Here's a piece from Jenny Block, called "Mythical Monogamy," posted in Tango Magazine on-line. I agree with Jenny, who I've posted before on the subject of "open marriage," that honesty is the key to a good marriage, to any good relationship. And more than half of people in relationships are SO not honest, or open, including people in open marriages.
Let's try this again, folks: living in a contractually enforced monogamous marriage is neither virtuous nor healthy - not for the partners, not for the kids, not for the human race. You're not going to get a gold star at the end of your run for hunkering down in a passionless folie a deux, held together by the Crazy Glue of fear disguised as tradition. No. What you're going to get is Alzheimer's or cancer or depression. On the other hand, having contractually agreed-upon sex outside of your marriage doesn't automatically make you "open." Again, as Jenny says in her blog post, it's honesty that makes a marriage open. Honesty. A don't ask/don't tell approach to extramarital sex doesn't make you cutting edge or hip; it just makes you a hypocrite. If you think it's cool to have sex with other people, why wouldn't you be able to talk about it openly with your partner? Because you don't want to hurt his or her feelings? Ah. Right. Because having feelings in response to reality is a bad thing? Believe it or not, I've heard this one from people who think they're in an open marriage: "It's okay for my spouse to have sex, but not to fall in love." WHAT?! Since when can you legislate falling in love? All that person is saying is that they have no idea how falling in love works.
Hey - get married if you want, Have a big celebration to announce to the world that you're in love. And whether you're married or not, have sex. Great sex! Please. I've been urging all of my readers to have an active, thrilling sex-life forever. It's the key to good healthy and sanity. But tainting marriage or sex with dishonesty is ultimately going to get you into a nursing home. Don't do that to yourself.

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