Today's Quotes - Connect the Dots, or... How Stupid Are We?

BIGGEST QUARTERLY PROFIT IN US HISTORY

HOUSTON — EXXON MOBIL CORP. reported second-quarter earnings of $11.68 billion Thursday, the biggest quarterly profit ever by any U.S. corporation.

"Republicans in Congress are now demanding that President Bush investigate whether the oil companies are engaged in price gouging. Putting the White House in charge of investigating oil companies. That's like putting Dick Cheney in charge of gun safety."
Jay Leno

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Albert Einstein

"Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do."
Bertrand Russell

"At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols."
Aldous Huxley

"Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives."
John Stuart Mill

Today's Quote

"For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked."
Bill Cosby

Today's Quotes

“A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt

“By 'radical,' I understand one who goes too far; by 'conservative,' one who does not go far enough; by 'reactionary,' one who won't go at all.”
Woodrow Wilson

“The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.”
Mark Twain

Today's Quote

"Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children."
Oliver Wendell Holmes

More on the Autism Dialogue - "HENRY'S OTHER MOTHER"

Here is an amazing, heartfelt piece I received this AM in an e-mail from a former patient of mine, the mother of an autistic boy. As part of the ongoing dialogue I've been having on the subject of autism and parenting, this stands out as a shining example - actually two examples - of what loving motherhood can look like.
"K" - the biological mother, and the author of the letter - and "L" - the step-mother of the boy - couldn't be more different in some ways. But in the way that counts - and it's clearly why they connect to each other so well - they are the same: they love, truly, from their hearts and souls, from that place where the boundaries and constrictions and contracts of modern relationships and parenting don't apply. This is a radical thing to say, under the circumstances you'll read below, and the judgments you may be inclined to have, but K and L are BOTH great mothers. It's all about the love.

Read on:

"HENRY'S OTHER MOTHER"
by "K"

