First, here's the comeback from Anonymous:
Just because you say it, doesn’t make it necessarily so.
To issue blanket dismissals of your Park Slope breeder neighbors as pseudo-adults with inflated egos who become overindulgent parents of children who can’t hope to grow up to become self-actualized is, in fact, a judgment.
Your assertion that judgments are not based on reality is false. Reality can certainly be a component of judgment, as are the limited availability of information and whatever expectations the person formulating the opinion may have.
To call a narcissist a narcissist may or may not be a judgment. It depends on having sufficient information to make the claim. To refer to all your Park Slope breeder neighbors as narcissists is a judgment. Plain and simple.
I’m sure you come across some of these people in your practice, and maybe that gives you sufficient data points to make an “assessment” about those people. But to lump all of us together based on that interaction and some people’s (poor) decision to haul their kids to bars assumes you understand the motives of all of those people. You don’t, and your generalizations about them come from judgments. That’s fine, everyone judges other people, even despite their best efforts to refrain from it. Just don’t pretend that’s not what it is.
And don’t pretend you’re trashing these parents to save the children from suffering. If that were your sole objective, you wouldn’t do it this way. It pisses you off that people do this dumb shit, and you’ve taken to griping about it on your blog. Maybe your “concern” originated from a better place, but it’s just bitching.
On the inset of your webpage, you say that we’re “meant to live with full inner permission to follow our natural inner guidance and our inborn pleasure instinct to seek out gratification…, and that such a way of living always benefits those around us and those that we love.” It seems to be that when you observe the conflict between one’s innate pleasure instinct (mmm, beer) and living to benefit those one loves (dragging your kids to a bar), you take to slamming the offenders (Narcissists! Pseudo-adults! Hedge fund managers!). What a beautiful message. You claim to be merely calling for personal responsibility (which sounds like a positive message), but you’re doing it by shaming parents into doing better (hardly positive). How can you say name-calling isn’t trying to shame people into changing? That’s exactly what it is. It’s designed to make people feel bad about the way they behave.
Where is your empathy?
Next up, here's LOFF56:
Oh Jeeze, I must be bored and in need of a good semantic argument...
PL: Assessments on the other hand are descriptions based on information objectively observed. To call a narcissist a narcissist isn't a judgment, therefore; it is an assessment, and actually an essential ingredient to any healing process. There is no healing without facing the truth about oneself.
As a point of fact, an objective observation as you define it here doesn't exist. As you probably know an observer will always have an effect on the observed. Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal for one, but also it's understood that observers in the wild no matter how invisible they try to make themselves will have some sort of effect on the animals they are observing. The same goes for people. Whether you call it a Judgment or an Assessment really is a matter of degree. Given that, anon. has a good point. Your assessment, as objective as you're trying to be, still means you're imparting an effect on those parents that you're assessing. And imparting anything on anybody even on a microscopic level is in fact to some degree narcissistic. Whether intentional or not.
And by the way, to "insist upon self-responsibility" is hardly "assessing" the situation. Of everything, this is the most obvious evidence of you imparting your will on the situation. Since when is "insisting" a tool of neutral observation?
I'm not suggesting that self-responsibility is not something we should all desire in our fellow humans, but even if it's for good, "insisting" that anybody do anything puts us on a different plane than those people, and that IS narcissistic. There may be an argument in here somewhere that says that some narcism (like this kind) is actually good... but for semantics sake, it's still narcism.
And now I'm gonna' end my narcissistic judgment of you and go about the rest of my day. :-D
Here's PL:
Wow! The semantics and relativistic arguments are flying boys! (I'm assuming that "Anonymous" is male, for some intuitive reason.)
Look, we've been down this road before on this blog. While time and space are indeed relative, and in the bigger picture, there are only a few Universal "Laws," and yes, we do create our own individual reality, as the quantum physicists have demonstrated,... while all this is true, nonetheless, and simultaneously, in the agreed-upon collective reality, where we all need oxygen to breathe, for instance, and where there is gravity, and narcissism, there are in fact Truths that are "Self-evident." What constitutes narcissism, for instance, is not relative at the human personality level. There is an agreed upon clinical definition of what it means, what its symptoms are and what effects it has. To root your arguments on the relativity of it all, is to be arguing for argument's sake, don't you think?
The second road we've been down before on this blog is the one regarding my bedside manner as a therapist. I do not operate as a proverbial "blank screen," that is for sure. In this day and age, that type of detached mental process is way too compartmentalized, cumbersome, time consuming and in terms of genuine self-actualization, insufficient to the task. I am not "shaming" my patients or readers by firmly pointing out their destructive and self-destructive behavior or thought patterns, and "insisting" that they attempt to do the work they came to see me for, anymore than I'm being judgmental or shaming if I tell my little child that throwing pasta across the table or stealing a friend's toy is not acceptable behavior.
And suffice it to say, it clearly isn't a need of mine, or of any adult I know, or of any child of mine, or of any child that I know, to eat dinner at Provini or bend an elbow at Union Hall.
Gimme a break, fellas!
"ANONYMOUS" JUMPS ON PL'S "JUDGMENTAL" ATTITUDE ABOUT PARENTS, ETC.!/PL RESPONDS!
Here's Anonymous on PL's post: "STROLLERS BANNED IN BARS! A NO-BRAINER, BUT NOT FOR THE NARCISSISTS!":
I was perusing the Gothamist article about the stroller ban at The Gate and wound up in the comments section at FIPS. I read your comment, and have a question for you: Who are you?!
(Besides being a psychotherapist for blah-blah years—whatever that’s worth-- and some sort of a Park Slope parent)
I should’ve prefaced this comment by saying that I live in Park Slope, I’ve got a couple of kids, and as a rule, I don’t drag my kids to bars or to restaurants that don’t cater to kids. I’m pretty sure that the one time a year that I wind up meeting some friends at a bar on a slow afternoon (or say, watching a bit of a World Cup game) for a beer is not just an opportunity to act out my drama through my children. I still find plenty of opportunities to act out my own dramas. And I'm not an apologist for those that pollute the bars with their kids. That’s not my point.
It’s interesting that you don’t find that it undermines the spew that you preach on this site to sit in judgment of the shameless narcissists who reveal their poor life choices by taking their kids to bars and nice restaurants. I am curious how you reconcile all this healing and self-actualization that you’re helping or hoping (or something) others realize in themselves with this negative, counterproductive, judgmental sniping.
There is no doubt that there are selfish, entitled people who wind up having kids without understanding the magnitude of that choice. I’m not sure many people do fully grasp what it means to be a parent before they decide to do it. But you appeal to the shame and guilt in your fellow PS parents (and patients, it would appear) by calling them out on your site and the other sites you frequent. This seems to violate the FPL handbook and trashes the credibility of whatever you want to accomplish with the FPL thing.
And it reeks of your own narcissism that you use your new-agey, healing, loving forum to address your beef with your own neighbors, and to remind readers that you’ve been doing it for years. And you might want reign in the pride that you have for unearthing the little nugget that there are narcissistic parents in Park Slope. Any monkey that steps out off the subway in this neighborhood could smell it in the air in a couple of minutes. It’s hardly a landmark discovery.
These petty attacks don’t seem to demonstrate your state of harmony with others and the world around you, but maybe that makes sense to you…being a highly-evolved psychotherapist and all.
Lots o' luck.
Here's PL:
Thanks for writing in, Anonymous, though I'm not sure why you're asking who I am since it is "narcissistically" all over my blog, isn't it?!
Anyway, many people confuse judgment with assessment, as you seem to be doing. Judgments are not based on reality, but on projections, transferences, identifications, etc. Judgments, in other words, start with a need to see other people as you wish to see them, rather than as they are.
Assessments on the other hand are descriptions based on information objectively observed. To call a narcissist a narcissist isn't a judgment, therefore; it is an assessment, and actually an essential ingredient to any healing process. There is no healing without facing the truth about oneself.
It is true, yes, that I don't see my role as a "healer" as being to sooth anyone's fragile ego nor feed anyone's illusions about themselves. Too much damage is done from that kind of enabling, especially to children, and including by many therapists.
Any "monkey," as you snidely put it, can smell the narcissism in Park Slope, yes again, but rarely does anyone write about more than their own distaste or inconvenience from the actions of the Stepford Parents here. I am much more concerned with the gutted self-esteem and lack of empathy the Park Slope children are suffering from as a result of the self-indulgent parenting that goes on in this enclave.
This statement by you is certainly not a throw-away line in my book (or blog): "There is no doubt that there are selfish, entitled people who wind up having kids without understanding the magnitude of that choice. I’m not sure many people do fully grasp what it means to be a parent before they decide to do it."
And I don't seek to "shame" or increase "guilt," Anon, but to insist upon self-responsibility.
I was perusing the Gothamist article about the stroller ban at The Gate and wound up in the comments section at FIPS. I read your comment, and have a question for you: Who are you?!
