“If you want to keep something precious, lock it up and throw away the key. If you love someone, set them free.”
Sting
Full Permission Lyrics
This is a new item I thought I would try as a regular feature. Music is one of the "languages" of the soul, and language that uses words is a uniquely human way of communicating. Combining music and lyrics into songs creates a powerful way to stimulate our inner lives.
Today, I was moved to start with one of my favorite Lennon-McCartney lyrics: "Fixing A Hole." What I love about what's happening in this story is that the protagonist is taking action so he can be available for the inaction of letting his mind wander. How much do we all need to do that - take the steps necessary so we can create space to go within and be with ourselves?
You can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKukhx1DPR4
Enjoy!
FIXING A HOLE
"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go
I'm filling the cracks that ran though the door
and kept my mind from wandering
where it will go
And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong
I'm right where I belong
I'm right where I belong
See the people standing there
who disagree and never win
and wonder why they don't get in my door
I'm painting a room in a colorful way,
and when my mind is wandering
there I will go
And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong
I'm right where I belong
I'm right where I belong
Silly people run around
they worry me and never ask me
why they don't get past my door
I'm taking my time for a number of things
that weren't important yesterday
and I still go
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go
where it will go
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go"
Lennon/McCartney
Today, I was moved to start with one of my favorite Lennon-McCartney lyrics: "Fixing A Hole." What I love about what's happening in this story is that the protagonist is taking action so he can be available for the inaction of letting his mind wander. How much do we all need to do that - take the steps necessary so we can create space to go within and be with ourselves?
You can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKukhx1DPR4
Enjoy!
FIXING A HOLE
"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go
I'm filling the cracks that ran though the door
and kept my mind from wandering
where it will go
And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong
I'm right where I belong
I'm right where I belong
See the people standing there
who disagree and never win
and wonder why they don't get in my door
I'm painting a room in a colorful way,
and when my mind is wandering
there I will go
And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong
I'm right where I belong
I'm right where I belong
Silly people run around
they worry me and never ask me
why they don't get past my door
I'm taking my time for a number of things
that weren't important yesterday
and I still go
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go
where it will go
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go"
Lennon/McCartney
The "Higher Side" of the Psychopathic Character Structure
The other day, I posted some aspects of the "Psychopathic Character Structure" on my blog, with a few pictorial examples of some well-known psychopaths. To be fair, I also want to post the "Higher Self" aspects of that structure.
Every character structure is a distortion of the True Self (which I'm using interchangeably with the Higher Self). Every soul is born into a lifetime with specific and unique attributes and qualities, "gifts" that can manifest as their greatest potential for their own growth and development and fulfillment and can facilitate that of others, as well. Because of the emotional and psychological injuries incurred during childhood, we create defenses that distort the expression of our True Self. Those defenses, clustered together, form a "character structure." The character structures will vary according to the nature of the True Self that created it. As I've said to many people, all character structures suck! They constrict us, inhibit us, delude us, damage our bodies and our relationships. All in different ways, but... they all suck!
That being said, all Higher Selves are magnificent, beautiful, creative, loving, imaginative, brilliant, and always throbbing there underneath our defenses waiting for a chance to express if only we would dismantle those old cocoons from childhood and fly.
Here then are the...
HIGHER SELF ASPECTS OF THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE
- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.
Every character structure is a distortion of the True Self (which I'm using interchangeably with the Higher Self). Every soul is born into a lifetime with specific and unique attributes and qualities, "gifts" that can manifest as their greatest potential for their own growth and development and fulfillment and can facilitate that of others, as well. Because of the emotional and psychological injuries incurred during childhood, we create defenses that distort the expression of our True Self. Those defenses, clustered together, form a "character structure." The character structures will vary according to the nature of the True Self that created it. As I've said to many people, all character structures suck! They constrict us, inhibit us, delude us, damage our bodies and our relationships. All in different ways, but... they all suck!
