A Thoughtful Flame to PL (and PL's Response) on "UNDECIDED-UNFORGIVEN"

"LOFF56" writes:

I never thought I'd hear a therapist use a word like "unforgiven". Especially one who's blog is entitled "Full Permission Living". Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't "full permission" include a sense of self forgiveness, not to mention a forgiveness; and certainly non-judgment from their therapist?
I can only hope that none of your patients are voting for McCain or are undecided. I would think that it would not be such a good place to start if your therapist starts out thinking you're an idiot.
Besides that, although I don't disagree with your points about the differences between the two candidates, what you are saying is more of a dis to McCain voters than "undecided" voters anyway.
And I won't even start with the fact that this is all coming from someone who made the decision to remain "intentionally" undecided for 30 some-odd years.
Sorry Pete, but I'm calling you out on this one!"


Thanks for the call-out, LOFF56!

Here's the deal -

First, "Full Permission Living" is an understanding of how we are meant to live, how we are naturally created, and how we can behave outwardly in our lives, IF - and that's a huge "IF" - we have freed up and cleared out of ourselves the distorted, destructive deformations of our character structures (our collection of defenses). "Forgiveness" is the natural state of things, and yes, I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek by using the title of Clint Eastwood's movie to describe people whose motives are suspect.
Second, it is not always a "judgment" (which comes from fear, prejudice, ignorance and/or hostility) to call someone stupid. It can be an accurate assessment. As I said in a previous post about Sarah Palin, my definition of "stupid" is when you rely on superstitious, regressed thinking and behavior for ego-driven purposes, for a self-aggrandizing agenda and/or out of exaggerated pride, while pretending there won't be any negative consequences for such behavior. My use of the word does not imply intellectual limitations or a low level of mental capacity. In fact, to qualify for my version of stupid, you have to be of at least normal intellectual functioning. (By the way, I do sometimes lovingly let my patients know when they are being stupid!)
Finally, I have not been undecided during the years that I didn't vote for a presidential candidate. I was most definitely "DECIDED" that my vote was going to be a well-thought-out, firmly delivered "None-of-the-Above." (I was tempted to say "Thanks, but no thanks," but unfortunately, that phrase has been tainted by someone stupid!)


Anonymous said...


You can defend your post with semantics as much as you want, but it doesn't change my mind that it was tasteless in it's attempt to demonize people who disagree with you.

This coming from someone that agrees with you!!! (Or rather your position on the candidates specifically.)

I of course believe in a woman's right to choose, but I also believe that the opposing viewpoint has a valid moral argument that holds water. If, for example, the abortion issue is an incredible deal-breaker issue to a given voter, and if that voter is also absolutely repulsed by every other aspect of the republican ticket, that voter is completely justified in being "undecided" as far as I'm concerned.

So... Joe-the-undecided, I forgive you.

Anonymous said...

Interestingly, just a day or two ago I was pondering the difference between "judgement" and "assessment" (or, as I tend to think of it, observation). I've known for years that there is definitely a difference, but, being human, I still sometimes fall into a judgmental attitude as opposed to just making the observation or assessment.

I love your definition. Judgement comes from a place of fear, prejudice, ignorance and/or hostility. If I look for those things in myself in relation to my assessment (or judgment, as it were), I'll know I'm on the wrong track and can take steps to fix it.

So, thank you for that. I know that wasn't necessarily the purpose of your post, but I got something extremely valuable from it.


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