THE LOVE WE MAKE!

THIS is beautiful! A heartfelt piece on THE LOVE WE MAKE blog, written by a mother who has truly done the work necessary to set her young pre-adolescent son free from the bonds (and binds) of childhood. This kind of courage is what parenting is all about - letting go of the child you gave birth to, so that he or she may find their way in the world with confidence and selfhood. I applaud you, dear mother!

Permission to Grow

My Dear Child,
This morning, at the end of my meditation, I began to cry. The thought that preceded my tears came all at once, as if out of nowhere, I was struck by the clear understanding that I needed to let you know that I am releasing you. It is time for you to grow up and be free to become whom you were always meant to be; for you to be freed of the pressure to fulfill my needs to feel needed; free from being the dependent child that once seemed to fill every void in my life.

I need to say these words, even if they are only to myself:
You can grow up now. You no longer need to be the baby that I once fiercely clung to; you no longer need to fulfill MY need to have a deeply enmeshed connection with another soul - so enmeshed that we didn’t know where one ended and the other began. You don’t need to feign helplessness so that I have a purpose in life; you don’t need to insist that I put you to bed so that I feel important and indispensable to yours. You don’t need be afraid so that I can feel like your protector; you don’t need to stop eating so that I can get you to eat; you never again need to need me just so that I might feel needed.

This is all so hard for me… it feels as if my heart is being ripped apart, it feels old… as if by letting go of this codependent dance with you, I will dissolve into a pool of liquid and then evaporate into thin air. I feel as if after today I will never be who I once was. Deep down I know that releasing you is the most loving thing I can do for you as well as being life altering for both of us, if I can only make it through this searing pain I have in my chest and head right now, I’ll be OK.

I am giving you permission to grow up, to stop needing me, to start feeling and experiencing who YOU are becoming. You are free to start your journey to becoming a fully actualized adult. You have the world in front of you, and it’s time to begin to see all the unique gifts that you possess, separate from anyone else around you. It’s time to experience the world through your own eyes, unencumbered by others.
You may not know it, but you already have a stockpile of strength, love and wisdom to share with the rest of the world.

In your life you may think you need others to get by, because of the way you have been conditioned, but you must be confident in the truth - that you are whole and complete just the way you are. I believe this truth will undoubtedly be the one that sets you free.

My sweet love, my first-born child, my son, once upon a time you were my precious tiny baby that needed me to survive…that time has ended. Now you shall have your own life unfettered by the needs of mine.
May my unending love for you take hold and become deeply rooted inside of you so as to become part a strong foundation for your own life’s journey ahead.

I love you with all my heart,
Mom