(Besides being a psychotherapist for blah-blah years—whatever that’s worth-- and some sort of a Park Slope parent)
I should’ve prefaced this comment by saying that I live in Park Slope, I’ve got a couple of kids, and as a rule, I don’t drag my kids to bars or to restaurants that don’t cater to kids. I’m pretty sure that the one time a year that I wind up meeting some friends at a bar on a slow afternoon (or say, watching a bit of a World Cup game) for a beer is not just an opportunity to act out my drama through my children. I still find plenty of opportunities to act out my own dramas. And I'm not an apologist for those that pollute the bars with their kids. That’s not my point.
It’s interesting that you don’t find that it undermines the spew that you preach on this site to sit in judgment of the shameless narcissists who reveal their poor life choices by taking their kids to bars and nice restaurants. I am curious how you reconcile all this healing and self-actualization that you’re helping or hoping (or something) others realize in themselves with this negative, counterproductive, judgmental sniping.
There is no doubt that there are selfish, entitled people who wind up having kids without understanding the magnitude of that choice. I’m not sure many people do fully grasp what it means to be a parent before they decide to do it. But you appeal to the shame and guilt in your fellow PS parents (and patients, it would appear) by calling them out on your site and the other sites you frequent. This seems to violate the FPL handbook and trashes the credibility of whatever you want to accomplish with the FPL thing.
And it reeks of your own narcissism that you use your new-agey, healing, loving forum to address your beef with your own neighbors, and to remind readers that you’ve been doing it for years. And you might want reign in the pride that you have for unearthing the little nugget that there are narcissistic parents in Park Slope. Any monkey that steps out off the subway in this neighborhood could smell it in the air in a couple of minutes. It’s hardly a landmark discovery.
These petty attacks don’t seem to demonstrate your state of harmony with others and the world around you, but maybe that makes sense to you…being a highly-evolved psychotherapist and all.
Lots o' luck.
Here's PL:
Thanks for writing in, Anonymous, though I'm not sure why you're asking who I am since it is "narcissistically" all over my blog, isn't it?!
Anyway, many people confuse judgment with assessment, as you seem to be doing. Judgments are not based on reality, but on projections, transferences, identifications, etc. Judgments, in other words, start with a need to see other people as you wish to see them, rather than as they are.
Assessments on the other hand are descriptions based on information objectively observed. To call a narcissist a narcissist isn't a judgment, therefore; it is an assessment, and actually an essential ingredient to any healing process. There is no healing without facing the truth about oneself.
It is true, yes, that I don't see my role as a "healer" as being to sooth anyone's fragile ego nor feed anyone's illusions about themselves. Too much damage is done from that kind of enabling, especially to children, and including by many therapists.
Any "monkey," as you snidely put it, can smell the narcissism in Park Slope, yes again, but rarely does anyone write about more than their own distaste or inconvenience from the actions of the Stepford Parents here. I am much more concerned with the gutted self-esteem and lack of empathy the Park Slope children are suffering from as a result of the self-indulgent parenting that goes on in this enclave.
This statement by you is certainly not a throw-away line in my book (or blog): "There is no doubt that there are selfish, entitled people who wind up having kids without understanding the magnitude of that choice. I’m not sure many people do fully grasp what it means to be a parent before they decide to do it."
And I don't seek to "shame" or increase "guilt," Anon, but to insist upon self-responsibility.
STROLLERS BANNED IN BARS! A NO-BRAINER, BUT NOT FOR THE NARCISSISTS!!
Yes! Yes!! YES!!!
Sanity at last.
The GOTHAMIST reports that stroller bans at bars in Brooklyn are expanding.
I have been writing about this HERE and on the Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn blog for years.
As a parent in Park Slope and as a psychotherapist for 30 years who has worked with scores of families and children, I have been staunchly against the narcissistic, vicarious acting out by adults who want to bring their kids into bars and fine-dining restaurants. It's not good for anyone - other patrons, the parents themselves and especially, it's not good for the kids. Children need parents who are real grown-ups, not sad excuses for them, parents who actually have lives separate from their kids, and the kids need adults who can demonstrate respect for others through their actions.
Finally!
Sanity at last.
The GOTHAMIST reports that stroller bans at bars in Brooklyn are expanding.
I have been writing about this HERE and on the Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn blog for years.
As a parent in Park Slope and as a psychotherapist for 30 years who has worked with scores of families and children, I have been staunchly against the narcissistic, vicarious acting out by adults who want to bring their kids into bars and fine-dining restaurants. It's not good for anyone - other patrons, the parents themselves and especially, it's not good for the kids. Children need parents who are real grown-ups, not sad excuses for them, parents who actually have lives separate from their kids, and the kids need adults who can demonstrate respect for others through their actions.
Finally!
PEACE AND LOVE FOR RINGO TODAY!
Ringo Starr is asking fans to say the words “Peace and love” at noon, EST, on the occasion of his 70th birthday today!
Hey, why not?!
Hey, why not?!
WARNING! EXTREMELY UPSETTING HEADLINES THAT NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD IN TERMS OF SOUL AGE!!
In February, I posted two horrific stories (link HERE), stories of unspeakable brutality against two young girls, one in a middle eastern country (Turkey) and one in a third world country (Somalia). I'm adding a third incredible item from today's news. You will find these stories very upsetting, but there is a reason I am posting them here, something that I wish to illustrate.
On the right hand side of this blog there are several links to other sites. One of them is a link to a description of "SOUL AGES" from the book, "UPCOMING CHANGES," by Joya Pope. Understanding this concept - that we are not all the same in terms of our soul ages - is crucial to finding and establishing peace in our world, and in our own personal lives.
We all are aware of the phenomenon of how two people can be of the same chronological age, of the same demographic background, even from the same family circumstances, and yet be so entirely different. I have had this experience as a therapist as well. I am the same therapist with all of my patients, yet a sampling of my caseload would show that no two people, even with the similarities listed above and even demonstrating equal dedication to their healing process, progress at the same rate or to the same degree. This is beyond the nurture-nature debate, and beyond genetics. There is a soul element at work here, and what is clear is that at the soul level, no different than at the physical, we are on a continuum developmentally.
Just as a two-year old child will wantonly take whatever it wants from another toddler, even using physical violence for its aim, completely without any conscience about it whatsoever, even with sadistic pleasure, a "Baby Soul," though it may be in an adult physical body, can likewise live an entire lifetime wantonly using brutality to gratify its primal urges, and even take pleasure in the expression of its brutality.
Which brings me to today's terrible news story:
"Sakineh Mohammadie Ashtiani, a mother of two, could be stoned to death at any moment under the terms of a death sentence handed down by Iranian authorities. Ashtiani, 42, will be buried up to her chest, according to an Amnesty International report citing the Iranian penal code. The stones that will be hurled at her will be large enough to cause pain but not so large as to kill her immediately. Ashtiani, who is from the northern city of Tabriz, was convicted of adultery in 2006. She was forced to confess after being subjected to 99 lashes."
Sorry about that, readers, but I wanted to be graphic enough to make the point. Such behavior in a culture cannot be explained away by differences in political philosophy or religious beliefs, nor does it stand up to scrutiny to claim that these despicable acts are merely the manifestation of sexism (or even sexual repression which I've written about extensively on this blog) or racism or greed or any other psychological disturbances. Not when an entire culture is involved. There has to be yet another element involved for such large scale "insanity."
What is happening in countries or groups that act in this way is not very different in significant ways than what would happen if you put a group of two year olds together in a room and left them there indefinitely without an adult. Now, imagine if those abandoned two year olds had the bodies and brains of human adults, and had access to money and weapons.
Exactly.
So, here we are faced with this situation, assuming, of course, that in our culture we are mainly at least a combination of "YOUNG, MATURE AND OLD SOULS," and so, what should we do?
Well, if an adult entered that room of two-year olds, what would said adult do? Institute sanctions depriving them of milk and diapers? Bomb them? Wipe them all out? No. An adult would first take away any dangerous objects (weapons), then provide basic nourishment and boundaries, and guidance towards future socialization. Yes?
So, why are we at war with Baby Soul countries, where women are so oppressed that they have to cover their faces in public, and where men think that if they kill "infidels" in suicide missions they will be rewarded by getting to have sex in Heaven with 70 virgins?! (Why would any adult man want to have sex with even one virgin?!!?)
We are acting insanely ourselves, it would seem, and beneath our own developmental level, by warring against these people, aren't we? We should be containing them, yes, so they cannot inflict harm on others, but we should also be nurturing and guiding them, right? What gives?
Well, maybe to find the answer, we need to know at what soul age our leaders, who are making these decisions to go to war or not, are operating from.
