Baby Souls

Understanding that human beings are all the same in certain ways, and as such entitled to equal treatment and valuation under the law, is a foundation of civilization. Just as important, though, is recognizing that we are all different from each other in significant ways as well. Too often, we get angry at each other, on an individual basis and en masse, because we don't accept our differences. We actually don't even really believe in our differences, especially and including at the "soul development" level.

A most excellent description of the differences between souls, called "Soul Ages" was written about by Joya Pope in her book, "Upcoming Changes." In the book, Ms. Pope explains how an evolving soul, just like a developing human being, can be at various stages in their growth process. Understanding this can change the way we deal with others in a very productive way. Just as you wouldn't expect a 3-year old to drive herself to preschool or make his own dinner, you wouldn't expect a "Baby Soul," to be able to embrace liberal, democratic self-government or guilt-free, uninhibited sexuality.
If we could understand this, for example, about religious fundamentalists - whether in the Middle East or middle America - we would realize that we can't force "democracy" or enlightened points of view on them. In their own exploitive ways, Republicans, and of late, Hillary Clinton, have understood this and used it to their advantage. In the United States, however, there are also a large number of "Mature Souls" counterbalancing the number of Baby Souls, so our government shifts back and forth between conservative and liberal forces on a fairly regular basis. The intense battle between the two main Democratic contenders for the presidency right now is an example of this conflict.

Below are some excerpts from the "Baby Soul" section of Joya's book. See what you think, and see if you recognize anyone you know!

Here's Joya Pope:

"Structure helps Baby Souls to feel comfortable in the world. They want to be directed and therefore seek out higher authorities who are willing to lay out clear rules for them. As a small example of this, a Baby Soul (in an adult human body) would rarely defend their child's rights to the school principal, but rather would push to make the child act acceptably to the teachers and administration. Sometimes a Baby Soul will seek out - even again and again - discipline from the prison system as a way to civilize himself. This soul age will hold traditional religious leaders in esteem, turn doctors into gods, and likely feel their country, their army, and certain politicians, can do no wrong.

"Traditions, rituals, and law and order provide a welcome sense of security.
In a dogmatic, black-and-white way, they identify right from wrong. Usually conscientiously good citizens, they can be counted on to do the "right" thing, but this is also the soul age with the greatest propensity to long-term grudge holding.

"The Ku Klux Klan would be a Baby Soul organization on the negative end of the spectrum, while many service organizations like the Knights of Columbus or the Rotary Club would be on the more positive end. Anti-abortion organizations, school prayer promoters, and fire-and-brimstone preachers all tend to emerge out of Baby Soul consciousness and concerns. Preferring to be big fish in small ponds, Baby Souls are often found in small communities.

"When their beliefs are opposed, Baby Souls may become inwardly bewildered. Baby Souls are so sure they are right that they have difficulty comprehending opposition. This is not a self-reflective phase.
When dealing with physical problems, Baby Souls ordinarily prefer conventional medicine, medications and surgery. Considering alternative therapies or looking for the root of the problem doesn't make sense to their way of approaching the body. With the exception of so-called "healing" within charismatic churches, this soul age is sold on orthodox medicine.
Around sexual matters, there is uneasiness, shame and guilt. This is not a time for hot tub entertaining, but hiding bodies, making love in the dark - probably with pajamas and without great sensuality.

"Baby Souls sometimes come into prominence. They don't often look for a big stage, not having the resourcefulness or experience to handle it well, but they may gather fame for their unyielding political or religious beliefs. Jerry Falwell is a prominent religious leader with Baby Soul beliefs; Oral Roberts and Jimmy Swaggart, two others. Idi Amin, Hitler, Khomeini, Bin Laden, etc., and, in the United States, Richard Nixon, Evan Mecham, Jesse Helms and some of our more rigidly conservative Governors, Congressmen and Senators are examples of Baby Souls putting out their world views on a larger scale. Pat Boone and Charleton Heston were among the few Baby Souls peopling the entertainment business!"
Hey, Joya - don't forget Ronald Reagan, who not only liked to eat jelly beans in the Oval Office, but also called his wife, "Mommy!"