That being said, all Higher Selves are magnificent, beautiful, creative, loving, imaginative, brilliant, and always throbbing there underneath our defenses waiting for a chance to express if only we would dismantle those old cocoons from childhood and fly.
Here then are the...
HIGHER SELF ASPECTS OF THE PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE
- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.
Today's Quote
"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
George Orwell
George Orwell
Today's Quote
"Healthy children will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death."
Erik H. Erikson
Erik H. Erikson
Today's Quotes
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Buddha
"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."
Sigmund Freud
Buddha
"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."
Sigmund Freud
Freud Meets Buddha
Well, we've been on the cutting edge of this trend for a good two decades now, haven't we? Check it out: "Lotus Therapy"
"Children Poisoning Themselves with Illegal Psychiatric Drugs"
Peter Breggin, M.D., is one of my heroes in the mental health profession, going back at least 17 years when he published his landmark book, "Toxic Psychiatry," followed up with many more, including, "Talking Back To Prozac." Dr. Breggin has been informing the professions, media and the public about the potential dangers of psychiatric drugs, electroshock, psychosurgery, involuntary treatment, and the biological theories of psychiatry for over three decades. He has testified before Congress on more than one occasion about the dangers of medicating children.
This is a great man!
Read his latest here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-peter-breggin/children-poisoning-themse_b_103494.html
This is a great man!
Read his latest here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-peter-breggin/children-poisoning-themse_b_103494.html
Today's BONUS Quote
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson
Marianne Williamson
What's with Me and Paul Krugman?!
Is it me? Why do I feel the need to keep addressing Paul Krugman's columns?
Am I becoming overly irate about the things the Times columnist has been writing during this primary season? Or is he losing it? Or worse, is he showing the unseemly underbelly of a man who fears change and moving forward into an unfamiliar world.
This is the preposterous quote from the beginning of his piece, "Divided They Stand," in the paper today:
"It is, in a way, almost appropriate that the final days of the struggle for the Democratic nomination have been marked by yet another fake Clinton scandal."
Fake Clinton scandal?!!?
Paul, read this! Asked if her continuing fight for the nomination against Senator Obama hurts the Democratic party, Hillary replied:
"I don't. Because again, I've been around long enough. You know, my husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California."
Taken out of context? Okay, Paul, how about this:
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."
No? She was just tired and misspoke?
I know you remember the one where Senator Clinton claimed that she was instrumental in negotiating peace in Northern Ireland. (According to Senator George Mitchell, the Clinton Administration's leading Northern Ireland peace negotiator, Hillary Clinton was not directly involved in the negotiations. Brian Feeney, author and former Belfast politician said that, "The road to peace was carefully documented, and she wasn't on it.")
Still not convinced, Mr. Klugman? Check out this list of known lies by the Senator:
• Chelsea was jogging around the Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. (She was in bed watching it on TV.)
• Hillary was named after Sir Edmund Hillary. (She admitted she was wrong. He climbed Mt. Everest five years after her birth.)
• She learned in The Wall Street Journal how to make a killing in the futures market. (It didn't cover the market back then.)
Oh, yeah, and...
• She didn't know about the FALN pardons.
• She didn't know that her brothers were being paid to get pardons that President Clinton granted.
• Taking the White House gifts inappropriately was a clerical error.
• She didn't know that her staff would fire the travel office staff after she told them to do so.
• She didn't know that the Peter Paul fundraiser in Hollywood in 2000 cost $700,000 more than she reported it had.
• She opposed NAFTA at the time.
• She urged Bill to intervene in Rwanda.
• She played a role in the '90s economic recovery.
• The billing records showed up on their own.
• She thought Bill was innocent when the Monica scandal broke.
• She was always a Yankees fan.
• She had nothing to do with the New Square Hasidic pardons (after they voted for her 1,400-12 and she attended a meeting at the White House about the pardons).
• She negotiated for the release of refugees in Macedonia (who were released the day before she got there).