I have written a lot on this blog about President Obama's status as an emotional "adult," in comparison with the "kids" who'd been running things for so long prior to 2008. Most politicians in the U.S. are "Young Souls," a hallmark of which is enormous egocentrism and a craving for power. "A Young Soul typically has little respect for anyone whose ideas are not their own," writes Joya Pope. "At this consciousness level, if one can make money or gain influence, the long term consequences of any act aren't terribly important. The problem with toxic wastes being dumped all over is one result of being in a Young Soul culture in a hurry to make a buck. While Young Souls are productive, industrious and goal oriented, their vision extends only so far, and they are not likely to question their motives or ethics."
Obama, operating more from a Mature Soul place, is "emotional centered," and according to Pope, to a mature soul, "All the wealth, power and acclaim aren't quite enough; profits and winning no longer have transcendental value." It is the beginning of "generativity", the desire to give back to the world and the next generation, which comes into full force in the Old Soul phase of spiritual development.
I do believe that Obama wants to get us out of the two wars he inherited, and I believe that his impulse is to find a way to reach out to these baby soul cultures and offer genuine assistance to them. That is why he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize last year.
On a personal level, this is very relevant information, too. If you find yourself in conflict with someone who "just doesn't get it" or " just doesn't care" or is "out of control" emotionally, you are most likely dealing with a baby soul or a young soul. If you are not also a baby soul or young soul yourself (and you're probably not or you wouldn't be reading this blog), then it behooves you to step up as the mature or older soul in the situation and, regardless of everyone's titles, be the one in the guiding position. Yes, that may mean guiding your boss or parents, even though you've been used to deferring to such "authorities" throughout your life, because in the end, the older soul is the one best equipped to lead, especially in terms of consciousness.
So, sorry about the graphic news items, folks, but our tendency to stay asleep and simply look at such horror stories superficially slows our collective development down. Those of us who are mature or old souls need to step up, or step down from our mountaintop retreats, and assume the role of guides.
On the right hand side of this blog there are several links to other sites. One of them is a link to a description of "SOUL AGES" from the book, "UPCOMING CHANGES," by Joya Pope. Understanding this concept - that we are not all the same in terms of our soul ages - is crucial to finding and establishing peace in our world, and in our own personal lives.
We all are aware of the phenomenon of how two people can be of the same chronological age, of the same demographic background, even from the same family circumstances, and yet be so entirely different. I have had this experience as a therapist as well. I am the same therapist with all of my patients, yet a sampling of my caseload would show that no two people, even with the similarities listed above and even demonstrating equal dedication to their healing process, progress at the same rate or to the same degree. This is beyond the nurture-nature debate, and beyond genetics. There is a soul element at work here, and what is clear is that at the soul level, no different than at the physical, we are on a continuum developmentally.
Just as a two-year old child will wantonly take whatever it wants from another toddler, even using physical violence for its aim, completely without any conscience about it whatsoever, even with sadistic pleasure, a "Baby Soul," though it may be in an adult physical body, can likewise live an entire lifetime wantonly using brutality to gratify its primal urges, and even take pleasure in the expression of its brutality.
Which brings me to today's terrible news story:
"Sakineh Mohammadie Ashtiani, a mother of two, could be stoned to death at any moment under the terms of a death sentence handed down by Iranian authorities. Ashtiani, 42, will be buried up to her chest, according to an Amnesty International report citing the Iranian penal code. The stones that will be hurled at her will be large enough to cause pain but not so large as to kill her immediately. Ashtiani, who is from the northern city of Tabriz, was convicted of adultery in 2006. She was forced to confess after being subjected to 99 lashes."
Sorry about that, readers, but I wanted to be graphic enough to make the point. Such behavior in a culture cannot be explained away by differences in political philosophy or religious beliefs, nor does it stand up to scrutiny to claim that these despicable acts are merely the manifestation of sexism (or even sexual repression which I've written about extensively on this blog) or racism or greed or any other psychological disturbances. Not when an entire culture is involved. There has to be yet another element involved for such large scale "insanity."
What is happening in countries or groups that act in this way is not very different in significant ways than what would happen if you put a group of two year olds together in a room and left them there indefinitely without an adult. Now, imagine if those abandoned two year olds had the bodies and brains of human adults, and had access to money and weapons.
Exactly.
So, here we are faced with this situation, assuming, of course, that in our culture we are mainly at least a combination of "YOUNG, MATURE AND OLD SOULS," and so, what should we do?
Well, if an adult entered that room of two-year olds, what would said adult do? Institute sanctions depriving them of milk and diapers? Bomb them? Wipe them all out? No. An adult would first take away any dangerous objects (weapons), then provide basic nourishment and boundaries, and guidance towards future socialization. Yes?
So, why are we at war with Baby Soul countries, where women are so oppressed that they have to cover their faces in public, and where men think that if they kill "infidels" in suicide missions they will be rewarded by getting to have sex in Heaven with 70 virgins?! (Why would any adult man want to have sex with even one virgin?!!?)
We are acting insanely ourselves, it would seem, and beneath our own developmental level, by warring against these people, aren't we? We should be containing them, yes, so they cannot inflict harm on others, but we should also be nurturing and guiding them, right? What gives?
Well, maybe to find the answer, we need to know at what soul age our leaders, who are making these decisions to go to war or not, are operating from.
I have written a lot on this blog about President Obama's status as an emotional "adult," in comparison with the "kids" who'd been running things for so long prior to 2008. Most politicians in the U.S. are "Young Souls," a hallmark of which is enormous egocentrism and a craving for power. "A Young Soul typically has little respect for anyone whose ideas are not their own," writes Joya Pope. "At this consciousness level, if one can make money or gain influence, the long term consequences of any act aren't terribly important. The problem with toxic wastes being dumped all over is one result of being in a Young Soul culture in a hurry to make a buck. While Young Souls are productive, industrious and goal oriented, their vision extends only so far, and they are not likely to question their motives or ethics."
Obama, operating more from a Mature Soul place, is "emotional centered," and according to Pope, to a mature soul, "All the wealth, power and acclaim aren't quite enough; profits and winning no longer have transcendental value." It is the beginning of "generativity", the desire to give back to the world and the next generation, which comes into full force in the Old Soul phase of spiritual development.
I do believe that Obama wants to get us out of the two wars he inherited, and I believe that his impulse is to find a way to reach out to these baby soul cultures and offer genuine assistance to them. That is why he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize last year.
On a personal level, this is very relevant information, too. If you find yourself in conflict with someone who "just doesn't get it" or " just doesn't care" or is "out of control" emotionally, you are most likely dealing with a baby soul or a young soul. If you are not also a baby soul or young soul yourself (and you're probably not or you wouldn't be reading this blog), then it behooves you to step up as the mature or older soul in the situation and, regardless of everyone's titles, be the one in the guiding position. Yes, that may mean guiding your boss or parents, even though you've been used to deferring to such "authorities" throughout your life, because in the end, the older soul is the one best equipped to lead, especially in terms of consciousness.
So, sorry about the graphic news items, folks, but our tendency to stay asleep and simply look at such horror stories superficially slows our collective development down. Those of us who are mature or old souls need to step up, or step down from our mountaintop retreats, and assume the role of guides.
FALSE CLARITY TO GENUINE CONFUSION TO GENUINE CLARITY - PART 1
FALSE CLARITY TO GENUINE CONFUSION TO GENUINE CLARITY
One way that I’ve conceptualized the process of personal evolution has been as a kind of three-part movement: from false clarity to genuine confusion to genuine clarity.
False clarity is a frame of mind in which one’s personal belief systems are so firmly in place and embedded so far down in the subconscious mind that the person feels certain of their validity, and so rarely questions them. From this place, people frequently start sentences out with "I believe…"
"I believe that if I assert myself directly, no one will like me."
"I believe that if I acted strictly according to my desires, I’d be out of control."
"I believe it’s impossible for passion to last in a relationship."
"I believe that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself."
"I believe that to truly give to others means to sacrifice something of what I want."
And so on…ad infinitum. There are many, many such commonly accepted inner axioms with variations and derivatives aplenty.
Since these beliefs are not doubted for the most part, they are accepted as the "harsh realities" of life. Much energy is then invested in trying to find ways of manipulating the self, and other people, to get what one wants. To that end, a person will develop false selves that some have referred to as "masks," or "personas," constructed to present to the world in order to attain life’s sought after abundance and love - or its substitutes: praise, recognition, emotional validation, etc.
So, one of the first endeavors in a person’s unfolding personal process is to begin uncovering the embedded beliefs behind the masks, and challenge their validity, thereby confronting the false clarity they offer as a substitute for real knowingness and security. It is not easy. Indeed, if you believe something so thoroughly, you will create, invite, or only be able to see that very thing in your life most of the time, so it’s reality will seem absolute. And, if you have been so invested for so long in a particular method of trying to attain a modicum of happiness, you will not readily forgo it. To face that a strategy that you have been devoting much of your life force to is actually faulty is a heartbreaking proposition.
