When blocked feelings are released (through an integrated mind-body psychotherapy), the embedded beliefs that caused the “false clarity” mentioned in the previous posting start appearing in higher relief and dissipating. This is because the beliefs were previously being used to justify keeping emotions trapped in the body and so, as the emotional channels are opened, the old beliefs become subject to challenge and dismantling. People find themselves at that point without the familiar, stereotypical ways of viewing the world, themselves and others. They feel somewhat lost at first, anxiously free-floating for a while. Commonly heard at this point in one’s process:
"I’m feeling lost. What can I count on? Where can I find security? I don’t know how to act." Meaning, without the illusions created by projecting static images into the future, what can they count on for predictability? Again, the reason they are in self-work in the first place is because they’ve realized that their lives have never successfully followed their projections anyway, and the fulfillment promised by the illusions always seemed to remain unattainable or just out of reach. Now, they are starting to realize that they didn’t know what they thought they knew. Now, they are in a state of "genuine confusion!" At this moment, I usually congratulate patients! It is here, in the "I don’t know who I am" place, that true wisdom begins.
What keeps people going at this stage is that despite the confusion, they feel better, and often, in spite of an apparent lack of direction, their outer lives frequently are improving. For one person, it may be physical health that improves, for another financial abundance arrives, or their work-life becomes more creative. For still others, they break through a relationship barrier. Yet, for all, it is mainly the new inner feeling of self-possession and inner connectedness that provides motivation.
The example of the person in the previous post will have uncovered a belief in deprivation and scarcity of love that’s been embedded in the subconscious mind since very early in childhood. The feelings stored in the body since that time, the hurt and rage, have also now been energized through the therapy and started releasing at this stage as well. The origins of the person’s masks are getting uncovered and seen as primitive attempts by the child to "get more" from a parent - with poor results, of course. It is now becoming understood that the world of love has been viewed through this tainted lens for the last two, three, four or more decades, since infancy usually. It is experienced as a revelation to consider that one could be fully gratified in an adult relationship, could give and receive all of the love that one is capable of without having to do anything to "get it". It is also startling to realize that one has discounted or ignored the possibilities for greater love because to see that would have run counter to the "absolutely certain" beliefs that they were holding onto. This is a point at which the resistance to being "wrong" about one’s strategy for living gets confronted. It is painful. One is faced with the fact that all of the feelings of failure and frustration, and of course, self-hate, were not based on reality at all, but on an erroneous conclusion about life which originated in early childhood. Great courage and faith is required by the person to forge on here.
If one does indeed forge ahead, what is the next step on the journey? Next posting: “Genuine Clarity.”