Paul, I suggest you read my post on the "Psychopathic Character Structure" (http://fullpermissionliving.blogspot.com/2008/05/psychopathic-character-structure.html)
Am I becoming overly irate about the things the Times columnist has been writing during this primary season? Or is he losing it? Or worse, is he showing the unseemly underbelly of a man who fears change and moving forward into an unfamiliar world.
This is the preposterous quote from the beginning of his piece, "Divided They Stand," in the paper today:
"It is, in a way, almost appropriate that the final days of the struggle for the Democratic nomination have been marked by yet another fake Clinton scandal."
Fake Clinton scandal?!!?
Paul, read this! Asked if her continuing fight for the nomination against Senator Obama hurts the Democratic party, Hillary replied:
"I don't. Because again, I've been around long enough. You know, my husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California."
Taken out of context? Okay, Paul, how about this:
"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."
No? She was just tired and misspoke?
I know you remember the one where Senator Clinton claimed that she was instrumental in negotiating peace in Northern Ireland. (According to Senator George Mitchell, the Clinton Administration's leading Northern Ireland peace negotiator, Hillary Clinton was not directly involved in the negotiations. Brian Feeney, author and former Belfast politician said that, "The road to peace was carefully documented, and she wasn't on it.")
Still not convinced, Mr. Klugman? Check out this list of known lies by the Senator:
• Chelsea was jogging around the Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. (She was in bed watching it on TV.)
• Hillary was named after Sir Edmund Hillary. (She admitted she was wrong. He climbed Mt. Everest five years after her birth.)
• She learned in The Wall Street Journal how to make a killing in the futures market. (It didn't cover the market back then.)
Oh, yeah, and...
• She didn't know about the FALN pardons.
• She didn't know that her brothers were being paid to get pardons that President Clinton granted.
• Taking the White House gifts inappropriately was a clerical error.
• She didn't know that her staff would fire the travel office staff after she told them to do so.
• She didn't know that the Peter Paul fundraiser in Hollywood in 2000 cost $700,000 more than she reported it had.
• She opposed NAFTA at the time.
• She urged Bill to intervene in Rwanda.
• She played a role in the '90s economic recovery.
• The billing records showed up on their own.
• She thought Bill was innocent when the Monica scandal broke.
• She was always a Yankees fan.
• She had nothing to do with the New Square Hasidic pardons (after they voted for her 1,400-12 and she attended a meeting at the White House about the pardons).
• She negotiated for the release of refugees in Macedonia (who were released the day before she got there).
Paul, I suggest you read my post on the "Psychopathic Character Structure" (http://fullpermissionliving.blogspot.com/2008/05/psychopathic-character-structure.html)
The "Millennials" Are Coming - GET THE DIAPERS!!
Was anybody home last night to watch the "60 Minutes" story" on the new generation of "kids" that have recently arrived to "adulthood?" Man, I've been writing and ranting about this age group and the one coming after them for years now, and getting no small amount of flack for it. I've been begging parents to consider the consequences for the narcissists they're creating, and for the world at large, and admonishing those same parents for their own ego-driven, vicarious motivations that are gutting our kids.
Well, it's hitting the mainstream media now. Here's Morley Safer from last night's show:
"There are about 80 million of them, born between 1980 and 1995, and they're rapidly taking over from the Baby Boomers who are now pushing 60. They were raised by doting parents who told them they are special, played in little leagues with no winners or losers, or all winners. They are laden with trophies just for participating and they think your business-as-usual ethic is for the birds, and you can take your job and shove it. They are a generation that only takes 'yes' for an answer. And their priorities are simple: they come first."
Now, many who know me or read this blog have heard me talk about the "Joy of Quitting," or the "End of the Job," and "Full Permission Working." I am a staunch advocate of not wasting your life doing things that you don't find fulfilling. And I certainly see the 9-to-5 (now 8-to-8) corporate cog work-life as demeaning and spirit-crushing. But by no means do I advocate remaining a child. I absolutely know that fulfillment in life includes the capacity to be creative and productive in the world, and attaining what Erik Erikson called "generativity," the desire to give back.
