RICK IS BACK & HE'S TAKING PL'S CHALLENGE TO PARENTS!

RICK WRITES:

"I had a snow day Wed, sorry for the verbosity!
PL writes, "Come on, parents! Challenge me. Come back with something. Because I'm coming after you!"

Challenge you? Well, I could get my Italian up, but, as I tell my students, if you want to argue, I bat 1000 and win every time. However, if you want to discuss something, both of us will win. Regardless, before I respond as a parent, I can't help notice that although we have entered a New Year, your attacking and belittling of others continues. Mr. Therapy of over 30 yrs, what is it about your own character that manifests itself in these putdowns? You wrote earlier that punching a pillow or screaming out loud might pacify one a bit, but it doesn't resolve the real issues. If your take on displaced aggression has any merit, what are your real problems? I would recommend punching a pillow and screaming for 5 minutes, before you begin writing. Maybe then, the value of all of those years of experience can be shared with us all as opposed to just slapping us around.

Back to PL’s “parents’ challenge”

Unfortunately, PL you have brought a knife to a gun fight. I hope other parents/patients do not sit back and just drink the Kool-Aid you’re mixing.

There are licensed teachers, plumbers, lawyers and doctors who have taken the necessary courses, have all the required certifications and still are horrible and immoral. There are parents who have taken the necessary courses, gone to therapy for, or have abundantly read on such topics as health, home safety, how to raise a child, be a good spouse/lover/parent etc. Unless we always try to be diligent in our responsibilities, and try to give of ourselves to others and try to do the right thing, you will see a leak in your pipes, a gauze left in your body after surgery and children who hate you. To be good at anything, it takes constant evaluation of what we do and a willingness to accept responsibility for our actions and admit we are wrong.

If you looked at my resume, one might think I am a more than well-qualified high school teacher. The problem is that I could just show up and play DVD’s or just be an ogre and keep the kids in line(I must admit, many an administrator judge a teacher’s worth on how well the students behave instead of what they actually learn). Is this good teaching? I have taught with some poor teachers who had much better “qualifications” than me. I have also taught with some better teachers than me, who have never taken an education course.

My brother is not a licensed plumber or mechanic but he has done excellent work in both fields. Look at all the licensed drivers out there? What makes one good or bad? They all have the same “qualifications”. The analogy loses credibility as soon as it is generally applied.

If the stork arrived on our door step, then I might agree that, “All you have to do to become a parent is get laid”. However, there is an education to be had and the lessons keep coming every day. If the father lives with the mother, there is a learning that takes place during the gestational period. There is more info than I care to think of on how to nurture the unborn and how to help the mother carry your child. If you want it, there is a preliminary license to be had during this phase.

Next opportunity for licensure? The birth. Those of us who have been intimately involved with or have even gone through the labor and delivery process, get an education in humility, irrational rage, intense love + emotion and complete dedication and sacrifice to something else (i.e. ego control). Some people are blessed with easy and supportive deliveries. For others, it can be lonely, terrifying and demoralizing. In either case, lessons about who we are and how to be a good parents are all around us. (I admit this needs to be flushed out more but I hope you can understand my point)

Next phase of licensing? It is the choice of the parents to be lifelong learners and continue to hone their skills as solid caregivers, nurturers and parents.

Look no further than our children’s faces, bodies and attitudes for learning opportunities. It is up to us to determine when our methods are helpful or hurtful. Sure they may get mad when we say no to staying out late, not get their way or make them eat Brussel sprouts. But at the end of the day, if we are reasonable, they realize we are parenting and not abusing/controlling/neglecting. There is support and lessons for us parents, we just have to find it and admit that we can make mistakes. Learning from those very mistakes us better parents + people, and garners us the elusive respect of our children (I guess they have to love us as PL declares). Ignoring our mistakes or trying to justify them or excuse them keeps us shackled.

PL wrote, “So, we raise kids - lots and lots of kids - with less skill and training than a plumber or a truck driver. Think about it. Really.”

Well, I have thought about it, really, and have come to the conclusion that very little in life is black + white and just because someone has the experience or the license, it isn’t a necessary indicator to one’s effectiveness in that field.

For those parents PL hates and wants to eliminate, lessons are all around. I thought the New Year would bring some of those lessons to this blog. If the writer can figure out why he feels compelled to write with such rage and anger, maybe all of those years as a therapist might mean something. If this tone is representative of his approach to therapy, it appears the license he has is just as bogus as the label he claims we parents have.

Buon Anno!