NOW HEAR THIS! EVERYTHING GETS BETTER WITH AGE, INCLUDING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK!!

You get that?

I've written often (check HERE) about the illusions and conditioned negative beliefs we've carried around about aging, particularly in what has been loosely called "Western Culture," and definitely in what was once 3D, the dense level of consciousness where a belief in strict linear time meant time was always running out. In that mindset, aging was seen as a process to bemoan, thwart or deny as much as possible.

Well, folks, this is 5D, and the illusions are falling by the wayside. The veil is lifting on the game of limitation, dualism and linear time. 

THIS was in the news this week:

"A poll of 80,000 American adults of all ages by polling giant, Gallup, reveals that we feel most satisfied with our bodies after 65. Yes, you read that correctly. Not at 18, or 25, or even 40."

Yo! I'm turning 60 next month, and I have to be honest - I can't wait! All of my life, I have looked forward to being "old." Really. Even in my teens and twenties, I somehow knew that life was going to continue to get better and better the older I got. And it has.

This is from one of my posts on the subject:

"Our soul energy, the source of which comes from our Oversoul and Higher Self in any particular lifetime, infuses us gradually and continually throughout our journey as physical beings. In other words, when we don't interfere, we naturally live at a higher and higher vibratory rate as we mature, more and more filled up with the energy of spirit until, once again, we go back to being pure spirit, as we were before physical incarnation.

Many of us were conditioned to fear this process, and so look upon what is meant to be a glorious evolution as a deterioration instead. And as we know, what you believe is what creates your reality. So, for many, what can be an experience of greater vibrancy, potency, wisdom and creativity over time instead becomes a depressing time of loss (and loss of time).

Julia Moulden, in a piece entitled,  "Over 50? You're at the Height Of Your Powers," used Jack Palance as an example of someone who remained vital well into his elder years, and showed it off at the 1992 Oscars when he did his famous one-handed push-ups on stage, at the age of 73. (Palance won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in "City Slickers" that year.)

Life is meant to get better and better as you grow and progress through it, folks. And the more light that shines through you as you move forward on this journey, the more truly beautiful you become - at every level. If you don't like what you see when you look in the mirror, you're vision is tainted by negative beliefs. 

Hey - Don't fear the reaper. Rather, just start reaping!

Thanks, Jack!

REPOST: WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL - IN PURSUIT OF EROS!

I can't count the number of people I've seen for couples counseling over the years. Struggles in relationships are among of the most frequent of reasons people seek out therapy. How one measures "success" in a course of therapy with a couple is a matter for debate in my profession, I suppose, but if the yardstick is whether or not the couple holds their relationship together instead of splitting up, then I am an abject failure. I would have to guess that somewhere around 75 to 80 percent of the couples I see for therapy end up separating. One of my colleagues calls me "The Separator."

Indeed, when I first see a new couple in treatment, one of my first ground rules is that it must be understood that we are not engaging in a process to "save the relationship." I explain that we are going to use the arena of the relationship to increase the self awareness and understanding of each individual, and then, see where that leads. Interestingly enough, very few people are really thrown by that at first, because by the time a couple arrives to therapy, the relationship has gotten so congested with anger, pain and resentment that "saving it" is not really what they're desiring (even though they will need help admitting that).

But, what causes relationships to end? Well, first let's eliminate the word "fail" here as meaning ending, and redefine it this way: a relationship is "failing" when either the Eros has died and the couple is refusing to admit it, or the flame of Eros is still alive and the partners in question are not doing what it takes to fan the flame so it can grow higher. These are two very different situations and a necessary part of self-work within a relationship is to clarify the problem.