"She was the only one who hugged me when I lost custody of my son. I remember. Hunched over the table, in the court room, silently sobbing, and yet feeling like I had no right to do so, I felt warm arms around me from behind, hugging me hard. The arms belonged to "L," my ex-husband's wife - Henry's new Mother. At the time, I was so insane with grief, so dumbstruck by the consequences of my own actions, I didn't realize how much her gesture would resonate for years to come.
"I am an alcoholic. An alcoholic who had been put on warning: "Give up alcohol or you will lose your son.' I didn't. And I did. And for that, I cannot ever forgive myself.
"It's hard for people to feel sorry for someone like me, someone who had all the support and help and yet still chose drink over her son. I don't feel sorry for myself. I only hate myself - feel horrible and unnatural. How many times do we watch in real life and in TV and movies, the single mothers who posses such tremendous strength of character, such moxie, they will die before they will give up their children. They will sacrifice everything for their offspring. Where am I in all that? Nowhere, I'm afraid. I could easily wallow in the self-pity of my self-hatred, But to what end?
"Henry is a beautiful boy. He would probably like me to mention that he is a beautiful 'cool teenage boy.' He is fourteen years old, and autistic. He is also funny as hell, incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and often 'needs breaks' from talking. He acts out a lot of his life pretending he is 'Napoleon Dynamite.' I didn't understand many of his comments and expressions until I saw the movie. His step-mother, L is the one who clued me in. She told me to rent the movie, said she'd seen it so many times, she could recite it along with Henry. She explained to me that right now Henry is Napoleon Dynamite. But this is not really about Henry, or about me. This is about L.
"The first time I heard about her was through a friend. She spotted her with my ex-husband in a pottery barn. Her words: 'She's beautiful, I guess, but in that really put-together way. You can tell, no personality.' Ha. I laugh now. I appreciate the fact that my friend was trying to protect me. Trying to make sure I didn't feel inferior or rejected. But D and I had already made our peace with the fact that our time as a couple was over. I don't think either one of us was ever jealous of other partners. Regardless, at first I guess I did have kind of a pride thing. I enjoyed thinking of her with a miniature prada backpack, lots of make-up, humorless. During exchanges with Henry at D's apartment, I noticed some pictures of her. She looked beautiful - long blonde hair, perfect teeth, but far from humorless - always laughing at the camera.
"I met her during the summer at my ex's beach house. She was wearing a sarong and was very tan. And very tiny. I towered over her and felt way too big, like I did in 6th grade, when I had already reached my 5'7" height. She had a big smile, and a surprisingly big laugh for such a small woman. In fact, everything about L is big, except for her size.
"In those days, Henry was still so much MY BABY. My husband, "D," had left when Henry was two, so Henry knew nothing except for the two of us. We were a team, albeit, a team with a developing alcoholic at the helm. But then, who knew? Certainly not me. And I assume, certainly not my ex-husband. I was together enough to do the right things. Got Henry into the right special ed schools in NYC. Harder than getting your kid into Harvard, let me tell you. I was a good mother. A fun mother. We laughed a lot, and if I let Henry stay up late at night playing the pots and pans with my musician friends, and eating spare ribs in bed, naked, well, so be it. Henry was at the peak of his autistic behaviour. Couldn't bare transitions, and hated leaving me. Everytime I left him with his dad for the weekend, he would shriek and scream for 'MOMMY.' Heartbreaking.
"Ultimately L and D got married. Ultimately I went to rehab. Wish this is how it ended, but it's not. During the course of a year, I went through the whole rehab, relapse, rehab, relapse, rehab, relapse. Well, that's what some people would say. I would say I never relapsed. I never really stopped drinking in my heart. So I lost Henry. And after I lost custody, even though it was my own fault, I lost hope. Funny. no-one in my first three rehabs knew I had a son. There were no pictures over my mirror, no sharing about him in meetings. Too painful. I felt like he had died.
The court decided I couldn't even telephone him. Brittany, I feel your pain...
"Good news now... I get to see Henry - at least monthly. We usually go to the movies and then have run of the Hicksville mall. I live for the visits. He has far exceeded my expectations. And that's where L comes in. I worry that I sound cavalier. Like, oh yeah, I completely screwed up, but luckily L was waiting in the wings, so all's well that ends well. That's not how I feel at all. I just find it fascinating that someone is raising my, I mean our, son in the exact same manner I would if I were a better woman. The line from 'As Good As It Gets" comes to mind. When Jack Nicholson says 'You make me want to be a better man,' I feel like saying to L, 'You ARE my better woman.'
"I know a lot of step mothers raise children with tremendous love. And I know biology does not a child make. At this point, the fact that I gave birth to Henry means so little. However, I never expected for L to 'get' Henry like she does. She laughs with him. And laughs at him. And understands how his mind works. No easy feat that. After the grieving, I've grown to love their relationship. I love how much she loves him. and I love how much he loves her. it's not painful when he gets insecure and needs to check in with 'mom.' I find it comforting that, although I completely made a disaster out of Henry's life, L repaired it. He feels secure. And loved. I can tell that they share a unique mother-son relationship. They adore each other. They have fun with each other. L reminds me of me letting Henry play the pots and pans, only she probably makes sure he gets to bed at a decent hour.
"I don't want to seem too adoring, so I will mention, I think she makes Henry a bit more of a germ-a-phobe than I would have. And, I notice, unlike all my nieces and nephews who swear like sailors, Henry cannot sit through a movie if there is any cursing, causing lots of movie anxiety for me, as the adult movie matron. However... she is amazing - fills his life with joy, just like I hope I would have done. As I said, big in every way, but stature. Her heart mostly - it surely must be enormous. The fact that she has such compassion for me awes me. The fact that she loves my son so much is beyond my comprehension. Wait, strike that. Henry is her son."

Today's Quote

"If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Today's Quote

“One should guard against preaching to young people success in the customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its result and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community.”
Albert Einstein

Comments from "Trisha" on the Autism Dialogue

To the Bettelheim quote:

"YES! Exactly."

To the posting:

"I don't at all believe a mother can make her child autistic. However, I have noticed certain trends in growth and behavior in my son that directly parallel my own life. I have never been certain who is the cause and who is the effect. But, yes, definite correlation."

Thanks, Trisha!

Today's Quote

"The good enough parent, in addition to being convinced that whatever his child does, he does it because at that moment he is convinced this is the best he can do, will also ask himself: 'What in the world would make me act as my child acts at this moment? And if I felt forced to act this way, what would make me feel better about it?"
Bruno Bettelheim

Barbara Fischkin and PL Dialogue on Autism Continues

Barbara Fischkin, author and activist mother of an autistic son, and I continue to exchange thoughts on the subject of autism. The dialogue began with my response to a piece by Barbara on the Huffington Post in which she responded to a screed by a conservative cretin named, Mike Savage.