Marian Salzman was on the show. She's an ad agency executive who has been managing and tracking "Millennials" since they entered the workforce. "You do have to speak to them a little bit like a therapist on television might speak to a patient," Salzman says, laughing. "You can't be harsh. You cannot tell them you're disappointed in them. These young people will tell you what time their yoga class is and that the day's work will be organized around the fact that they have that commitment. How wonderful it is to be young and have your priorities so clear. Flipside of it is how awful it is to be managing the extension, sort of, of the teenage babysitting pool," Salzman tells Safer.
Her words, folks, not mine -an "extension" of "the teenage babysitting pool." Exactly. One of the questions I've often put to parents is "Who's going to continue coddling your kids when they reach adulthood? Who's going to hire them? And who in their right mind would ever want to marry someone who needs an eternal source of narcissistic supply from their partner?"
Mary Crane offers crash courses for Millennials, trying to prepare them for actual work. She said this on 60 Minutes: "You now have a generation coming into the workplace that has grown up with the expectation that they will automatically win, and they'll always be rewarded, even for just showing up," Crane says.
In psychological terms, by the way, that's called "Primary Narcissism."
Morley was onto it.
"So who's to blame for the narcissistic praise hounds now taking over the office?" Safer asks.
Wall Street Journal columnist Jeffrey Zaslow blames...Mr. Rogers! "You have got a guy like Fred Rogers on TV. He was telling his preschoolers, 'You're special. You're special.' And he meant well. But we, as parents, ran with it. And we said, 'You, Junior, are special, and you're special and you're special and you're special.' And for doing what? We didn't really explain that," Zaslow says.
Furthermore, he says that the coddling virus continues to eat away even when junior goes off to college.
"I heard from several professors who said, a student will come up after class and say, 'I don't like my grade, and my mom wants to talk to you, here's the phone," Zaslow says. "And the students think it's like a service. 'I deserve an A because I'm paying for it. What are you giving me a C for?"
Now, here's where the pathology really starts to manifest from this upbringing without autonomy:
"Today," Morley Safer says, "more than half of college seniors move home after graduation. It's a safety net, or safety diaper, that allows many kids to quickly opt out of a job they don't like."
Does that give anyone a chill: "SAFETY DIAPER?!"
"There once was, if not shame, a little certain uneasiness about being seen to be living at home in your mid 20s, yes?" Safer asks Mary Crane.
"Not only is there no shame with it, but this is thought to be a very smart, wise, economic decision," Crane says.
Finally, here's where it gets really sad. This is a young man in his twenties, talking about his upbringing, interviewed on the show:
"Our parents really took from us that opportunity to fall down on our face and learn how to stand up," says Jason Dorsey.
You can find the whole transcript of the show here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/11/08/60minutes/main3475200.shtml
Well, it's hitting the mainstream media now. Here's Morley Safer from last night's show:
"There are about 80 million of them, born between 1980 and 1995, and they're rapidly taking over from the Baby Boomers who are now pushing 60. They were raised by doting parents who told them they are special, played in little leagues with no winners or losers, or all winners. They are laden with trophies just for participating and they think your business-as-usual ethic is for the birds, and you can take your job and shove it. They are a generation that only takes 'yes' for an answer. And their priorities are simple: they come first."
Now, many who know me or read this blog have heard me talk about the "Joy of Quitting," or the "End of the Job," and "Full Permission Working." I am a staunch advocate of not wasting your life doing things that you don't find fulfilling. And I certainly see the 9-to-5 (now 8-to-8) corporate cog work-life as demeaning and spirit-crushing. But by no means do I advocate remaining a child. I absolutely know that fulfillment in life includes the capacity to be creative and productive in the world, and attaining what Erik Erikson called "generativity," the desire to give back.
