Warren Buffett spells it out beautifully here in the NY Times in a piece entitled:
"STOP CODDLING THE SUPER-RICH!"
FEAR OF CHANGE, ATTACHMENT TO PARENTAL AUTHORITY & THE ILLUSIONS OF BASEBALL PURISTS!
You know, one of my 3D fascinations has always been baseball, a timeless (literally) endeavor that bridges the definitions of "game" and "sport," is originally and uniquely American, is the subject of one of my favorite movies, "Field of Dreams," and, of course, my favorite up and coming TV show, "CITY ROCK." (Softball-baseball, same thing.)
But my love of baseball isn't "traditional," nor of its traditions. In fact, in most cases, relating to most things, I abhor tradition, because adherence to tradition tends to be what fear of growth and resistance to change like to hide behind. Furthermore, so-called "traditionalists" most often, and barely disguised, are operating from their childish egos which idealize parental authority.
Case in point - there is a debate currently raging in baseball (finally!) about the absolute authority of umpires. In a technological age such as ours, when we are able to follow the trajectory of a small sphere, less than 3 inches in diameter, moving at 90+ miles an hour, in such super slow motion that we can see a speck of clay on its surface and count the number of rotations as it travels the 60 feet to home plate, more and more people feel that relying on the utterly flawed judgements of men (euphemistically called the "human element" by purists) is just a bit too traditional!
Too many baseball games (and yes, they are just games) are being blown by umpire mistakes, which, because we have the technology to see them more clearly, are seeming more and more absurd. It's not about winning or losing for me. A good game is a good game, whoever wins. For me, the umpire debate is about the refusal to grow up and let go of the illusion that parental authority is somehow inherently "good." It's not. It's just parental.
Here's a piece from yesterday's Sporting News entitled: "It's time for baseball to scrap the 'human element' and bring in more instant replay!"
PLAY BALL!
But my love of baseball isn't "traditional," nor of its traditions. In fact, in most cases, relating to most things, I abhor tradition, because adherence to tradition tends to be what fear of growth and resistance to change like to hide behind. Furthermore, so-called "traditionalists" most often, and barely disguised, are operating from their childish egos which idealize parental authority.
Case in point - there is a debate currently raging in baseball (finally!) about the absolute authority of umpires. In a technological age such as ours, when we are able to follow the trajectory of a small sphere, less than 3 inches in diameter, moving at 90+ miles an hour, in such super slow motion that we can see a speck of clay on its surface and count the number of rotations as it travels the 60 feet to home plate, more and more people feel that relying on the utterly flawed judgements of men (euphemistically called the "human element" by purists) is just a bit too traditional!
Too many baseball games (and yes, they are just games) are being blown by umpire mistakes, which, because we have the technology to see them more clearly, are seeming more and more absurd. It's not about winning or losing for me. A good game is a good game, whoever wins. For me, the umpire debate is about the refusal to grow up and let go of the illusion that parental authority is somehow inherently "good." It's not. It's just parental.
Here's a piece from yesterday's Sporting News entitled: "It's time for baseball to scrap the 'human element' and bring in more instant replay!"
PLAY BALL!
TODAY'S FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF QUOTE!
"You're not selfish enough to be a good boyfriend!"
("Mindy" to "Frank" in Season 2 of CITY ROCK)
("Mindy" to "Frank" in Season 2 of CITY ROCK)
CITY ROCK VIDEO TRAILERS 1 THRU 3 WITH BONUS MUSIC AND SLIDE SHOW!!
CITY ROCK's First Video Trailer: "The Decision!"
CITY ROCK's Second Video Trailer: "The Face Off!"
CITY ROCK's Third Video Trailer: "The Project!"
"WORKING CLASS HERO" (Full version from CITY ROCK: "The Project!")
Performed by Jesús Cristal, with Christina Giordano on background vocals and Peter Loffredo producing.
Slide Show from the set of City Rock's Soon-to-be Released Fourth Video Trailer: "The Heat Wave!"
City Rock - The Decision (Final) from Platinum Platypus on Vimeo.
CITY ROCK's Second Video Trailer: "The Face Off!"
CITY ROCK's Third Video Trailer: "The Project!"
"WORKING CLASS HERO" (Full version from CITY ROCK: "The Project!")
Performed by Jesús Cristal, with Christina Giordano on background vocals and Peter Loffredo producing.
Slide Show from the set of City Rock's Soon-to-be Released Fourth Video Trailer: "The Heat Wave!"
Repost: "Eric Erikson on Adulthood!"
This is from Erikson's famous work: The "EIGHT STAGES OF THE LIFE CYCLE." It was rare that psychologists wrote about adulthood in the same way that the stages of childhood were explored in such depth by so many. Yet, we do not stop developing once we reach adulthood, which Carl Jung says doesn't really occur until we are around 40 years old.
Following are excerpts from Erikson's book about the three stages of adulthood, as he saw it, that I used for a class I taught on adulthood:
"6. Intimacy and Distantiation Versus Self-Absorption – It is only after a reasonable sense of identity has been established that real intimacy with others can be possible. The youth who is not sure of his or her identity shies away from interpersonal intimacy, and can become, as an adult, isolated or lacking in spontaneity, warmth or the real exchange of fellowship in relationship to others; but the surer the person becomes of their self, the more intimacy is sought in the form of friendship, leadership, love and inspiration. The counterpart to intimacy is distantiation, which is the readiness to repudiate those forces and people whose essence seems dangerous to one’s own.
7. Generativity Versus Stagnation – Generativity is primarily the interest in establishing and guiding the next generation, although there are people who do not apply this drive to offspring but to other forms of altruistic concern and creativity which may absorb their kind of parental responsibility. This is a stage of growth of the healthy personality, and where such enrichment fails, regression from generativity to an obsessive need for pseudo intimacy takes place, often with a pervading sense of stagnation and interpersonal impoverishment. The mere fact of having, or even wanting children does not itself attest to generativity.