Let’s consider a common scenario. A person may have had a series of love relationships in which they’ve found themselves feeling emotionally deprived. In spite of tireless efforts to be agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing, they were still "not getting enough" - attention, sex, support, appreciation or affection - from their partner. This person feels so defeated and frustrated because while they believe that there really isn’t enough love in the world to go around, they are sure that the way to get what is available is by being… agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing! What they are in denial of is the fact that their accommodating behavior is part of a mask, and as such an attempt to hide a manipulative and demanding childish attitude towards their loved one based on a belief in deprivation that began in childhood.
The partner being bombarded with these demands, masked as obliging behavior, will often withdraw and indeed be less inclined to "give" affection, etc. No one wants to be covertly demanded of in that way. This then seems to validate the underlying belief that "there is not enough," and so, the person believes, one must manipulate even more, getting still worse results, all the while building up a stockpile of resentment. On and on this can go, in a self-fulfilling, vicious cycle.
The failure of the manipulations to get more of what is wanted is often what brings the person to some kind of self-work, seeking to find out what they’re doing "wrong", why the mask they’re sure is based in reality is not having its designed effect. This is life in a state of false clarity. So sure you’re right, sure you know how life works, but inexplicably unhappy, which if the beliefs are seen as clearly right, can only lead the person to the conclusion that they are failing - meaning manipulating inadequately.
So, where can one go from there, from the place where the self is so rigidly defined according to firmly held beliefs that are supposed to solve problems but ultimately only lead to frustration and a sense of inadequacy?
Next posting: "genuine confusion.!"
One way that I’ve conceptualized the process of personal evolution has been as a kind of three-part movement: from false clarity to genuine confusion to genuine clarity.
False clarity is a frame of mind in which one’s personal belief systems are so firmly in place and embedded so far down in the subconscious mind that the person feels certain of their validity, and so rarely questions them. From this place, people frequently start sentences out with "I believe…"
"I believe that if I assert myself directly, no one will like me."
"I believe that if I acted strictly according to my desires, I’d be out of control."
"I believe it’s impossible for passion to last in a relationship."
"I believe that if I want something done right, I have to do it myself."
"I believe that to truly give to others means to sacrifice something of what I want."
And so on…ad infinitum. There are many, many such commonly accepted inner axioms with variations and derivatives aplenty.
Since these beliefs are not doubted for the most part, they are accepted as the "harsh realities" of life. Much energy is then invested in trying to find ways of manipulating the self, and other people, to get what one wants. To that end, a person will develop false selves that some have referred to as "masks," or "personas," constructed to present to the world in order to attain life’s sought after abundance and love - or its substitutes: praise, recognition, emotional validation, etc.
So, one of the first endeavors in a person’s unfolding personal process is to begin uncovering the embedded beliefs behind the masks, and challenge their validity, thereby confronting the false clarity they offer as a substitute for real knowingness and security. It is not easy. Indeed, if you believe something so thoroughly, you will create, invite, or only be able to see that very thing in your life most of the time, so it’s reality will seem absolute. And, if you have been so invested for so long in a particular method of trying to attain a modicum of happiness, you will not readily forgo it. To face that a strategy that you have been devoting much of your life force to is actually faulty is a heartbreaking proposition.
Let’s consider a common scenario. A person may have had a series of love relationships in which they’ve found themselves feeling emotionally deprived. In spite of tireless efforts to be agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing, they were still "not getting enough" - attention, sex, support, appreciation or affection - from their partner. This person feels so defeated and frustrated because while they believe that there really isn’t enough love in the world to go around, they are sure that the way to get what is available is by being… agreeable, accommodating and self-sacrificing! What they are in denial of is the fact that their accommodating behavior is part of a mask, and as such an attempt to hide a manipulative and demanding childish attitude towards their loved one based on a belief in deprivation that began in childhood.
The partner being bombarded with these demands, masked as obliging behavior, will often withdraw and indeed be less inclined to "give" affection, etc. No one wants to be covertly demanded of in that way. This then seems to validate the underlying belief that "there is not enough," and so, the person believes, one must manipulate even more, getting still worse results, all the while building up a stockpile of resentment. On and on this can go, in a self-fulfilling, vicious cycle.
The failure of the manipulations to get more of what is wanted is often what brings the person to some kind of self-work, seeking to find out what they’re doing "wrong", why the mask they’re sure is based in reality is not having its designed effect. This is life in a state of false clarity. So sure you’re right, sure you know how life works, but inexplicably unhappy, which if the beliefs are seen as clearly right, can only lead the person to the conclusion that they are failing - meaning manipulating inadequately.
So, where can one go from there, from the place where the self is so rigidly defined according to firmly held beliefs that are supposed to solve problems but ultimately only lead to frustration and a sense of inadequacy?
Next posting: "genuine confusion.!"
FALSE CLARITY TO GENUINE CONFUSION TO GENUINE CLARITY - PART 2
When blocked feelings are released (through an integrated mind-body psychotherapy), the embedded beliefs that caused the “false clarity” mentioned in the previous posting start appearing in higher relief and dissipating. This is because the beliefs were previously being used to justify keeping emotions trapped in the body and so, as the emotional channels are opened, the old beliefs become subject to challenge and dismantling. People find themselves at that point without the familiar, stereotypical ways of viewing the world, themselves and others. They feel somewhat lost at first, anxiously free-floating for a while. Commonly heard at this point in one’s process:
"I’m feeling lost. What can I count on? Where can I find security? I don’t know how to act." Meaning, without the illusions created by projecting static images into the future, what can they count on for predictability? Again, the reason they are in self-work in the first place is because they’ve realized that their lives have never successfully followed their projections anyway, and the fulfillment promised by the illusions always seemed to remain unattainable or just out of reach. Now, they are starting to realize that they didn’t know what they thought they knew. Now, they are in a state of "genuine confusion!" At this moment, I usually congratulate patients! It is here, in the "I don’t know who I am" place, that true wisdom begins.
What keeps people going at this stage is that despite the confusion, they feel better, and often, in spite of an apparent lack of direction, their outer lives frequently are improving. For one person, it may be physical health that improves, for another financial abundance arrives, or their work-life becomes more creative. For still others, they break through a relationship barrier. Yet, for all, it is mainly the new inner feeling of self-possession and inner connectedness that provides motivation.
The example of the person in the previous post will have uncovered a belief in deprivation and scarcity of love that’s been embedded in the subconscious mind since very early in childhood. The feelings stored in the body since that time, the hurt and rage, have also now been energized through the therapy and started releasing at this stage as well. The origins of the person’s masks are getting uncovered and seen as primitive attempts by the child to "get more" from a parent - with poor results, of course. It is now becoming understood that the world of love has been viewed through this tainted lens for the last two, three, four or more decades, since infancy usually. It is experienced as a revelation to consider that one could be fully gratified in an adult relationship, could give and receive all of the love that one is capable of without having to do anything to "get it". It is also startling to realize that one has discounted or ignored the possibilities for greater love because to see that would have run counter to the "absolutely certain" beliefs that they were holding onto. This is a point at which the resistance to being "wrong" about one’s strategy for living gets confronted. It is painful. One is faced with the fact that all of the feelings of failure and frustration, and of course, self-hate, were not based on reality at all, but on an erroneous conclusion about life which originated in early childhood. Great courage and faith is required by the person to forge on here.
If one does indeed forge ahead, what is the next step on the journey? Next posting: “Genuine Clarity.”
"I’m feeling lost. What can I count on? Where can I find security? I don’t know how to act." Meaning, without the illusions created by projecting static images into the future, what can they count on for predictability? Again, the reason they are in self-work in the first place is because they’ve realized that their lives have never successfully followed their projections anyway, and the fulfillment promised by the illusions always seemed to remain unattainable or just out of reach. Now, they are starting to realize that they didn’t know what they thought they knew. Now, they are in a state of "genuine confusion!" At this moment, I usually congratulate patients! It is here, in the "I don’t know who I am" place, that true wisdom begins.
What keeps people going at this stage is that despite the confusion, they feel better, and often, in spite of an apparent lack of direction, their outer lives frequently are improving. For one person, it may be physical health that improves, for another financial abundance arrives, or their work-life becomes more creative. For still others, they break through a relationship barrier. Yet, for all, it is mainly the new inner feeling of self-possession and inner connectedness that provides motivation.
The example of the person in the previous post will have uncovered a belief in deprivation and scarcity of love that’s been embedded in the subconscious mind since very early in childhood. The feelings stored in the body since that time, the hurt and rage, have also now been energized through the therapy and started releasing at this stage as well. The origins of the person’s masks are getting uncovered and seen as primitive attempts by the child to "get more" from a parent - with poor results, of course. It is now becoming understood that the world of love has been viewed through this tainted lens for the last two, three, four or more decades, since infancy usually. It is experienced as a revelation to consider that one could be fully gratified in an adult relationship, could give and receive all of the love that one is capable of without having to do anything to "get it". It is also startling to realize that one has discounted or ignored the possibilities for greater love because to see that would have run counter to the "absolutely certain" beliefs that they were holding onto. This is a point at which the resistance to being "wrong" about one’s strategy for living gets confronted. It is painful. One is faced with the fact that all of the feelings of failure and frustration, and of course, self-hate, were not based on reality at all, but on an erroneous conclusion about life which originated in early childhood. Great courage and faith is required by the person to forge on here.
