In a somewhat satirical piece entitled, "THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK," one Mark Manson is actually serious in his intent, and onto something of importance. In fact, several months ago, I was advising people to use as a mantra the phrase, "I don't give a fuck!" in the face of anything that presented itself as an obstacle or irritation in their life. Not with anger or emotional charge, mind you, but rather with as much detachment as possible.

Now, obviously, like Mark, I'm employing some colorful language for effect, but the principle underlying the device is key in the self-actualization process. In fact, whenever anyone asks me what the main goals of my therapy practice are, I often answer this way:

"Three main goals: 1. surface your unconscious beliefs, thoughts and impulses; 2. connect to your feelings and emotions in your body; and 3. arrive to a place where you don't care what anyone thinks about you."

Ironically, as much work as 1. and 2. require, it's number 3. that most people find the most challenging.


Well, in the 3D games of limitation, linear time, duality and separation, everyone is seen as starkly "other" than oneself. There isn't any conscious sense of the true oneness that connects all beings. So, love, support, validation, attention, etc., are all things that must be gotten from another. At least that's how it seems. And so, individuals attempt to alter and contort themselves to please, manipulate or control others with a masked version of themselves. This is the source of much dysfunction, which was rampant in 3D.

So, the arrival to the place of not "giving a fuck" is actually the place of knowing that you are one with everyone, and there is, therefore, never a requirement to be other than oneself in order to attain fulfillment. No need to try to get anything through manipulation of the self or others.

Here are Mark's "Three Subtleties" of not giving a fuck:

"Subtlety #1: Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different;"

"Subtlety #2: To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity;"

"Subtlety #3: We all have a limited number of fucks to give; pay attention to where and who you give them to."

You can read the rest of Mark's piece HERE.

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