8. Integrity Versus Despair and Disgust – Only a person who has in some way taken care of things and people and has adapted to the triumphs and disappointments of being the originator of others and the generator of things and ideas – only that person may gradually grow the fruit of the [prior] seven stages. [The state of] integrity is the acceptance of one’s own life cycle and of the people who have become significant to it as something that had to be and that, by necessity, permitted of no substitutions. It thus means a new, different love of one’s parents, free of the wish that they had been different, and an acceptance of the fact that one’s life is one’s own responsibility. It is a sense of comradeship with men and women of distant times and of different pursuits who have created orders and objects and sayings conveying human dignity and love. The possessor of integrity is ready to defend the dignity of his or her own lifestyle, knowing that an individual life is the…coincidence of but one life cycle with but one segment of history, and that all integrity stands and falls with the one style of integrity of which he or she partakes. Lack or loss of this accrued integration is signified by despair and often an unconscious fear of death. Despair expresses the feeling that time is short, too short for the attempt to start a new life and to try out alternate roads to integrity. Such a despair is often hidden behind a show of disgust, or a chronic contemptuousness. Integrity, therefore, implies an emotional integration which permits participation by followership as well as acceptance of the responsibility of leadership."
Following are excerpts from Erikson's book about the three stages of adulthood, as he saw it, that I used for a class I taught on adulthood:
"6. Intimacy and Distantiation Versus Self-Absorption – It is only after a reasonable sense of identity has been established that real intimacy with others can be possible. The youth who is not sure of his or her identity shies away from interpersonal intimacy, and can become, as an adult, isolated or lacking in spontaneity, warmth or the real exchange of fellowship in relationship to others; but the surer the person becomes of their self, the more intimacy is sought in the form of friendship, leadership, love and inspiration. The counterpart to intimacy is distantiation, which is the readiness to repudiate those forces and people whose essence seems dangerous to one’s own.
7. Generativity Versus Stagnation – Generativity is primarily the interest in establishing and guiding the next generation, although there are people who do not apply this drive to offspring but to other forms of altruistic concern and creativity which may absorb their kind of parental responsibility. This is a stage of growth of the healthy personality, and where such enrichment fails, regression from generativity to an obsessive need for pseudo intimacy takes place, often with a pervading sense of stagnation and interpersonal impoverishment. The mere fact of having, or even wanting children does not itself attest to generativity.
8. Integrity Versus Despair and Disgust – Only a person who has in some way taken care of things and people and has adapted to the triumphs and disappointments of being the originator of others and the generator of things and ideas – only that person may gradually grow the fruit of the [prior] seven stages. [The state of] integrity is the acceptance of one’s own life cycle and of the people who have become significant to it as something that had to be and that, by necessity, permitted of no substitutions. It thus means a new, different love of one’s parents, free of the wish that they had been different, and an acceptance of the fact that one’s life is one’s own responsibility. It is a sense of comradeship with men and women of distant times and of different pursuits who have created orders and objects and sayings conveying human dignity and love. The possessor of integrity is ready to defend the dignity of his or her own lifestyle, knowing that an individual life is the…coincidence of but one life cycle with but one segment of history, and that all integrity stands and falls with the one style of integrity of which he or she partakes. Lack or loss of this accrued integration is signified by despair and often an unconscious fear of death. Despair expresses the feeling that time is short, too short for the attempt to start a new life and to try out alternate roads to integrity. Such a despair is often hidden behind a show of disgust, or a chronic contemptuousness. Integrity, therefore, implies an emotional integration which permits participation by followership as well as acceptance of the responsibility of leadership."
SCENE FROM CITY ROCK SEASON ONE, EPISODE 11: "ORIA"
I wrote the pilot episode of City Rock a few months after 9/11/01. Over the next 2 years, I wrote another 9 one-hour episodes, including a season finale that I was very happy with. The scripts just flowed out of me, effortlessly, coming from a place other than my intellect or memory. Two years ago, in 2009, it occurred to me that I should finish the first season according to the contemporary standard of 13 episodes, so I wrote and inserted three more scripts where I felt inspired to do so.
"ORIA," the story of a young Dominican girl caught up in the crack cocaine trade in Washington Heights in the early 1980's, was one of those new scripts, and a favorite of some fans of City Rock.
Here is the finale of the episode:
CAMERA follows Frank as he moves through the sea of intense teens. Many of them acknowledge Frank with various nicknames and street slang, almost all are affectionate in their energy towards him.
He sees her, sitting in a corner, hunkered down with her book.
FRANK
Oria.
She doesn’t look up. He squats down next to her.
FRANK (cont’d)
What are you reading?
She closes the book.
ORIA
Nothing.
FRANK
I’m sorry about Manny, Oria.
ORIA
We were going to go back to Santo Domingo and live on the beach.
FRANK
He told you that?
She shakes her head.
FRANK (cont’d)
You know, Oria, I don’t think that would have ever happened.
ORIA
Manny always meant what he said.
FRANK
He may have meant it, but... Manny was hurting people and heading for a bad ending.
ORIA
You mean because he was selling drugs?
Frank nods.
ORIA (cont’d)
So many people seem to really want drugs, though.
FRANK
That’s true. It’s confusing.
CUT TO:
INT. BARRY CRAMER’S OFFICE - EVENING
FRANK (O.S.)
It’s confusing.
Frank is sitting on the couch, across from the therapist.
FRANK (cont’d)
Why do we desire things so desperately that are bad for us?
BARRY
Control.
Frank looks curious.
BARRY (cont’d)
When someone abuses us, it often seems to come out of left field. When we do it to ourselves, we’re in control of the abuse. We know it’s coming. There’s no shock factor. We’re making the choice.