If one does indeed forge ahead, what is the next step on the journey? Next posting: “Genuine Clarity.”
FALSE CLARITY TO GENUINE CONFUSION TO GENUINE CLARITY - PART 3
If one does indeed forge ahead from false clarity through genuine confusion, what is the next step on the journey?
When the deep primal feelings have been to a great extent released, and the core negative beliefs very much unveiled, the person comes to a new place of overall inner security and openness that provides both confidence to trust what one knows in the moment, and simultaneously, flexibility to re-evaluate one’s "knowledge" and change when called to do so. This is "genuine clarity." The person knows how they feel in the moment, and is aware of their immediate inner thought processes as well. Judgmental attitudes about emotions and the contents of one’s mind are not held onto.
A person at this stage follows their instincts in major decisions without a lot of second-guessing or rigidly gripping to projections and anticipated outcomes. When one is in a state of genuine clarity, the truth of matters is no longer mainly sought through deductive reasoning, but rather through inner resonance with the truth, and actions are decided upon by trusting "gut feelings." The person at this stage knows that whatever transpires, they will be open and flexible enough to creatively move with the events. Mistakes and temporary obstacles are accepted as information, not measured against images of perfection or rigid beliefs about success or failure. One can experience the "joy of being wrong" in this state, that is the freedom from needing to come up with the "right" strategies, free from worrying about "blowing it" when making decisions, etc.
In our example, the person who once believed in deprivation now knows through experience that life is abundant with opportunities to exchange love and pleasure with another and that the only "efforts" one must make to that end are to keep the emotional channels in oneself clear. Gratifying experiences have begun to come to this person, now in genuine clarity, without manipulation, indeed, without even "wanting" them in the old way at all. "Good things" seem to just arrive as a by-product of being more genuinely oneself. The person understands, too, that we all act like magnets for experiences in life, and that we will attract whatever we are "charged up" with. If it is joy and love that we are energized with, we will attract joy and love. If it is hostility, likewise that is what we will attract. So, unpleasurable events are dealt with by going within to examine one’s inner attitude. One is also clear now that one’s attitude towards oneself is one’s attitude toward others. I believe that a common misunderstanding of "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is corrected intuitively by the person in this place. Most people think this expression means you should love your neighbor as much as you love yourself, as if it were a rule for behavior. In fact, I believe it means that you will love your neighbor to the degree that you love yourself.
The person who has achieved genuine clarity will also feel it in their body when they are in truth. No other "proof" will be needed to determine the "rightness" for them of courses of action. This person will explain, "I have to do this or that because it just feels right." They will also say about their actions, "To do otherwise would be not being my-self."
When the deep primal feelings have been to a great extent released, and the core negative beliefs very much unveiled, the person comes to a new place of overall inner security and openness that provides both confidence to trust what one knows in the moment, and simultaneously, flexibility to re-evaluate one’s "knowledge" and change when called to do so. This is "genuine clarity." The person knows how they feel in the moment, and is aware of their immediate inner thought processes as well. Judgmental attitudes about emotions and the contents of one’s mind are not held onto.
A person at this stage follows their instincts in major decisions without a lot of second-guessing or rigidly gripping to projections and anticipated outcomes. When one is in a state of genuine clarity, the truth of matters is no longer mainly sought through deductive reasoning, but rather through inner resonance with the truth, and actions are decided upon by trusting "gut feelings." The person at this stage knows that whatever transpires, they will be open and flexible enough to creatively move with the events. Mistakes and temporary obstacles are accepted as information, not measured against images of perfection or rigid beliefs about success or failure. One can experience the "joy of being wrong" in this state, that is the freedom from needing to come up with the "right" strategies, free from worrying about "blowing it" when making decisions, etc.
In our example, the person who once believed in deprivation now knows through experience that life is abundant with opportunities to exchange love and pleasure with another and that the only "efforts" one must make to that end are to keep the emotional channels in oneself clear. Gratifying experiences have begun to come to this person, now in genuine clarity, without manipulation, indeed, without even "wanting" them in the old way at all. "Good things" seem to just arrive as a by-product of being more genuinely oneself. The person understands, too, that we all act like magnets for experiences in life, and that we will attract whatever we are "charged up" with. If it is joy and love that we are energized with, we will attract joy and love. If it is hostility, likewise that is what we will attract. So, unpleasurable events are dealt with by going within to examine one’s inner attitude. One is also clear now that one’s attitude towards oneself is one’s attitude toward others. I believe that a common misunderstanding of "Love thy neighbor as thyself" is corrected intuitively by the person in this place. Most people think this expression means you should love your neighbor as much as you love yourself, as if it were a rule for behavior. In fact, I believe it means that you will love your neighbor to the degree that you love yourself.
The person who has achieved genuine clarity will also feel it in their body when they are in truth. No other "proof" will be needed to determine the "rightness" for them of courses of action. This person will explain, "I have to do this or that because it just feels right." They will also say about their actions, "To do otherwise would be not being my-self."
"MAURICE" RESPONDS TO THE ST. PAUL/FPL DEBATE!/PL RESPONDS!
Here's Maurice:
In theory, I agree w ur concept.. HOWEVER, I watched ann incredible film w Denzel W., " The Book of Eli ", which makes the point that Man's basic nature is violent, destructive, hostile, and hating..and , in the end.. MUST HAVE some SOURCE G-d like...which
serves mankind as GUIDE..for sociall order..interested n your comments
Here's PL:
Thanks for your comment, Maurice. I'm looking forward to seeing the new Denzel movie, too.
Regarding the idea that man's essential nature is destructive, etc., a common mistake is to confuse our "first nature" with our "second nature." As I say on this blog, and it is certainly not an original thought, our first nature is rooted in love and oneness. Our second nature is rooted in the dualistic experiment that includes negativity. That being said, nothing is separate from "Source," from God, from All That Is, and that includes all that we refer to as the dark side.
In theory, I agree w ur concept.. HOWEVER, I watched ann incredible film w Denzel W., " The Book of Eli ", which makes the point that Man's basic nature is violent, destructive, hostile, and hating..and , in the end.. MUST HAVE some SOURCE G-d like...which
serves mankind as GUIDE..for sociall order..interested n your comments
Here's PL:
Thanks for your comment, Maurice. I'm looking forward to seeing the new Denzel movie, too.
Regarding the idea that man's essential nature is destructive, etc., a common mistake is to confuse our "first nature" with our "second nature." As I say on this blog, and it is certainly not an original thought, our first nature is rooted in love and oneness. Our second nature is rooted in the dualistic experiment that includes negativity. That being said, nothing is separate from "Source," from God, from All That Is, and that includes all that we refer to as the dark side.
"CREEDAL CHRISTIAN" BEMOANS FPL!/PL RESPONDS!/FATHER OWEN COMES BACK!!/PL DOES, TOO!!!
Well, this is interesting. On a blog called, "Creedal Christian," one Bryan Owen, a priest in the Episcopal Church, wrote about Full Permission Living in a piece called: "The Human Problem and Full Permission Living," in which the priest extensively quotes Paul the Apostle who bemoans his sinful nature, which he can't, of course, control. You can read the whole piece HERE.
Here's my response, which I posted on the Creedal Christian blog:
The inner struggle that Paul is describing could be characterized in modern psychiatric terms as an "obsessive compulsive disorder." The unwanted behavior that Paul keeps indulging in is typical of someone who harbors guilt, particularly around sexual feelings. Here's Paul: "I don't accomplish the good I set out to do, and the evil I don't really want to do I find I am always doing."
Paul even seems to be aware that the urges reside in his subconscious mind: "My conscious mind wholeheartedly endorses the Law, yet I observe an entirely different principle at work in my nature."
Where Paul, and Christian theology, falls short, and with dire consequences, is in abdicating responsibility for what lies in one's subconscious mind. Instead of true self-examination and self-work, Paul, like many "sinning" Christians, blithely blames "his nature" and "The Fall" for his behavior: "In my mind I am God's willing servant, but in my own nature I am bound fast, as I say, to the law of sin and death."
The unfortunate results of this kind of self-flagellating trickery can readily be scene in the rampant sexual acting out among religious people, especially Christians. It is guilt and the suppression of sexual feelings that leads to negative acting out, not our true nature. Jesus understood this. That is why he said these things: "Judge not lest Ye be judged," "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." Jesus understood that it was the human ego's capacity to judge that was our "original sin," leading to our fall from paradise. God created us perfectly, and in His image, including with the free will to explore notions like ego, guilt and judgment, but pretending that we are the victims of our own nature is a distortion that has led many professed Christians to a lot of what Paul would describe as "evil" behavior.
