Here's Isabel:

"Ok, I see. I don't know this Ms Grumet and I understood that you were criticizing breastfeeding after 1.5 years and Attachment Theory in general. Then, I agree with you - self-actualization is key. Most people should go to therapy before becoming parents or, at least, once they become parents. I do. I know everything I don't have worked out is a heavy weight on my children. It is very sad how adults put our needs before our offspring and the dramatic results for them. And usually parents say it is for their children. There is an alarming lack of awareness. I'll continue reading the blog, I would have continued anyway, I like your boldness."

Here's PL:

I really like your boldness, as well, Isabel! If more parents were like you, willing to spend some quality time in therapy before or during parenthood, our children would have a much better chance of becoming self-actualized.
On the 1 1/2 year mark for beginning the individualization process, you know, nature doesn't screw up. A child becomes able to walk, and starts growing teeth, at exactly the age they would naturally, without parental ego involved, stop breastfeeding. It's brilliantly orchestrated by nature that way. But you see, parents who desperately want to be "liked" by their children think that if the little toddler protests the weaning process, it's a bad thing. It's not. Every child protests at the beginning of the next developmental stage. These short-lived upsets are just normal growing pains. Parents who don't help their child wean themselves at the age nature intended are acting out of their own insecurities, not for the best interest of their child.
Again, thank you, Isabel. I applaud you!

1 comment:

Isabel Pareja said...

I agree with everything you say, except that in my experience with my children and what I'm learning about child development in my studies as an Integrative body psychotherapist, 2,5 or 3 years old would be more in tune with the child's needs. After that age, oral needs lessen and the time they can be away from the mother increases significantly. Of course, in Western society this is not the norm. But if you just look at a 1,5 year-old you see he walks and wants to explore, but for short periods, he still needs a lot of physical contact and nurturance, he starts the process then and it is not complete until years later and he needs his parents to be there when he returns from his explorations. Well, that's been my experience. My children are 7 and 10 now and they are just interested in being around their peers (and they have good relationships with them) and perfecting their soccer skills, etc, they are not very interested in me anymore!

I'm there for my children when they need me, not because I want to be liked, but because they matter to me.

Are you talking from your experience as a psychotherapist that adults that were weaned after 1,5 have problems with that?


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