FRANK
So, what am I doing? Why am I so drawn to all of this... drama? I don’t think I was abused in my childhood.
BARRY
Think again.
FRANK
What do you mean?
BARRY
In a way, you’re at a disadvantage compared to someone like Jennie. It’s easy for someone to know they’ve been abused when a parent was a drunk or was violent or flamboyantly crazy. But when the parents seemed normal, seemed to be in control of themselves because their dysfunctions were outwardly masked or socially acceptable, that child’s got a tougher time in their healing process.
(beat)
Who are you trying to save, Frank? Really?
Frank reflects silently.
CUT TO:
EXT. PHOENIX RESIDENTIAL DETOX AND RECOVERY CENTER - DAY
Jennie is smoking a cigarette on a cement bench in front of the center. The building behind her is a 2-story adobe structure painted in pastel colors that blend in with the desert surroundings.
CLOSE-UP of Jennie shows her lost in thought.
CONAN (O.S.)
Guess you didn’t know you had so much to think about.
Jen doesn’t turn around. She knows the raspy voice. We see who it is. It is the tall, thin, weather-and-life-beaten black man who looked in on Jennie while she was detoxing.
He is CONAN MATHIAS, counsellor at the Phoenix Center. He walks over and stands next to her.
JENNIE
Who says I’m thinking?
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK’S COLD WATER FLAT - EVENING
Frank enters his apartment and turns on the light. The place looks somehow particularly empty tonight.
He walks in and takes a beer out of the fridge, pops the top and takes a deep draught.
He sees that a note is on the floor, near the door. He goes over and picks it up.
He reads:
"A leader is at his best when after his work is done, his aim fulfilled, his followers will say: we did it ourselves."
FADE TO BLACK.
"ORIA," the story of a young Dominican girl caught up in the crack cocaine trade in Washington Heights in the early 1980's, was one of those new scripts, and a favorite of some fans of City Rock.
Here is the finale of the episode:
CAMERA follows Frank as he moves through the sea of intense teens. Many of them acknowledge Frank with various nicknames and street slang, almost all are affectionate in their energy towards him.
He sees her, sitting in a corner, hunkered down with her book.
FRANK
Oria.
She doesn’t look up. He squats down next to her.
FRANK (cont’d)
What are you reading?
She closes the book.
ORIA
Nothing.
FRANK
I’m sorry about Manny, Oria.
ORIA
We were going to go back to Santo Domingo and live on the beach.
FRANK
He told you that?
She shakes her head.
FRANK (cont’d)
You know, Oria, I don’t think that would have ever happened.
ORIA
Manny always meant what he said.
FRANK
He may have meant it, but... Manny was hurting people and heading for a bad ending.
ORIA
You mean because he was selling drugs?
Frank nods.
ORIA (cont’d)
So many people seem to really want drugs, though.
FRANK
That’s true. It’s confusing.
CUT TO:
INT. BARRY CRAMER’S OFFICE - EVENING
FRANK (O.S.)
It’s confusing.
Frank is sitting on the couch, across from the therapist.
FRANK (cont’d)
Why do we desire things so desperately that are bad for us?
BARRY
Control.
Frank looks curious.
BARRY (cont’d)
When someone abuses us, it often seems to come out of left field. When we do it to ourselves, we’re in control of the abuse. We know it’s coming. There’s no shock factor. We’re making the choice.
FRANK
So, what am I doing? Why am I so drawn to all of this... drama? I don’t think I was abused in my childhood.
BARRY
Think again.
FRANK
What do you mean?
BARRY
In a way, you’re at a disadvantage compared to someone like Jennie. It’s easy for someone to know they’ve been abused when a parent was a drunk or was violent or flamboyantly crazy. But when the parents seemed normal, seemed to be in control of themselves because their dysfunctions were outwardly masked or socially acceptable, that child’s got a tougher time in their healing process.
(beat)
Who are you trying to save, Frank? Really?
Frank reflects silently.
CUT TO:
EXT. PHOENIX RESIDENTIAL DETOX AND RECOVERY CENTER - DAY
Jennie is smoking a cigarette on a cement bench in front of the center. The building behind her is a 2-story adobe structure painted in pastel colors that blend in with the desert surroundings.
CLOSE-UP of Jennie shows her lost in thought.
CONAN (O.S.)
Guess you didn’t know you had so much to think about.
Jen doesn’t turn around. She knows the raspy voice. We see who it is. It is the tall, thin, weather-and-life-beaten black man who looked in on Jennie while she was detoxing.
He is CONAN MATHIAS, counsellor at the Phoenix Center. He walks over and stands next to her.
JENNIE
Who says I’m thinking?
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK’S COLD WATER FLAT - EVENING
Frank enters his apartment and turns on the light. The place looks somehow particularly empty tonight.
He walks in and takes a beer out of the fridge, pops the top and takes a deep draught.
He sees that a note is on the floor, near the door. He goes over and picks it up.
He reads:
"A leader is at his best when after his work is done, his aim fulfilled, his followers will say: we did it ourselves."
FADE TO BLACK.
THE LIGHT ON A SUNDAY MORNING!
I am floored, bowed, crushed, humbled, bathed in the glow of the gifts bestowed so freely and powerfully and generously by all of you yesterday at the 4th City Rock shoot. Not only does this just never seem to end, but the depths of your talent and the light of your souls bursting through your hearts keeps getting brighter and brighter! My unconditional love to you all!
Pictures to come!
PL
Pictures to come!
PL
REPOST: "ALL OUR HIGHER SELVES"
I frequently make reference to "character structures" on this blog, the conglomerate of defenses and deformations that we create in childhood in order to survive the slings and arrows of growing up with less than self-actualized parents in an imperfect world. But underneath each character structure lies an evolving, magnificent soul, our true essence, the "template" of who we are in a particular lifetime - our "Higher Self."
