THE TRUTH ABOUT EVERYTHING, PART FOUR: PARENTS ARE THE LEAST QUALIFIED OF ALL ADULTS TO RAISE CHILDREN!
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."
The above quote from Kahlil Gibran's classic piece on children is well known to many, but ignored or misunderstood by almost everyone who has children. In fact, in over 30 years of working as a therapist with parents, children, prospective parents, and adults who once were children, I have yet to come upon a single case of someone who gave birth to a child from a self-actualized, egoless place, who could, in other words, understand and practice what Gibran is saying above. This is why everyone you know has a character structure that needs to be dismantled with arduous self-work in order to attain a decent level of happiness and self-realization.
Most people would agree that parenting is one of the most important jobs on the planet, right? Yet, think about this - you need to take a written test, a road test and an eye test to be allowed to drive a car. You need at least an undergraduate college degree, if not more, in order to get hired for most professional occupations, and you need some amount of time as an apprentice or trainee in order to obtain and hold most jobs at any level. But to become a parent, all you technically have to do is... well... fuck somebody, and voila - instant parent! With all the rights and privileges bestowed by our society upon you to determine a young being's health and well-being for the entire first segment of their life, and maybe for their entire life. Talk about fucking somebody!
Here's Kahlil Gibran again:
"You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday."
Ready? Let's say it together: "Parents suck!"
Okay, now that we got that out of the way, let's consider how we arrived to such a state of affairs. Of course, it always comes back to "Soul Age" and the vicissitudes of 3D reality. The predominant soul age on Planet Earth is "young" and that means that the pre-occupation here is with the development and exaggerated use of, and belief in, the ego and lower-self will. This dovetails perfectly with the 3rd dimensional beliefs in limitation, linear time and physical existence as all there is (as opposed to a 4th and 5th dimensional consciousness that operates outside the illusion of space and time, connected to All That Is.).
So, throughout what we think of as our history, adults have rarely born children out of inspiration from Source, or even from a place of deep love and Eros with a partner. Marriages have historically been formed out of tradition, convenience, financial need or in today's western cultures, out of co-dependent disorders. Children have historically been seen in these scenarios as property (another body to work on the farm or carry on the family business) or as an extension of one's ego, a vehicle to extend lineage and a blood-line identity into another generation, the exact opposite of what Gibran is writing about.
And even on those rare occasions that a child has been born out of genuine love between two adults, said adults, having received zero training or guidance in child development or what it really means to be a parent, are still unqualified to do an acceptable job of raising a life.
Here's Neale Donald Walsch from "Conversations With God":
" No one is more ill-equipped to raise children than young parents. Most of you gain the wisdom, the patience, the understanding, and the love to be wonderful parents after your parenting years are over. Child raising was mean to be an activity of the elders, whose minds are well developed and strong. The erroneous thought is that that those who bear children - the young adults - bear also the sole responsibility for raising them. But if the people who have children aren’t responsible for raising them in a Highly Enlightened Society, who is? The whole community. With special emphasis on the elders."
Okay, time to breathe. Young adults having children, but elders raising them? What? "Those are MY kids!" Actually, they're not. But hey, just look around at the results of that kind of thinking - depressed, hyperactive, diabetic children being raised by depressed, hyperactive, diabetic adults. Now, tell me: How's that ego-driven, 3D approach to child-rearing working for you? And for all of us?
So, here we are, another hard Truth About Everything: "Parents Are The Least Qualified Of All Adults To Raise Children."
Now, what do we do? Obviously, we are not set up as a Highly Enlightened Society, and even if we tried to structurally arrange it, our current crop of elders are not only not equipped to guide children, they are children!
Exactly. As I said, we are a young soul planet right now. But... we are evolving and we can accelerate the process of that evolution by... yes, here it comes... doing the focused, intense self-work necessary to mature ourselves at the deepest levels. We can become a mature soul planet in no time if we make the turn to do whatever it takes to expand our levels of consciousness and raise our vibrations.
In the meantime, in the short-run, we can also stop having children, or at least so many children, and when we do have them, we can do so at a later age after we've done some consciously-directed evolving. The good news is the trends in our society are moving in that direction. More and more people are having fewer children and at a later age. This is a very good sign.
Here'e the final passage from Kahlil Gibran.
"You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."
Here's to all of you working to become stable bows.
For more FPL posts on raising children (or not), go HERE.