In my favorite Pathwork Guide lecture - "The Forces of Love, Eros and Sex" - the Guide, channeled through Eva Broch, says this:

"Eros lifts the soul out of sluggishness, out of mere contentment and vegetation. It causes the soul to surge, to go out of itself. When this force comes upon even the most undeveloped people they become able to surpass themselves. Eros gives the soul a foretaste of unity and teaches the fearful psyche the longing for it. The more strongly one has experienced Eros, the less contentment will the soul find in the pseudo-security of separateness. How then is Eros different from love? Love is a permanent state in the soul. Love does not come and go at random; Eros does. Eros hits with sudden force, often taking a person unaware and even making them unwilling to go through the experience."

Yes. Many of us have had a taste of that, some of us more than a few times. The Guide calls it "Eros," most of us refer to it as being "in love." I often refer to it as the "Free Pass" from the Universe that gives us a taste of how great existence can be in physical form. But if as the Guide says, Eros can "come and go," then how can we get to "keep it" in the context of one relationship?

Well, the first part of the answer to that is kind of Zen, like Sting's lyric: "If you love somebody, set them free."

Mark Epstein, my favorite Buddhist psychotherapist, in his fantastic book, "GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART," says it this way:

"Clinging is as much of a problem in lovemaking as in the rest of life. In order for sexual relations to be deeply satisfying, there must be a yielding of this clinging in a manner that actually affirms the unknowability and separateness of the loved partner. It is the peculiar convergence of awe and appreciation with pleasure and release that characterizes the best sexual experiences. Separate and together cease to be mutually exclusive and instead become reciprocally enhancing and mutually informative. There is wisdom in this state, not just raw instinct."

So, Part One of how to keep Eros, like anything else you want to "keep," is to let it go. (I know. I know. Keep trying to wrap your head around it. It will come to you.)

Part Two is to try and penetrate that "unknowability" that Epstein refers to, and simultaneously allow your own hidden self to be penetrated, even though you will never be completely successful.

Here's the Guide again:

"Eros strengthens the curiosity to know the other being. As long as there is something new to find in the other soul and as long as you reveal yourself, Eros will live. The moment you believe you have found all there is to find, and have revealed all there is to reveal, Eros will leave. It is as simple as that with Eros. But where your great error comes in is that you believe there is a limit to the revealing of any soul, yours or another's. When a certain point of usually quite superficial revelation is reached, you are under the impression that this is all there is, and you settle down to a placid life without further searching."

Okay, to summarize - the way to keep Eros alive is to first, not cling or grip onto it, or onto the person who is the object of your desire, and second, to simultaneously seek to know that person at greater and greater depths while revealing yourself in the same way. Now, let's be honest - this is rarely done in most relationsihps, mainly because it requires very intensive and persistent self-examination and staying connected to the full range of feelings, including pain and sadness. Many more couples would rather either settle into a "comfortable" relationship without any passion, or have serial experiences with a lot of partners to get that initial rush when Eros provides its universal "Free Pass."

However, on those rare occasions when the "whatever-it-takes" effort is made, the result is a soaring, sublime experience of the depths of love and pleasure and soulfulness that is nothing less than the first and main reason we all became human. And know this, if you achieve such a state at any point in your lifetime, you won't care when it is or how old you are. You won't look back and regret that you didn't find such joy when you were younger. You'll be way too busy being happy and satisfied for regrets.

Now, can it all still end, even if you make all of the above efforts? Well, again the answer is a Zen "yes" and "no." Sometimes people come together for a particular soul purpose, to accomplish something together - like bringing a child into the world, or to work on a developmental task - like overcoming one's repetition compulsions from childhood up to a point. In such a case, the Eros that may have brought said couple together will come to the natural end of its lifespan between those two people. They will fall out of love. Not coincidentally, in such a situation, the couple will lose their motivation to continue the intensive, in-depth revelation process with their mate. So, couples counseling also comes to an end.

Which brings us to another subject for another day - how to end things. So much is damaged and lost during endings because we're so "bad" at them, and fear them so much, when in fact, a healthy ending can be the very crowning glory of a relationship when all of the love that was there and all that was accomplished can be integrated and made permanent in the psyche.

But again, that's a talk for another day.