Marian Salzman was on the show. She's an ad agency executive who has been managing and tracking "Millennials" since they entered the workforce. "You do have to speak to them a little bit like a therapist on television might speak to a patient," Salzman says, laughing. "You can't be harsh. You cannot tell them you're disappointed in them. These young people will tell you what time their yoga class is and that the day's work will be organized around the fact that they have that commitment. How wonderful it is to be young and have your priorities so clear. Flipside of it is how awful it is to be managing the extension, sort of, of the teenage babysitting pool," Salzman tells Safer.
Her words, folks, not mine -an "extension" of "the teenage babysitting pool." Exactly. One of the questions I've often put to parents is "Who's going to continue coddling your kids when they reach adulthood? Who's going to hire them? And who in their right mind would ever want to marry someone who needs an eternal source of narcissistic supply from their partner?"
Mary Crane offers crash courses for Millennials, trying to prepare them for actual work. She said this on 60 Minutes: "You now have a generation coming into the workplace that has grown up with the expectation that they will automatically win, and they'll always be rewarded, even for just showing up," Crane says.
In psychological terms, by the way, that's called "Primary Narcissism."
Morley was onto it.
"So who's to blame for the narcissistic praise hounds now taking over the office?" Safer asks.
Wall Street Journal columnist Jeffrey Zaslow blames...Mr. Rogers! "You have got a guy like Fred Rogers on TV. He was telling his preschoolers, 'You're special. You're special.' And he meant well. But we, as parents, ran with it. And we said, 'You, Junior, are special, and you're special and you're special and you're special.' And for doing what? We didn't really explain that," Zaslow says.
Furthermore, he says that the coddling virus continues to eat away even when junior goes off to college.
"I heard from several professors who said, a student will come up after class and say, 'I don't like my grade, and my mom wants to talk to you, here's the phone," Zaslow says. "And the students think it's like a service. 'I deserve an A because I'm paying for it. What are you giving me a C for?"
Now, here's where the pathology really starts to manifest from this upbringing without autonomy:
"Today," Morley Safer says, "more than half of college seniors move home after graduation. It's a safety net, or safety diaper, that allows many kids to quickly opt out of a job they don't like."
Does that give anyone a chill: "SAFETY DIAPER?!"
"There once was, if not shame, a little certain uneasiness about being seen to be living at home in your mid 20s, yes?" Safer asks Mary Crane.
"Not only is there no shame with it, but this is thought to be a very smart, wise, economic decision," Crane says.
Finally, here's where it gets really sad. This is a young man in his twenties, talking about his upbringing, interviewed on the show:
"Our parents really took from us that opportunity to fall down on our face and learn how to stand up," says Jason Dorsey.
You can find the whole transcript of the show here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/11/08/60minutes/main3475200.shtml
Old Souls Wiser Than Old Men
As an addendum to the previous post on old age and wisdom let me clarify: wisdom is more a function of being an old soul than an old man. Many of us know more than a few "old fools," and I know more than a few wise young people. Personally, I have been remiss on the details and focused on the big picture most of my life, which is why I used to walk into door frames as a kid while I was thinking lofty thoughts. Ouch!
Older and Yes, Wiser!
Well, you gotta love this study (if you're me, anyway), cited in an article entitled: "Older Brain Really May Be a Wiser Brain," in the NY Times.
"It may be that distractibility is not, in fact, a bad thing,” said Shelley H. Carson, a psychology researcher at Harvard. “It may increase the amount of information available to the conscious mind.”
I've been trying to convince my girlfriend (who's 6 years younger than me) of this since we've been together. "I may not remember the details of things, but I remember the essence," is my frequent claim, frequently met with rolling eyes.
Come on, Doc, bring it on!
“A broad attention span may enable older adults to ultimately know more about a situation and the indirect message of what’s going on than their younger peers,” says Dr. Lynn Hasher, a professor of psychology and a senior research scientist. “We believe that this characteristic may play a significant role in why we think of older people as wiser.”
Yes! Grandpa Pete rules! He taught me about patience, and being willing to try new things based on trust without needing to know first what it was I was trying. I learned from him that rushing actually makes things ultimately take longer, and that an over-sized intellect can be an impediment to exploring life. He made me look forward to being old. I couldn't wait to be wise.