It is from that Higher Self that we draw the material that shapes the "style" of our character structure, and back to that unencumbered Higher Self that our journey ultimately takes us, sooner rather than later if we do the self-work necessary to actively dismantle our defenses.
So, here is a breakdown of what each Higher Self looks like underneath each particular character structure. It is always valuable to be reminded that whatever our dysfunctions, our true nature is a thing of great beauty.
SCHIZOID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Strong connection to and awareness of the profoundly spiritual nature of life;
- Access to vast universal wisdom and the capacity to teach others how to make the connection to that wisdom;
- Great courage and fearlessness to connect with feelings;
- Great capacity to create and appreciate beauty, including through artistic abilities.
ORAL CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacity to give to others in a deeply nurturing, truly healing way;
- An appreciation for the vastly abundant nature of existence and the joy of sharing;
- Genuine independence, autonomy and self-confidence with full capacity to surrender to the oneness with another;
- Powerful intuitive abilities and the capacity to follow insights through to fruition by sustained, patient effort.
MASOCHISTIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacities for pleasure, humor, optimism, playfulness and joy;
- Genuine supportiveness, strength and desire to be of service to others;
- An expansive, open heart with deep compassion, true kindness and understanding;
- Positive assertiveness and healthy aggression with substantial amounts of energy;
- Ability to be spontaneously creative in the moment, surrender ego control and trust the natural order in all things;
PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.
RIGID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Tremendous passion and connection to the sensuality of human relationships, with a true appreciation for and capacity to express the wonder of coming together physically in love with another;
- Great capacity to let go and surrender to the flow of love, to fall in love with life and with others;
- Genuine capacities to make and sustain commitments;
- Strong organizational skills combined with flexibility, patience and acceptance of new approaches to situations;
- A deep appreciation for the beauty of physical life, and sensibilities to integrate the elements of form to create beauty.
It is from that Higher Self that we draw the material that shapes the "style" of our character structure, and back to that unencumbered Higher Self that our journey ultimately takes us, sooner rather than later if we do the self-work necessary to actively dismantle our defenses.
So, here is a breakdown of what each Higher Self looks like underneath each particular character structure. It is always valuable to be reminded that whatever our dysfunctions, our true nature is a thing of great beauty.
SCHIZOID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Strong connection to and awareness of the profoundly spiritual nature of life;
- Access to vast universal wisdom and the capacity to teach others how to make the connection to that wisdom;
- Great courage and fearlessness to connect with feelings;
- Great capacity to create and appreciate beauty, including through artistic abilities.
ORAL CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacity to give to others in a deeply nurturing, truly healing way;
- An appreciation for the vastly abundant nature of existence and the joy of sharing;
- Genuine independence, autonomy and self-confidence with full capacity to surrender to the oneness with another;
- Powerful intuitive abilities and the capacity to follow insights through to fruition by sustained, patient effort.
MASOCHISTIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacities for pleasure, humor, optimism, playfulness and joy;
- Genuine supportiveness, strength and desire to be of service to others;
- An expansive, open heart with deep compassion, true kindness and understanding;
- Positive assertiveness and healthy aggression with substantial amounts of energy;
- Ability to be spontaneously creative in the moment, surrender ego control and trust the natural order in all things;
PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.
RIGID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Tremendous passion and connection to the sensuality of human relationships, with a true appreciation for and capacity to express the wonder of coming together physically in love with another;
- Great capacity to let go and surrender to the flow of love, to fall in love with life and with others;
- Genuine capacities to make and sustain commitments;
- Strong organizational skills combined with flexibility, patience and acceptance of new approaches to situations;
- A deep appreciation for the beauty of physical life, and sensibilities to integrate the elements of form to create beauty.
MORE REJECTIONS YOU GOTTA LOVE!
Read the cover story article in Rolling Stone on George Harrison. Here's a good one from the piece: in addition to the infamous rejection by Decca Records ("They'll never go anywhere."), the Beatles lost a local talent show "to a novelty band fronted by a midget!" After that, they went from performing at a Hamburg, Germany dive bar to recording "Sergeant Peppers..." a mere 6 years later!!
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
REPOST: TODAY'S QUOTE!
"As breath has a power to join body, mind, and spirit, so too and more passionately does music."
(Krista Tippett in a beautiful blog piece on Bobby McFerrin)
(Krista Tippett in a beautiful blog piece on Bobby McFerrin)
BACK TO SCHOOL - TOO BAD FOR THE KIDS!
Ugh! Here we go again. First week of school. HERE is a link to some pieces I've written over the course of this blog's existence on why kids would be better off is teachers and parents left them alone.
THROUGH HARLEY!
Check out the hot new blog on the block - "ThroughHarley" - and enjoy the wisdom, humor and honesty of the old soul inhabiting this unique young person! 
WAIT! STILL NOT CONVINCED ABOUT "THE WAVE?!"
Read THIS: "Unprecedented Run Of U.S. Natural Disasters Costs Billions, Strains Infrastructure
You could be like "the experts," who say "What's happening is mostly random chance or bad luck, though sometimes the luck seems downright freakish."
Or you could read about The Wave on this blog!
You could be like "the experts," who say "What's happening is mostly random chance or bad luck, though sometimes the luck seems downright freakish."
Or you could read about The Wave on this blog!
THE CODEPENDENT-FREE DIET!
During the past month or so, I've lost about 8 pounds. I haven't been eating or not eating any different foods particularly. I haven't engaged in any specific new exercise routines. I haven't been taking any supplements or herbs for the purpose of weight loss. In fact, I haven't been trying to lose weight, although I could definitely have afforded to shed the pounds I've lost since the 4th of July.
What I have been doing differently this summer, though, is focusing on the areas of my life in which I am manifesting "codependence."