Here's Father Owens' comeback:
Thanks for commenting, Peter. The portrait of the Apostle Paul you're offering is one whose validity I don't accept. It strikes me as, at best, a thin reading, and at worst, a form of psychological reductionism. (Nor, BTW, do I accept pitting Jesus against the Apostle Paul in radically oppositional ways.) By contrast, I think that the posting from Fr. Stephen I cite does justice to the Apostle Paul.
But generally speaking, what you're saying does seem to underscore the point that we tend to reject (even within many mainline denominations) the classical meanings of terms like "sin" and "the Fall," especially insofar as they point to an ontological problem we simply cannot will our way out of (which you characterize dismissively in a memorable phrase as "self-flagellating trickery"). And actually, taking Paul and the tradition (articulated via Fr. Stephen) seriously, we could say that religious people (or anyone else, for that matter) acting out in sexually destructive ways - in spite of knowing better and willing otherwise - actually makes the Apostle Paul's point, providing warrants for the diagnosis that there is, indeed, an ontological problem with human nature such that the credo of "Full Permission Living" looks like a peace treaty with sin and fallen human nature.
For me, all of this points to the radically counter-cultural character of the Christian faith.
HERE'S PL:
A "peace treaty with sin," yes, I like that, Bryan. I do believe that is what Jesus was advocating. It is only by making peace with our inner struggles that we can cleanse ourselves of that which negates our highest nature.
Thanks for the dialogue.
Here's my response, which I posted on the Creedal Christian blog:
The inner struggle that Paul is describing could be characterized in modern psychiatric terms as an "obsessive compulsive disorder." The unwanted behavior that Paul keeps indulging in is typical of someone who harbors guilt, particularly around sexual feelings. Here's Paul: "I don't accomplish the good I set out to do, and the evil I don't really want to do I find I am always doing."
Paul even seems to be aware that the urges reside in his subconscious mind: "My conscious mind wholeheartedly endorses the Law, yet I observe an entirely different principle at work in my nature."
Where Paul, and Christian theology, falls short, and with dire consequences, is in abdicating responsibility for what lies in one's subconscious mind. Instead of true self-examination and self-work, Paul, like many "sinning" Christians, blithely blames "his nature" and "The Fall" for his behavior: "In my mind I am God's willing servant, but in my own nature I am bound fast, as I say, to the law of sin and death."
The unfortunate results of this kind of self-flagellating trickery can readily be scene in the rampant sexual acting out among religious people, especially Christians. It is guilt and the suppression of sexual feelings that leads to negative acting out, not our true nature. Jesus understood this. That is why he said these things: "Judge not lest Ye be judged," "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." Jesus understood that it was the human ego's capacity to judge that was our "original sin," leading to our fall from paradise. God created us perfectly, and in His image, including with the free will to explore notions like ego, guilt and judgment, but pretending that we are the victims of our own nature is a distortion that has led many professed Christians to a lot of what Paul would describe as "evil" behavior.
Here's Father Owens' comeback:
Thanks for commenting, Peter. The portrait of the Apostle Paul you're offering is one whose validity I don't accept. It strikes me as, at best, a thin reading, and at worst, a form of psychological reductionism. (Nor, BTW, do I accept pitting Jesus against the Apostle Paul in radically oppositional ways.) By contrast, I think that the posting from Fr. Stephen I cite does justice to the Apostle Paul.
But generally speaking, what you're saying does seem to underscore the point that we tend to reject (even within many mainline denominations) the classical meanings of terms like "sin" and "the Fall," especially insofar as they point to an ontological problem we simply cannot will our way out of (which you characterize dismissively in a memorable phrase as "self-flagellating trickery"). And actually, taking Paul and the tradition (articulated via Fr. Stephen) seriously, we could say that religious people (or anyone else, for that matter) acting out in sexually destructive ways - in spite of knowing better and willing otherwise - actually makes the Apostle Paul's point, providing warrants for the diagnosis that there is, indeed, an ontological problem with human nature such that the credo of "Full Permission Living" looks like a peace treaty with sin and fallen human nature.
For me, all of this points to the radically counter-cultural character of the Christian faith.
HERE'S PL:
A "peace treaty with sin," yes, I like that, Bryan. I do believe that is what Jesus was advocating. It is only by making peace with our inner struggles that we can cleanse ourselves of that which negates our highest nature.
Thanks for the dialogue.
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"As soon as you allow where you are to be all right, you will be able to get where you want to be much faster."
Darryl Ankar (channeling "Bashar")
Darryl Ankar (channeling "Bashar")
TODAY'S GREAT NEWS! MORE WOMEN ARE HAVING LESS KIDS!!
Here's the scoop, folks - read it and cheer!
According to a recent Pew Research study, more American women than ever now remain childless all their lives: 20 percent, compared with 10 percent 40 years ago.
Yes! Yes! YES!
If it isn't obvious to you why this is great news, you're probably not reading this blog in the first place. However, let me elaborate...
I have been working with adults and children as a clinical social worker and psychotherapist for 34 years. Plus, I've raised and am still raising children at the age of... well, nevermind. Here's what I know, bottom line - most people who have children don't have a clue about what parenting a child is like as a life choice, and even moreso, most parents have no idea whatsoever about what a child needs developmentally to grow up to be even remotely self-actualized.
This extraordinarily dysfunctional reality starts with the pathological reasons most people have children in the first place.
Check these stats out:
If you have a college degree of any kind, there's a 24 percent chance that you will never have a child; with a Ph.D., there's a 34 percent chance that you'll never have a child. But if you've never finished high school, there's only a 15 percent chance that you'll never have a child.
If you live in Utah, you're nearly twice as likely to conceive than you would be if you lived in New Hampshire.
If you're a teenage girl who is in a relationship with a gang member, you're nearly twice as likely to become pregnant than teenage girls who are not involved with gang members.
HELLO?!!?
In other words, if you're uneducated, young, right wing and desperate, you're significantly more likely to have kids! How great for our world is that?!
Now, I can hear all of my Park Slope breeder neighbors, streaming into bars and fine dining restaurants with their SUV Maclaren strollers, railing at me because they are none of the above. They are right. They come from the other, more insidious group of unqualified parents: the narcissists. Right, the self-referential, middle and upper-middle class pseudo-adults who have kids as an extension of their own inflated egos or to vicariously have another go at their own lost childhoods. These are the overindulgent parents who create the narcissistic offspring written about recently who grow up to have no empathy and who can, without conscience, become the hedge fund managers destroying our economy out of their own skewed sense of entitlement.
So, let's stand up and celebrate the women (and men) who are perhaps spending their lifetimes focusing on their own personal growth and development and fulfillment instead of acting out their dramas through their children. The world desperately needs this shift and we should all be encouraged at the trend.
Yes!
According to a recent Pew Research study, more American women than ever now remain childless all their lives: 20 percent, compared with 10 percent 40 years ago.
Yes! Yes! YES!
If it isn't obvious to you why this is great news, you're probably not reading this blog in the first place. However, let me elaborate...
I have been working with adults and children as a clinical social worker and psychotherapist for 34 years. Plus, I've raised and am still raising children at the age of... well, nevermind. Here's what I know, bottom line - most people who have children don't have a clue about what parenting a child is like as a life choice, and even moreso, most parents have no idea whatsoever about what a child needs developmentally to grow up to be even remotely self-actualized.
This extraordinarily dysfunctional reality starts with the pathological reasons most people have children in the first place.
Check these stats out:
If you have a college degree of any kind, there's a 24 percent chance that you will never have a child; with a Ph.D., there's a 34 percent chance that you'll never have a child. But if you've never finished high school, there's only a 15 percent chance that you'll never have a child.
If you live in Utah, you're nearly twice as likely to conceive than you would be if you lived in New Hampshire.
If you're a teenage girl who is in a relationship with a gang member, you're nearly twice as likely to become pregnant than teenage girls who are not involved with gang members.
HELLO?!!?
In other words, if you're uneducated, young, right wing and desperate, you're significantly more likely to have kids! How great for our world is that?!
Now, I can hear all of my Park Slope breeder neighbors, streaming into bars and fine dining restaurants with their SUV Maclaren strollers, railing at me because they are none of the above. They are right. They come from the other, more insidious group of unqualified parents: the narcissists. Right, the self-referential, middle and upper-middle class pseudo-adults who have kids as an extension of their own inflated egos or to vicariously have another go at their own lost childhoods. These are the overindulgent parents who create the narcissistic offspring written about recently who grow up to have no empathy and who can, without conscience, become the hedge fund managers destroying our economy out of their own skewed sense of entitlement.
So, let's stand up and celebrate the women (and men) who are perhaps spending their lifetimes focusing on their own personal growth and development and fulfillment instead of acting out their dramas through their children. The world desperately needs this shift and we should all be encouraged at the trend.
Yes!
TODAY'S QUOTE!