“These findings are all very consistent with the context we’re building for what wisdom is,” says Jacqui Smith, another researcher and professor of psychology. “If older people are taking in more information from a situation, and they’re then able to combine it with their comparatively greater store of general knowledge, they’re going to have a nice advantage.”
That's right - a "nice advantage!" That's why I'm not afraid to take on all the younger Hollywood types in trying to become a screenwriter at my age. Now, if I could only remember where I put my reading glasses.
"It may be that distractibility is not, in fact, a bad thing,” said Shelley H. Carson, a psychology researcher at Harvard. “It may increase the amount of information available to the conscious mind.”
I've been trying to convince my girlfriend (who's 6 years younger than me) of this since we've been together. "I may not remember the details of things, but I remember the essence," is my frequent claim, frequently met with rolling eyes.
Come on, Doc, bring it on!
“A broad attention span may enable older adults to ultimately know more about a situation and the indirect message of what’s going on than their younger peers,” says Dr. Lynn Hasher, a professor of psychology and a senior research scientist. “We believe that this characteristic may play a significant role in why we think of older people as wiser.”
Yes! Grandpa Pete rules! He taught me about patience, and being willing to try new things based on trust without needing to know first what it was I was trying. I learned from him that rushing actually makes things ultimately take longer, and that an over-sized intellect can be an impediment to exploring life. He made me look forward to being old. I couldn't wait to be wise.
“These findings are all very consistent with the context we’re building for what wisdom is,” says Jacqui Smith, another researcher and professor of psychology. “If older people are taking in more information from a situation, and they’re then able to combine it with their comparatively greater store of general knowledge, they’re going to have a nice advantage.”
That's right - a "nice advantage!" That's why I'm not afraid to take on all the younger Hollywood types in trying to become a screenwriter at my age. Now, if I could only remember where I put my reading glasses.
Today's Quote
"If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does He give them the opportunity to be patient? If someone prays for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them opportunities to be courageous? If someone prays for their family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
Morgan Freeman (as "God" in "Evan Almighty")
Morgan Freeman (as "God" in "Evan Almighty")
The Psychopathic Character Structure
These are some typical traits of a person who has a "psychopathic character structure," a collection of defenses overlying a fragile sense of self whose main purpose is to ward off intense feelings of emptiness, made all the worse by emotional numbness and a lack of empathy. Contrary to the common stereotype, psychopaths come in many shapes and sizes, not just overt criminals or Don Juans. Politicians, CEO's and "heroes" frequently have this structure.
Just thought I'd put it out there to provoke some reflection.
Psychopathic Character Traits:
- The will is powerfully exerted to control others and to control feelings;
- Only what’s in one’s head, only one’s own ideas in the moment, are treated as valid and real;
- Power rather than pleasure is sought from life;
- The mind is the servant of the will in this structure, so reasoning can be dramatically inconsistent, though capable of brilliance; arguing both sides of a situation or mixing lies with truth is common if it suits a manipulative purpose to gain power or be “right”; one’s own lies are often believed; there is also a tendency to poor judgment and an inability to learn from mistakes;
- Pain is numbed, and genuine feelings are denied, but dramatic emotionality and false feelings are acted out to achieve some purpose, like intimidation or seduction;
- Fear of being wrong or of submitting to the will of others is extreme and is powerfully denied;
- Intuitive capacities of the mind are formidable, with very strong abilities to read what is going on inside of other people, although the understanding of the meaning of what is going on is often very distorted.
- Intense fears of being defeated, humiliated, controlled, or used;
- Outer tone of falseness and insincerity, and a lack of integrity are common manifestations.
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."
"I don't believe in the no-win scenario."
"Why would I quit now?"
Just thought I'd put it out there to provoke some reflection.