Here's Barbara's latest response to my most recent to her:

"First let me say that I welcome this dialogue. But actually what you are saying DOES NOT make sense. When our son was first diagnosed we spent a small fortune on play therapy and it did absolutely nothing. Dibs down the drain. In recent months three things have worked: A speech therapist who can do prompt therapy. (hard to find) A DAN protocols doctor, who is very important despite your skepticism. And excellent teachers. They all are vital and all work in tandem. Play therapy, though, is not what they do."

PL's response to BF's response:

I understand what you are saying, Barbara. The problem with "play therapy," or any kind of therapy, for that matter, which I'm sure you know, is that whatever the therapeutic technique or theory, in practice, it's only as good as the therapist and patient make it (and in the case of children, the parents must be included in that equation). Helping a child and his parents overcome autism is a tremendous undertaking, and I am not knocking the DAN protocols, occupational therapies, cognitive/behavioral methods, etc. By no means. (Clearly, I am an activist against chemo-therapy for most childhood conditions, though.)
I consider myself to be a "whatever-works" therapist, after thirty years of studying and using a wide variety of approaches for an array of different disorders and syndromes. My biggest concern here is with the big picture in addressing disorders like autism. From the broad-view perspective, to call theories on the etiology of autism that consider the emotional state of the parents prenatally, at birth and during the first 6 months of life as discredited, "DOES NOT make sense" to me. In fact, I would dare to incur further wrath from you by saying that such "compartmentalized thinking" is typical of the "Schizoid Character Structure, which I have written and taught about extensively.
We are all connected, Barbara, in the truest sense. The medical paradigm which separates human beings from nature, and from each other, or dares to presume that nature randomly screws up, and then requires fixing by us, is beyond hubristic. It is dangerous.
Looking into all of the connections, including the hardest ones to face emotionally and ego-wise, are often the very ones worth keeping on the table.
Thanks for the dialogue.
PL

Barbara Fischkin responds to PL on Autism/PL's response to Barbara

Barbara Fischkin left this comment on the FPL blog today:

"Yes it's me that 'dreadful' parent Barbara Fischkin. If it's always the parents' fault why do I have a younger son who is a caring, charming, handsome, articulate athlete? And by the way, I was older when I gave birth to him and so was my husband. This blog's views on autism are from the shameful depths of another century. People who decry abuse stopped worshiping Bettelheim decades ago."

PL's response:

Barbara - First of all, in no way was I saying that you were a "dreadful" parent. I am sure that you are a loving, dedicated mother, and while I wouldn't say that I "worship" Bettelheim, I do think that his landmark book, "Love Is Not Enough" has some very valuable information in it.
If you read my post, it is clear that what I am saying, Barbara, is that parenting in our society is an overwhelming challenge, and unfortunately, our medical establishment - which is first and foremost a business, today - exploits said overwhelmed parents by offering the false balm that it is nature that screws up our kids, not us, and that the magic solutions lie with the drugs that "correct" nature, an approach which the medical establishment just so happens to get rich from.
My experience, which has led me to observe that parenting is always part of the etiological picture of childhood disorders like autism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, attention deficit problems, etc., etc., and the conclusions I draw, are not an assault on parents. If anything, they are my reflection on the opportunity for parents and children to heal together by exploring what went wrong and how, together, it can be corrected.
I am speaking from experience, not dogma or theory from "another century," Barbara. I have helped children diagnosed as "brain dsyfunctional" attain normalcy through play therapy and working with the parents. No drugs. Just hard, roll-up-your-sleeves emotional work. Don't fear this notion. I'm not saying it's your "fault." I'm saying you're connected to your child's struggles. Doesn't that make sense?

Today's BONUS Quote

"People of Berlin, People of the World, This is our Moment! This is our Time! What has always united us - is a set of ideals that speak to aspirations shared by all people: that we can live free from fear and free from want; that we can speak our minds and assemble with whomever we choose and worship as we please. I come before you to say that we are heirs to a struggle for freedom. We are a people of improbable hope. With an eye toward the future, with resolve in our hearts, let us remember this history, and answer our destiny, and remake the world once again."
Barack Obama (Click on picture for enlarged view)

Today's Quote

"You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth."
Kahlil Gibran

PARENTS ARE ALWAYS PART OF THE PROBLEM - GET OVER IT!