"Anyone who wants to know why network television news hasn't mattered since the seventies just needs to check out this appearance by [Lara] Logan. Here's CBS's chief foreign correspondent saying out loud on TV that when the man running a war that's killing thousands of young men and women every year steps on his own dick in front of a journalist, that journalist is supposed to eat the story so as not to embarrass the flag."
Matt Taibbi (a rare true journalist for Rolling Stone Magazine)
Matt Taibbi (a rare true journalist for Rolling Stone Magazine)
TODAY'S DRAW YOUR OWN CONCLUSION HEADLINE!
Catholic Churches Filing For Bankruptcy To Protect Assets From Sex Abuse Lawsuits
No joke!
No joke!
THE SUN PREVENTS CANCER! OR WHY I HAVEN'T LISTENED TO DOCTORS FOR OVER 20 YEARS!!
I haven't been to an allopathic doctor in a good 20 years now. That's right. No check-ups. No cholesterol or blood pressure readings. No testing for sugar levels. No colonoscopies. Oh, and I haven't had health insurance in over 11 years.
Why?
Because mainstream western medicine not only doesn't have a clue about what constitutes health, but also because it is little more than a corrupt money-making machine that preys on the fearful and ignorant. Instead of the slash-burn-poison approach that capitalist doctors employ, I have chosen to open my mind, body and spirit through holistic self-work, so that through the utilization of the Pleasure Principle, I can intuitively determine what I need.
In that regard, one thing I have always known is that the sun is good for me. In spite of the warnings from the medical establishment, media shills, friends and family, etc., I have never shied away from getting as much sun - without burning, of course - as possible. Because it makes me feel good!
When you have done the self-work necessary to clear out a good portion of your self-destructive, character structure driven defenses, you can then follow this simple rule: If it feels good, it is good!
Here's an excerpt from a piece by one Dr. Frank Lipman, an Integrative Physician whose personal blend of Western and Eastern Medicine combined with the many other complimentary modalities he has studied, has helped thousands of people recover their energy and zest for life:
"For the last 30 years or so, doctors (dermatologists in particular), health officials, beauty experts and many product companies have been demonizing the sun. They've told us to avoid it because without sunscreen, exposure to the sun's rays will damage skin and cause cancer. But this oversimplification distorts the facts. In the past few years, numerous studies have shown that optimizing your vitamin D levels may actually help prevent as many as 16 different types of cancer including pancreatic, lung, breast, ovarian, prostate and colon cancers. And the best way to optimize Vitamin D levels is through safe, smart and limited sunscreen-free exposure to the sun."
Read the rest of the piece HERE.
Okay, time for me to get to the beach!
Why?
Because mainstream western medicine not only doesn't have a clue about what constitutes health, but also because it is little more than a corrupt money-making machine that preys on the fearful and ignorant. Instead of the slash-burn-poison approach that capitalist doctors employ, I have chosen to open my mind, body and spirit through holistic self-work, so that through the utilization of the Pleasure Principle, I can intuitively determine what I need.
In that regard, one thing I have always known is that the sun is good for me. In spite of the warnings from the medical establishment, media shills, friends and family, etc., I have never shied away from getting as much sun - without burning, of course - as possible. Because it makes me feel good!
When you have done the self-work necessary to clear out a good portion of your self-destructive, character structure driven defenses, you can then follow this simple rule: If it feels good, it is good!
Here's an excerpt from a piece by one Dr. Frank Lipman, an Integrative Physician whose personal blend of Western and Eastern Medicine combined with the many other complimentary modalities he has studied, has helped thousands of people recover their energy and zest for life:
"For the last 30 years or so, doctors (dermatologists in particular), health officials, beauty experts and many product companies have been demonizing the sun. They've told us to avoid it because without sunscreen, exposure to the sun's rays will damage skin and cause cancer. But this oversimplification distorts the facts. In the past few years, numerous studies have shown that optimizing your vitamin D levels may actually help prevent as many as 16 different types of cancer including pancreatic, lung, breast, ovarian, prostate and colon cancers. And the best way to optimize Vitamin D levels is through safe, smart and limited sunscreen-free exposure to the sun."
Read the rest of the piece HERE.
Okay, time for me to get to the beach!
"Sweet Curiosity" comments on PL's post: "THE SUN PREVENTS CANCER! OR WHY I HAVEN'T LISTENED..."/PL RESPONDS!
Here's SC:
Peter,
I can't possibly agree with you more. I was told by a doctor that I had skin cancer, when in fact I dont believe I had it at all. I avoid doctors like the plague. I feel they push antibiotics I'm allergic to, and want to run tests I don't need, when I feel like a perfectly normal 36 year old. Any tips on finding a holistic non-chiropractic doctor would be much appreciated.
Here's PL:
It goes on and on, Sweet C. Think about this - the placebo effect, which I've written about before, is a known fact to all doctors. (Go HERE).
I taught about the placebo effect in my classes on creating reality and on health. This is one of those things, you see, where if it's true at all (and it's been a known medical fact for decades), it changes everything. It's your beliefs that determine your health. It's not the application of any particular treatments by a doctor, but rather your belief in the treatments that heals you. The medical establishment has been making billions of dollars doing things that only work if you believe they will. This is not New Age mumbo jumbo - every medical doctor knows this. It's been taught in medical schools since the 1950's! GET IT?! Modern western medicine is an elaborate hoax, mainly offering useless or toxic drugs and procedures that cost a fortune, when it is in fact nothing more than hypnotic suggestions that actually make you well, if and when you get well.
Furthermore, think about this - if the drugs doctors and Big Pharma gave you actually cured any disease, they would be a lot less profitable. So, there has to be a concerted effort to make drugs that only offer temporary symptom relief, otherwise... no enormous profits.
It goes on and on.
Thanks, Sweet Curiosity. And in terms of finding a holistic practitioner, trust your intuition, set your intention and put it out there that you want to find such a person and he or she will come.
Peter,
I can't possibly agree with you more. I was told by a doctor that I had skin cancer, when in fact I dont believe I had it at all. I avoid doctors like the plague. I feel they push antibiotics I'm allergic to, and want to run tests I don't need, when I feel like a perfectly normal 36 year old. Any tips on finding a holistic non-chiropractic doctor would be much appreciated.
Here's PL:
It goes on and on, Sweet C. Think about this - the placebo effect, which I've written about before, is a known fact to all doctors. (Go HERE).
I taught about the placebo effect in my classes on creating reality and on health. This is one of those things, you see, where if it's true at all (and it's been a known medical fact for decades), it changes everything. It's your beliefs that determine your health. It's not the application of any particular treatments by a doctor, but rather your belief in the treatments that heals you. The medical establishment has been making billions of dollars doing things that only work if you believe they will. This is not New Age mumbo jumbo - every medical doctor knows this. It's been taught in medical schools since the 1950's! GET IT?! Modern western medicine is an elaborate hoax, mainly offering useless or toxic drugs and procedures that cost a fortune, when it is in fact nothing more than hypnotic suggestions that actually make you well, if and when you get well.
Furthermore, think about this - if the drugs doctors and Big Pharma gave you actually cured any disease, they would be a lot less profitable. So, there has to be a concerted effort to make drugs that only offer temporary symptom relief, otherwise... no enormous profits.
It goes on and on.
Thanks, Sweet Curiosity. And in terms of finding a holistic practitioner, trust your intuition, set your intention and put it out there that you want to find such a person and he or she will come.
BEYOND GRATITUDE! CITY ROCK LIVES!!
The black box theater at Shetler Studios was filled with so much love and laughter and heartfelt emotion last night that it felt like the entire Universe must have been watching. Watching what? Just the most amazing performance by a remarkably gifted troupe of actors, 21 in all, bringing to life Episode 5 of City Rock: "Father's Day." Whatever the place is beyond gratitude, that's where I am right now!
Here's me at rehearsal making my directorial debut -
Here's me at rehearsal making my directorial debut -
"DISEASE MONGERING!!"
You may think there is enough disease in the world already, and that no one would want to add to the diseases that we humans must deal with. But there is a powerful industry in our society that is working overtime to invent illnesses and to convince us we are suffering from them.
This effort is known as "disease mongering," a term introduced by health-science writer Lynn Payer in her 1992 book Disease-Mongers: How Doctors, Drug Companies, and Insurers Are Making You Feel Sick. Payer defined disease mongering as "trying to convince essentially well people that they are sick, or slightly sick people that they are very ill." This strategy has also been called "the corporate construction of disease" by Ray Moynihan, Iona Heath and David Henry in the British Medical Journal. "There's a lot of money to be made from telling healthy people they're sick," they say. "Pharmaceutical companies are actively involved in sponsoring the definition of diseases and promoting them to both prescribers and consumers."
Read the rest of the article by Dr. Larry Dossey HERE.