Psychopathic Character Traits:
- The will is powerfully exerted to control others and to control feelings;
- Only what’s in one’s head, only one’s own ideas in the moment, are treated as valid and real;
- Power rather than pleasure is sought from life;
- The mind is the servant of the will in this structure, so reasoning can be dramatically inconsistent, though capable of brilliance; arguing both sides of a situation or mixing lies with truth is common if it suits a manipulative purpose to gain power or be “right”; one’s own lies are often believed; there is also a tendency to poor judgment and an inability to learn from mistakes;
- Pain is numbed, and genuine feelings are denied, but dramatic emotionality and false feelings are acted out to achieve some purpose, like intimidation or seduction;
- Fear of being wrong or of submitting to the will of others is extreme and is powerfully denied;
- Intuitive capacities of the mind are formidable, with very strong abilities to read what is going on inside of other people, although the understanding of the meaning of what is going on is often very distorted.
- Intense fears of being defeated, humiliated, controlled, or used;
- Outer tone of falseness and insincerity, and a lack of integrity are common manifestations.
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."
"I don't believe in the no-win scenario."
"Why would I quit now?"
Today's Quote
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
The "TIME BUDGET"
"There aren't enough hours in the day!"
I'm sure you've all heard and/or used that common complaint. I read an article this morning about how difficult it is to "have it all." The piece was called: "Can You Have It All - Sleep Included?" by Dr. Michael J. Breus.
Breus says:
"A thriving career. A house with 2.5 kids, the average. Time to exercise. A vibrant social life. A great romantic relationship, whether married or not. And you sleep like a baby at night for a full X-hours, whatever you need to feel like a million bucks the next day. Is this possible? Is this a total fantasy? I'm not trying to state the obvious or beg the obvious answer. My gut feeling is that having it all, including sleep, is a tall order."
[Well, of course, many of you who know me know that I feel that in this day and age, anyone who strives to have "2.5 kids" is latently suicidal anyway, but that's not the subject of my post today.]
Yes, I have heard so many complaints for so many years from so many people about not having enough time to work, play, love and rest, let alone pursue self-actualization in an intensive self-work process. Simultaneously, people have frequently asked me how I managed to have a full-time career as a psychotherapist, a full-time avocation as a writer, a full-time love relationship, with kids, and still be able to religiously take naps during the day and watch "Boston Legal" at night. And play tennis or go for 2-hour health walks regularly!
My answer has always been the same: "There are so many hours in a day, more than enough to do everything you want to do."
The response to my answer has mainly been something on the order of: "Bullshit!"
So, I devised a little exercise to prove my point, and only once in the past decade has it not had the same surprising effect on the person willing to do it. Today, I'm passing it on to you.
Here we go:
Start out by writing down the number of hours in a week. (I'll save you the time, since you seem to think you need it - it's 168.)
Now start subtracting: the number of hours you spend sleeping, eating, including shopping and cooking the food, working, including travel to and from work, doing household and kid-related chores, personal grooming, exercise, etc. If you're like most people who've done this exercise, you'll end up with a bunch of hours you can't account for. This shocks many people. I usually say at this point: "Those are the hours you spend obsessing about your life or engaged in compulsive activities or rambling through the forest of your character defenses."
The eyes of the recipient of this information at that moment are wide. It's a powerful moment of realization to face how much time is eaten away by the resistances of one's ego, resistance to embracing life fully. Still, as disheartening as it may be initially, it is ultimately freeing to see the reality of one's situation and eliminate that feeling of being victimized by time.
Check it out. Take the test. You might be surprised. Perhaps it may give you pause to pause.
Now, about that person who did the Time Budget exercise a few years ago and actually came out with a negative balance? Well, when she took the test, she was a mother of 2 little kids, working at an executive-level job she had to commute to, during a major renovation of her home, married to a man who never did any cooking or cleaning around the house, and she didn't have a full-time nanny or cleaning person! However, she did include in her unbelievable schedule enough time for individual, marital and group therapy on a weekly basis. And guess what? Today, she's no longer in that job, or in that house, or in that marriage, and although she has a cleaning person, she is plenty busy raising her kids, writing on her own blog, and engaged in both artistic and spiritual pursuits, while in a loving relationship with a man who does all of the cooking! And she never misses Boston Legal!