I read a heartfelt piece this morning by the mother of an autistic son. Said mother, author Barbara Fischkin, was lamenting an inane, if not insane, diatribe by conservative talk show host, Michael Savage, in which the jackass said on his nationally syndicated radio show: "Autism is a fraud, a racket. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is."

What's sad about this is that both Ms. Fischkin and Mr. Savage, as two opposite sides of the same coin, facilitate our continuing to miss the point, which is that parents are always one of the sources for every disorder that our children have. Period. Ms. Fischkin wrings her hands, "wishing" it could be her fault (Not!), and Savage, like most so-called "conservatives," is so primitive that he thinks most problems in life can be solved by slapping somebody up.

But the truth is this, and it needs to be said and received with compassion: Parents are always part of the problem.

Parents are always part of the problem.

That's not meant as a judgment on parents. It's an assessment, one that I can make after thirty years of study and practice as a sociologist, psychotherapist and clinical social worker, and as a parent three times over.

Barbara Fischkin decries the late, great Bruno Bettelheim's statements about autism being caused by "coldness" in the mother, saying that such ideas have been "discredited," just like the concept of "schizophrenogenic mothers" (as a causal factor in schizophrenia in children) has supposedly been discredited, but discredited by whom? Medical practitioners who want every disorder to ultimately have a medical cause and therefore, a pharmaceutical cure? Parents who strive to be seen as blameless in their children's problems? This is as tragic as homosexuals in the early 1980's refusing to accept that a lifestyle that included excessive recreational drug use, along with massive doses of antibiotics, coupled with enormous societal pressure and stress was the primary cause of their immune system breakdowns. Hello?!

This is a great shame. Life is hard in many ways for many people right now, right here, on planet Earth. No one is perfect, and yet, parents are asked to raise children perfectly under the most impossible of circumstances, and at that, while there still is not even the slightest priority given to mental and emotional well-being in this society.

The fact is, in the field research will easily validate Bettelheim's theories. Any therapist who actually works with his patients and their families, and studies their histories thoroughly, will tell you the same thing, even though it has somehow become politically incorrect. Children are not born complete blank slates, true. There are genetic predispositions and seed plans in the soul, but parents are always part of the plan, and part of the trigger for those genetic switches turning on. It's not a crime to acknowledge that. It's a crime to deny it.

The woman I love and live with is a mother of two beautiful children that I am privileged to be raising with her. What makes her an amazing mother is not that she is perfect, but that she is fearless in seeing herself reflected in the strengths AND weaknesses in her kids. She has been willing to face the gut-wrenching truths that her children's "issues" have roots in her issues - even the ones doctors would let her off the hook for - and so she is able to help her children with their problems as she works through her own.

Eating disorders, addictions, attention problems, and yes, autism, in children, are issues that can be addressed through the self-work of the parents. Sorry. It's just true. Ask anybody who's actually operated from that premise - for real - and done the work without turning to the illusory magic bullets of medical treatment. Go ahead. Ask.

Life works. You can heal yourself, and in so doing, help your children heal themselves.

Today's Quote

"Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said."
Mark Twain ...to John McCain

NOW HEAR THIS! PARENTAL OVERINVOLVEMENT IS NOT A GOOD THING!!

Here's an article I found yesterday that hits the nail on the head about the damage done to kids by overinvolved parents. It's entitled: "What Price, Privilege? Has our overinvolved parenting style created a generation of kids with an impaired sense of self?"

Needless to say, I've been screaming "YES!" from the rooftops about this forever. This is a very professional and clinical piece stating the case.

Here are some excerpts:

"If warm connection has been shown to be the silver bullet of effective parenting, how can it possibly damage children or impair their development? The hard-to-face answer is that warmth and connection easily can slide into overinvolvement, enmeshment and intrusion. Sometimes our children's unsafe behavior dictates that we have no choice but to fully insert ourselves into their lives, but more frequently we have drifted into overinvolvement out of our own fear of uncertainty or anxiety about loss of connection. At times it can be difficult to know whether we are being appropriately loving, or intrusive. But listen to your instincts, and your children; they will usually be only too happy to help you with this distinction.
"Persistent worry about how well one's child stacks up against other children inevitably leads to parents who are overinvolved and emotionally exhausted as well as to children who are impaired in their ability to function independently. In spite of good intentions, the levels of adult overinvolvement that have become typical in so many comfortable homes and communities are startling and counterproductive. Both intrusion and overinvolvement prevent the development of the kinds of skills that children need to be successful: the ability to be a self-starter, the willingness to engage in trial-and-error learning, the ability to delay gratification, to tolerate frustration, to show self control, to learn from mistakes and to be a flexible and creative thinker. Kids who develop these skills have a large toolbox to dig into, both to enrich their lives and to help them problem-solve.
"Little has been written about the falling off of creativity among kids; it is, however, an ominous trend. Creativity, the ability to look at things from a fresh perspective, is an underrated but critical life skill. Children can read the needs of their parents remarkably well. They know that the mother who spends a disproportionate amount of time and energy inserting herself into her child's life is likely to be fending off her own unhappiness. She needs to be overinvolved, and, in an unfortunately common psychological drama, her child is willing to sacrifice his own needs to meet hers.
"Parental overinvolvement and intrusion are typically indications that a parent's own needs are not being adequately met. The more we pour ourselves, our talents, concerns and aspirations into our children, the less room they have to develop their own talents, concerns and aspirations. Autonomy, not dependency, is always the goal of good parenting. Mother birds know the value of nudging their fledglings out of the nest so that they learn how to soar on their own wings. Overinvolved parents are clipping their children's wings.
"Parents who persistently fall on the side of intervening for their child, as opposed to supporting their child's attempts to problem solve, interfere with the most important task of childhood and adolescence: the development of a sense of self. Autonomy, what we commonly call independence, along with competence and interpersonal relationships, are considered to be inborn human needs. Their development is central to psychological health. In a supportive and respectful family, children go about the business of forging a "sense of self" by being exposed to, and learning to manage, increasingly complex personal and interpersonal challenges.
"When we coerce, intrude on or take over for our children unnecessarily we may be 'spoiling' them, but the far more significant consequence is that we are interfering with their ability to construct a sense of self. My patient was empty because she had not been able to develop the internal resources that would make it possible for her to feel that she 'owned' her life or could manage her feelings. She felt little control over what happened to her and had no confidence in her ability to handle the curveballs of adolescence.
"Well-meaning parents contribute to problems in self-development by pressuring their children, emphasizing external measures of success, being overly critical, and being alternately emotionally unavailable or intrusive. Becoming independent, and forging an identity becomes particularly difficult for children under these circumstances.
What looks like healthy assimilation into the family and community -- getting high grades, conforming to parents' and community standards, and being receptive to the interests and activities valued by others -- can be deceptive. Kids can present as models of competence and still lack a fundamental sense of who they are. Psychologists call this the 'false self,' and it is highly correlated with a number of emotional problems, most notably depression.
"We need to examine our parenting paradigm. Raising children has come to look more and more like a business endeavor and less and less like an endeavor of the heart. We are overly concerned with "the bottom line," with how our children 'do' rather than with who our children "are." We pour time, attention and money into insuring their performance, consistently making it to their soccer game while inconsistently making it to the dinner table. The fact that our persistent and often critical involvement is well intended, that we believe that our efforts ultimately will help our children to be happy and to successfully compete in a demanding world, does not lessen the damage."

Today's Quote

“I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”
Rodney Dangerfield

"SMARTMOM" on "Iconic Park Slopers?"

Here is my response to Louise Crawford's "Smartmom" article called: "SMARTMOM friends moving to Canada" from the Brooklyn Paper, also posted on her blog, "Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn."

"Wow, Louise! I am amazed at your "love" of this neighborhood. Not that I have anything against the neighborhood as a place, but the idea that what constitutes an "iconic Park Sloper" is someone who is "smart, politically progressive, vegan, well-read, community oriented, neighborly and fun to talk to" is well, so strikingly lacking in objectivity, and so absent in my experience with people here, that I am inclined to say... 'Wow, Louise!'
"Obviously, I don't share your attachment to this neighborhood, but of course, I've never felt attached to any particular place, even though I've lived in neighborhoods for long stretches (including my home town in the suburbs until college age, and 25 years of living on the upper westside). A place is well... just a place to me. There are things to enjoy in a place, routines, favorite restaurants, etc., certain people, and there are annoying things in all places, as well. But in the truest Buddhist sense, attachments make for unhappiness in life, ultimately, because the nature of physical life is transient. Paradoxically, attachment also prevents true intimacy, which is very important to me, because attachment is rooted in fear, and fear interferes with the openness necessary to feel genuinely close to someone. Perhaps, that is what I have complained about the most since living in Park Slope - the pseudo-intimacy masking the fear and attachment energy (What others have called 'entitlement' and 'clique-ishness' when criticizing Park Slopers.)
"Okay, my dear Louise, that's my curmudgeonly response to your otherwise poignant 'Smartmom' piece, which as always, is enjoyable reading."