This effort is known as "disease mongering," a term introduced by health-science writer Lynn Payer in her 1992 book Disease-Mongers: How Doctors, Drug Companies, and Insurers Are Making You Feel Sick. Payer defined disease mongering as "trying to convince essentially well people that they are sick, or slightly sick people that they are very ill." This strategy has also been called "the corporate construction of disease" by Ray Moynihan, Iona Heath and David Henry in the British Medical Journal. "There's a lot of money to be made from telling healthy people they're sick," they say. "Pharmaceutical companies are actively involved in sponsoring the definition of diseases and promoting them to both prescribers and consumers."
Read the rest of the article by Dr. Larry Dossey HERE.
TIME TO GET UP, FOLKS! THE ALARM IS RINGING!!
The entire Gulf of Mexico has basically been destroyed for at least a generation. Our financial system, our educational institutions, our medical establishment and our infrastructure are all in shambles, hopelessly gutted from corruption and incompetence beyond repair. In addition, we have uselessly been mired in two wars in the middle east for going on a decade, now, and oh, did I mention the rash of devastating hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanos, floods and tornados that have become a regular occurrence over the last half dozen years!
Ahh, life is good!
Or at least, let's say, "Life" is in charge and could be good if we let it.
As yesterday's "Today's Quote" below indicates, it has been foreseen that we would be heading towards this confluence of events for a long time, easily, since biblical times. How is it possible that such times as these could be predicted? Well, ultimately, any "psychic prediction" is a matter of tuning in to the intentions of those you're predicting for, and then to a certain degree interpreting what events those intentions will lead to. The stronger the intention the clearer the prediction.
So, you might imagine that collectively we intended for ourselves to be given wake-up calls at certain intervals, like setting our inner alarm clocks when we want to make shifts in our consciousness and experiences.
This is one of those times, folks.
All of the above-mentioned disasters are the the clanging of the alarm: "Now hear this! Time to wake up and shift into the next gear (dimension) everyone. Dualistic, linear, 3rd-dimensional reality is coming to a close. 4th dimensional oneness is upon us!"
There is no fixing the system as it is now, no matter how well-intentioned and intelligent any political leaders may be, no matter how angry or upset we may be at the calamities we have collectively created. Competition for resources through archaic economies, fear-based, dogmatic religions battling over the superiority of their primitive god-images, and even some constructs like "traditional marriage" and the "nuclear family" are about to become obsolete very fast. So is anything that is "institutionalized."
This is a time during which we are being called to create a whole new system, one that will replace the existing system entirely. And first and foremost, the changes will be facilitated by a shift in consciousness, one person at a time, ala "The Hundredth Monkey effect."
So, once again, I suggest to you that you get out your psychic surfboards, people, and make your move to ride the Wave.
I'm acting as your personal alarm clock here. Come on. It's time to get up!
Read more related to the Hundredth Monkey HERE.
Ahh, life is good!
Or at least, let's say, "Life" is in charge and could be good if we let it.
As yesterday's "Today's Quote" below indicates, it has been foreseen that we would be heading towards this confluence of events for a long time, easily, since biblical times. How is it possible that such times as these could be predicted? Well, ultimately, any "psychic prediction" is a matter of tuning in to the intentions of those you're predicting for, and then to a certain degree interpreting what events those intentions will lead to. The stronger the intention the clearer the prediction.
So, you might imagine that collectively we intended for ourselves to be given wake-up calls at certain intervals, like setting our inner alarm clocks when we want to make shifts in our consciousness and experiences.
This is one of those times, folks.
All of the above-mentioned disasters are the the clanging of the alarm: "Now hear this! Time to wake up and shift into the next gear (dimension) everyone. Dualistic, linear, 3rd-dimensional reality is coming to a close. 4th dimensional oneness is upon us!"
There is no fixing the system as it is now, no matter how well-intentioned and intelligent any political leaders may be, no matter how angry or upset we may be at the calamities we have collectively created. Competition for resources through archaic economies, fear-based, dogmatic religions battling over the superiority of their primitive god-images, and even some constructs like "traditional marriage" and the "nuclear family" are about to become obsolete very fast. So is anything that is "institutionalized."
This is a time during which we are being called to create a whole new system, one that will replace the existing system entirely. And first and foremost, the changes will be facilitated by a shift in consciousness, one person at a time, ala "The Hundredth Monkey effect."
So, once again, I suggest to you that you get out your psychic surfboards, people, and make your move to ride the Wave.
I'm acting as your personal alarm clock here. Come on. It's time to get up!
Read more related to the Hundredth Monkey HERE.
NO EMPATHY? ARE THESE KIDS FROM PARK SLOPE?!
I WARNED YOU!
For several years, now, I've been writing about the crop of narcissistic kids being bred by latter day baby boomers and echo boom parents in enclaves like Park Slope. (You can check out just a few of my postings on the subject HERE.)
A little less than a year ago, I quoted from a book, entitled THE NARCISSISM EPIDEMIC, written by psychology professors, W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge, who chart the dramatic rise in the number of Americans who have a clinical narcissist personality disorder.
A little more than a year ago, I quote an article in Slate.com entitled: "But Enough About You …What is narcissistic personality disorder, and why does everyone seem to have it?"
Before I even started the FPL blog, I wrote regularly on the Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn blog about the raging Stepford Parents, living behind the brownstone ramparts of Park Slope, destroying the capacity for empathy in their children. The fact that I was both a parent 3 times over and a psychotherapist who worked with kids and families for 30 years didn't matter to these automatons, though. Needless to say, I got an enormous amount of flack for what I had to say.
Well, read it and weep, folks -according to a new study from the University of Michigan, college students today have 40 percent less empathy than people their age did two to three decades ago. FORTY PERCENT!!
U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORTS HealthDay column reports:
"We found the biggest drop in empathy after the year 2000," co-author Sara Konrath, a researcher at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, said in a news release. "College kids today are about 40 percent lower in empathy than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago, as measured by standard tests of this personality trait."
The analysis indicated that relative to their late-1970s' counterparts, today's college students are less likely to make an effort to understand their friends' perspectives or to feel tenderness or concern for the less fortunate.
"Many people see the current group of college students -- sometimes called 'Generation Me' -- as one of the most self-centered, narcissistic, competitive, confident and individualistic in recent history," observed Konrath, who is also affiliated with the psychiatry department at the University of Rochester.
Congratulations, all you Park Slope parents! You did it! You successfully so over-indulged and lived through your kids that they don't give a shit about anybody but themselves now. You've gutted them of their empathy, an essential quality necessary for human development, just as I said you would. Now, we all get to live with their narcissism.
Thanks!
For several years, now, I've been writing about the crop of narcissistic kids being bred by latter day baby boomers and echo boom parents in enclaves like Park Slope. (You can check out just a few of my postings on the subject HERE.)
A little less than a year ago, I quoted from a book, entitled THE NARCISSISM EPIDEMIC, written by psychology professors, W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge, who chart the dramatic rise in the number of Americans who have a clinical narcissist personality disorder.
A little more than a year ago, I quote an article in Slate.com entitled: "But Enough About You …What is narcissistic personality disorder, and why does everyone seem to have it?"
Before I even started the FPL blog, I wrote regularly on the Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn blog about the raging Stepford Parents, living behind the brownstone ramparts of Park Slope, destroying the capacity for empathy in their children. The fact that I was both a parent 3 times over and a psychotherapist who worked with kids and families for 30 years didn't matter to these automatons, though. Needless to say, I got an enormous amount of flack for what I had to say.
Well, read it and weep, folks -according to a new study from the University of Michigan, college students today have 40 percent less empathy than people their age did two to three decades ago. FORTY PERCENT!!
U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORTS HealthDay column reports:
"We found the biggest drop in empathy after the year 2000," co-author Sara Konrath, a researcher at the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, said in a news release. "College kids today are about 40 percent lower in empathy than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago, as measured by standard tests of this personality trait."
The analysis indicated that relative to their late-1970s' counterparts, today's college students are less likely to make an effort to understand their friends' perspectives or to feel tenderness or concern for the less fortunate.
"Many people see the current group of college students -- sometimes called 'Generation Me' -- as one of the most self-centered, narcissistic, competitive, confident and individualistic in recent history," observed Konrath, who is also affiliated with the psychiatry department at the University of Rochester.
Congratulations, all you Park Slope parents! You did it! You successfully so over-indulged and lived through your kids that they don't give a shit about anybody but themselves now. You've gutted them of their empathy, an essential quality necessary for human development, just as I said you would. Now, we all get to live with their narcissism.
Thanks!
TODAY'S INTERESTING QUOTE!
"Fuck my victims. I carried them for twenty years, and now I'm doing 150 years."
Bernie Madoff, whose con artist bona fides seems to have turned some fellow prison inmates into groupies. Bernie even claimed to other prisoners that some of his victims actually deserved to have their money taken from them.
Personally, I think the man, twisted as he is, has a point.
Any comments?
Bernie Madoff, whose con artist bona fides seems to have turned some fellow prison inmates into groupies. Bernie even claimed to other prisoners that some of his victims actually deserved to have their money taken from them.
Personally, I think the man, twisted as he is, has a point.
Any comments?
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