Codependence is an odd word, coined originally to describe the enabling partner of an alcoholic or addict. These days it refers to a vaguely defined set of feelings and behaviors that apply to virtually everyone in relationships, so let me try and construct a more useful working definition for the purposes of this discussion.
Codependence is a compelling feeling in an adult human being that one is in need of another in order to feel complete, whole and validated, and it includes a belief that in order to receive a desired level of love, one must sacrifice one's own well-being to some degree. This belief, erroneous at its core, stems from childhood, of course.
When a child isn't receiving the level of acceptance and unconditional love that can only come from self-actualized parents, he or she will always see the problem as within themselves, not in the parents. It is just too threatening to face that those upon whom we are completely dependent in our most dependent state cannot give us what we need because of some deficit in them. Hope for the helpless child lies in the fantasy that if somehow it acts in a certain way that is more pleasing or submissive, or more needy and demanding towards the parents, the needed love will be forthcoming.
And it never happens. Never. Because it was never in the child's hands, never the child's fault in the first place.
Nonetheless, the pattern of denying who one is in order to get more love becomes an entrenched and unconscious pattern, embedded in the psyche and in habitual behaviors until some serious self-work is engaged in that can excavate the erroneous beliefs and free up the traped feelings of hurt and rage.
So, what's this got to do with me losing weight?
Well... everything! Because everything is energy, and energy is directed by consciousness, and the state of being in our consciousness, which generates emotions, in turn creates our physical experiences, and yes, our physical form, too. So, weighing ourselves down by a psychological attachment to another, believing in our own neediness or incompleteness without that other, will create a physical body that also feels weighed down as well.
Now, that is not to say that any particular body weight or size is inherently a manifestation of codependence, but rather when one's weight feels like a weight or an obstacle to the full freedom of expression of the self, then there is most likely a codependent issue.
So, let go of your significant others, folks, let go of your families, let go of any relationships that you feel attached to by the illusion of need. You will not end up alone, just free, full of love and light with those who you choose to engage in for the purposes of sharing life and love with.
And you might even lose a few pounds!
What I have been doing differently this summer, though, is focusing on the areas of my life in which I am manifesting "codependence."
Codependence is an odd word, coined originally to describe the enabling partner of an alcoholic or addict. These days it refers to a vaguely defined set of feelings and behaviors that apply to virtually everyone in relationships, so let me try and construct a more useful working definition for the purposes of this discussion.
Codependence is a compelling feeling in an adult human being that one is in need of another in order to feel complete, whole and validated, and it includes a belief that in order to receive a desired level of love, one must sacrifice one's own well-being to some degree. This belief, erroneous at its core, stems from childhood, of course.
When a child isn't receiving the level of acceptance and unconditional love that can only come from self-actualized parents, he or she will always see the problem as within themselves, not in the parents. It is just too threatening to face that those upon whom we are completely dependent in our most dependent state cannot give us what we need because of some deficit in them. Hope for the helpless child lies in the fantasy that if somehow it acts in a certain way that is more pleasing or submissive, or more needy and demanding towards the parents, the needed love will be forthcoming.
And it never happens. Never. Because it was never in the child's hands, never the child's fault in the first place.
Nonetheless, the pattern of denying who one is in order to get more love becomes an entrenched and unconscious pattern, embedded in the psyche and in habitual behaviors until some serious self-work is engaged in that can excavate the erroneous beliefs and free up the traped feelings of hurt and rage.
So, what's this got to do with me losing weight?
Well... everything! Because everything is energy, and energy is directed by consciousness, and the state of being in our consciousness, which generates emotions, in turn creates our physical experiences, and yes, our physical form, too. So, weighing ourselves down by a psychological attachment to another, believing in our own neediness or incompleteness without that other, will create a physical body that also feels weighed down as well.
Now, that is not to say that any particular body weight or size is inherently a manifestation of codependence, but rather when one's weight feels like a weight or an obstacle to the full freedom of expression of the self, then there is most likely a codependent issue.
So, let go of your significant others, folks, let go of your families, let go of any relationships that you feel attached to by the illusion of need. You will not end up alone, just free, full of love and light with those who you choose to engage in for the purposes of sharing life and love with.
And you might even lose a few pounds!
THE OLD TREE AND THE WAVE!
There was an old tree... in front of our home in Brooklyn which we've come to refer to as "The Vortex." It was a very big tree, and very old, and no matter what we tried, every so often its roots would get into our plumbing system and cause havoc. We didn't want to kill the tree, but we meditated and asked it if it might stop infiltrating our pipes.
Well, during the hurricane this weekend, the tree complied, choosing the occasion of the storm to leave its long lifetime on Earth as a tree. It fell over, broke in half and was completed uprooted, miraculously landing in such a way as to not damage anyone or anyone's property.
This event occurred while we were at a spiritual retreat in Norwalk, Conn., sequestered from the storm with the channeler, Darryl Ankar, who channels the very powerful "Bashar." Bashar spoke to me about the synchronicity of the event, implying that it was possible to collaborate on other events in the same way that we collaborated with the tree towards whatever ends we desired in our lives, if we were ready to "clear the pipes [channels]."
The Vortex is open for business, folks! Focus your positive intentions, let go of resistance, let go of fear and petty concerns and ride The Wave!
Thank you, Good Old Tree!
Well, during the hurricane this weekend, the tree complied, choosing the occasion of the storm to leave its long lifetime on Earth as a tree. It fell over, broke in half and was completed uprooted, miraculously landing in such a way as to not damage anyone or anyone's property.
This event occurred while we were at a spiritual retreat in Norwalk, Conn., sequestered from the storm with the channeler, Darryl Ankar, who channels the very powerful "Bashar." Bashar spoke to me about the synchronicity of the event, implying that it was possible to collaborate on other events in the same way that we collaborated with the tree towards whatever ends we desired in our lives, if we were ready to "clear the pipes [channels]."