Today's Quote

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

BE A FLOWER

Interesting article by Dr. Belisa Vranich, a clinical psychologist, author and public speaker who was previously the health and sex editor at Men's Fitness magazine. The article is called: "Why 'Pretty' and 'Ugly' Mean Nothing." It's barely an article, really, more a comment, that basically ends with some advice to parents of young people:

Dr. Vranich says:

"1. Take your daughters and sons to open dressing rooms. They need to see real people naked. (Yipes, during my last trip to Loehmann's, l was startled at the number of grandmotherly types sporting thongs. Note to my own mom: let's stick to boyshorts, okay?).

"2. Show your daughters how make-up and Photoshop work so you can bust the myth of perfection. Most women do not have the ridiculously long torsos of Shape magazine covers and turning bat wings into taut triceps takes lots of consistent work.

"3. Without being catty, make sure she sees those "stars without makeup" articles that magazines feature every once in a while, or "Just Like Us" columns that show zits and backfat (or strange discolored hands like Katie Holmes has, hmm).

"A reality check can be the best piece of advice we can provide in our beauty-obsessed world."

Okay, fair enough. I particularly like the last suggestion that reality can be the antidote to obsession, but then Dr. V herself uses the phrase "beauty-obsessed," and therein lies the problem.

What is beauty? And who "has" it? And who can see it? Are the so-called beauty-obsessed really obsessed with beauty? Or is it something else they're obsessed with?

Well, remember this - obsessiveness is a defense mechanism, and as such is an attempt on the immature part of an individual's psyche to solve an intractable problem. And like all defense mechanisms, it distorts a person's personality and ability to perceive reality. A young child, suffering the slings and arrows of being brought up by parents who aren't self-actualized (99.9% of parents, by the way), will very often conclude that its own inadequacies are the source of their suffering, because it's too threatening to face the limitations of their parents, upon whom they are utterly dependent for everything. In other words, in the child's mind, "If the problem lies in my parents, I'm screwed, because I need them and I can't control them to make them give me more of what I really need. But if the problem lies with me, then perhaps I can 'fix' myself, make myself 'perfect,' so I'll get more love and care, etc."

What happens? Needless to say, the child's attempts at self-perfection never bring more nurturance, so... "Maybe if I attached myself to someone else who's perfect, it'll be like I'm perfect." Thus begins the tortured, futile quest to find that perfect Other who will solve the childhood dilemma. And of course... it never works. Why? 1. Because the child's perceived imperfections were never the problem in the first place; 2. because love is never given in response to beauty, anyway; and 3. beauty does not reside in static, delusional constructs like "perfection."

"There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion," said Sir Francis Bacon.

I love that. As Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says in Today's Quote, beauty is all about the light that shines through a person.

Eckhart Tolle talk eloquently about the beauty of flowers and why human beings universally agree that flowers are beautiful - because flowers straddle the boundary between form - which is dense - and spirit - which is light.

Tolle:

"As the consciousness of human beings developed, flowers were most likely the first thing they came to value that had no utilitarian purpose for them, that is to say, was not linked in some way to survival. They provided inspiration to countless artists, poets, and mystics. Jesus tells us to contemplate the flowers and learn from them how to live. The Buddha is said to have given a “silent sermon” once during which he held up a flower and gazed at it.

"Without our fully realizing it, flowers would become for us an expression in form of that which is most high, most sacred, and ultimately formless within ourselves. Flowers, more fleeting, more ethereal, and more delicate than the plants out of which they emerged, would become like messengers from another realm, like a bridge between the world of physical forms and the formless."

Yes. Let the light of your soul, of your True Self, shine through you, and you will discover your own genuine beauty. It's not relative or subjective. It is reality. The proportions and dimensions of your body parts, or anyone else's, for that matter, do not constitute beauty. It is the proportion of light that you allow to come through you that makes you beautiful. The arbitrary standards set out by the moguls of perfectionism are meant to trick the desperate child in you into buying whatever they're selling.

Don't do it.

Become the flower that you truly are. We need the light.

Today's Quote

"People living deeply have no fear of death."
Anais Nin

Today's Quote

"Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." Soren Kierkegaard