WANT A BETTER RELATIONSHIP? ENJOY SOME SOLITUDE!

A few months ago, I posted an excerpt from an article about a book, "DAILY RITUALS: HOW ARTISTS WORK", that extolled the virtues for creativity of frequent walking.

Another section of the book talks about the equally important need for solitude in the creative life:

"If you want to do prolonged creative work, you're going to need to figure out a way to avoid the demands of society, at least some of the time. Most artistic endeavor requires stretches of solitude. That's why so many artists get up super early or stay up super late—only then, when the rest of the world is asleep, are they guaranteed not to be interrupted by family, friends, visitors, or telephone calls."


"Anne Rice, when she’s writing a book, says she needs four hours of unbroken time each day, and that to get this, she must be ruthless about turning down appointments and social obligations. 'Because you won’t get those four hours if you’re spending most of the day worried about getting to an appointment and back,' she said. 'A lot of people don’t understand it. They think, ‘Well, I only want to see you for three hours. Why can’t you write the rest of the day?’ But it doesn’t work like that. What you have to do is clear all distraction. That’s the bottom line."

I've written from Fire Island about the importance of solitude and separation, and not only for the purposes of creative work, but also for the purposes of self-work and for the health of our relationships. Here's Mark Epstein, my favorite Buddhist psychotherapist, on the subject:

"Clinging is as much of a problem in lovemaking as in the rest of life. In order for sexual relations to be deeply satisfying, there must be a yielding of this clinging in a manner that actually affirms the unknowability and separateness of the loved partner. It is the peculiar convergence of awe and appreciation with pleasure and release that characterizes the best sexual experiences. Separate and together cease to be mutually exclusive and instead become reciprocally enhancing and mutually informative. There is wisdom in this state, not just raw instinct."

So, folks, to foster the health of your creative life and your interpersonal life... spend some quality time alone!

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