The Vortex is open for business, folks! Focus your positive intentions, let go of resistance, let go of fear and petty concerns and ride The Wave!
Thank you, Good Old Tree!
HOW ABOUT THAT WAVE! STILL RESISTING?!
I was getting a massage when the earthquake hit last Tuesday. I thought: "Wow! This is really one earth-shaking body work session!"
Check it out, folks. Now, there's a major hurricane slamming the east coast of the U.S. this weekend, too.
Are you still resisting? Read up on my blog about The Wave HERE.
Check it out, folks. Now, there's a major hurricane slamming the east coast of the U.S. this weekend, too.
Are you still resisting? Read up on my blog about The Wave HERE.
Today's Movie Recommendation!
I don't do this often, but when I am truly moved by a movie, I'll mention it on FPL to share the gift. I actually think that movies are important. Human beings need to tell stories to each other, need to share their experience of being human, and movies are one of the ways we do it in our times.
Anyway, last night, I was truly moved after having watched (finally!) "THE FIGHTER."
Wow!
But it wasn't the movie that got me. It was a pretty predictable film in many respects, nicely done, but nothing in and of itself that will stick with me story-wise. No. It was the extraordinary performance of Christian Bale in the supporting role of a crack-addicted has-been boxer that blew me away.
This was SO not Batman, folks! Really! Bale pulled this one in from somewhere deep. Of course, he won many awards for the performance, including the Oscar, so I'm not spreading a word that isn't already out there. I just rarely see an actor so nail a role, create a character so compelling that it elevates even a mediocre film to amazing heights.
Check out The Fighter!
Anyway, last night, I was truly moved after having watched (finally!) "THE FIGHTER."
Wow!
But it wasn't the movie that got me. It was a pretty predictable film in many respects, nicely done, but nothing in and of itself that will stick with me story-wise. No. It was the extraordinary performance of Christian Bale in the supporting role of a crack-addicted has-been boxer that blew me away.
This was SO not Batman, folks! Really! Bale pulled this one in from somewhere deep. Of course, he won many awards for the performance, including the Oscar, so I'm not spreading a word that isn't already out there. I just rarely see an actor so nail a role, create a character so compelling that it elevates even a mediocre film to amazing heights.
Check out The Fighter!
Today's Quote
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me."
Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck
Repost: "The Superstition of Pessimism!"
"If I believe in the positive, I will be disappointed, and I may chase it away by my very belief in it. I dare not believe in the good. It may not happen. It may be smarter to believe that nothing good can happen to me, that I cannot ever change, that I cannot ever grow out of my obstructions."
Do any of you have that little nugget lurking in your subconscious? Well, here's a real gold nugget for you - the Pathwork Guide lecture called: "The Superstition of Pessimism."
You may actually believe that there's some emotional safety in this kind of inner game - "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed." However, as the Guide warns us:
"Denying the positive and believing in the worst to appease the gods, as it were, is destructive. You do not know the power of such thoughts. There is no playing with such power without grave consequences. There is no such game that does not have a grave effect. The power of this game needs to be made conscious."
That last part is of the utmost importance. I tell many people, regularly, that making something conscious does a lot. As long as something is unconscious, it will exert power over you. Once something is brought into the light of awareness, it already begins to lose its grip and strength. And mind you, I'm not talking about superimposing a false or exaggerated optimistic attitude over an underlying negative attitude. That will do no good at all. And it's not necessary.
Here's the Guide:
"The courage to believe in positive life unfoldment can very easily be confused with wishful thinking. There is a subtle and yet very distinct difference between wishful thinking and a virile faith in the positive. You all indulge very easily in wishful thinking. Then, to be "realistic" -- because you already know the disappointing results of wishful thinking -- you revert into the superstition of pessimism."
Optimism is the natural state of all living things. Without it, newborns wouldn't reach out for nurturance right from birth. Flowers wouldn't open to the sun. Life expects to be fulfilled. So, by bringing our negative expectations into consciousness, thereby dissipating them, the natural optimism will take over.
Once more, the Guide:
"All human beings are wonderful manifestations of divinity. One flower is not better than another flower. One bird is not better than another bird. The mountain is not better than the sea. The pine tree is not better than the oak. Think of yourself and other people in those terms and assert your goodwill to let others be their best. Then you can let yourself be your best so you can truly enjoy the fruits of your efforts and feel deserving of them."
Have a great day! 
Do any of you have that little nugget lurking in your subconscious? Well, here's a real gold nugget for you - the Pathwork Guide lecture called: "The Superstition of Pessimism."
You may actually believe that there's some emotional safety in this kind of inner game - "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed." However, as the Guide warns us:
"Denying the positive and believing in the worst to appease the gods, as it were, is destructive. You do not know the power of such thoughts. There is no playing with such power without grave consequences. There is no such game that does not have a grave effect. The power of this game needs to be made conscious."
That last part is of the utmost importance. I tell many people, regularly, that making something conscious does a lot. As long as something is unconscious, it will exert power over you. Once something is brought into the light of awareness, it already begins to lose its grip and strength. And mind you, I'm not talking about superimposing a false or exaggerated optimistic attitude over an underlying negative attitude. That will do no good at all. And it's not necessary.
Here's the Guide:
"The courage to believe in positive life unfoldment can very easily be confused with wishful thinking. There is a subtle and yet very distinct difference between wishful thinking and a virile faith in the positive. You all indulge very easily in wishful thinking. Then, to be "realistic" -- because you already know the disappointing results of wishful thinking -- you revert into the superstition of pessimism."
Optimism is the natural state of all living things. Without it, newborns wouldn't reach out for nurturance right from birth. Flowers wouldn't open to the sun. Life expects to be fulfilled. So, by bringing our negative expectations into consciousness, thereby dissipating them, the natural optimism will take over.
