Love the One You're (In-Love) With

There's a light, but nonetheless interesting op-ed piece by Maureen Dowd called: "THE IDEAL HUSBAND" in today's NY Times. Maureen doesn't seem to really have much to say in the piece. She mainly quotes one Father Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest, on the subject of how to avoid marrying the wrong person. The priest's main offering of wisdom, as such, is that "you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.”

Okay, Father.

From there, the priest goes on to list all of the aspects that would be telltale signs that you're marrying the "wrong" person.

Now, I often say that you cannot be successfully married UNLESS you're in love with your partner, unless love, Eros and sex are all alive and well, especially Eros (the in-love part). So, does Father Pat's position stand in contradiction to mine? Not at all.

I would agree with the good, though celibate, man of the cloth that you can fall in love with the "wrong person," though "wrong" is a judgment I wouldn't use. What I say is that Eros is an absolutely necessary ingredient, but not a sufficient one, to make for a gratifying relationship. Why? Because you can fall in love with someone that you're truly not compatible with. It's not wrong because even a relationship that's ultimately doomed to dissolve sooner rather than later has a purpose in your life, a purpose related to your personal evolution.

Every situation that you find yourself in, even a marriage to someone that you ultimately cannot live with, can propel you closer to that future relationship filled with bliss and openness and harmony... if you're willing to take every situation as an opportunity to learn about yourself and grow.

As I often say, nature doesn't fuck up. Ego's and the human mind do. If you fall in love with someone, anyone, there's something there you're meant to experience. Go with it, or you'll have to find out the hard way that you can't avoid whatever the information is that's coming to you through that lover you can't stand. What is fucked up is that because of societal demands and emotional weaknesses, we stay stuck in those "bad" relationships long past the time when Eros has flown.

Follow Eros, folks. It may take you into some hair-raising places, but it will also guide you out.