There's a piece entitled Don't Be My Valentine, by Tracy Quan, on THE DAILY BEAST this weekend that starts out with this:

"Cheating on your spouse? Sleeping with the boss? Seeing a hooker? A Valentine's Day survival guide for people with complicated love lives."

What follows in Quan's article is a snappy, tongue-in-cheek, albeit shallow list of what to do for Valentine's Day in a number of precarious situations that so many people find themselves in today (see above). You can read the whole piece HERE.

But what is worth noting to me is that extramarital dalliances are so common that it's not only okay to make fun of the pervasive reality of the the lack of marital bliss, but it also fun to joke about the so-called "collateral damage" of "cheating," and to refer to the people who indulge in the activity as simply having "complicated love lives."

What gives?

Well, you can anticipate a lot what I'm going to say if you've been keeping up here on the FPL blog, right?

You know, I'm going to say that most people enter into marriage or relationships with dysfunctional and suspect motives and intentions, like to fulfill images and/or dependency needs left unmet from childhood. I'm going to say that contractual monogamy is a function of fear, not love. And of course, I'm emphatically going to say that a vibrant relationship must include love, Eros and sex, and in this case two outta three is bad! I'm going to say again that "staying together for the kids" is really bad for the kids. And so on.

Regarding the "cheating" issue, well it depends. I have found many times with patients that I work with in therapy that it is a good diagnostic sign when someone in a relationship without Eros or sex has an affair. Of course, feeling the need to sneak around isn't a measure of a healthy psyche, but at least the "cheater" in question hasn't given up on life's most necessary elements.

Love isn't complicated, folks. But it is powerful, and because our egos have taken over as captains of our emotional ships, we resist letting the tidal wave of Eros sweep us into the unknown land of blissful union with another.

So, there it is, another not-so-romantic Valentine's message from PL on FPL, but you know what? Real love, Eros and sex beats romance every time.


1 comment:

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