Once more, the Guide:
"All human beings are wonderful manifestations of divinity. One flower is not better than another flower. One bird is not better than another bird. The mountain is not better than the sea. The pine tree is not better than the oak. Think of yourself and other people in those terms and assert your goodwill to let others be their best. Then you can let yourself be your best so you can truly enjoy the fruits of your efforts and feel deserving of them."
Have a great day! 
REPOST: ALL OUR HIGHER SELVES
I frequently make reference to "character structures" on this blog, the conglomerate of defenses and deformations that we create in childhood in order to survive the slings and arrows of growing up with less than self-actualized parents in an imperfect world. But underneath each character structure lies an evolving, magnificent soul, the true essence of who we are, our "Higher Self." It is from that Higher Self that we draw the material that shapes the "style" of our character structure, and back to that unencumbered Higher Self that our journey ultimately takes us, sooner rather than later if we do the self-work necessary to actively dismantle our defenses.
So, here is a breakdown of what each Higher Self looks like underneath each particular character structure. It is always valuable to be reminded that whatever our dysfunctions, our true nature is a thing of great beauty.
SCHIZOID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Strong connection to and awareness of the profoundly spiritual nature of life;
- Access to vast universal wisdom and the capacity to teach others how to make the connection to that wisdom;
- Great courage and fearlessness to connect with feelings;
- Great capacity to create and appreciate beauty, including through artistic abilities.
ORAL CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacity to give to others in a deeply nurturing, truly healing way;
- An appreciation for the vastly abundant nature of existence and the joy of sharing;
- Genuine independence, autonomy and self-confidence with full capacity to surrender to the oneness with another;
- Powerful intuitive abilities and the capacity to follow insights through to fruition by sustained, patient effort.
MASOCHISTIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacities for pleasure, humor, optimism, playfulness and joy;
- Genuine supportiveness, strength and desire to be of service to others;
- An expansive, open heart with deep compassion, true kindness and understanding;
- Positive assertiveness and healthy aggression with substantial amounts of energy;
- Ability to be spontaneously creative in the moment, surrender ego control and trust the natural order in all things;
PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.
RIGID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Tremendous passion and connection to the sensuality of human relationships, with a true appreciation for and capacity to express the wonder of coming together physically in love with another;
- Great capacity to let go and surrender to the flow of love, to fall in love with life and with others;
- Genuine capacities to make and sustain commitments;
- Strong organizational skills combined with flexibility, patience and acceptance of new approaches to situations;
- A deep appreciation for the beauty of physical life, and sensibilities to integrate the elements of form to create beauty.
So, here is a breakdown of what each Higher Self looks like underneath each particular character structure. It is always valuable to be reminded that whatever our dysfunctions, our true nature is a thing of great beauty.
SCHIZOID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Strong connection to and awareness of the profoundly spiritual nature of life;
- Access to vast universal wisdom and the capacity to teach others how to make the connection to that wisdom;
- Great courage and fearlessness to connect with feelings;
- Great capacity to create and appreciate beauty, including through artistic abilities.
ORAL CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacity to give to others in a deeply nurturing, truly healing way;
- An appreciation for the vastly abundant nature of existence and the joy of sharing;
- Genuine independence, autonomy and self-confidence with full capacity to surrender to the oneness with another;
- Powerful intuitive abilities and the capacity to follow insights through to fruition by sustained, patient effort.
MASOCHISTIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great capacities for pleasure, humor, optimism, playfulness and joy;
- Genuine supportiveness, strength and desire to be of service to others;
- An expansive, open heart with deep compassion, true kindness and understanding;
- Positive assertiveness and healthy aggression with substantial amounts of energy;
- Ability to be spontaneously creative in the moment, surrender ego control and trust the natural order in all things;
PSYCHOPATHIC CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Great leadership and executive qualities and capacities to bring people with differences together in a harmonious effort;
- Strong abilities to guide and inspire others to accomplish their chosen tasks in life and see their own specialness without competitiveness or separation;
- True innovators and adventurers able to travel “the road not taken”, or “to boldly go where no one has gone before”, without recklessness or excess;
- A genuine seeker of truth, with genuine humility, honesty, loyalty and unwavering integrity;
- A truly big heart full of love and fearlessness to surrender to the flow of feelings, life and the Higher Self.
RIGID CHARACTER STRUCTURE HIGHER SELF ASPECTS
- Tremendous passion and connection to the sensuality of human relationships, with a true appreciation for and capacity to express the wonder of coming together physically in love with another;
- Great capacity to let go and surrender to the flow of love, to fall in love with life and with others;
- Genuine capacities to make and sustain commitments;
- Strong organizational skills combined with flexibility, patience and acceptance of new approaches to situations;
- A deep appreciation for the beauty of physical life, and sensibilities to integrate the elements of form to create beauty.
DISCOVER THE JOY OF BEING WRONG!
You create your reality from your beliefs.
You either get this or you don't; it's that kind of thing.
If you don't get it, you feel victimized, at least some of the time, by what seems to be life's random cruelty or unfairness. Likewise, if you don't know that you create your own reality, you may feel "lucky" or randomly "blessed" at times for the good things you've received.
If you do get it, however, the question you ask about every event or circumstance in your life is the same: "Why did I create this?"
Sounds simple, but it makes a huge difference as to how you experience your life.
Here's a useful exercise:
Pretend that your life is a screenplay that you are writing, and that you are also the director and star of the script. What every writer knows to do when creating a story is ask at every turn of events in the script:
"Why this? Why Now? How does this advance the story?"
Practice that for an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens and how you feel. You will be surprised. Realizing that you are totally and utterly responsible for the life you are creating will not feel like a burden as you might imagine it will. It is actually quite liberating.
Challenge every assumption, every belief you have, folks, that you think is "just the way it is." That is a good way to start. You will feel a bit disoriented (see my "Genuine Confusion" piece )because you will realize how wrong you've been about so many things, but it will also be a great relief.
