During the past month or so, I've lost about 8 pounds. I haven't been eating or not eating any different foods particularly. I haven't engaged in any specific new exercise routines. I haven't been taking any supplements or herbs for the purpose of weight loss. In fact, I haven't been trying to lose weight, although I could definitely have afforded to shed the pounds I've lost since the 4th of July.

What I have been doing differently this summer, though, is focusing on the areas of my life in which I am manifesting "codependence."

Codependence is an odd word, coined originally to describe the enabling partner of an alcoholic or addict. These days it refers to a vaguely defined set of feelings and behaviors that apply to virtually everyone in relationships, so let me try and construct a more useful working definition for the purposes of this discussion.

Codependence is a compelling feeling in an adult human being that one is in need of another in order to feel complete, whole and validated, and it includes a belief that in order to receive a desired level of love, one must sacrifice one's own well-being to some degree. This belief, erroneous at its core, stems from childhood, of course.

When a child isn't receiving the level of acceptance and unconditional love that can only come from self-actualized parents, he or she will always see the problem as within themselves, not in the parents. It is just too threatening to face that those upon whom we are completely dependent in our most dependent state cannot give us what we need because of some deficit in them. Hope for the helpless child lies in the fantasy that if somehow it acts in a certain way that is more pleasing or submissive, or more needy and demanding towards the parents, the needed love will be forthcoming.

And it never happens. Never. Because it was never in the child's hands, never the child's fault in the first place.

Nonetheless, the pattern of denying who one is in order to get more love becomes an entrenched and unconscious pattern, embedded in the psyche and in habitual behaviors until some serious self-work is engaged in that can excavate the erroneous beliefs and free up the traped feelings of hurt and rage.

So, what's this got to do with me losing weight?

Well... everything! Because everything is energy, and energy is directed by consciousness, and the state of being in our consciousness, which generates emotions, in turn creates our physical experiences, and yes, our physical form, too. So, weighing ourselves down by a psychological attachment to another, believing in our own neediness or incompleteness without that other, will create a physical body that also feels weighed down as well.

Now, that is not to say that any particular body weight or size is inherently a manifestation of codependence, but rather when one's weight feels like a weight or an obstacle to the full freedom of expression of the self, then there is most likely a codependent issue.

So, let go of your significant others, folks, let go of your families, let go of any relationships that you feel attached to by the illusion of need. You will not end up alone, just free, full of love and light with those who you choose to engage in for the purposes of sharing life and love with.

And you might even lose a few pounds!

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