TOO MANY FACTS, DADDY!!!

BREAKING: Top Five Health Care Reform Lies!

Lie #1: President Obama wants to euthanize your grandma!!!

The truth: These accusations—of "death panels" and forced euthanasia—are, of course, flatly untrue. As an article from the Associated Press puts it: "No 'death panel' in health care bill." What's the real deal? Reform legislation includes a provision, supported by the AARP, to offer senior citizens access to a professional medical counselor who will provide them with information on preparing a living will and other issues facing older Americans. If you'd like to read the actual section of the legislation that spawned these outrageous claims, READ Section 1233 of H.R. 3200 for yourself. It's pretty boring stuff, which is why the accusations that it creates "death panels" is so absurd. But don't take my word for it, read it yourself!

"Oh, wait, then I'd actually have to read, and Daddy told me reading is for French, gay, intellectual elites!"

Lie #2: Democrats are going to outlaw private insurance and force you into a government plan!!!

The truth: With reform, choices will increase, not decrease. Obama's reform plans will create a health insurance exchange, a one-stop shopping marketplace for affordable, high-quality insurance options. Included in the exchange is the public health insurance option—a nationwide plan with a broad network of providers—that will operate alongside private insurance companies, injecting competition into the market to drive quality up and costs down. If you're happy with your coverage and doctors, you can keep them. But the new public plan will expand choices to millions of businesses or individuals who choose to opt into it, including many who simply can't afford health care now.

"But Daddy like's it that I have to work two jobs to pay for the medical bills not covered by my 33% interest-rate credit cards."

Lie #3: President Obama wants to implement Soviet-style rationing!!!

The truth: Health care reform will expand access to high-quality health insurance, and give individuals, families, and businesses more choices for coverage. Right now, big corporations decide whether to give you coverage, what doctors you get to see, and whether a particular procedure or medicine is covered—that is rationed care. And a big part of reform is to stop that. Health care reform will do away with some of the most nefarious aspects of this rationing: discrimination for pre-existing conditions, insurers that cancel coverage when you get sick, gender discrimination, and lifetime and yearly limits on coverage.

"Oh, but I like being abused by Daddy; it means he really loves me!"

Lie #4: Obama is secretly plotting to cut senior citizens' Medicare benefits!!!

The truth: Health care reform plans will not reduce Medicare benefits. Reform includes savings from Medicare that are unrelated to patient care—in fact, the savings comes from cutting billions of dollars in overpayments to insurance companies and eliminating waste, fraud, and abuse.

"Oh, but then how is Daddy going to pay for the $50,000 ice sculpture for his secret daughter's sweet sixteen party?!"

Lie #5: Obama's health care plan will bankrupt America!!!

The truth: We need health care reform now in order to prevent bankruptcy—to control spiraling costs that affect individuals, families, small businesses, and the American economy. Right now, we spend more than $2 trillion dollars a year on health care. The average family premium is projected to rise to over $22,000 in the next decade—and each year, nearly a million people face bankruptcy because of medical expenses. Reform, with an affordable, high-quality public option that can spur competition, is necessary to bring down skyrocketing costs. Also, President Obama's reform plans would be fully paid for over 10 years and not add a penny to the deficit.

"TOO MANY FACTS! TOO MUCH REALITY! DADDY LOVES ME! DADDY LOVES ME! HE JUST STEALS AND LIES FOR OUR OWN GOOD! HELP!!! I CAN'T THINK THIS MUCH!!! DADDY!!!!!!!

[UHH... MAYBE SOME PEOPLE SHOULD LOOK UP THE FACTS BEFORE THEY OPEN THEIR OXYCONTIN-INDUCED DRY MOUTHS, HUH, CHUCK?!!?]