I always thought that a title for a book I might write someday would be: "The Joy of Being Wrong!"
Try it out and let me know.
You either get this or you don't; it's that kind of thing.
If you don't get it, you feel victimized, at least some of the time, by what seems to be life's random cruelty or unfairness. Likewise, if you don't know that you create your own reality, you may feel "lucky" or randomly "blessed" at times for the good things you've received.
If you do get it, however, the question you ask about every event or circumstance in your life is the same: "Why did I create this?"
Sounds simple, but it makes a huge difference as to how you experience your life.
Here's a useful exercise:
Pretend that your life is a screenplay that you are writing, and that you are also the director and star of the script. What every writer knows to do when creating a story is ask at every turn of events in the script:
"Why this? Why Now? How does this advance the story?"
Practice that for an hour, a day, a week, and see what happens and how you feel. You will be surprised. Realizing that you are totally and utterly responsible for the life you are creating will not feel like a burden as you might imagine it will. It is actually quite liberating.
Challenge every assumption, every belief you have, folks, that you think is "just the way it is." That is a good way to start. You will feel a bit disoriented (see my "Genuine Confusion" piece )because you will realize how wrong you've been about so many things, but it will also be a great relief.
I always thought that a title for a book I might write someday would be: "The Joy of Being Wrong!"
Try it out and let me know.
HAPPY 50TH, PRESIDENT OBAMA! (DON'T FEAR THE REAPER - BE THE REAPER!)
In honor of President Barack Obama's 50th birthday today, I am reposting this FPL blog post that has several links in it to other pieces I've written on the subject of aging.
Remember, life is meant to be a celebration!
DON'T FEAR THE REAPER - BE THE REAPER!
There was a piece in the Huffington Post, entitled, "Over 50? You're at the Height Of Your Powers," by Julia Moulden.
Here's an excerpt:
"Mental decline, for instance, isn't inevitable. Scientists say there's no reason our brains have to degenerate as we age; they're 'plastic' and can grow and develop just as they did when we were younger. Physical decline isn't unavoidable, either. The physical changes we associate with aging, such as loss of strength, speed and agility, are not caused as much by the passing years as by our sedentary lifestyle. Just as we need to continue to use our brains, we need to keep moving our bodies. The truth is that as we age, we actually improve in many ways. Enjoyment of life and happiness rise steadily after 50. We become more emotionally stable. And new capabilities and qualities emerge."
I've written about this subject before, of course. Two pieces from the FPL blog - "DECLINING WITH AGE? NO, WITH TIME!" and "SEX IN THE SECOND HALF!" - are specifically about the illusions and distorted views and beliefs that we have about "aging" that create our reality.
In truth, beginning at birth and ending with death (if we choose to have that kind of ending to physical life), the process of being human is one of continual incarnation.
What I mean by that is that our soul energy, the source of which comes from our Higher Self in any particular lifetime, infuses us gradually and continually throughout our journey as physical beings. In other words, we live at a higher and higher vibratory rate as we mature, more and more filled up with the energy of spirit until, once again, we go back to being pure spirit, as we were before physical incarnation.
Some people have learned or been conditioned to fear this process, and so look upon what is meant to be a glorious evolution as a "deterioration." And as we know, what you believe is what creates your reality. So, for many, what can be an experience of greater vibrancy, potency, wisdom and creativity over time instead becomes a depressing time of loss.
Julia Moulden uses Jack Palance as an example of someone who remained vital well into his elder years, and showed it off at the 1992 Oscars when he did his famous one-handed push-ups on stage, at the age of 73. (Palance won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in "City Slickers.")
Life is meant to get better and better as you grow and progress through it, folks. Don't fear the reaper. Rather, just start reaping!
Remember, life is meant to be a celebration!
DON'T FEAR THE REAPER - BE THE REAPER!
There was a piece in the Huffington Post, entitled, "Over 50? You're at the Height Of Your Powers," by Julia Moulden.
Here's an excerpt:
"Mental decline, for instance, isn't inevitable. Scientists say there's no reason our brains have to degenerate as we age; they're 'plastic' and can grow and develop just as they did when we were younger. Physical decline isn't unavoidable, either. The physical changes we associate with aging, such as loss of strength, speed and agility, are not caused as much by the passing years as by our sedentary lifestyle. Just as we need to continue to use our brains, we need to keep moving our bodies. The truth is that as we age, we actually improve in many ways. Enjoyment of life and happiness rise steadily after 50. We become more emotionally stable. And new capabilities and qualities emerge."
I've written about this subject before, of course. Two pieces from the FPL blog - "DECLINING WITH AGE? NO, WITH TIME!" and "SEX IN THE SECOND HALF!" - are specifically about the illusions and distorted views and beliefs that we have about "aging" that create our reality.
In truth, beginning at birth and ending with death (if we choose to have that kind of ending to physical life), the process of being human is one of continual incarnation.
What I mean by that is that our soul energy, the source of which comes from our Higher Self in any particular lifetime, infuses us gradually and continually throughout our journey as physical beings. In other words, we live at a higher and higher vibratory rate as we mature, more and more filled up with the energy of spirit until, once again, we go back to being pure spirit, as we were before physical incarnation.
Some people have learned or been conditioned to fear this process, and so look upon what is meant to be a glorious evolution as a "deterioration." And as we know, what you believe is what creates your reality. So, for many, what can be an experience of greater vibrancy, potency, wisdom and creativity over time instead becomes a depressing time of loss.
Julia Moulden uses Jack Palance as an example of someone who remained vital well into his elder years, and showed it off at the 1992 Oscars when he did his famous one-handed push-ups on stage, at the age of 73. (Palance won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in "City Slickers.")
Life is meant to get better and better as you grow and progress through it, folks. Don't fear the reaper. Rather, just start reaping!
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