacking cough most common side effect; and in rare instances, kidney damage.
Angiotensin II receptor blockers — These drugs may cause occasional dizziness.
Calcium channel blockers — Diltiazem (Cardizem), nicardipine (Cardene), Nifedipine (Procardia) and verapamil (Calan or Isoptin) may cause palpitations, swollen ankles edema, constipation, headache or dizziness. Side effects with each of these drugs differ a great deal."
I don't know, what do you think? Is our medical-pharmaceutical-corporate-political complex really operating in our best interest? Are we really so dumb and numb and easily hypnotized that we just walk into zombiehood without protest? I'd love to hear from you.
PL
Full permission Living
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