I'm sure you've all heard and/or used that common complaint. I read an article this morning about how difficult it is to "have it all." The piece was called: "Can You Have It All - Sleep Included?" by Dr. Michael J. Breus.
Breus says:
"A thriving career. A house with 2.5 kids, the average. Time to exercise. A vibrant social life. A great romantic relationship, whether married or not. And you sleep like a baby at night for a full X-hours, whatever you need to feel like a million bucks the next day. Is this possible? Is this a total fantasy? I'm not trying to state the obvious or beg the obvious answer. My gut feeling is that having it all, including sleep, is a tall order."
[Well, of course, many of you who know me know that I feel that in this day and age, anyone who strives to have "2.5 kids" is latently suicidal anyway, but that's not the subject of my post today.]
Yes, I have heard so many complaints for so many years from so many people about not having enough time to work, play, love and rest, let alone pursue self-actualization in an intensive self-work process. Simultaneously, people have frequently asked me how I managed to have a full-time career as a psychotherapist, a full-time avocation as a writer, a full-time love relationship, with kids, and still be able to religiously take naps during the day and watch "Boston Legal" at night. And play tennis or go for 2-hour health walks regularly!
My answer has always been the same: "There are so many hours in a day, more than enough to do everything you want to do."
The response to my answer has mainly been something on the order of: "Bullshit!"
So, I devised a little exercise to prove my point, and only once in the past decade has it not had the same surprising effect on the person willing to do it. Today, I'm passing it on to you.
Here we go:
Start out by writing down the number of hours in a week. (I'll save you the time, since you seem to think you need it - it's 168.)
Now start subtracting: the number of hours you spend sleeping, eating, including shopping and cooking the food, working, including travel to and from work, doing household and kid-related chores, personal grooming, exercise, etc. If you're like most people who've done this exercise, you'll end up with a bunch of hours you can't account for. This shocks many people. I usually say at this point: "Those are the hours you spend obsessing about your life or engaged in compulsive activities or rambling through the forest of your character defenses."
The eyes of the recipient of this information at that moment are wide. It's a powerful moment of realization to face how much time is eaten away by the resistances of one's ego, resistance to embracing life fully. Still, as disheartening as it may be initially, it is ultimately freeing to see the reality of one's situation and eliminate that feeling of being victimized by time.
Check it out. Take the test. You might be surprised. Perhaps it may give you pause to pause.
Now, about that person who did the Time Budget exercise a few years ago and actually came out with a negative balance? Well, when she took the test, she was a mother of 2 little kids, working at an executive-level job she had to commute to, during a major renovation of her home, married to a man who never did any cooking or cleaning around the house, and she didn't have a full-time nanny or cleaning person! However, she did include in her unbelievable schedule enough time for individual, marital and group therapy on a weekly basis. And guess what? Today, she's no longer in that job, or in that house, or in that marriage, and although she has a cleaning person, she is plenty busy raising her kids, writing on her own blog, and engaged in both artistic and spiritual pursuits, while in a loving relationship with a man who does all of the cooking! And she never misses Boston Legal!
The Kids are Still Having Sex!
Here's yet another study showing how utterly ignorant the "abstinence only" religion is, this one showing how many teens are in fact having sex these days and what kind they're having. It's a lot. (Gee, did nature make a mistake by giving adolescents sex drives? NOT!) The real problem is, in places where abstinence only is taught and imposed on kids by fear based, sexually repressed fanatics, said sexually active (alive) kids aren't allowed to get any information on birth control.
Yeah, well, in the nature versus compulsive human control battle, guess who wins.
The article is here: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/wireStory?id=4893458
Yeah, well, in the nature versus compulsive human control battle, guess who wins.
The article is here: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/wireStory?id=4893458
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